


Lonesome Dreams

by PitchGold



Category: Free!
Genre: ...no I actually made it worse, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dubious Consent, Eventual Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, I fixed the plot!, Light Bondage, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Minor Character Death, Plenty of vanilla sex as well, Sad things..., Sousuke swears alot, Updates Fridays, plenty of sex, samezuka!makoto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-04-12 07:26:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 146,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4470479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PitchGold/pseuds/PitchGold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Story takes place in 3 parts: </p><p>1. After tragity strikes through Makotos family, he finds him self in need of a fresh start and away from the ghosts of Iwatobi. He transfers to Samezuka hoping for a blank slate. Sousuke was hoping when he transferred to the school as well for one last shot at the love of his life. They both find them selves assigned to the same room and though not exactly getting along well the sex is pretty great. </p><p>2. As the weeks progress Sousuke finds himself more invested in Makoto then he ever thought and Makoto finds he can't keep all his demons hidden from the teal eyed man constantly trying to uncover them. Though unintentional they both seem to at the very least have each others backs, and it's strangely comforting. </p><p>3. As truth finally starts flowing between the two of them, Sousuke and Makoto find themselves at a cross roads in their relationship. Is it still just the great sex or has all those secrets spilled between them forged a bond much deeper? And as Sousuke takes that first step to stray into the deep end he finds Makoto's emotional scarring is still very present and may very well be the end of him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1, Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yo. 
> 
> Title: Lonesome Dreams
> 
> Pairing: Sousuke/Makoto, side pairing of Rin/Haru 
> 
> Rating: M. Sousuke swears a lot. Oh and sex. Bondage, toys, BDSM stuff. Not too hardcore, but ya know just a bit of spice. 
> 
> Warning: there's some trigger warning crap that goes on. Makoto isn't a very happy person for a reason and there's some dub con that ensues. 
> 
> Summery: shit goes down and Makoto, in need of a new start, transfers schools to Samezuka. He also is transferred right in to room with Sousuke. They end up having angry sex. 
> 
> Image: mine. I'm an artist and yes I did that as a bit of fun and then it became this. Just be cool and don't use it with out asking.

Lonesome Dreams

Art by Lovelily Lion

Sousuke felt the impact as he slammed the door behind him. He could barely breath, his head in a whirl and sight turning red. After all this fucking time! He'd come back and for that idiot, that wouldn't even give him the time of day!

No, that wasn't true. Rin was still giving him time, in fact he was talking to him more now than ever.

It was just that--just that--he felt the his nails digging into his palms again Before he realized what he was doing and relaxed his fists. When he'd walked into Rin's room, he hadn't expected to be confronted with him again, staring at him from Rin's laptop, that bastard's bright blue eyes just blinked at Sousuke as Rin basically told Sousuke he was busy.

"Yeah clearly..." Sousuke mumbled to himself as he sank down to sit on the bottom bunk, his hands rubbing at his forehead like he was trying to scrub the memory away altogether.

"Uh..."

Sousuke's head shot up.

Standing in front of a suitcase, staring at Sousuke was a tall boy with fair brown hair. His bright green eyes were focused on Sousuke and it was obvious by the expression on his face he clearly hadn't expected Sousuke.

"Sorry! Sorry!" The tall boy quickly stammered out and he put his hands up, though wether to bargain for peace or to ward off Sousuke's wrath was still up for debate. "I didn't mean to- what I mean is I was just transferred here and--uhm," he gave a nervous laugh before a slight bow. "It seems I'm your new roommate."

 

* * *

 

This time some little twink dolphin boy wasn't going to deter Sousuke from having a nice chat with Rin.

"Haiyu!" Rin let out as Sousuke came through the door, not bothering to knock this time around.

Rin didn't get a chance to say anything more as Sousuke flipped the laptop closed and replaced it with his own self. Folding his arms over his chest he scowled down at Rin, using his height and the fact he was the one standing to his leering advantage.

Apparently Rin already had a fairly good idea what the intrusion was about since he gave a long sigh before saying, "Makoto is a great guy."

"Yeah?" Sousuke said, cocking his head to the side in a clearly sarcastic way.

Rin tried again. "He's an old friend. I know him from middle school, trust me he'll be a great roommate."

Sousuke narrowed his eyes. Before this little mix up he had thought that Rin was going to room with him. Or at least... Maybe the nonverbal agreement hadn't really been as clear...

"Look I'm sorry, Sousuke!" Rin finally broke into something Sousuke could understand.

"I just--" Rin paused, the doubt seeped into his expression as he bit his lip before continuing. "It's just that since he's a captain it made more sense--"

Sousuke's face must have spoken volumes all on its own. His jaw dropped open and eyes wide. Rin tried again, unsure again.

"You're the best athlete we have and trust me, Makoto is suited for captain, I've seen it--Sousuke!"

Not sure how much more of the utter stupidity Sousuje could take, and that was before he'd even gotten to the captain part, Sousuke had already started charging the door.

"You're captain, idiot!" He growled over his shoulder, still headed straight for the door.

Rin flung out of his seat, leaping to stop Sousukes course. "Sousuke! Come on hear me out!"

Rin was strong, Sousuke knew that, but he wasn't all that big. So one rough hand on Rins shoulder was all he needed to send him fumbling back to the desk as Sousuke was now free to swing the dorm room door open.

"We'll talk about this in a second after I go get your captainhood back." Sousuke called as he strode out of the room and right into--well, speak of the devil. Maybe not literally. That gooey-eyed water humper was worse.

"Ehh...." The boy- what was his name, something really girly if Sousuke remembered right--Makoto! "Sorry sorry!" The boy put up his hands again in appeasement this time.

Sousuke huffed, did this guy surrender every time someone walked into the room? That was going to give Sousuke a head ache fast.

No matter, there were other things to worry about, at the moment. "Oi!" Sousuke focused his eyes on Makoto. "Do you really intend to steal Rin's place as Captain?"

"Huh?" Those green eyes widened as Makoto took a step back. "What?" He threw his hands up yet again, damn this kid was getting annoying and predictable. "No no! I would never!"

That's when the thud on the back of Sousuke's head came.

"If you had let me continue!" Rin announced as he joined them. "I didn't give Makoto the captain position."

"Well that's how you made it sound!" Sousuke grumbled as he rubbed the back of his head where Rin had hit him.

Rin just rolled his eyes. "You over react too much!"

Well if Rin wasn't stupid so much, Sousuke wouldn't have cause most of the time. He looked away indignantly instead of answer Rin though.

Clearly his throat, Makoto made his presence known again. "Rin, I'm not sure--"

"Don't worry about it!" Rin cut in. "Sousuke thinks rooming with you will be fun."

No, he didn't. Sousuke conveyed his feelings on the matter with the dark glare he fixed on Rin. Where was this idiot even coming from with this? If they were switching rooms, why weren't they switching to room together? That's what he thought was going to happen!

This didn't seem to be lost on Makoto either as those green eyes still rested on Sousuke before shifting to Rin.

"I'm not so sure..." Makoto started. Sousuke held back to urge to roll his eyes again. Did this guy really have absolutely no back bone? Then again it wasn't like Sousuke was saying what he really wanted to either. But there was reasons for that, very legitimate reasons for that.

"It's settled." Rin growled this time. "Besides Sousuke could use a good example in how to be giant yet still approachable!" He looked over, hooking Sousukes gaze as he continued. "I'm sure the two of you will get along just swimmingly."

Was the bastard really trying to be puny at a moment like this?

"Rin,"

Sousuk looked up as Makoto started again, surprised to see those green eyes focused on him.

"I can room with someone else," Makoto stopped, those eyes still focused on Sousuke. "I think Sousuke would prefer--"

Oh no that little prick didn't! "Fine, fine!" Sousuke interrupted as quickly as he could manage. If he was obvious enough that the new comer could see what he really wanted, then Susana was pretty positive that Rin already knew. No need to smear salt into the wound by voicing it out loud,

That didn't stop the glare he sent Rin though for good measure. "Come on, roomie," he hissed in a sarcastic tone as he passed Makoto, shoving his hands into his pockets and heading back to his room.

"I'm sorry," Sousuke heard the droopy eyed boy say to Rin before his muffled foot step followed suit.

 

* * *

 

Sousuke wasted no time in staking out his territory, falling on to the bottom bunk, hands behind his head as he made himself comfortable.

"The bottom bed's mine." He growled, just to make it extra clear.

"Alright," the quiet boy said. He stood in the doorway, shoulders a bit slumped and eyes down at the floor.

For supposedly being a caption, he sure acted more like a whipped dog. There was an awkward long moment where neither of them moved before Makoto took a step in and bent to his suit case.

Sousukes stuff was already all set up, he'd claimed his desk and had been waiting for Rin so they could decide on the bed when this shindig had all gone down. He shifted just enough so that he could watch Makoto start to remove his things.

It didn't look like he had all that awfully much. A couple piles of cloths he tucking into the two unclaimed drawers of the dresser and a few books he neatly lined up on the bookcase. The picture frame that came out next was a bit of a shock, two bright eyed kids, one boy, one girl, flashing big smiles and one of them holding up their two fingers in a V. Makoto paused with the photo for a moment before carefully setting it on the top of his desk. He removed a laptop from his bag centering it on the desk, before standing.

He held a swim suit that he shoved into a white and blue duffel bag, depositing it next to the desk before putting away the small bag of toiletries in the adjacent bathroom. When he returned he tidied up the desk one last time, stashing any odds and ends left in the desk.

"Uh," he looked unsure of what to do with the empty suitcase.

"Stash it under the bed." Sousuke grumbled, "Mine is under there as well."

There was a breath of relief before he murmured a quiet, "thanks."

The whole process of unpacking at most probably took fifteen minutes. Sousuke raised his brow. He was pretty sure the kid was from around here, not like he couldn't have brought a whole lot more crap if he chose. The essentials for life looked to be about the only things this kid carried.

"What do you swim?" Sousuke asked as Makoto straightened from pushing the suitcase all the way back to the wall. Sousuke eyed his form, trying to think what exactly it was Rin thought was so damn spiffy about the boy.

"Backstroke," Makoto answered, "and a bit of freestyle."

Sousuke hummed in acknowledgement. "Freestyle seems to be popular here."

Makoto shrugged.

There just seemed to be something, something Sousuke was not quite connecting. He glanced back at the swim bag next to the desk. He sat up as he did, his feet touching the floor. Rin had said he was a good friend... From middle school...

His eyes narrowed and shifted a darker shade as he looked up at Makoto.

The boy looked confused at the reaction but didn't move.

Sousuke stood, pocketing his hands as he stepped to the swim bag. He shifted it with his foot, just enough to read the school name printed on the side, Iwatobi. Right, same as that brat.

When Sousuke turned his head towards Makoto, the boy tipped his head, probably not sure of the problem. Well Sousuke was going to have to clear that up in a hurry. His hand shot out before Makoto could take another step back and he latched onto Makoto's shirt.

There was a stumble of feet, but in a second Sousuke had Makoto slammed into the wall. The boy looked scared, but his hands didn't even come up to stop Sousuke, only gripped his wrist it seemed to maintain a bit of balance more than anything. What a pathetic little twit! Any man worth his salt should have at least thrown a punch Sousuke's way by now.

No matter, that could be an issue for another day. "You," Sousuke hissed. "You're part of the reason Rin is caught up in this mess." His voice was low. For emphasis he slammed Makoto's shoulders back against the wall again. He saw the wince of pain from the boy, fueling his rage even more.

"What are you even doing here, huh?" Sousuke growled and hissed. "Don't you little Iwatobi pansies just love your good natured friendship and kumbaya campfire comradery shit worth swim club?"

Makoto didn't answer just looked away, his face reddening.

That just made Sousuke even madder. He dug his fist in deeper, twisting Makoto's t-shirt almost to the point of ripping. "You're not going to get in Rin's way." He said it closer to Makoto's face this time. "I don't give a fuck what ever it is you think you can accomplish here, but you won't interfere with him."

"Are we clear?" Sousuke snarled, slamming Makotos shoulders back into the wall.

There was a nod of cinnamon colored hair and Sousuke released him. He flung Maktot back against the wall before he made an unimpressed sound with his tongue and strode out of the room. He was gonna need a bit of air before he could manage to sleep in the same room as one them.

It unfortunately didn't escape his notice as he left that Makoto didn't even try to regain his balance. He let his head hang, eyes hidden under thick fringe as he let himself slide down the wall.

The boy was so damned pathetic.

 

* * *

 

Makoto had always loved the way the pool water had looked at night. The great refraction of light across the glass ceiling was stunning. Gliding through the water, Makoto smiled, before taking a deep breath he plunged under the waters surface, rebounding off the tiled wall and spearing through the current. He breached the water with a gasp for air as his arm pivoted up and back, propelling him through the water.

When he reached the other side of the pool, instead of flipping, his hand touched the pool wall and he let his feet sink to the floor.

"Need a hand?"

Makoto looked up to see Rin standing over him, bent over and offering him a hand up and out of the pool.

For a second, just a flash of a moment Makoto considered not taking it. But it didn't last and in its place Makoto forced a bright smile and took the offered hand. "Thank you!"

He heaved up and sat at the edge of the pool, his feet dangling in the water still. Rin dropped a towel over his shoulder.

Not sure if he could manage a smile this time, he just looked down as he took the towel, rubbing at his hair. "Thanks," He murmured again.

It was quiet for the next several seconds. Makoto was still unsure what he might give away if he looked up, so his eyes just wandered back to the water, toweling off his hair in a slow methodical process.

Rin shifted on in feet, the sound stark in the empty indoor pool area.

"Makoto," Rin said. It would have been a quiet tone of voice, if they weren't the only two in the cave like building. "I just wanted to say--" he stopped, clearly mulling it over in his head. "Thank you."

The toweling of Makotos hair became a bit more borderline excessive. His eyes glued to the smooth surface of the water.

"I mean for taking the room with Sousuke." Rin was starting to mumble a bit more, his hands sinking deep into his swim club jacket pockets. "I don't know what it is, he just really doesn't like Haru and I--anyway, thanks. It was really great of you."

It took a moment, but it was short, and Makoto flipped the towel over his head and beamed up at Rin, giving him a supplementary thumbs up. "Sure! It wasn't any big deal!" He chuckled before his went on. "What are friends for after all?" He was ashamed of it but he heard as his voice cracked at the end.

It was quiet again. Rin had heard it too, the smallest slip in Makoto's strength.

He turned away, the sound of his foot falls across the tile resonating in the room.

It was at the door that he stopped again. "I am sorry, Makoto." He said looking back. "I never--you are the very last person that deserves everything that's happened." There was a pause again, Rin sighed. "You really are a good friend, Makoto." Rin said, quiet for real this time, just a whisper.

Makoto managed to nod, not sure what else he could get away with.

It wasn't until Rin was long gone that Makoto could look up from his hands.

Now was when he couldn't get himself to look at the water.

"Am I?" He murmured to himself.

Slow and sluggish he tugged the towel from his head. When he stood at the edge of the pool his arm swiped across his face, the towel scrubbing away at his cheeks. As if they weren't already chaffed. They'd be a little red when he returned to his room, but then again it wasn't likely that his new roommate would ask or even care.

He took one last moment at the doorway to the locker room, looking back at the water. It gleamed and glowed in the limited light. It was beautiful, so fucking beautiful. And Makoto wasn't sure if he ever wanted to swim in it again.

He didn't feel like a fucking good friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be for fun! Fun and some sex mixed in! Why can't I just write something for fun every now and then!? Nope, now there's angst involved and who even knows how sad it's gonna get. Just once for fucks sake! 
> 
> Tumblr: [ lovelilylion.tumblr.com](http://lovelilylion.tumblr.com/)


	2. Part 1, Chapter 2

Makoto shifted uneasily in his swimsuit. This would be his first practice with Samezuka and already, just in the locker room he was having doubts. Maybe swimming was one of the things he should have given up as well. He folded his cloths, taking extra care, and time to put them back in his bag.

Closing the locker, Makoto saw that his name was already written on a strip of tape, stretched under the locker number. He sighed. Rin and he had never been the best of friends, but he was doing his best to make Makoto feel welcome. He hadn't even required Makoto to try out, saying he knew Makoto's skill level and it was all that mattered.

Finally seceding to the fact if he wasted any more time in the locker room he would probably miss the entire practice, Makoto spun the lock on his locker and trudged out into the indoor pool.

It was still a few minutes too soon it seemed as immediately Makoto realized they were in the midst of introductions. Sousuke smirked, as the advisor announced he was in the top ten for butterfly in the country. He bowed to the other swim members assembled and Makoto tried to blend in.

"Makoto!" Rin unfortunately spotted him and waved Makoto over to where he was standing before the rest of the swim team.

Not sure of a polite way to refuse, Makoto trudged up to the front.

Not letting a second of doubt seep in, Rin clamped Makoto on the shoulder and introduced him. "This is Tachibana Makoto, also joining the swim team for his last year."

The advisor smiled at him, as Makoto quickly reddened, and shifting his gaze Makoto reddened even more as Sousuke glowered at him. "Nice to meet you all," Makoto said in a quiet voice and bowed.

The sentiment was returned and Makoto breathed a sigh of relief as the team dispersed. Of course though Sousuke stayed, his glare pointed at Makoto. Unsure of how to avoid another confrontation Makoto looked to Rin.

It was an unsuccessful aversion as in the next moment, Sousuke ran his shoulder into Makoto on his way past, making Makoto stumble.

"Yo, watch where you're walking, man!" Rin hollered at him. It was said good natured enough, not much teeth to the scold.

Sousuke turned and smiled a bright, cheerful smile as he chuckled, "my bad Tachibana! I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

Stifling the sigh on Makoto's lips, he managed to pull on a smile as well. "It's alright, I should have moved."

Rin rolled his eyes at the exchange as he stepped past Makoto to start getting his job done.

Right, well that was a wonderful start to things.

Makoto pulled his goggles and swim cap on. Maybe if he pushed himself hard enough, he could forget about everything for a while. At least not being a captain anymore would afford him that much.

And in the end, hadn't that been what all of this was for? So that just maybe for once Makoto could focus on what he wanted, what his future or present could be?

Setting himself up on the starting platform, he held for just a second watching the large timer clock on the wall. The red hand hit twelve and Makoto pushed off, arching up before diving under the surface. He closed his eyes, trying his best to think about nothing but pushing through the water.

* * *

"A what?" Sousuke asked as he piled his food on to his tray, following Rin through the cafeteria.

"They're calling it, Splashu Fes." Rin said. "It's to get some excitement back to Iwatobi SC. They need more members."

"Splashu Fes?" Right... Was that even a thing?

Rin chuckled and shrugged, "our old coach wasn't always the brightest crayon in the crayon box." He led the way through the rows of tables before setting his tray down.

Sousuke wasn't too pleased about the company already occupying the table, but beggars couldn't be choosers. Or at least he couldn't force Rin to be a bit more choosy, nonetheless.

"You've really improved over the winter, Mako!" Rin touted.

The boy looked scared again, like always as his gaze shifted from Rin to Sousuke. Sousuke raised his brow at the scaredy cat before setting his tray down directly across from him.

Those green eyes focused on Sousuke for another second before he looked back to Rin and answered him. "Thanks. I've tried to work really hard since last year."

There was a look exchanged between the two of them, that Saosuke didn't understand (and no it didn't bother him, not at all, not even a little!).

"Well it's paid off, I was clocking you during practice and you're a lot faster than last year." Rin went on.

Right, well as fun as boosting up scaredy cats esteem was... "So are ya gonna do it, ya think?" Sousuke asked Rin. "The relay for that Swim Fest or what ever?"

Picking up his food and starting to eat, Rin looked a bit frustrated. "Yeah, probably. Haru asked me so, I don't really have an option. The thing is who else do I ask? It's not an official thing so I can't ask the team."

Eyeing how Makoto started to play with his food more than eat it, Sousuke was distracted by the way the other guy could manage to diminish his presence despite his larger size.

Sousuke looked to Rin and quirked a smile. "I'll do it."

The look of relief and joy that broke out on Rins face was enough to make Sousuke want to reach across the table and slam their lips together. He smiled at the idea. Wouldn't that be a wonderful turn of events?

"On one condition," Sousuke made sure though to tack on.

Looking up, Rin hummed in inquiry.

"Let me swim for the freestyle leg." He wasn't letting the chance to pound that little dolphin boy into oblivion pass by.

"Alright, fine with me," he looked a bit taken back. "But don't you like butterfly more?"

Sousuke smiled as he answered. "I just feel like a change." Glancing over an idea hit Sousuke too good to pass up, "and Makoto can swim backstroke."

Both red and green startled eyes shot up to look at Sousuke. There was definitely something there between them... And it still absolutely didn't bother Sousuke!

But seeing Makoto swim in a relay, even an unofficial one would help Sousuke gage how much he'd need to keep him away from Rin in the future. Yeah, he seemed to be an alright swimmer in the pool that morning, but a real race would be the true tell.

"I don't think..." Rin started, glancing at Makoto for a moment. Trying to gage a reaction maybe? Was the scaredy cat not very good at relays maybe?

It took a moment of Makaoto looking a bit taken back, then mulling it over, before he answered. He pulled on a smile as he looked at Rin. "I could do it." He chuckled. "I've always really enjoyed relays and you need someone." If possible the smile on his face got a bit more polite, and brighter than ever. "I'd love to help out with the relay for Iwatobi."

Rin eyed him for a moment, raising his eyebrow, looking for a confirmation as he did. "Makoto you don't have to...." He said.

"It's alright." It was said a bit too quick and forced out for Sousuke's taste. But almost immediately a bright smile was slipping back on. "I want to. It's for a friend after all."

Rin didn't look convinced, and even--sympathetic? Was that sympathy leaking in as his eyes softened? Rin nodded. "Alright. Thank you, Makoto."

It was less than a minute later, Makoto was sliding his tray off the table, having eaten not all that much in Sousukes opinion. "Just let me know and I'll be sure to be there tomorrow." Makoto said brightly as he trudged off to dispense his tray.

Sousuke noticed he had his swim bag with him again. Practice was over so he wasn't sure why... Man, that guy as a bit weird.

* * *

"Oi! Oi!" Sousuke touted.

The scaredy cat was moving awfully slow. Sousuke turned, looking at the gaudy exterior of the Iwatobi SC. The other two were already at the doors, Rin leading the way inside.

Sousuke had no intention of letting his own Iwatobi brat get the slip on him. This whole thing with their little swim club shouldn't be weighing Rin down as much as it was, Sousuke had just got him focused again on a future.

Makoto looked like he was taking a slow breath as he tied his shoe, quite conspicuously too. He straightened as he commented to Sousuke, "you didn't need to wait for me, Yamazaki-kun."

"Someone has to make sure your dumb ass doesn't get lost in the last ten steps inside." Sousuke complained as he led their way inside.

The doors slid open and Sousuke strode in to find everyone in the lobby.

He smiled as Gou bounded towards him, he always had a soft spot for Rin's adorable younger sister.

"Sousuke-kun," she exclaimed.

Sousuke smiled, but he was paying less attention to her and more attention to--

Straight ahead of him Rin stood a bit too close to Nanase, who was looking straight back to--now that was interesting. Makoto shifted, half hiding behind Sousuke. It wasn't enough cover though as it was clear Nanase had spotted Makoto, his nervous mannerism and all.

"Mako," the boy said, sounding distant and a bit wistful.

Discovered, Makoto offered another one of his annoying, big smiles as he gave a weak wave. "Hey,"

The one with glasses perked up, and the--was that kid really in high school?--smaller one broke out in a huge smile.

"Mako-chan! You didn't tell us you were coming!"

"Uh," Makoto said, finally stepping out from behind Sousuke. "It was a bit unexpected."

Okay, now Sousuke would admit it was annoying him! The entire room went so God-damn deathly still it was a kin to a walk through a morgue!

Haru was the first to break the silence, "how are you doing?" He asked like he was eager, and yet like he didn't really know if he should.

That bright smile was already back in place on Makoto's face though as he answered. "I'm doing well. Samezuka has treated me very well."

"That's really great." The one with the glasses commented. It was a bit late on the uptake though.

Sousuke scanned the faces of everyone, all looking to Makoto and all of them were that same look, sympathy and creased, concerned brows. Sousuke would have to get to the bottom of this somehow.

"We're gonna go get dressed," Rin interrupted the stone cold silence this time. He smiled at Nanase as he spoke. "We will catch up with you guys later." And with that started to lead the way back to the locker rooms.

It was halted for Makoto though as the second he passed Nanase, the dolphin boy reached out, snagging Makoto's arm.

"I want to talk later." Nanase tried to say in a low voice, but Sousuke had slowed his pace, just enough to remain in ear shot.

"Haru," Makoto said not looking up to make eye contact. "I don't think that would be a good idea."

Haruka looked past Makoto, seeing Sousuke watching the exchange and his eyes narrowed before turning back to Makoto. "Just for a few minutes, after ward."

Maktos looked like his resolve might be weakening, but he didn't look like he all that much wanted to talk to Nanase.

"Tachibana," Sousuke growled.

The scaredy cat looked relieved as he sent Sousuke a look and gave a hushed retreat. "I have to go."

Sousuke waited until Makoto was ahead of him, looking back at Nanase for one last second before following.

It wasn't until they were almost to the locker rooms that Makoto spoke to Sousuke. "Thank you."

Sousuke looked at him, before giving an impatient sound with his mouth. "The last thing Rin needs is what ever the hell scandal you Iwatobi guppy fish got going on here." He sent Makoto a glare. "How about you try keeping the drama to a minimum, huh diva diamond?"

Makoto nodded as he averted his eyes and hurried into the locker room.

* * *

Rin stopped Makoto before they could leave the locker room. Makoto sighed. He wasn't sure if he could tell his friends or not, but all their concern was making it worse.

Just--just treat him like none of it had ever happened. Makoto was trying not to remember anyway.

"You don't have to do this." Rin said, his eyes checking the room one last time to make sure no one was in there with them.

Plastering another smile on Makoto tried to brush it off. "I'm fine, Rin. Really!" He looked to the pool just through the doorway. "I love relays, I'll be just fine."

With that he shifted out from Rin's grip on his shoulder and quickly went through the doorway into the pool room. Funny how Sousuke was the one person who hated Makoto quite clearly the most, and yet it was the one person Makoto honestly felt an ounce of comfortable around anymore.

At least his hatred was well founded. Makoto may not always know what to expect, but he didn't have to deal with sad looks and constant questions on if he was alright.

He'd be much better off if everyone would just stop reminding him all the time.

* * *

Makoto felt his skin cool the moment he stepped into the water. Maybe this relay was a good idea after all. He breathed slowly as he pulled himself up on the starting bar. His eyes closed, he listened for the buzzer to start and--

There was always that first beautiful moment he leapt away from the wall, flying through the air before he shot under the water, his legs propelling him through the waves. As he surfaced, he gulped for breath and started his stroke.

It seems Iwatobi was doing better without their former captain than expected, next to him, his opponent in the backstroke was a new comer to the club, someone Makoto had never met before. And he was not all that bad of a swimmer. But unfortunately he didn't seem to have the same investment in skill as Makoto, and was quickly lagging behind.

Maktos rebounded off the opposite wall and speared through the water. He'd forgotten the rush of a real race. It was all encompassing, filling his senses and kicking everything else out of his mind.

As his hand slammed the wall at the a start point, it was over all too soon. Nitori jumped into the air above him and Makoto stood, not quite realizing his leg was over. He blinked before reaching for the side of the pool and climbing out. Rin was mounting the platform next to him in preparation and offered Makoto a high five on the way there.

"Nice," he said, flashing his preditorial smile.

Makoto removed his cap, standing next to Sousuke as he smiled at Nitori on his way back. The advance Makoto had won them was unfortunately not paying off as Nitori hit the start platform a few seconds after Nagisa and Rin bounded off into the water. It didn't surprise Makoto, Nagisa had always been competitive with Nitori.

Noticing the look from Sousuke next to him, Makoto looked up. Sousuke made a dismissing sound before stepping up on the platform himself, hunching down to be ready for Rin's exchange.

Rin hit the side of the pool just half a second after Rei, having almost entirely caught up and Sousuke flung from the platform.

Makoto realized as he watched that though he'd seen Sousuke in practice he'd never really watched him. His long body arched in the air, his broad massive shoulders reaching for the water. It was like watching--well almost like watching Haru. It was absolutely flawless in the way Sousuke dipped into the water, accepting it, instead of crashing into it. Makoto smiled. It was good to know there was another fish on their team.

Sousuke could clearly keep pace with Haru speed but that half a second meant a lot and in the end--Haruka hit the end of the pool first, marking Iwatobi's win.

Makoto stepped forward ready to offer Haru a hand when--Rin was already there, pulling Haru into a hug the second the boy was on land. They smiled so happily at each other, and Rin pressed a small kiss to Haru's neck.

Right. Makoto chided himself. That wasn't his place anymore.

He looked over surprised though as next to him, Sousuke was watching as well, his swimming cap fisted in his hand, his jaw muscles clenched as he looked at the small display. His gaze shifted and he caught Makoto looking. He didn't smile only turned away, striding towards Rin.

How Sousuke managed to flip his expressions so quickly Makoto wanted to know. Because in an instant Sousuke was smiling and offered Rin a fist bump.

"Great swim!" Rin cheered, his arm still around Haru's neck.

It was all crushing him again, Makoto realized. He looked up at the empty overlook of the pool and back down to Rin and Haru embraced and so--happy. Makoto felt his chest tighten. He'd held it all together, for so fucking long it seemed.

Turning away he quickly made his way to the locker room. He'd had enough for the day. A part of him so badly wanted back into the water. To sink under the current and let it take him away, would have been the best feeling in the entire world to Makoto then.

He wasn't sure why he had ever agreed to this. What in the world made him think that Iwatobi was full of anything but ghosts?

* * *

It was dark by the time Makoto had pulled himself out of the pool and dried off. He sat in the locker room. He'd forgotten. A winter spent ninety percent in the water had numbed and lulled the pain of it all away. Now clutching at his chest, it had taken just an hour or so and it was all back, making him feel hollow and bleeding. He ducked his head, gasping for breath.

If he swam anymore that night he'd hurt something, but if he didn't find something to distract him soon he'd break into a million pieces again.

"Oi!"

Makoto looked up, his eyes clouded with tears. He knew that voice. He batted the towel over his face, rubbing any evidence away.

Sousuke took a step into the locker room and Makoto watched him carefully. His stance was ridged, his eyes narrow and bleak. At his sides his hands were fisted.

"Where did you run off to so fast?" Sousuke growled at him. It was like watching a panther stalking closer, growing low and quiet, but still making it very clear this wasn't just playing around.

Makoto could still remember a few days ago, the way Sousuke had attacked him the moment he found out Makoto was from Iwatobi.

"I just--" Maktos wasn't sure he could continue. What was he supposed to say? He couldn't stand there any more without making things so terribly awkward and embarrassing?

"You piss me off!" Sousuke thankfully interrupted as he slammed his fist against the lockers. "Grow a fucking backbone for once!"

Makoto wanted to laugh. He had, at the worst of times he had, and it led him here, where everything was so much worse.

The look on his face though mustn't have been what Sousuke wanted because in the next second he had a hold of Makoto's jersey jacket, yanking him up to stand.

"What the hell is going on with all of you down there, huh?" Sousuke snarled.

Makoto's surprised himself, but he wanted Sousuke to hit him. He wanted it so bad. To feel the jarring of his fist dig into him. Maybe the pain would make the hollowness give way, maybe he'd have a reason to look as broken as he felt. He wasn't sure how he managed it but--

With a whirl of senses, Sousuke had him against the lockers. And-- Makoto's eyes went wide. He hadn't expected this. Sousuke jammed his lips over Makoto's, growling low as Makoto's hands went up to brace himself on Sousuke's shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: [lovelilylion.tumblr.com](http://lovelilylion.tumblr.com/) ...I post my art and things. 
> 
> Stay radical, don't eat glue, see you next swim time.


	3. Part 1, Chapter 3

Sousuke wasn't completely sure when the idea had crossed his mind, neither was he sure when he had decided to act on it, but pressing Makoto into the lockers felt like the most relieving thing he'd done in ages.

His grip on that stupid Iwatobi jacket of Makoto's didn't loosen as he broke the kiss. He breathed slow as he tried to formulate a thought. Makoto's hands were on his fore arms, but not pushing him away, they certainly weren't pulling him closer, but they weren't pushing.

Sousuke could hear the audible gulp from Makoto.

God, the guy had to be so confused. Sousuke was pretty confused, so that at least made both of them. When had he...?

Makoto shifted under him, and Sousuke's head shot up. He still wasn't sure when any of it had happened, but starring into those lush green eyes, Sousuke felt the surge of want plowing though him. It wasn't desire so much as--he wanted Makoto caged against him, he wanted to control something for fucking once.

But was that right...? Sousuke had fallen in love with Rin when they were kids, he'd followed Rin everywhere, through everything since then. He had thought he had lost him and then--he'd just gotten him back. And yet in such an unsatisfactory way. Sousuke was no closer to Rin then he had been when Rin had been chilling with kangaroos.

Sousuke wanted someone.

"Yamazaki--?"

Makoto's quiet voice jarred Sousuke, and in an instant his mind was made up.

What ever the reason, what ever the cause, Sousuke wanted Makoto then. It wasn't like they would ever end up as friends anyway with the first impression they'd made on each other. There was no vestige of a relationship to ruin.

Looking up, Sousuke cocked his head, ready to progress full steam ahead.

"Nhhhuhh!" Makoto let out in surprise as Sousuke spun him around, and pushed him up against the lockers again.

It was a good thing not another living soul, would be stupid enough to be down in the locker rooms then, because Makoto banging against the lockers echoed through out the room.

Sousuke slid one of his hands down Makoto's sides, his fingers skimming across the back of the Iwatobi Jacket. He leaned back enough he could read the words. He also slid his hips forward, shoving his groin up against Makoto's ass.

His shoulders heaving, Makoto tipped his head, turning it to the side to try and look at Sousuke. "Yamazaki--" he stalled.

Sousuke snorted. Really what honorific would Makoto give him? How about "sama?" He filled in for Makoto. He smiled.

Makoto tiled his head again, about to speak again and Sousuke reached up, his hand coming over Makoto's mouth in a vice like grip. He used that hand to tip Makoto's head back, enough that as Souske leaned forward they could see each other. While he was at it, he figured he might as well test the tall boys flexibility, with the hand that had formally been at Makoto's side, he pressed the small of his back forward towards the lockers, forcing Makoto into a back bend to maintain the position.

Sousuke leaned in, letting his lips brush against Makoto's ear. "Shut." He said very slowly. "Up."

Makoto's hand came off the lockers, grasping at Sousuke's grip on his face.

"Are you going to say something useless again?" Sousuke asked, forcing Makoto to bend just a touch more, back into Sousuke's embrace.

It took a moment for Makoto to realize Sousuke was waiting for an answer before he managed a small nod.

"Stay quiet." Sousuke growled a warning before releasing Makoto's mouth, pushing his upper body back flush against the lockers.

With both hands free now, Sousuke tugged at the jacket. Makoto noticed, his head turning just slightly, like he was about to look back before he let his fore head rest against the metal lockers. He shifted his arms back, shrugging his shoulders.

How helpful, Sousuke snorted, yanking the jacket off Makoto's shoulders and pulled it off his arms, flinging it on a nearby bench. With the skin of his back finally at Sousuke's disposal, he started to run his hands up and along the smooth planes.

He leaned forward again, his mouth connecting with Makoto's neck. The skin was still a bit damp from Makoto's late night practice, but Sousuke easily licked away any trace of a chlorine taste to sample Makoto's real taste.

Sousuke's hands moved to Makoto's waist, he had rather liked how Makoto had looked with an arched back. Makaoto breath caught as Sousuke, forced him to arch, applying pressure with his hands and fitting his ass a bit more snugly against Sousuke's groin.

Sousuke chuckled, "just like that," he breathed before continuing to suckle at Makoto's skin.

He had no desire to give any room between them, but he had to lean away, just enough to pry the button of his jeans open, shoving his boxer briefs down so his cock could lean out against Makoto's oh so wonderful full ass.

Sousuke was already hard, his dick thick and dark with the rush of blood. He noticed his partner had gone completely still as well, his hands on the lockers sliding in, his body curling as much as he could manage inward.

Sousuke couldn't have that, an arm went around Makoto's waist, pulling him back into Sousuke's chest. He kissed just under Makoto's jaw. His hands worked at prying the tight swimsuit off Makto's hips though, he managed just enough to feel Makoto's dick slide out. His own was pressed to Makto's bare backside as well, leaking from the wonderful feeling of skin.

Sousuke pulled Makoto closer, just enough to peer over his shoulder.

It was cute, very deliciously pink and bobbed against Makoto's stomach, practically calling for Sousuke to touch it.

Why deny it then, Sousuke thought as he slid a hand down Makoto's stomach and grasped it.

"Nahhhhunn," Makoto let out. He was breathing hard.

And as punishment Sousuke pushed him back up against the lockers with a bit more force than necessary. "Whatt'd I say?" He snarled, and thrust his hips forward.

His cock slid so amazing through the cleft of Makoto's ass. He gave his own sigh of sweet sensation.

Sousuke's hand clawed out, bracing the back of Makoto's head and shoving it up against the lockers. The boy tried to stay quiet as he winced. Sousuke looked at him, one green eye in just the right angle they could barely hook eye contact.

Sousuke smiled as he started to thrust his hips forward, not caring that with every forward motion he banged Makoto up against the lockers.

Pulling at the collar of his T-shirt, Sousuke considered letting the button up he wore over it fall to the ground. But then again he liked the idea of rocking against Makoto, fully clothed while the other just had his swimsuit tangled at his knees.

But man was he getting hot, his breath ragged, and it felt damned good. Sousuke was close. He placed a hand to Makoto's back urging him, to point his ass back again.

The little puppy was good and obedient, letting Sousuke thread his cock through those hot, perfect cheeks. Sousuke closed his eyes, concentrating on the way the thrusts felt, his body speeding up.

He barely recognized it when Makoto's hand struck out behind him. He didn't push Sousuke away, just gripped back, fisting his hand in Souske's T-shirt. That was fine with Sousuke if he wanted something to hang on to.

He let his head fall back and just thrust his hips faster. He was so fucking close. Between his precum and sweat between them, his dick was sliding easier, Sousuke thrust deeper, groaning as he felt him self rubbing all the way against Makoto's entrance.

The thought of actually fucking Makoto bloomed in Sousuke's head and it was enough. His eyes widened before his grip in Makoto's hair tightened and in the next split second he squeezed his eyes shut as he saw white and the greatest rush known to mankind plowed through his senses.

"Gahhkkk!" He let out as he came, thick and milky across Makoto's back.

When it was over, he let himself lean forward, burying his face back next to Makoto's long, warm neck. His hand slid against Makoto's waist, tracing against his side. Closing his eyes, he let the buzz of his senses ride it out a minute or two more. He sighed, noticing his softening dick was still pressed against Makoto's sticky back.

After a minutes revelry he straightened, stepping back. Makoto must have taken that as a release because he stepped back as well.

"Not that way," Sousuke scolded, and hooked Makoto's wrist, flipping him back to face Sousuke. He forced his hand back over Makoto's mouth and pushed him back against the lockers.

Looking down, Sousuke admired the cute, long, curved cock, bright red against Makoto's stomach. Sousuke lightly ran his fingers up the underside, smiling at the shiver that shook through Makoto's shoulders as well.

Teasing wasn't what Sousuke wanted at that moment though, so he fisted his hand around the long cock and started to pump. Holding Makoto mute against the lockers, sent another thrill down Sousuke's own spine. It was so hot to watch as Makoto's eyes rolled up, his breathing becoming labored and erratic. His chest heaved, his hands reaching out, grasping at Sousuke's fore arms and clawing at the sleeves. One hand even came up, fisting in Sousuke's collar as he started to move with Sousuke's pumping.

Watching him come, was just as amazing, Makoto's eyes went wide. His legs shaking and arm curling in, drawing Sousuke closer.

Sousuke milked him completely, the white liquid leaking through his fingers and making it an easier roll as he gently tugged and stroked Makoto to empty. When he finally let the withering cock be, Makoto looked close to losing his balance.

Sure enough, as Sousuke released his hand from Makoto's mouth the boy slid down the lockers, his breathing audible. His stomach was flecked with semen, and Sousuke knew the back of him was also dotted with his own white evidence.

Sousuke stepped back, seeing Makoto's locker was still slightly ajar, he opened it, digging out a fresh towel.

In the few seconds he'd stepped away, Makoto had curled up, head resting on his knees, arms held in, hands curled over his head. Sousuke tilted his head. He wasn't sure if the position was recovery or defensive. He huffed, right, well he'd have to get Makoto to open up a little, he unfurled the towel, lightly placing it around Makoto's shoulders before he turned again.

Sousuke fixed his own appearance first, straightening up as well as he could. His shirt was soiled with cum and smelled of sex, but Sousuke doubted they would meet anyone on the way back to their room. He tossed Makoto's jacket into his locker, shutting it and retrieving Makoto's swim bag from the floor.

When he returned to the not so little puppy-eyed boy, Makoto looked up this time.

"Thank you," Makoto said. He looked back down and away.

Sousuke shifted a bit uneasy. "Yeah. It's your towel, so not like I have to take care of it later."

Makoto nodded, before tucking his chin behind his arms folded over his knees. It looks like he had pulled his jammers back up all the way.

"Come on," Sousuke urged, he held out his hand for Makoto to take.

Makoto looked at the offered hand for just a moment before sitting up fully he reached up and took the offering.

* * *

Makoto could still feel the hum of his orgasm, thumping though him. It surprised him that Sousuke had actually stuck around. Not that the fact they'd just had sex also wasn't quite surprising in and of itself.

Though Makoto was the most surprised at himself. It wasn't like he'd even tried to tell Sousuke to back off. The fact that he'd cum into Sousuke's hand was proof enough at that.

Once on his feet, Makoto wasn't sure he wanted to make eye contact. He pulled the towel around him a bit more, glancing to the showers.

"Just shower in the room." Sousuke said. He was watching Makoto, even had Makoto's bag slung over his shoulder, waiting for him.

Makoto reddened but nodded. The dorms weren't far.

Trailing behind, Makoto wasn't quite sure if he even cared about what had happened between them. He didn't feel like he was falling to dust anymore at least. Maybe that was enough to explain what was going on...

It felt like enough to Makoto.

* * *

Sousuke treating Makoto like a human being seemed to be a limited time offer, Makoto mused as by the next morning Sousuke was growling at him at every turn and glaring at him every moment in between.

Tugging at the white collar of his school uniform, Makoto frowned. He tried to shift in his seat, early for class and thankfully snagging a seat next to the windows. He'd gotten used to just about everything else at Samezuka, but that pristine, cut and stiff uniform was still irritating as hell. His eyes softened, thinking about his old uniform. And then there was his old school, not some sprawling monolith of a campus, no dorms just the small building, and that tiny little pool. Makoto smiled.

There was a slap of a notebook down on the desk next to him. Startled Makoto looked up. Sousuke's teal eyes watched him right back, "yo."

"Yamazaki-kun," Makoto said in surprise. They were both upperclassmen, so they had most of their classes together, but like hell had Sousuke ever sat next to him, let alone actually acknowledged him.

"Makoto," Rin said cheerfully, taking the seat behind Sousuke. "Where did you two get to last night?" He whined. "I was left to to fend off Nitori and Momo the whole way home."

Makoto laughed then out of nervousness. "nowhere!" He answered a bit too loudly.

"We snuck into your room,." Sousuke answered a second later. Tipping his head, a devious grin spread. "I wouldn't use your deodorant anytime soon."

"What!"" Rin fumed. "What did you do?"

"You'll just have to figure it out on your own." Sousuke just chuckled, shifting back to the front of the room, and Rin complained loudly behind him.

The teacher arrived then, quieting the students as the day started.

Rin huffed muttering under his breath, "well at least I don't have to worry about you two killing each other anymore..."

Makoto looked over to see that devious smile still on Sousuke's face as he answered under his breath, "when one door closes, another open in its place." At the last his eyes shifted to meet Makoto's and narrowed leaving him with that ever present grin.

* * *

By the time practice had rolled around Sousuke was still acknowledging Makoto existed. Looking across the pool to where Sousuke rolled his shoulder in his hands, Makoto was still wondering about what he had meant. He hadn't made the slightest overture since cumming across Makoto's back.

Sousuke wasn't holding back in the significant looks department though. Rin approached, and Souske's face shifted into the cheery smile of a friend.

Makoto wasn't so sure though, sitting at the edge of the pool, he was supposed to be watching the underclassmen in backstroke, helping where he could. He'd spent the last hour though glancing up at Sousuke every few minutes.

And every few minutes Sousuke had looked back at him. Most of the time he'd give Makoto a second or two before glancing back at whom ever he was talking to. But then there were those times, when no one else was saying attention that Sousuke would look back at him, and his eyes would narrow and a smile would spread, one side quirked up, devious and even worse knowing.

Just like right now, Sousuke surprised Makoto this time with a flash of teeth before he pulled his swim cap on, adjusting his goggles as he stepped up onto the starters platform.

Makoto made a frustrated sound in his throat.

"Makoto-sempai!" Momo called.

Looking up, Makoto realized for the second time he hadn't watched more than the first ten seconds or so of Momo's swim.

He signed. "Sorry, Momo!" He'd been scolding Momo for the past week about concentrating on the swim, and now Makoto was a tad bit embarrassed he couldn't even manage to focus on Momo's swimming. Even so, Makoto looked over again as Sousuke soared off the platform.

Right, Rin might feel better, but Makoto wasn't so sure they should have ever opened this Pandora's box.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Doughnut worry, we will see you next water time. 
> 
> Tumblr: [lovelilylion.tumblr.com](http://lovelilylion.tumblr.com/)


	4. Part 1, Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Friday. ...FRIDAY.

 

Sousuke huffed as he flung the door to their room open, striding in. Makoto looked up from where he was doing his homework at his desk. 

 

Sousuke had started the ritual of jogging with Rin every couple of nights around this time. He'd come in huffing and puffing, followed by a shower and then throw Makoto a new version of the same insults before leaving the room to go study or hang out with Rin. That was the nights he came home. Most of the time Makoto had no clue where Sousuke was at all. Sousuke still stuck with Makoto at school and even a bit when practice started. 

 

But once a free moment rolled around Sousuke jumped at the opportunity and was gone, Especially weekends.  Makoto had had the room all to himself every weekend since the year had started. Rin told Makoto that Sousuke didn't live all that far away, and he'd go home most weekends. 

 

Not that Makoto could blame him. If things weren't so--if he could go home to his parents every weekend he would. But now it was just--there was nothing left there but the ashes of everything that could have gone right, but didn't. 

 

Though drawing his attentions was the fact there was still huffing next to Makoto, and had been for a good minute or so. Looking up, Makoto adjusted his reading glasses. "Yamazaki-kun?" He inquired. Maybe the insulting portion of their night would come early this time. 

 

Sousuke looked at him, his face a bit unreadable, though there looked to be irritation, his favorite emotion when it came to Makoto. 

 

Makoto frowned. He'd tried to branch the subject of room changes with Rin once again in the last few days and it hadn't gone as expected. Apparently Sousuke's version of their situation had the soundtrack of, "everything is awesome!" So now Makoto was trying to be as passive and light as he could with Sousuke, hoping maybe if he was kind, Sousuke would take a hint and start returning the sentiment. Or at least leave Makoto alone. 

 

"You're here a lot." 

 

Right. 

 

On the flip side of Sousuke, Makoto did homework every evening. He had been swimming every evening up until he'd been throughly scolded by Sousuke and then Rin and then even Momo had noticed. 

 

They were right, unfortunately. If Makoto pushed too hard he'd end up hurting himself and that would hurt the team. So Makoto did his homework. He still stayed an hour or so later at practice and was considering trying the gym again. Most nights though he just slipped back into the pool after everyone had left and started in on more swimming. It was the only thing that--kept it all at bay. 

 

The problem with the gym was--his mind wandered. About an hour and his limit was up. Thoughts of oceanic blue eyes or small messy hands or just anything and Makoto would start to feel himself cracking from the inside. 

 

Nonetheless less, Makoto already felt like Sousuke held too many secrets between them. So he simply pushed a smile to surface as he looked back down at his homework. "Am I?" He chuckled. "I guess I just don't want to let anyone down. Samezuka is a really great opportunity for me." 

 

Sousuke grunted in response, "right." He was pulling the athletic hoodie off over his head before tugging the running shoes off.  

 

Makoto swallowed audibly as he felt Sousuke's looming shadow over him, a large hand was placed on the desk as Sousuke leaned over him, his face quite close to Makoto's. "Is this the math homework?" 

 

"Yeah," Makoto said trying not to shift in his seat. It had been a good couple of weeks since Sousuke had touched him. He had stopped running into him, tripping him, shoving him, but it had been replaced in a sudden way with the way he watched Makoto all the time, not touching him, just invading his personal space. Maybe this was his new form of torture. 

 

It seemed neither of them were quite sure where they stood after the--incident--in the locker room. 

 

But ever trying to keep things light hearted, Makoto just smiled as he looked at Sousuke. "Have you started it, at all?" 

 

Sousuke peered back at him, not one of his devious smiles, not one of his looks of irritation, not even his usual mask of apathy. He shook his head and backed away. "It's not due till Monday, I'll do it sometime this weekend." 

 

Humming in response, Makoto looked back down at his work. 

 

There was a creak of the bed as Sousuke sat down. "Why did you come here, Tachibana?" 

 

Caught off guard, Makoto straightened. Not many people had really asked him that. Most had just assumed since Makoto liked swimming he was trying to go to a better school for swimming. 

 

Maybe that would be enough for Sousuke too, Makoto hoped. "This school has a really great swim team, I was really honored to be accepted." 

 

There was another creak and rustle as Sousuke leaned back on the bed. "You don't seem like the kind of guy that would leave your old swim team hanging like that. Rin mentioned you were even Captain as a second year." 

 

Makoto wasn't sure what to answer. Makoto had ended up being exactly that kind of guy. In the end, Makoto had left them, no he'd ran from them, as fast and as hard as he could. He hummed though, assuring,"I'm sure they're just fine. They even have two new recruits!" Makoto laughed. "I guess I might have cursed them, we could never manage a new member when I was there." 

 

It was quiet for a second before Sousuke said, not nearly as light hearted as Makoto had hoped for, "I've talked to Rin about those new recruits... Iwatobi lost one of their strongest swimmers. And the new boy they have doing backstroke apparently can't even manage a fraction of your old times." Sousuke snorted. "With your recent times, he might drown in the lane next to you, if he doesn't watch out." 

 

Setting down his pen, Makoto looked over at one of the few things he'd brought with him of Iwatobi. The picture was nothing special, but it was enough, just a selfie the two of them had taken on Makoto's phone. But it meant the world to him, and when that world had crumbled... 

 

"Trust me, Iwatobi is better off with out me," 

 

There was quiet again. Sousuke shifted, probably sitting up, "how--” 

 

"Oi! Are you ready?" Rin announced his presence as he opened the door. He had his swim bag slung over his shoulder and a predatory smile. 

 

Makoto smiled at him. "Hullo," 

 

"Hey Makoto!" Rin greeted before he faced Sousuke, "Have you been taking a nap or something? We said we were gonna head straight down to the pool. " 

 

Sousuke stood from his bed, going to the closet to retrieve his own bag. "I just got up here." He dug out some slip-on shoes and fit into them. "I was talking for a second before I came down." 

 

Rin snorted. "I thought you were the one all pumped up for a race." 

 

Sousuke collected a jacket. "Don't be in such a hurry, we both know I'm going to crush you once we're in the water." 

 

"Tsk! Not a chance in hell!" Rin retorted leading the way out the door. 

 

At the door, Sousuke stopped, looking back at Makoto. Makoto flashed a smile before he leaned forward, focusing back on his homework. 

 

It was good Rin had a friend like Sousuke. Friends that good only happened once in a lifetime it seemed. 

 

* * *

 

"Come jogging with us." Sousuke voice rumbled through Makoto abruptly as he was shadowed by the giant leaning over him. 

 

Sousuke closed the text book in front of Makoto, not all that gently brushing his homework into the front cover and placing his hands in either edge of the desk, watching for Makoto's reaction. 

 

He sat stalk still. It had been a few nights since Sousuke's sudden interest in Makoto's daily habits. 

 

Not sure how to refuse, Makoto shifted uneasily in his chair. "Yamazaki-kun ," he breathed. He tried to order his thoughts. It was harder than expected with Sousuke over him, his breath against Makoto's neck. "Ah," he fidgeted with his pencil. "I don't want to intrude--" 

 

"On what?" Sousuke shot back. "Rin thinks you can do no wrong. My feelings?" He barked a laugh. "I'm the one asking you." 

 

Saying he didn't want to go would be rude. And yet--he didn't want to go. 

 

Makoto had a jogging partner and--there wasn't anything he wouldn't give to have him back. But unless there was a rift in the theory of the space time continuum, Makoto wasn't going to get a second chance. 

 

"I--" he stalled. "Thank you, but--" 

 

"Come on," Sousuke interrupted him. "It won't kill you to do something other than survive." 

 

Makoto frowned again, trying to think of an excuse. 

 

So standing out in the night air, in running shoes, basket ball shorts and his hoodie, Makoto was still working on that excuse. Sousuke waited a step or two away, rubbing his hands together. He watched Makoto, like always. 

 

"Sorry," Rin called as he joined them in the courtyard. "I had to deal with something," 

 

Sousuke smiled immediately as Rin showed his face, "Yeah, important business I'm sure." he stepped up to Rin, still beaming. "Now that your hair's straightened and your nail are done, can we get to the running part?" 

 

"Never underestimate the power of a good manicure," Rin shot back with out missing a beat, "be sure and remember that when you see me getting farther and farther ahead of you in the water." 

 

"Only in your cute, girly dreams, " Sousuke touted, stretching one foot behind himself, then the other. He nodded to Makoto, "I managed to get him out of the cave." 

 

Makoto reddened. 

 

Chuckling, Rin smiled at Makoto as he passed him, stretching his own legs. "All are welcome aboard, just so long as you keep up." 

 

Makoto gave a forced smile. "I'll try my best." 

 

"I'll drag him along, when he collapses," Sousuke said. "And I'll still manage to beat you," he continued very pointedly at Rin, a challenging smile on his face. 

 

Rin snorted. "Yeah yeah, let's get going, and maybe shut you and your big mouth up for once." 

 

When Makoto had ran with Haru it had always been mostly quiet. Not that Makoto had minded. Haru seemed to prefer a comfortable silence over actual conversations. They had still connected, and Makoto at least had basked in the presence of his best friend, drinking it up as he jogged next to him. 

 

The dynamic of Rin and Sousuke was completely different. At every turn they were challenging each other and pushing each other. They argued over the mundane and joked amongst them. Makoto stayed quiet next to them, mostly listening as he kept pace. 

 

It didn't take long though before what he had feared started to creep in through his bones. Running was too easy. Or at least that was the only conclusion Makoto had come to. When he swam he had to concentrate, he had to focus on the lines and making his turns, he had to maintain a perfect form, check his breathing, all of it while trying to be the fastest. 

 

Then running was--like switching his brain on. He tried to pay attention to Rin next to him. But quickly it became clear this was a ritual between best friends. And why would Makoto ever want to take away from that? He'd felt it himself, and it was amazing. 

 

He smiled over at the two men next to him. Sousuke was really a different person with Rin. He joked and laughed and never stopped smiling--almost like... 

 

Sudden realization hit Makoto so hard he almost came to a full stopped. He did manage to falter a step though and was pitched forward, Rin and Sousuke both looking at him. 

 

Laughing nervously he scratched at the back of his head, "whoops!" 

 

Rin smiled and Sousuke looked at him a moment longer before they continued running. His look turned to a glare as he said, "at least manage to stay on your feet, Tachibana. I wasn't serious about carrying you." 

 

Makoto dipped his head, nodding as he ran along side. It was obvious now that he thought about it. He glanced at Rin. The question was if Rin had figured it out or not, and if he had--Makoto looked to Sousuke. 

 

Frowning, Makoto looked to the ground again. 

 

Just then Rin's phone went off. The three of them skidded to a halt, Makoto a step or two away. This new revaluation wasn't something he was sure what do with. Sousuke had invited him, but it still... 

 

Rin flipped out his phone, looking a bit surprised at the number, "sorry I have to take this," he mumbled to them before lifting the phone to his ear. "Haru?" Rin walked several paces away from Sousuke and Makoto. 

 

Sousuke was looking down, his face unreadable as he leaned his hands on his knees. Makoto opened his mouth wanting to say something. He saw Rin everyday. He heard this everyday. He knew how much it hurt. 

 

"Yamazaki-kun," Makoto started. "I--" 

 

Sousuke looked startled but he looked up at Makoto. 

 

"Haru calm down, " Rin whined several paces away. "It'll be fine I'm sure," he went on, his voice a bit more elevated as he spoke. 

 

Makoto pressed his lips together, not sure what he should do. His eyes were now focused on Rin's back. His own hand twitched to his phone. If Haru was in trouble... Swallowing, Makoto made himself look to Sousuke. Sousuke was looking at him. 

 

This was getting so unbearably awkward. 

 

"Yeah?" Sousuke inquired. He looked frustrated. Makoto couldn't actually blame him.

 

Shaking his head, Makoto shifted away. "Uh, it's nothing." He looked back at Rin, talking very quickly into his phone. "Never mind." 

 

Makoto almost breathed a sigh of relief when Rin snapped his phone shut and turned to them. 

 

"I have to go." 

 

Sousuke's face twinged for just a second, the glimpse of irritation not lost on Makoto and he was pretty sure not lost on Rin as well. 

 

"Nanase?" He said. 

 

Rin shook his head. "Yes, one of our friends needs help." He looked to Makoto, probably trying to reassure. "It's no big deal. Haru just asked if I would come." 

 

Looking to Sousuke, Makoto figured the one to keep things peaceful and relaxed was probably himself. "That's alright, go." He forced a smile. "If Haru needs you that's way more important than a jog across campus." 

 

Glancing at Sousuke, it was clear he didn't feel the same but as stone cold as his face was when he looked back at Makoto, it shifted in an instant to pleasantly content as he looked to Rin. "Yeah. You should go. It's not like we will get lost on the way back with out you." 

 

Rin smiled. "Sure 'bout that?" 

 

Sousuke scuffed, clearing his throat as he playfully nudged at Rin, "shut up." He turned away, walking to Makoto, "go console your boyfriend." 

 

Rin gave him a thankful smile before sprinting off back towards the dorms. "Thanks. I'll see you guys later!" 

 

Left there with Sousuke, Makoto looked over at him, hands on his hips, he was unsure of what to do. 

 

Teal green eyes glanced at him, before Sousuke turned back to the courtyard, "come on, let's finish one last loop, then head back." He was already jogging again by the time he ended. 

 

"Kay," Maktot breathed and lunged to catch up with him. 

 

It quickly became clear that as much as it hadn't looked to have affected Sousuke, he wasn't happy about it. Makoto had noticed an uptick in pace a few minutes after. He looked to Sousuke but his face was mostly unreadable and he refused to look back. It was eerily quiet between them. And with the look of stone on Sousuke's face, Makoto wasn't going to chance starting up a conversation. 

 

It made a bit of sense, Makoto guessed. They were both quite a bit bigger than Rin so maybe the longer legs would be a good excuse for the quicker pace. Then again as they rounded at the edge of campus Sousuke was going fast. Makoto fell behind for a few seconds, unsure of what Sousuke was thinking, but he quickly gulped down a breath before pushing himself to keep up. 

 

Sousuke was breathing harder, his gaze narrowing as he shifted into a full run then. It was the last stretch, and what should have taken them another half an hour or so was now taking ten minutes tops. Makoto pushed into a run. Something about it all, made him not want to leave Sousuke alone. 

 

Not that it looked like Sousuke even noticed his presence. He was running full steam ahead now, sweat dripping from his jaw line as he careened through the open yard of the dorms. Makoto was keeping up, though barely a few steps behind, he was mostly watching Sousuke. He looked ahead and started to slow realizing the wall to the dorms was a lot closer than expected. 

 

His eyes wide he watched as Sousuke barely slowed in time, still managing to crash into the wall, his hands hitting the surface. The next second those hands were in the form of fists. He lifted his fist and hit them against the wall, the first time it wasn't all that hard, then he pounded again, and Makoto jolted forward as he saw the skin split and blood smear across the side of  Sousuke's wrist. 

 

He raised his hands to pound his fist in again, when Makoto intervened, grabbing Sousuke's forearm with both of his hands 

 

"Don't," Makoto breathed, looking into those clear eyes of Sousuke's. "It won't help," Makoto said in a low voice. He would know after all. 

 

Sousuke ripped his arm out of Makoto's grasp, his face twisted, he was looking at Makoto like he had that first time he knew he was from Iwatobi, like Makoto was nothing, like he was scrum. 

 

For half a second, Makoto feared he was going to lunge at him again, but in an instant Souske's face changed and he pushed away from the wall. Letting out a snarl loud enough to scare the dead, Sousuke stumbled out into the sidewalk. His hands fisted up into his hair and he seemed to refuse to look at Makoto. 

 

Signing, Makoto just stood there, watching with a sad expression. To think an hour ago, he was so oblivious to the entire crazy situation, and now he got to watch as Sousuke burned over it all. 

 

It was surprising as in the next moment Sousuke was charging him. Makoto stumbled a step back, but as alway his reflexes were too slow when it came to Sousuke. He was slammed up against the wall.

 

Makoto grunted, his hands coming up to grab at Sousuke's wrists. Having been pinned to the wall in their room, the west side lockers in the locker room, and now the brick wall outside their dorm, Makoto was fairly confident the brick wall was the most uncomfortable. 

 

As unexpected as it was the first time, Sousuke slammed his mouth on to Makoto's. apparently it wasn't giving him what he wanted though because in an instant he broke it, letting out a feral yell again as he looked down. His hands were still fisted tight in the collar of Makoto's hoodie. 

 

Not sure how to react, or get Sousuke to calm from his reaction, Makoto stayed still for several seconds. Tentatively he moved his hands up Sousuke's arms, grasping at the front of his hoodie. 

 

Makoto breathed, not sure if he should... "I'm sorry." He finally managed, watching the way Sousuke's face was twisted, his mouth open in a gnashing frown. He just looked so--so pained. "I'm so sorry."

 

It was just a thought, but maybe Makoto could--they'd had sex so it couldn't be that out of the question...

 

He reached one hand up, reaching to just lightly brush his fingertips against Sousuke's face. They never made it though, Sousuke slipped his arms from the hold, and latched on to Makoto's wrists forcing them back against the wall. 

 

Breathing hard still, Sousuke flung Makoto out from under him then, releasing him to stumble across the open yard. 

 

Regaining his balance, Makoto was cautious in the way he stood fully. 

 

"Come on," Sousuke growled over his shoulder as he started back. 

 

Right. Makoto waited an extra few steps before following. 

 

The halls up to the room were dark. Sousuke jammed his key in, and strode in. He hadn't looked at Makoto once since they'd entered the building. 

 

Makoto was carful as he followed, closing the door behind him as quietly as he could. Sousuke was already removing his shoes, not bothering to turn the light on as he went in. Figuring it was intentional, Makoto passed by the light as well, pulling his hoodie off. 

 

He laid it over the back of his chair at his desk before turning to the dresser. 

 

Sousuke was there, rummaging through one of his drawers. Right, asking him to move would be a bit of a bother, so Makoto worked on removing his shoes. He peeled his socks off as well, tossing them to the cloths hamper and putting his shoes away. 

 

He turned to the bed then--to stumble back a step. Sousuke stood less than a foot from him. He was back to calm, or at least the exterior was, he blinked at Makoto before he took a step forward. There wasn't enough room for Makoto to take another step back. 

 

Sousuke's hand came up, brushing lightly at Makoto's jawline, before tipping his head towards Sousuke. 

 

"Yamazaki-kun..." Makoto trailed off. 

 

His chin was lifted and Sousuke leaned forward, kissing him again. It was different this time, and Makoto froze. His hands were behind him, bracing himself against the closet. 

 

When the small simple kiss ended, Sousuke smiled at Makoto. And for half a second, Makoto thought that he might have actually meant it. 

 

He wasn't learning very quickly though. Souske seized his t-shirt and pitched Makoto to the bed. Landing with a gasp, Makoto was face down on the bottom bunk, and didn't have time to say anything as his head was forced up and back, just as Sousuke fit a knee between Makoto's shoulder blades, keeping him down. 

 

"Yamakzaki-kun--Gahhhh!" 

 

Makoto tried to push up but was shoved back down, Sousuke shifting onto the bed, his hand running up from Makoto's neck to his chin, holding him up as Sousuke pulled a tie through Makoto's open mouth and fastening it tightly behind Makoto's head, gaging him.

 

"Shhhh," Sousuke nibbled along Makoto's ear. He was sliding down against Makoto's body, fitting himself comfortably over Makoto. "We learned last time you're a little loud." He cooed near Makoto's neck. 

 

The black covers under Makoto were fisted in his hands. He wasn't sure--last time he'd just--he was hurting and Sousuke... Makoto was beet red in a second. What Sousuke had done to him last time had been a welcome solace for the pain. This time-- he moved his head as Sousuke withdrew his hand. 

 

Was he okay with this? His hands were free, but Makoto had yet to push Sousuke away. He sighed, adjusting his tongue under the makeshift gag. Looking over his shoulder, he quickly realized he was in way over his head. Would Sousuke even stop if Makoto asked? 

 

Sousuke was seated over Makoto's thighs, he had already tugged his shirt up and off. He didn't look like he had last time. It had been about hurting Makoto last time, forcing him to do as Sousuke asked. So what was it this time? That stoney expression wasn't faltering, but Makoto still remembered the look of anguish on his face as he had slammed his fists against the dorm brick walls. 

 

Sousuke reached down to Makoto, hands digging underneath him, to pull his shirt up and off, tossing it to the floor. 

 

"Forearms behind your back," Sousuke ordered as he picked up the roll of duck tape he had tossed onto to bed. 

 

Breathing still a little shaky, Makoto looked back at him. He dipped his head, trying to think furiously if he really wanted this, if he really was willing to let Sousuke do this. Last time there hadn't been bondage involved. He'd held him down for sure and Makoto hadn't fought it, but if he had wanted to at least he had a chance. 

 

Startling Makoto, Sousuke had leaned down, leaning in close to him. 

 

"Hey," Sousuke said, his face still stoic, hard. "Did I hurt you last time?" 

 

Makoto shifted his eyes away. He'd been rough, but no rougher than Makoto had wanted. Uneasily Makoto shook his head, no. 

 

Sousuke gave a single assured nod. "Exactly. And this time I won't either." He sat back up, one of his hands sliding across Makoto's back. "Now, arms behind your back." 

 

This time, Makoto complied, shifting his arms up and back behind him. Sousuke fit them one over the other before stretching the duck tape and wrapping it from wrist to elbow, it wasn't tight particularly but there wasn't much allowance of movement. 

 

Souske shifted his weight up and off Makoto then, his hands returning to his sides. "Flip over." 

 

With Sousuke keeping him from flailing, Makoto flipped on to his back, his mouth was already a little dry from the gag and he had to remind himself to breathe as Sousuke, still all business, was working at his basketball shorts. He picked the knot, pulling it loose, before he dug his fingers under the waist band, hooking Makoto's boxer briefs as well and started yanking them down. 

 

Makoto looked up to the bed above him as Sousuke pulled the rest of his clothing off. He could feel the heat rushing to his face, his heart beat audible in his ears. 

 

"Bend your leg up," Sousuke said as he adjusted Makoto's right leg up first. Bending at the knee he pushed it up, so that his calf was against the back of his thigh. The duck tape was wrapped around the middle of Makoto's thigh, holding his leg bent all the way and since his foot could barely reached down to the covers, upright. 

 

"Other one," 

 

Makoto lifted his other leg and it was quickly bound in the same fashion. Blushing and a little lightheaded, Makoto wasn't sure he could look away from the top bunk. 

 

The mattress dipped as Sousuke crawled over him, his hand at the back of Makoto's head, guiding him to look down at him. 

 

"How's is it?" Sousuke asked, explain further. "Not cutting off any circulation? Not painful?" 

 

Makoto took stock, just to make sure, he felt a little humiliated, and way too vulnerable, but he wasn't in pain in the position. He shook his head no and Souske released him, letting his head down back to the bed. 

 

"Good." Sousuke's voice had seemed to deepen further than normal. "Now we're ready to play." 

 

* * *

 

His mouth was down to Makoto's chest in an instant, his tongue lavishing attention onto a ripe red nipple, making Makoto suck in a sharp breath. 

 

Souske growled and palmed over his budging jersey shorts. He was a lot harder than he had expected from just getting Makoto as he wanted him. His eyes locked upwards to Makoto though Makoto couldn't maintain the eye contact. 

 

His face was red all the way back to his ears and spreading down onto his sculptured shoulders. It was beautiful. His mouth struggling around the cheap tie Sousuke had used to gag him. 

 

At first that's all Sousuke had thought he was going to do, but in the process of finding the tie in his top drawer he'd uncovered the duck tape with some other odds and ends. He'd grabbed it out of passing interest, tossing it to the bed before he had prowled around the side of the bed to Makoto. 

 

He'd wanted to fuck Makoto out side initially, bare ass in his hands out in the open yard, forcing his face into the brick wall and hearing him whine and whimper, but--the way the pathetic boy had been so damn concerned for Sousuke. He could have let Sousuke throw himself from the dorm roof for all Makoto should care, but instead Makoto had stayed by him, even stopped him from hurting himself further. 

 

And then the walk back up to their dorm room calmed Sousuke further. A part of him still steamed with the thought of Rin and--Nanase. The fire burning through him at the thought of how in an instant Rin had just so easily--chosen Nanase over Sousuke, again. 

 

Sousuke hadn't meant to over react like he had, then running had just made him burn hotter and--he'd ended up running face first into a brick wall. 

 

He'd thought all sense was burned up by the time Makoto had grabbed his arm, urging him back to reality. Sousuke snorted, still giving Makoto's chest and neck plenty of attention, his lower body had shifted. His cock was still in his boxer briefs, a bit tight but his hips were rocking, clothed cock grinding against Makoto's. The friction was blissful. 

 

Somewhere along that dark, quiet walk up to their room, Souske had shifted into a steady heat, and all he could think about was the last time he'd forced Makoto underneath him. Since the last time, he'd spent enough time seeing Makoto shift in his seat next to him, or slide into the water, or just walk by and Sousuke was back in that moment pressed up against Makoto's ass. 

 

Makoto let out a whimper, his eyes half lidded. Sousuke moved up on his hands and knees. Making it easier to crawl up and taste those roses lips. 

 

Another whimper was Sosukes reward as he licked and suckled at Makoto's gagged lips. It wasn't like he could kiss in return, or ask Sousuke to stop. 

 

At least Sousuke could still maintain control somewhere, even if it was just the quivering boy underneath him. 

 

He smiled as he tipped his head, starting at Makoto's neck. There was something about that honey tan skin, Sousuke found quite wonderful. Leaving one last kiss on Makoto's chest Sousuke stood. Immediately Makoto was whining behind him. 

 

Sousuke grinned as he went back to the top drawer of the dresser, rummaging for the bottle of lubricant. He glanced at Makoto on the bed. He was laying still, and so fucking hot strained against the bondage. His cock was that attractive pink again, resting against his stomach. 

 

When Sousuke returned to the bed, he leaned down to press another kiss over Makoto's gagged lips. He climbed back on the bed, sliding between Makoto's prone legs. 

 

"Been fingered before?" He asked as he deposited some lube in his hand, half watching Makoto. 

 

The rush of a blush to Makoto's cheeks was enough to make Sousuke's cock jump. 

 

"I'll take that as a, no," Sousuke chuckled and brushed his slick fingers down against Makoto's ass. 

 

The brief touch made Maktot jump under him. His head restless, he turned away one moment before lifting it to look down another.

 

Sousuke let his fingers lightly run up Makoto's cook then, lightly stroking but not enough to really be satisfying. He watched the tortured boy under him squirm before his fingers dipped down again and he probed at Makoto's hole. 

 

"I'm thinking I might have you suck me off," Sousuke couldn't decide if he liked talking dirty because he liked it, or because he like watching Makoto blush and squirm to it. 

 

"I'd have to remove the gag though," Sousuke went on. 

 

He let his two fingers start pushing in, starting a slow fucking motion. 

 

"I could just fuck you instead." 

 

Sousuke smiled as that comment won him a look of wide eyes. He prowled up, Makoto's body, one hand still working at his ass. He leaned on his other elbow, over Makoto's head, allowing his hand enough range to brush through Makoto's shaggy hair, brushing it up away from his face. 

 

Noses almost touching, Makoto didn't have any choice but to look at Sousuke as he spoke this time. 

 

"Do you want to get fucked by me?" Sousuke teased Makoto, his lips so close to kissing him, but never letting him. 

 

"I could." Going on, Sousuke kept working with slick fingers, opening Makoto's ass. "No one would know how I fucked your pretty little ass hole." 

 

The whimpering moan he got in return was enough to send a pleasant feeling down Sousuke's spine. He moved his fingers in and out of Makoto, keeping the idea of fucking him ever present. He licked his lips, tipping his forehead to rest on Makoto's. The small whimpers and moans in Sousuke's ears were lovely as he concentrated on keeping them coming in a steady stream. 

 

He shifted his legs so his thighs pressed right up against Maktos own bound legs, keeping them up, and ensuring Makoto's ass was spread for him. 

 

Makoto groaned under him, and pulled his head away, looking away from Sousuke. Presented with the skin of Maktos neck again, he kissed at the hollow under Makoto's ear. It was delicious to feel Makoto shiver with the kiss. 

 

As best he could, Makoto had started moving with Souske's fingers, fucking himself onto the digits. Sousuke smiled and sat up, lifting Makoto's ass into his lap. He lightly started to caress against Makoto's cock, running his fingers up the back side and along over the tip, smearing the leaking pre-cum over to the other side. 

 

He flipped his hand as well, moving to thrust his fingers in at an upward angle, rubbing over Makoto's prostate. 

 

That earned him a throaty groan as Makoto tossed his head back again. His chest was heaving, and hips rocking as much as he could against Sousuke. 

 

"Do you want to come?" Sousuke asked. 

 

Makoto whimpered in response and Sousuke lightly let at his cock. He even bent down and kissed just ever so lightly at the tip. 

 

"I don't think you've quite done enough to convince me." Sousuke chided, his fingers fucking slower before he pulled them out, whipping them against Makoto's ass. 

 

The whimpering under him was delicious, but Sousuke wanted to hear a bit more. "Turn your head," he ordered before he reached up, and pulled the knot of the tie loose and pulled the gag from Makoto's. 

 

"Now then," Sousuke smiled. "Would you like to come?" 

 

* * *

 

Makoto swallowed, his mouth dry from the gag. He looked to Sousuke, a bit surprised he actually wanted Makoto to speak. 

 

But Sousuke was looking at him, expectant. 

 

Swallowing again, Makoto managed a nod. "Yes." 

 

Feeling that wonderfully warm breath over him again, Makoto wasn't surprised for once when he looked up to find Sousuke was hovering over him again. 

 

"Really?" Souske asked, challenging. 

 

Makoto flicked his  tongue over his lips. He'd wanted to actually kiss Sousuke this whole time. The teasing way Sousuke had licked across his parted, gagged lips had been driving him crazy. So peering up through his lashes, Makoto nodded again as he lifted his head. 

 

"Yes," he whispered before sealing his lips to Sousuke's. 

 

This time around. Sousuke wasn't playful, or teasing. One of his hands dove under Makoto's skull, keeping his head tipped into the kiss as Sousuke opened his mouth into the kiss and made sure their tongues met. It was slick and hot as Sousuke sucked at Maktots mouth. At the same moment he returned a hand to Makoto's length, starting to stroke for the first real time that night. 

 

It felt fantastic and Makoto moaned into Souske's mouth. There was a chuckle that rumbled thought the kiss before with a generous lick to Makoto's lips he parted as he spoke. 

 

"Do you want my fingers back in your ass?" 

 

Going red for the trillionth time that night, Makoto hid his face against Sousuke's neck. He couldn't manage to speak but he nodded, kissing at the patch of skin connecting Sousuke's neck to his shoulder. 

 

He could practically feel the smug smile, as Sousuke nuzzled in against Makoto's cheek. He pulled his hand out from under Makoto's head and traced his way down to Makoto's ass again. There was a brief moment his fingers fumbled to squeeze more lube from the bottle before Sousuke was back to touching him full force. 

 

Sousuke stopped for just enough time to pull his boxer briefs off before he was hauling Makoto firmly into his arms. One hand was down between both of their legs, fingers thrusting into Makoto as Sousuke's other arm was wound around Makoto's neck holding his face against Souske's skin. Sousuke had also started grinding, his own full hard--erection moving against Makoto's

 

Makoto felt flushed and out of breath by the time Sosuke sealed his lips again with his own. 

 

It was strangely intimate to Makoto to be pressed so close to Sousuke. Souske's hand came up, combing Makoto's hair away from his forehead. It was more of a caress than anything. 

 

Eyes closed, Makoto could feel himself getting closer. He bucked his hips upward, grinding into Sousuke on ever upswing and impaling himself on Sousuke's fingers on the down. It felt so amazing. 

 

Makoto's moaned into the kiss. 

 

He felt like he was so strung up, aware of everything Sousuke was doing to him, and the heat of their skin barely separating them. He was whining again, his senses on overload as the rush of an orgasm started the initial buzz though him. 

 

As it started to tear through him, Makoto tried to pull away, but the hand in his hair kept him forced into the kiss that only deepened as Makoto shot between them, slicking up their skin as Sousuke ground hard into him. 

 

He let out a whining cry into the kiss as the last of the white hot rush faded. 

 

His head felt like it was swirling, breathing deep and heavy as Sousuke finally broke the kiss, pulling his fingers out of Makoto's ass as well. Makoto didn't want to open his eyes, sighing and letting his head rest against Sousuke's neck. The ache of his restrained limbs were finally starting to register. His shoulders were tight, and Makoto wanted to shrug them properly if only he could. 

 

Next to him he could feel Sousuke shift, he made space between them just enough to snake his hand between their sweat slick bodies and start pumping himself. 

 

Realizing, Makoto gasped and looked up, "uh," he started

 

But Sousuke smiled at him, touching their foreheads again. "Just stay still," Sousuke told him. "I'm close." He pressed a kiss to Makoto's prone lips. 

 

"Next time," Sousuke said, speaking against Makoto's lips. "I'll let you suck me." He smiled deviously before moving in to kiss Makoto again. 

 

Grinding and moving again, Sousuke pumped himself off, pressing every inch of skin capable against Makoto. It was erotic in an animalistic way that had never occurred to Makoto. If Makoto hadn't already come and could barely keep his eyes open from fatigue he would have been hard again. 

 

Sousuke had been right, it wasn't long at all before he was growling into Makoto's mouth, his limbs shaking as he milked himself of the cum shooting out between them. 

 

He broke the kiss with a huff and leaned back, against the wall, breathing hard, he closed his eyes. 

 

Makoto adjusted his head on Sousuke's arm. His limbs were aching. But he didn't want to break Sousuke out of his feeling of bliss. 

 

But he breathed a sigh of relief when Sousuke rolled back towards him. 

 

"Comere' ” he mumbled holding out his hand. Makoto rolled up on his side to let Sousuke have access to his arms. 

 

They discovered duck tape had been a bad idea. Sousuke ended up using scissors to slice a long stripe through the duck tape before pulling it off, taking most of Makoto's hair with it. First his arms were freed then his legs, and Makoto laid back with a sigh of relief as he just let his limbs fall away from him naturally. 

 

He didn't want to move, but the thought that he was still on Sousuke's bed nagged at him until Makoto sat up--just as Sousuke ducked under to get back on to the bed. 

 

"I was just going to-uh-go back to my bed." Makoto explained. 

 

Sousuke looked him over again before pulling the covers down and motioning for Makoto to slide in. "Don't bother, we're already both here." 

 

Not sure if he really should, Makoto hesitated. "I don't want to--I mean it's your bed and--" 

 

Sousuke sighed. "Get in." 

 

Makoto pressed his lips together before nodding in agreement and getting under the covers. Sousuke quickly followed, pulling the sheet and duvet over them both. 

 

Facing the wall, Makoto tried to give Sousuke as much space as he wanted. Sousuke had other plans, turning on his side as well and resting his forehead at the back of Makoto's neck. 

 

Makoto closed his eyes, though in the back of his mind he mulled over what had just happened. Last time he would have staked his life that Sousuke wouldn't ever want to do anything with him again, but this time--well, they may not be friends but Makoto was pretty certain sex was now officially on the table as far as roommate interactions went. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: [ lovelilylion.tumblr.com](http://lovelilylion.tumblr.com/)


	5. Part 1, Chapter 5

 

He smelled like warmth and cinnamon and just a touch like rain, Sousuke concluded as bleary eyed he woke. His face was buried at the back of Makoto's neck and hair still. And Souske breathed in another spiced sample. 

 

Next to him, his phone buzzed with his alarm. Sousuke found it, flipping it off before looking back over to the boy he was sharing a bed with. Makoto was still turned towards the wall, but he was much more relaxed. Sousuke shifted up onto his arm as he looked down at Makoto. 

 

The night before had been--different. He'd just wanted a fuck and had ended up tangling himself three way to Sunday in all of Makoto. 

 

The guy had no idea how charming he was with his polite smiles and shaggy hair and big droopy puppy eyes. 

 

Sousuke sighed as he rested his arm on his forehead. He wasn't sure if he was making his life easier or harder. His eyes skirted over Makoto's honey skinned shoulders. A dark patch at the junction of his shoulder and neck made Sousuke smile. It was at least going to be fun to watch Makoto stammer off a reason for that at practice that night. 

 

He couldn't spend all morning in bed though and Sousuke shifted up and out of bed. 

 

Twenty minutes later, showered, packed and dressed in his pristine white uniform Sousuke hesitated at the edge of the bed. He made an unsure noise in his throat before he leaned down and let a lingering hand caress down Makoto's side, even continue over the sheet to his thigh. 

 

Straightening, Sousuke headed for the door. With the night Makoto had had he could use a morning in bed. Sousuke could cover for him. 

 

He quietly shut the door behind him before meeting Rin in the hallway for morning class. 

 

* * *

 

 

He was late to class, but sneaking in through the back, Makoto tried to be quiet. He'd woken up alone in the room, and scrambled to get a flash shower and into a uniform. 

 

It seemed they were back to Sousuke ignoring he existed, or at least somehow liked. The teacher scolded Makoto and class continued as Makoto dug his notebook out of his bag. Looking up for the lecture, Makoto didn't miss seeing Sousuke's surprised expression. Rin next to him looked miffed and poked Sousuke, asking something in whisper. Sousuke answered in a whisper as well before looking back at Makoto. 

 

He knew he was blushing again as he looked down at his notebook. It surprised him just how much it--he knew Sousuke didn't care about him. It had all been physical, but a part of him had at least hoped things would get easier between them. 

 

Around his middle Makoto squeezed his arm a bit tighter. It was just a fraction of what it usually felt like, but it still--he was feeling hollow. 

 

He smiled a sad smile, maybe it was just it being a another rejection. It's not like his initial wound had really ever healed, so every little abrasion now made the old ones ache. 

 

It was fine, he'd managed this far, he'd keep managing on his own. 

 

* * *

 

 

Makoto made sure to stay out of Sousuke's way the rest of the day at class. By the time swim practice started it was feeling like a normal day after all. 

 

At least until his nerves were set on end, as Sousuke stepped up next to him. 

 

Makoto noticed most of the other teammates had all filtered out of the room and we're talking and laughing as they continued on to the pool. 

 

"How's your shoulders today?" Sousuke asked in a hushed voice. "You kept rolling them all night after we'd gone to bed." 

 

Startled, Makoto wasn't sure how to respond for a moment. "Uhm, they're fine." 

 

Sousuke nodded. But still stood directly in Makoto path to the pool. He looked down before asking. "You were okay--with what we did?" 

 

Makoto looked to the door. Literally there were people fifteen feet from them. "Uhm, uh it was fine." 

 

"You sure?" Sousuke's voice was deeper growl this time. "It was a little intense." 

 

Whether it was consoling Sousuke's conscious or what ever, it seemed Makoto wasn't going to get out of this with out giving a clear answer. "I'm fine. Taking off the duck tape hurt but besides that it was just fine." 

 

Right, fine, fine, fine. What was Makoto supposed to say? Good, felt like the wrong word, and great or wonderful were just way out of the question, but alright made it sound like he hadn't enjoyed the sex--which he had--but it wasn't like they were really all that into each other. It had been just sex. 

 

Sousuke nodded, "Kay." He mumbled. Those eyes shifted back up to Makoto, pinning him again. 

 

Teal eyes were still on him a second later. He looked to the lockers before pushing off, calling over his shoulder. "Come on, you've got plenty to work on before prefecturals." 

 

Sighing, Makoto closed his own locker and stared out in the pool. He wanted nothing more than to dive head first into the current and swim everything away. But before Makoto could manage to get into the water, Rin was stepping up to him.

 

 "You two are getting along better." 

 

Right. Yeah. Or at least that's what Makoto wanted to say. Instead he just smiled and shrugged. "I guess." 

 

"He doesn't talk about you anymore." Rin went on. 

 

Makoto nodded, not quite sure what Rin meant, but pretty sure he didn't want to ask. Rin had a way of saying things and not realizing he said them out loud, or at least that's what Makoto hoped went on. 

 

Rin sighed. Giving Makoto a more significant look. "He's always been a bit of a real loner." He shrugged. "It's just really surprising to see him making a new friend or two." He smiled at Makoto before leaving off. 

 

Yeah just another friend. Makoto pulled his swimming cap on followed by he goggles. He could really use a swim. Samezuka had been his plan to stay uncomplicated. That wasn't working out very well. 

 

* * *

 

 

Makoto was avoiding going back to his bedroom, and Makoto wasn't quite sure exactly how to get past that. He had even showered in the locker room, and now standing dressed in front of his locker he frowned. It had been three days since they'd--Makoto reddened. He'd managed to stay out of the room alone with Sousuke till then. Practicing late, doing his homework in the library, and even just going on walks across campus. He'd managed to blow enough time until it was about ten thirty or so and it was late enough for Sousuke to be in bed, or it was acceptable for Makoto to go straight to bed. 

 

But tonight, Maktot didn't think he had the avoidance in him. He was exhausted. He'd swam at least six or so hours every day since the week had started. With prefecturals the weekend after next, Makoto was pushing harder. He had the fastest time for backstroke in Samezuka, but that wasn't what he was worried about. 

 

It was his freestyle times. He wasn't having Rin timing him, but he knew he wasn't amazingly close to Rin's times and that's what he needed. 

 

Makoto glanced at the clock. Eight. That meant an hour or so alone in the room with Sousuke. but there was no way Makoto could do anything more that night but chill a little. 

 

Sousuke had been--different. He still didn't really seem to enjoy Makoto's presence but he didn't fight it. Not that Sousuke wasn't saying all that much to Makoto, and when he did it was always back to the jabs and insults. But they went to class together and ate most meals together and saw each other at practice, all of course accompanied by Rin or another swim team member. 

 

It wasn't like he could do anything about it, he'd have to face Sousuke eventually. 

 

So taking a deep breath, Makoto slung his swim bag over his shoulder before starting up to his room. 

 

Sousuke was laying on his bed, when Makoto came in. It looked like he'd washed his bedding and made it since Makoto and he had--uh-soiled them a few days earlier. 

 

"Hey," Makoto greeted as Sousuke looked up at him. 

 

"Hey," Sousuke said back, turning back to the book in his hand. 

 

Not feeling awkward at all, Makoto trudged in. Shutting the door behind him as he set his swim bag down and started to work on removing his shoes. 

 

Turning around Sousuke was watching him again. He looked irritated. Or maybe Makoto was bit scared of what would happen again when Sousuke was irritated. Sousuke seemed to have bit of a resting bitch face problem and Makoto was never sure any more on what was real irritation and what was just his normal expression. 

 

"Why did you keep that bag?" 

 

A little taken back, Makoto looked back to his swim bag. 

 

"I--" Makoto tipped his head smiling. "I guess a part of me still will always feel like Iwatobi has a piece of me." That was surprisingly honest Makoto realized as he said it. He removed his jacket, hanging it up before going back to his desk. 

 

"You should get a Samezuka one." Sousuke mumbled. He tipped his head to the closet as well. "As well as a jacket, you may not wear the other one, but I've seen it there." 

 

"Maybe," Makoto said. 

 

Sosuke sighed behind him. "You need to start considering yourself a part of this team." 

 

Stopping, Makoto looked down at Sousuke. He wasn't sure if Sousuke was right or not. Going with the safe route, Makoto made sure to speak quietly. "I would never do anything in this team to bring the others down, especially Rin." 

 

This time when Sousuke put down the book, he snapped it shut. He sat up a second later as he pinned Makoto with his gaze again. 

 

"I wasn't referring to Rin." Sousuke growled. "You're not going anywhere with out these fucking people!" Sousuke gestured outwardly towards the door, more than likely meaning the rows of rooms lining the halls. 

 

Startled, Makoto wasn't quite sure what to say. Why the hell did this even matter to Sousuke? 

 

"You know for all Rin keeps talking about you being one happy-go-lucky dumb ass of a friend maker, you don't seem to have made a single one while here." Sousuke continued. His teal eyes were still tracking Makoto.

 

Makoto opened his mouth still unsure, before suddenly he spoke, "I could say the same for you." It wasn't exactly the insult of the year, but Makoto wasn't sure he even had it in him to say unkind things--At least up until now. 

 

The world was an awfully cruel place after all. Sometimes it managed to break even the best of them. And Maktot was so tired of feeling, so tired of worrying about everybody else. 

 

Well the good news was Makoto could clearly tell when Sousuke was really starting to get angry still. His brow furrowed deeper and his eyes narrowed. "Excuse me, Tachibana?" 

 

Sousuke was up and standing before Makoto in an instant, using is full height to his advantage again as he spoke again. "Why the fuck are you here?" 

 

Makoto took one step back as Sousuke took one forward. "I've told you." 

 

"Really?" Sousuke asked though with the face expression it was probably rhetorical. "You left your home, your little pity party of friends, your family, your little godforsaken nobody school all because Samezuka is, 'a great opportunity' for you?" Sousuke shook his head. "Nah, I don't think so." 

 

Sousuke leaned in deeper, his face hard and cold and very close to Makoto's. "Why are you really here?" 

 

For once in Makoto's life he found he had the real compacity for apathy. And he had no desire to fight it. "Why are you here, Yamazaki-kun?" He asked in a steady voice. "Not chasing anyone in particular?"

 

"Don't fucking--" Sousuke started with an ugly sneer on his face. 

 

"What ever you think of me in your head is probably right," Makoto interrupted. "Spot on. I'm here to destroy myself from the inside out. I'm here to talk a good talk and leave empty handed. I'm here to drown myself in that big, fancy Olympic pool." Makoto stepped closer, for once choosing to invade Sousuke's space. "But at least I'm not here clinging to someone so tightly I'm pulling them under the current with me." 

 

Sousuke looked at him for a second, before his face twisted again, and this time Makoto wasn't sure if it was anger or pain, but what ever the hell it was, Makoto had hit a nerve. 

 

"You have no idea why I'm here." Sousuke hissed. 

 

Makoto's nodded, before hammering the last nail into the coffin. "Does Rin have an idea why?" 

Makoto couldn't bring himself to bother with feeling guiltily as he snagged his laptop off his desk and pushed his way past Sousuke on his way to the bunk bed. 

 

He was stopped by Sousuke's hand on his arm before he made it to the ladder. 

 

"I'm going to fuck your mouth." Sousuke said, tipping his head up, his eyes were dark and murderous as he looked at Makoto. "I'm going to make you beg to lick up my cum from the floor, and you are going to do everything I ask, the second I ask it, like the pathetic slut you are." 

 

Makoto sighed. He reached down, taking Sousuke's hand from his arm as he intertwined their fingers. He brought Souske's hand up to his lips and pressed a kiss to Sousuke's knuckles. "Of course, Yamazaki-kun." 

 

Makoto released Sousuke's hand before setting his laptop on his bed and climbing up onto it as well. He refused to look down at Sousuke as he crossed his legs, back against the wall and opened the laptop. 

 

Already though he felt like his insides were leaking out of his rib cage, like they were sand again, running out and leaving nothing but the raw, painful hollow feeling. Sousuke had been right. Makoto had left behind so freaking much. And the ghosts of his old life were always ever present, always there to haunt him of his loss. 

 

If possible he had the sinking feeling he'd just made things so much worse. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't join cults. See you next water time.
> 
> Tumblr: [lovelilylion.tumblr.com](http://lovelilylion.tumblr.com/)


	6. Part 1, Chapter 6

Yup, he had. He'd managed to make things much worse.

Sousuke came through on his promise less than 24 hours later. His hands dug into Makoto's scalp as he shoved himself deeper down Makoto's throat. Makoto's hands flailed, trying to find something to hold on to. He managed to knock something off the shelves at his side, but could really care less as to what.

They were supposed to be in class, but instead Sousuke had backed Makoto into a dark maintenance closet, before tripping him onto his knees and pulling Makoto's face up with a big hand tangled into his hair.

It was surprisingly fine with Makoto. He'd spent the night waking every few hours, his chest heaving, the thought of car tires screeching and endless heart wrenching screams. Wild eyed, he'd calm himself before trying to sleep again. By morning, he was red eyed and strung so tight a tug or two and he might snap.

On his way out the door, he'd smacked the framed photo face down on to his desk. Though not looking at it didn't help. Nothing helped anymore. Well nothing except for--

Sousuke tightened his grip on Makoto's hair, making him pay attention as he rocked deeper down Makoto's throat.

That was fine. Makoto could use an excuse not to think about anything for a while.

As if on cue, Sousuke combed his fingers through Makoto's hair, brushing the fringe back from his face. Sousuke pulled his hips back, his cock sliding out from Makoto's mouth, sliding against his tongue before dropping out, a clear string of saliva stretched between the tip and Makoto's tongue. It snapped and dripped to the floor. Makoto let out a coughed breath, brushing his hand over his mouth.

Makoto closed his mouth, swallowing and licking his lips before opening his mouth again, so Sousuke could lean his cock forward. He lapsed at it again before he had to cough, turning away.

Before this, Makoto had never looked at Sousuke's cock before, (he'd obviously seen it, felt it, humped against it, but never looked at it) but now that it was literally right under his nose he noticed how dark it was in color, at least when flushed. It wasn't particularly long, but it was thick, a mouth full for sure as Makoto had to strain to fit it past his lips. It wasn't like Makoto's at all he felt like. It had a broad head, and struck out from Sousuke's body, heavily pointed downward, even when Sousuke was this turned on.

Makoto tried again, tipping his head to try and take Sousuke in again. He was stopped as Sousuke petted his hair away from his face, even running a hand down against his cheek.

"Catch your breath," he gruffed, his hand still playing with Makoto's hair, running through it at the side of his face. "The last thing that's going to be attractive is you puking and coughing up a lung."

Makoto nodded, his mouth pressed against his hand. He coughed a couple of times more, regaining a steady breath before he turned to Sousuke again.

He coaxed Sousuke back to leaning into him, licking his way up the underside of Sousuke's dark tan cock. When he got to the head Makoto licked his lips again before pressing a wet tongue to the slit. The deep red color was quite attractive. He mouthed his way down the side again, before he encountered Sousuke's skin.

He tipped his eyes up, to see teal eyes focused on him, slightly narrow and a hard set of Sousuke's mouth. Did he expect Makoto to fight him? After the fight they had had the night before that was the logical thing. But this was just sex, and a damn good distraction, and the sooner he made Sousuke shoot the sooner Sousuke would leave him alone.

Makoto kissed the skin just above Sousuke cock, wondering absently if Sousuke had a treasure trail by chance. As a swimmer, he shaved every thing from his chest to his cock so it wasn't like Makoto would get a glimpse of it.

"Back to work," Sousuke growled.

God, he looked so pissed even with Makoto's mouth moving over his cock.

But supplying what was ordered, Makoto leaned back on his heels, popping the tip of Sousuke into his mouth and giving a hard suck.

A groan above him, told Makoto that was a move he'd need to remember for the future. Filing it away Makoto started to move his head, bobbing as he took more of Sousuke in every time.

It wasn't long though before Sousuke took control back again, gripping at Makoto's jaw he thrust forward, face fucking Makoto all the way back to his tonsils. Makoto tried his best to let he head lean back and relax his throat. What ever Sousuke wanted, Makoto found he was surprisingly okay with giving it. He let his eyes drift closed.

But he still needed to breath so the peaceful moment didn't last long before Makoto had one clawing hand at Sousuke's thigh. Sousuke pulled back immediately. As Makoto coughed and sputtered for breath, he felt Sousuke's fingers again running through his hair.

"I'm close." Sousuke mumbled over him.

Makoto nodded, looking back to the intimidating equipment and murmured, "alright."

He opened his mouth again, signaling he was ready and Sousuke slid in. He thrust in a few times before Makoto heard him gasp and he became erratic, hand fisting in Makoto's hair to the point of pain before Sousuke pound harder into him.

Eyes a bit wide, Makoto's hands scrambled to hold on to anything, one going to the shelving and the other grasping at Sousuke's thigh.

And then Sousuke was spilling into him. It wasn't pleasant to the taste, but Makoto wasn't sure he minded. As Sousuke pulled out, his semen dripped out of Makoto's mouth, running down his chin and even some trailing down his neck.

He felt--not better off at all--but not wholly there. His body swayed on his knees, looking down at the cement floor where his spit mingled with Sousuke's cum. It was a mess. Makoto didn't even want to consider what he looked like.

But it was like his brain had stopped. Exactly what he wanted, it was always so relieving after Sousuke did this to him. He didn't feel and it was so perfect.

"Come on, look up," Sousuke startled Makoto out of his trance.

It was startling to peer forward straight into bright teal eyes. Though Sousuke still didn't give him any other expression than cold ice. He was hunched down in front of Makoto. He had already buttoned his shirt and tucked himself in, all zipped up as if nothing had happened. He reached for Makoto, holding his jaw up so he could use a rag to wipe away the semen dripping down Makoto's throat. He looked possibly more pissed than he had before shoving Makoto into that closet.

"I wish I could manage to figure you out." Sousuke growled. It was under his breath, but Makoto managed to make it out.

Makoto smiled sadly, at least he'd managed to hang on to something, even if it wasn't his dignity, or pride, or feelings, his family, his home, or even his former best friend, he at least had something.

Sousuke just kept cleaning him off, a hint of that strange intimacy present again. It continued as he pulled Makoto up to stand, tucking his shirt back in and fastening his uniform closed. The front of Makoto's shirt was soaked in his own spit and semen. But Sousuke hid it satisfactory enough before placing a hand on Makoto's back he led him out of the small room.

Neither of them mentioned that Makoto hadn't even been remotely hard as Sousuke dropped his hand and led the way to the cafeteria.

 

* * *

 

There were too many fucking questions when it came to Tachibana!

The leading one being, why in the hell was the mother hen of that shit stain of a friend's group now such a wreck? And why the hell was it no one else noticed? And if they had, why was no one doing anything about it?

Sousuke tossed his lunch tray down beside Rin, before he looked up to Makoto, tipping his head to the seat across from him. Makoto had tried to say something about not being hungry but Sousuke had pushed him in line. Sousuke knew he hadn't had breakfast either so he wasn't missing lunch. Because like hell was Sousuke letting that little twat out of his sight for one fucking minute anymore.

"Yo," Rin greeted as he looked up from the school paper.

"Yo," Sousuke mimicked, he still stared at Makoto across from him. He looked presentable, if not vacant. He looked around the room, his hand grasping a pair of chopsticks, but not really eating anything. It was like he was just floating, just there. And it was pissing Sousuke off!

"Oi Makoto," Rin said setting down the paper.

Just like that, Souske blinked and for the first time he could see it. Like slipping on a mask, Makoto managed to force a smile--had it always been like that?--and look at Rin like what ever he had to say was the most interesting thing in the world. And yet--his eyes, he wasn't there still. It was so perfectly fake it kind of crushed Sousuke to see it.

When had the scales fallen from Souske's eyes? Ever since--God, he'd managed to break him hadn't he? He'd finally managed to decipher the code enough to see through shades and--this couldn't seriously be what Makoto walked around like all the time? ...could it?

And how in the world could his friends not see it?

"Yeah?" Makoto asked, the cracks between that smile so glaringly obvious. He wasn't smiling he was imitating, pulling on the act and hoping no one noticed!

"Did Sousuke tell you?" Rin asked in an excited voice.

Those lifeless, vacant eyes shifted to Sousuke. "Tell me what?"

That was a very good question. Sousuke glanced at Rin. He looked slightly peeved that what ever it was Sousuke was supposed to remember he clearly didn't.

Rin let out a frustrated sigh, "you're supposed to be my back up, no wonder running this team seems so hard," he grumbled and whined before looking to Makoto. "Sousuke is swimming in the relay!"

...oh. OH! Yeah well he'd fucked Makoto twice since that little late night show down in the pool so Sousuke wasn't actually surprised he didn't remember. He pulled on a cocky smile though to answer.

"It wasn't hard beating you once we were in the water." He shifted his eyes back to Makoto though, curious which mask the boy would pull on next.

Through the cracks there was a tinge of something real, before the vacancy was shifted back and Makoto pulled on the smiling mask, clearly a personal favorite. "That's really great Yamazaki-kun."

"Yeah," was all Sousuke could manage. He still wasn't sure why this relay stuff always mattered so much to everybody but for Rin he could at least give it a shot.

"So uh," Rin went on, he bit at his bottom lip before continuing. "I was kind of wondering, you know, what about you--and the relay maybe."

It made sense. Makoto left everybody else in his water tread when he used his backstroke to propel himself though the water. Though Sousuke was now thinking that was less attributable to 'love of the sport' and more to the fact he spent every second in the water anymore. It was actually a little frightening. Despite being told by everyone to cool his jets, Makoto still stayed a few hours past everyone else. Rin had mentioned that on weekends it was nonstop to the point of insanity. Rin would tell him to leave in the morning and by noon Makoto would be back, diving in with out abandon.

Makoto let that happy mask slip for all of half a second, and Sousuke jumped in with out thinking.

"I thought you were changing it up this year," he quickly spouted to Rin. "You know desire and heart and all that riding shot gun."

"Well yeah, that's why I'm asking!" Rin grumped to him. He looked back to Makoto again. "I mean if you don't want to do it, that's cool-- but you are looking like the fastest and it's your last year and everything so I wanted to offer it to you first." Rin needled his chop sticks into his food. "And ya know I just figured maybe it would, I don't know--help a bit. You know if we won and all."

Help with what?! What about some synchronized friendship swim was going to magically smack Makoto up side the head and out of his Prozac-popping funk?

Makoto's smile this time was genuine and sad, genuinely sad and that was about all that was genuine about it. "I," he looked down at his food, struggling with something, his brow furrowed. "Yeah," He finally settled on. "I think it might. I'd be glad to do the relay with you guys."

Next to him Rin breathed a sigh of relief.

Sousuke just looked on at Makoto in wonder. He didn't want to. He so clearly did not want to go, and he still fucking said yes! Why was he doing--he was he really going to put Rin first in this? It wasn't like they couldn't find a replacement.

"I don't think--" Sousuke growled.

"Oh lay off him, grumpy!" Rin said. "He's a good swimmer, just admit it." He smiled at Makoto before turning back to his food.

Makoto pulled on that ridiculously fake smile for Rin again before he turned to Sousuke.

All Sousuke wanted to say him was, 'I see you, you bastard, I fucking see you.' Makoto winced just slightly, marking that Sousuke's expression had probably relayed at least a bit of the message.

Hurriedly, Makoto shifted his eyes away, shoving a few more mouthfuls of food in. Was he even chewing or just swallowing so he would have at least a few calories to manage to swim on later?

Why did he never fight back here? Sousuke also wondered. From the verbal tussle they'd had the night before it was clear he knew about Sousuke, and Sousuke's gaze flecked to the oblivious red head next to them. Makoto had the ammunition. Even just an hour ago, he didn't let out a squeak when Sousuke took out his anger and pushed him on his knees. Hell, Makoto had jumped in, nuzzling up to Sousuke's dick in less than a minute.

"I'll see you guys at practice." Makoto said as he stood.

Sousuke jumped a little. He wanted to follow Makoto, but-- Sousuke wasn't his mom. He sent a look Makoto's way. He hoped he was going up to the dorm to change, maybe shower. He looked like hell. Not that Sousuke could blame him. He could have picked a better day to shove down Makoto's throat, he'd heard how restless Makoto had been all night.

But when Sousuke felt white hot with the anger like that-- burning it off wasn't so easy.

"Chow!" Rin intoned and waved.

Makoto waved back as he turned away to go dispense his tray.

"He didn't eat very much." Sousuke grumbled.

Rin gave him a long look for several seconds.

"What?" Sousuke growled.

"What's got your panties in a bind?" Rin asked. "I thought you two were getting along better. He wear your favorite Sailor Moon shirt or something?"

Sousuke just, "hmft'ed" at him as he tried to pay attention to his own food. He rolled his eyes. "He just seems off is all."

"Well why don't you have an intervention and see if you can get him to admit there's a problem." Rin said, and Sousuke was a bit shocked to hear it was--well nice and fried in a bitter attitude.

Sousuke turned back to his food. Maybe he would do just that--and shove it up Rin's ass the next time he saw him.

 

* * *

 

Makoto was surprised as he surfaced from the water, gasping for air and looking up to discover standing directly over him was Sousuke. Well there was no hiding from him in the pool anymore it seemed.

Makoto wiped the water from his face, reaching for the side to pull himself out.

"Don't bother." Sousuke said as he knelt down. He was dressed, wearing a hoodie over a plain dark teal shirt and board shorts. He must have removed his shoes while Makoto was occupied with the water as his bare feet slid into the water when he sat at the edge of the pool.

Sousuke extended a hand, holding it out to Makoto with his ever-present stony expression.

Makoto slid a hesitant hand into Sousuke's and with a yank he was pulled half way out of the water. He scrambled onto the side of the pool, to sit next to Sousuke. He removed his swim cap setting it with his goggles near the edge.

Sousuke just looked down at the water, not avoiding Makoto's face but not acknowledging it either.

Not sure, if he should break the silence or let it be, Makoto ran a hand through his wet hair, brushing it unprofitably away from his face.

"Do you want to keep doing this?" Sousuke suddenly asked.

Wide eyed, Makoto wasn't sure what he meant. Sitting there? Swimming? Avoiding Sousuke unless they were naked and grinding? Tearing his own insides out at every chance he got? Oh wait, it really didn't matter since he was still basically doing all of those things with out a second thought.

Sousuke looked at Makoto, making Makoto realize his dark shirt matched his bright eyes. That was nice at least.

"I mean the screwing each other thing." Sousuke said, probably in response to Makoto's lost expression.

In all honesty, Makoto hadn't thought there was much of an option. After it happened the first time, maybe, but after the second--he'd just figured there would be after that a next time and a next time and they'd use each other up till Makoto didn't have anything else to give to alleviate his hollowness. But now that Sousuke was asking--

"Yes." Makoto heard his own voice affirm. Feeling like he could just--not even 'be' was his only salvation.

Sousuke just nodded, "alright." He looked like he wanted to say more but instead he just glanced back at the water.

"We should probably set some ground rules then."

Confused, Makoto looked over, "like what?"

Sousuke gave an exasperated sigh. "Like if you tell Rin I'll make sure you drown in the shower."

Right, like those kinds of rules. Makoto pressed his lips together, nodding. Rin was clearly off limits all the way around.

Sousuke shook his head. "You don't tell him any of it, not the sex, not what we do before, not what we do after." He snorted, seeming to find his own statement a bit humorous. "You know it's probably just good if you only talk to him about swimming, and maybe homework."

Looking over at the sad way Sousuke spoke, Makoto gave his own smile. If Sousuke wanted to lighten the mood a bit Makoto wasn't going to stand in his way. "I'm not sure there is anything for me to talk about with Rin besides swimming. ...Sometimes he mentions the weather."

Sousuke let a smile peek at that. His teal eyes skirting back to Makoto.

The sad but humorous moment shared couldn't seem to last though as in the next moment Sousuke's smile was gone as he spoke.

"Anyone you don't want me to mention this to?"

No one really. But Makoto made to at least try to think about it. "None of my old friends." Or maybe his mother.

He was glad that Sousuke didn't give some crude comment, only nodded and affirmed. "Iwatobi's off limits, got it."

He sighed then, sitting back a little as he continued. "You're okay with the bondage?"

"Not duck tape again." Makoto tried.

Sousuke smiled at him, chuckling. "It was a bad idea. I wasn't thinking about pulling it off at the time." He looked over Makoto's hands. "But maybe if I found something else, you okay with that?"

Makoto was well aware of the blush on his cheeks as he looked away to the water. How was he supposed to answer that? It sounded so--dirty.

Feeling the heat radiating from Sousuke as he leaned closer. "I need you to answer. I don't know if you hate what I'm doing if you don't let me know."

Looking over, Makoto gave a small nod, still not looking up actually at Sousuke. "I'm okay with-with you tying me up." He mumbled most of the last half but at least he said it.

"And with teasing you?" Sousuke asked. He cocked his smile to the side as he went on. "Or maybe if I tried the gag again?"

This time, Makoto pressed his lips together as he looked at Sousuke, letting his expression speak for him.

Sousuke's smile just widened. "Alright, alright you're right I pushed that time on purpose." He dropped the smile though as he went on, "but really, I don't want you to do anything you don't want to." A finger slid forward, brushing against Makoto's wrist lightly. "I need to know what is off limits."

Makoto looked away again. He wasn't sure but, he just went with what he was thinking. "You've got to be kidding right?"

Sousuke cocked his head. "Not really." He withdrew himself, all vestiges of a 'light' conversation with Makoto gone in an instant. Well it wouldn't be a conversation with Sousuke if it all went smoothly,

Looking at him, Makoto wasn't sure what sick game he was playing at this time around for things. "I don't really care what you do to me."

The intensity in Sousuke's teal eyes was a bit frightening this time around. "I want you to care."

"I don't."

"You should."

"Well I still don't." Makoto laughed this time. He wanted to cry so he laughed instead. "I don't care if you use me as a punching bag or as--"Makoto looked away. "Or like that. I don't care."

It was quiet for a painful moment before Sousuke was pushing again. "I need you to care."

"Or what?" Makoto asked as he looked at the water.

Sousuke was blinking at him, but not in a vacant way, in the way that suggested he was processing, taking in Makoto to appropriately offer blackmail.

"You want to keep screwing?" He asked again.

Makoto sighed. He brought a hand up to his face rubbing at his eyes and forehead before tiredly answering. "Yeah." The relief of it was more than swimming, more than the oblivion of homework. It only lasted a few hours at a time but it was a blissful few hours that felt like he was just--nothing. "I want to." Makoto said under his breath.

"Good." Souske voice was level this time. "Then you'll care."

Makoto's looked at him exasperated. He'd just told him!

Sousuke tipped his head in response. "I feel like I'm raping you, It doesn't seem to matter if you're hard or you come I still think that. But you never say anything before and you never say anything after and we're heating up fast. And I know I'm being used for something, so at least give me the dignity of full disclosure on consent."

"I've never said no--" Makoto started.

"And until now you've never said yes either." Sousuke interrupted. "Now I need to know all the things you're saying 'yes' to so I'm absolutely sure I don't trail into 'no' territory because you 'don't care.'" Sousuke huffed looking away to the windows. "Or at least up until you do, and I have to deal with the fact I've hurt you."

Makoto looked down. "Fine."

He could kind of see where Sousuke was coming from now a bit. If Sousuke hurt him it would be on his hands, for the rest of his life. Makoto wasn't sure he had it in him to hurt someone else and certainly not like that.

"Now for real this time, the bondage?" Sousuke affirmed. "I'll find something less--agitating to take off."

Makoto nodded.

"And the gag was okay?" Sousuke prompted.

Giving a simple but firm nod Makoto still didn't look at Sousuke.

"Okay." Sousuke let out a long breath. "Now what's off limits?"

This was a lot harder to talk about than to just--doing. No body had really made him talk about it, then again no one had ever been as demanding as Sousuke about anything. He was assertive and headstrong in a way Makoto had never been accustom to.

"Well?" Sousuke prompted.

Like now. Sousuke was being pretty demanding right now.

Makoto felt the heat rise to his cheeks. Was there anything he wasn't okay with? So far he'd just let Sousuke do what ever he wanted. That was the point! If Sousuke took control then Makoto could finally have a few moments he wasn't white knuckling his way through his life. But was there anything that made him uncomfortable? A lot of things Sousuke did made Makoto uncomfortable. Like talking about it... But was that really bad? Makoto did have to admit he was the one that was pretty quiet about what they were doing. Sousuke just wanted limits.

"Tachibana," Sousuke was growling this time.

"I'm thinking," Makoto assured he wasn't tuning Sousuke out in a calm voice.

Sousuke backed off immediately. "Oh." He breathed. His expression changed a bit, looking away a bit awkwardly. "Uh, it's okay, just take your time."

Makoto's frowned. It was things like that working to confuse him about their relationship. Sousuke pushed and pushed and did what ever the hell he wanted all the way up until Makoto gave him an inch and he pulled back, messing up their relationships with things that were just--intimate. Things you didn't do with someone you hated.

He ran a hand through his hair. What didn't he want Sousuke doing to him? Everything he'd done so far had been--well it had pushed Makoto but not like he had gotten scared or really uncomfortable. Sousuke exuded with alpha male, and controlling their-uh, play had been kind of expected.

"Marks." Makoto settled on.

Sousuke perked up next to him, leaning back on his hand, he leaned closer to Makoto, looking like he was all ears.

"I don't want you to leave marks." Makoto had plenty of those all over his insides, he didn't need more to explain on his outsides.

"I've kind of already," Sousuke started, his eyes drifted to Makoto's neck and shoulders.

Makoto brushed that off, shacking his head. "Those are easy to hide." He shifted uncomfortably. "I mean like lasting ones. Ones I can't just blame on a girl friend or what ever."

At first Sousuke's face shifted into surprise. "You mean like breaking skin kind of marks?"

Biting his lip, Makoto gave a confirmation nod.

That's when Sousuke's face shifted back to hard, eyes narrow as his brow lowered. "I'd never do that to you." He looked away, growling under his voice. "I promised I wouldn't hurt you." His teal eyes shifted to Makoto. "What else?"

Was there anything more? Makoto shook his head, not sure what else they could really manage to do.

Sousuke sighed and closed his eyes for half a second. "Exhibitionism?"

Makoto shot back, shaking his head no immediately. "Uh uh."

Chuckling, Sousuke let Makoto see his amused smile again. "Thought not." He powered onward though. "We will start easier. Penetration?"

He was so frank about it, Makoto could barely bring himself to meet Sousuke's eyes. "Uhm uh I-I'm fine with that." Sousuke had already threatened it plenty of times to know that.

"And if I use toys?" Sousuke pushed right on ahead.

"Toys?" Makoto's brow furrowed.

Sousuke's brow lifted, "like an anal plug."

Oh. That kind of toys. Makoto's blush was back in full force. "Uh..."

Another amused smile. Right, Sousuke liked watching Makoto squirm, need to remember that more often. "We'll figure it out along the way with that one." He wasn't done yet though as he went right on asking, "blindfold?"

Couldn't move and couldn't see? The idea blossomed in Makoto's head. It'd be almost like swimming, he wouldn't have to think about anything at all. "Yes." He answered very clearly. He shifted though, finally looking at Sousuke for the first time in a while. "Is there anything--I mean that you don't want to..."

Sousuke didn't need him to finish. He traced along Makoto's shoulder, at some point shifting again into that strange mode where he actually seemed like he might almost like Makoto. He leaned forward pressing his lips to the peak of Makoto's shoulder. It was short but a blush was rushing to Makoto's face for an entirely different reason now.

"I don't like blood." Sousuke answered quite candidly. "I don't like hurting. If you're looking to work out what ever the hell you keep moping about with a whip or a cane or what ever, I won't be the one to do it." He kissed Makoto's shoulder again. "I'll hold you down all you want, but I won't inflict real pain." He turned away, retreating from his close proximity too Makoto. "There's enough pain out there for the both of us already."

It was surprising how honest his response was and Maktot found himself falling prey to the small understanding between them, leaning in--

"I like being in control." That wasn't even surprising. Sousuke let a small smile slip. "I like to tell you what to do and I like when you do it."

Makoto swallowed. Nodding was all he could manage again. Was it okay that he kind of liked letting Sousuke be the one in control? He hadn't really thought about it like that, he'd just--it was relieving to have something to fall against, let someone else deal with everything and just forget everything.

"I'd like to try role playing with you though."

In an instant the tender moment was over and Makoto was beet red. Sousuke of course just looked at him with that amused smile, watching every shade his skin transitioned through in the process.

Shifting his gaze nervously Makoto wanted to make sure, "you mean like, teacher and student? Or cop and prisoner?"

In answer, Sousuke just leaned in close again, his hand rubbing across Makoto's chest and lower to his abdomen. "Exactly Mr. Tachibana, now, what are we ever going to do about all those parking tickets?"

Makoto chuckled, mostly because he was amazingly nervous all of a sudden but half because, "parking tickets?"

Makoto had to admit he should have seen that one coming. Sousuke had liked watching Makoto squirm from the first time. It should have been expected he would think it would be hot to tell Makoto how 'very bad' he'd been before exacting authority over him to get a punishment, which mostly involved watching Makoto squirm some more.

Sousuke raised his brow as he shifted enough to look Makoto in the eye. "Oh? Are you confessing to more Mr. Tachibana?" He promptly nuzzled his way in under Makoto's ear. "I didn't know you had it in you."

Laughing again was all Makoto could manage, but an arm slid back resting across the Sousuke's lower back. Maybe getting comfortable with Sousuke wouldn't be bad at all... Maybe Makoto could make this work...

"Yamazaki-kun..." Makoto said quietly.

"Excuse me?" Sousuke's hard glare was back as he turned and pinned Makoto with his hard expression. "Is that how you refer to law enforcement?"

Maybe this could be fun... "Officer Yamazaki," Makoto corrected too embarrassed to look up.

"Hmmmnnn," Sousuke hummed, "Officer Sousuke?" He asked with another smile, it was less amused more--content? Hoping?

Makoto managed to look up. "Sou-" his mouth tested out the name.

But he never got to finish as startling both of then there was the scrape of the door leading into the pool.

Sousuke was the one to act first, grabbing Makoto's swim cap and goggles, passing them off to him before he unceremoniously shoved Makoto back into the water.

When Makoto managed to surface again, tossing his head to get his hair off his face. He looked up to see Sousuke's staring at him nonchalantly as he spoke.

"Your turn around times are still holding you back. You need to push off of the wall sooner. That second you hesitate is going to give your opponent a second to catch up."

Behind Sousuke, Rin approached, hands in a hoodie jacket, wearing a plain tee underneath and track pants. he peered down at them both.

He signed exasperated. "The last thing I need is you encouraging him, Sousuke." Rin whined his eyes glancing at Makoto treading water and then back to Sousuke. "He already over practices! Don't make it worse."

Sousuke shrugged. "He's embedding bad habits with out a second of some kind." Sousuke turned then to better face Rin. "What are you doing down here?"

Rin just sighed again. "Trying to find you. Your dorm room was empty," he gestured to the two in the water. "Now I know why."

Makoto drifted towards the edge where he pulled himself up enough to rest his arms over the cement ledge. Makoto noticed that though he was trying to look at ease, Rin had a bit of--he looked a twinge annoyed, though Makoto couldn't understand why. Maybe it was all of the swim time he had been putting in. If Makoto did end up getting hurt it would be under Rin's leadership so could be looked at as Rin's fault, or at least partially.

Pushing up onto the ledge, Makoto stood, dripping water on mostly Sousuke. "Rin's probably right." He looked down at Sousuke. "I have been pushing pretty hard lately."

Sousuke hummed an agreement, standing as well. He tossed a towel into Makoto's face before speaking. "Go get dressed,"

Makoto ducked under the towel, managing it from Sousuke's grasp, using it to dry off his hair as his wet feet slapped on the tile on his way to the locker room.

 

* * *

 

"You've got quite a change of tune since lunch today." Rin commented as Makoto entered the locker room.

Sousuke shrugged. "I tried your idea. The intervention went smoothly, I've got him on a 12 step plan."

Rin rolled his eyes. It was a second before he commented again. "You kind of hang out with him a lot."

"He needs a lot of work." Sousuke gave the comment off handedly. "Like I said, if I'm not around he'll just keep producing bad habits."

"Not everyone is shooting for the stars." This time the comment was a bit more digging.

Sousuke looked over this time, making sure his eyes were glaring into Rin. "You've still got a goal for the moon and back.. Right?"

He saw it, that flash of half a doubt before Rin smiled at him. "’Course. Sheesh. Lay off a little. You're a bit of a drill Sargent at times."

Sousuke just hummed, looking over at his best friend. He could see it, Nanase's pathetic philosophy of water and balance and all that stupid shit clouding up Rin's thoughts. They weren't spending all that much to time together, but Sousuke had no doubt every weekend he went home Rin and the fish fryer spent plenty of time harmonizing.

Makoto walked out of the locker room and Sousuke couldn't help but notice the contrast of the boys in the room.

Rin had enough natural talent going all the way to the top wouldn't take half as much work as it would for Makoto. If he spent as much effort on his dreams as Makoto he'd take nationals with out a bat of an eye. A sun so freaking bright he could shadow everything else near him. Rin would have so much opportunity falling at his feet. All he'd have to do was pick a direction and he'd soar ahead of them all.

Then there was Makoto, dreamless and though he had the build for swimming, the power in his shoulders to make him good at backstroke he wasn't all that talented. He was only making leaps and bounds because he spent every free second in the water. But he was still--directionless. He couldn't even seem to come up with a vision of his future himself. He was dim, not a blaze of light leaking from him, not much glimmering of hope. Those hours spent in the pool were perplexing Sousuke, but it was becoming clear it sure wasn't so Makoto could leave the competition in the dust.

And coming in last was Sousuke. He let a sad smile show. He'd already reached his peak and burned out from it. He'd streaked across the sky in glory and was already on the descent. Who even knew where he'd end up.

"Come on Rin," he bumped Rin's shoulder as he turned to the doors, "come hang out with us for a while."

Maybe if Rin rubbed off on Makoto he could get him to at least realize his own existence. Or maybe Sousuke could could feel what it was like be on fire again for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: [lovelilylion.tumblr.com](http://lovelilylion.tumblr.com/)
> 
> See you next swim time! Stay cool, don't sniff pixie sticks--it hurts... Totally not from personal experience.


	7. Part 1, Chapter 7

Sousuke sighed. Nitori's drive was--enthusiastic--but this was all starting to get on his nerves. Walking into the locker room well after practice, Sousuke pressed his lips into a thin line at the sight of Nitori there in the locker rooms, slumped over his knees, sitting on one of the benches. And....he was crying. Right. Now what was Sousuke supposed to do? The kids times weren't getting any better and prefecturals were next week. There wasn't any magic that Sousuke could work to make that better.

There was the slap of feet on tile behind him, startling both Sousuke and Nitori to both look up. Makoto stared up through that cinnamon hair. He locked eyes with Sousuke, and then looked past him to Nitori.

The boy let out a hiccuped whine before he quickly stood starting to stammer off apologies.

Makoto looked to Sousuke, who just shrugged. What the hell was he supposed to do about this?

Not saying a word, Makoto gave one of those fond smiles to Sousuke that weren't exactly often before he slid past him to Nitori.

"Makoto-senpai--" Nitori stammered off.

"Nitori-kun." Makoto said as he leaned down and sat on the bench. "Is something wrong?" He asked as he ducked his head to try and look Nitori in the eye.

Sousuke furrowed his brow as he watched, a bit unsure.

"It's--it's nothing." Nitori said looking down at his shoes.

Makoto just gave a slow nod. He watched for a moment before reaching behind him, he leaned a hand against the bottom lockers and reached up to snag a Gatorade from his locker. He offered it out to Nitori after breaking the seal.

"Here," he said as he gave a smile. "You've been practicing a lot, you should stay hydrated."

That fucking legitimate angel! Sousuke shifted, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back against the door frame.

Nitori hesitated before taking the electric blue Gatorade. "Th-thank you, Makoto-senpai." He mumbled before tipping the bottle to take a drink.

All week, Sousuke had realized just how fake Makoto's face was. He forced smiles at every turn, the mask of, "happy go lucky Makoto" was so full of bull shit Sousuke wasn't sure how everyone else couldn't tell. Even his most neutral of face was controlled into a blank vacant stare. Nothing about him was real until Sousuke started pulling off his cloths. Though he couldn't say he'd gotten much of a real smile yet.

And yet... This time it wasn't a cultured and primed face that he gave Nitori. He wasn't sincerely happy, but he was sincere as he smiled at Nitori again.

Makoto let out a chuckle. "You've almost been practicing as much as I have." He leaned his elbows down onto his knees. "You've got a lot of heart."

Nitori just looked down at the Gatorade before sliding off the lockers between him and sitting next to Makoto. "I'm - I'm not making the progress that you are though."

That was an understatement. Sousuke kept that to himself though as he watched. Makoto's times were exploding. Half the time he spent in the water now usually ended up with Sousuke--well he wasn't coaching. He was giving him a few pointers. There was always things that only someone outside the pool could see was going on. It would be more surprising for Sousuke if Makoto didn't qualify.

Makoto watched Nitori as he smiled that oddly sincere some again and spoke quietly. "You know-- that's not all me though." He glanced at Sousuke. "It's my third year, I've got a lot of support helping me through it." He laughed. "You were there last year. I wasn't all that fast even just a few months ago."

Nitori didn't look all that comforted. He looked down at the Gatorade between his legs. "Yeah, I guess."

Makoto looked at him, before bumping his shoulder. "And I can clearly see you really love to swim. It'll all click together soon."

Nitori nodded, unconvinced.

"Rin has noticed too you know." Makoto went on. "There is a reason he changed the rules for the relay this year."

Nitori looked up at Makoto at least this time.

"If Rin thinks that passion matters that much," Makoto smiled. "I'd say it's worth quite a lot."

It was slow coming but Nitori smiled, the back of his hand wiping away the last of his tears. "I guess you're right."

Humming, Makoto he tugged at the Samezuka jacket on Nitori's shoulders. "And you've got a great team backing you, Nitori-kun. I've no doubt you'll be improving a lot this year."

The smile was easier and quicker this time as Nitori nodded.

Makoto stood, stepping over the bench to his locker, toweling off his hair. "You'll do great. Passion can be incredible when you apply it."

Nitori gave Makoto another small smile as he stood. He bowed, as he called. "Thank you Makoto-senpai."

Makoto just smiled back, ducking his head at Nitori before turning back to his locker to pull out his boxer briefs and a shirt.

As Nitori skittered out of the locker room, he kept his distance around Sousuke, ducking out of the way. Sousuke almost barked at him on the way just for fun. But instead he let his arms lax at his sides, turning to Makoto getting dressed.

It was a tad bit surprising. Sousuke had thought with daylight hours still out Makoto would be staying to practice a few more hours. At least that's what he usually did.

But Makoto didn't even seem to be acknowledging that Sousuke was there. He dressed with a brisk business like attitude it seemed, his eyes avoiding Sousuke as he pulled on trousers before pushing his swimsuit into his swim bag.

Sousuke went to his own locker a few feet from Makoto's. He pulled on a shirt, watching the boy next to him. He looked away as he ducked his head into the shirt.

"Are you going back to the room?" Makoto abruptly asked. He was sitting on the bench behind them. He wasn't looking at Sousuke, but he wasn't looking at anything else in particular. He'd closed his locker, his bag next to him on the bench.

"Yeah." Sousuke answered short as he glanced back behind him. He pulled on boxer briefs before a pair of sweatpants over.

"You know," Sousuke started, not quite sure how to go about it. "That was--" he couldn't quite bring himself to look behind him, but he knew Makoto had looked up at him. "I'm glad you can talk to him like that." Exactly, so Sousuke didn't have to deal with it. Not like it was one of the sweetest things he'd ever come across or anything.

Makoto chuckled behind him. "Well a pep talk from you might have broken Nitori in half."

Sousuke did glance behind him this time as he pulled his own bag from his locker dropping his swimsuit in.

Again, the mask of--almost total apathy was pulled on over Makoto's expression. What little that moment of sincerity had afforded him, was gone as he pulled the strap on his bag over his shoulder and stood.

Sousuke slipped into his shoes and grabbed his jacket, pulling it on before lifting his bag over his shoulder.

As they walked up to the room, Sousuke didn't say anything for a long while. It wasn't until they were almost to the room that he looked over at Makoto.

"Do you love swimming, Tachibana?"

Makoto looked up a little startled. They'd come to their room, and Makoto had been the one to reach into his pocket and dig for a key. He used the seconds distraction to look away first, just giving a simple, "uh...."

As he got the door open, he let Sousuke in after him before giving a quiet. "I'm--not like I used to."

Sousuke hummed, putting away his stuff as he entered the room. "That was certainly a lot of big talk then about heart and passion."

Makoto shrugged as he dropped his own things next to his desk. "I believe it. I mean I really do think passion can make a big difference. Rin isn't wrong in wanting to promote it among our team."

"But you can't say you love swimming." Makoto jumped as Sousuke surprised him, coming up behind him, probably a bit too close as he spoken.

Nervously wiggling around to face Sousuke, backing up to lean against the desk he gave an unsure frown. "I like swimming." His eyes shifted to his hands. "I don't know, I just--I used to swim for my friends and my team, and I wanted to win and I wanted at least a shot at competitive swimming, and now--” he shrugged. "I guess I just like swimming." His voice got quieter, eyes still not lifting to look at Sousuke. "I like that it's mind numbing. I can't really think about anything else if I'm in the water. I have to make sure I keep breathing, keep pace, concentrating and it just kind of clicks into this mode where--I stop thinking about everything and I just am swimming."

"Mind numbing? That's what keeps you in the pool for six hours a day?" Sousuke just wanted to be sure he was hearing it right.

Makoto just gave him one of those fake, 'I'm silly but happy' smiles as he pushed off the desk brushing past Sousuke as he continued around to the front so he could retrieve his laptop from his front drawer. "I guess maybe, yeah."

Sousuke found himself wanting to wind an arm around Makoto's middle--like in a hug... Maybe. Instead he just pocketed his hands, letting the subject drop as Makoto started the climb up to his bed. He opened his mouth about to offer that they could both do homework on Sousuke's bed, but it was probably for the better he just shut his mouth.

Makoto gave him one last desperately sad smile before he opened his laptop, pulling on his reading glasses. Sousuke signed as he went to his own desk to start digging out his homework.

 

* * *

 

Sousuke came to a halt just inside the dorm's court yard. He smiled as Rin slid in next to him, huffing and bending to put his hands on his knees. Somehow the Saturday morning jog had turned into an all out race between Rin and him in the last lap back to the dorms. Not that it was a bad thing, it was Sousuke's favorite part about his relationship with Rin.

"Ughhh," Rin whined next to him. "I should stop saying yes to these."

Sousuke gasped out a laugh, "not my fault you never learn."

Rin looked at him, giving him one of those absolutely beautiful smiles. Sousuke couldn't help but smile back. He'd made the right decision staying at Samezuka that weekend.

Sousuke sat down on one of the steps, to be joined by Rin a minute or so later. When they had managed to regain their breath, Sousuke realized he'd been staring at Rin for far too long and oddly enough Rin had been looking back. Looking away, Sousuke scratched at the side of his face.

He'd been so occupied with Makoto every few minutes, doing something else stupid or--getting on his fucking knees for Sousuke, that Rin had almost been a side note. Then the second they had a few moments to be best friends again--Sousuke could feel the fire in him breathe to life again. His eyes moved back to Rin. Letting his head rest back, his long pale perfect neck was stretched back, his silky hair a bit sweaty but very attractive the way it fell away from his face.

Sousuke looked back away.

"According to Nitori," Rin said, tipping his head just enough one of those beautiful red eyes could look at Sousuke. "You saw Makoto work his magic the other day."

"Yup," Sousuke said not thinking as he watched a drop of sweat roll down over Rin's neck and over his shoulder. Just one minute--Nitori could have no idea how fucking awesome Makoto was at a blowjob--"wait, which magic?" Sousuke furrowed his brow as he looked up at Rin's face again.

"The fact he's the best person in the universe." Rin clarified.

Oh right, that. Sousuke looked away. "Yeah. He's kind of a legit angel."

It took Rin a second but then he asked, "what were you thinking of?"

Makoto on his knees, mouth open and tongue out as Sousuke slid the top of his dick into that wet warmth, saliva dripping from Makoto's chin and those lush green eyes hooded, but still looking up at Sousuke. "Nothing, roommate thing." Sousuke mumbled.

Rin laughed next to him, looking down at his shoes. "He's always been like that." He took a deep breath. "It really surprised me when he came here."

Sousuke's head shot up. "Huh?"

"Well, it's not like Makoto usually does things for himself like that." Rin said with a shrug. Then said the real thing he'd been thinking. "Especially since he left Haru to do it. It was--the only selfish thing I've ever seen him do and--at least when it comes to me and Haru, the most selfless thing I think I've ever seen him do."

At this point, Sousuke wasn't sure if he was all ears or if he wanted to duck tape Rin's mouth shut.

When the hell had he started to--when had Makoto become so fucking interesting to him. Because important was the wrong word. Such a stupid fucking wrong word. And yet then there was all the things he had going on In his head every time he looked at Rin or got one of those great smiles... Makoto's smile had been nice. That real one, the one he'd let Nitori have. Sousuke couldn't really say he didn't kind of want one, to keep for himself.

"You know," Rin said, still looking at his shoes. "I'm really glad you're here too."

Sousuke smiled, nodding. Course. He was Rin's fucking best friend,

Rin was quiet for a few more seconds, Then the second bomb dropped. "I think I love him."

"Makoto?" Sousuke didn't say that like he was ready to fight! No, definitely not! Sousuke face shot to look at Rin.

"What?" Rin spouted clearly almost chocking on his own words. "No!"

"Good." Sousuke felt his eyes narrow.

"What?" Rin shot back.

"Nothing." Sousuke quickly brushed it all under the rug, of 'elephant hiding under a sheet in the room, but we're not going to talk about it.' Why did he do that? It wasn't like.. He didn't care... It was just Makoto --that fucking legit angel Makoto!

Sousuke wanted to burry his face in his hands. But that would have been admitting defeat so he just looked straight ahead, taking a drink from his water bottle. Totally not looking guilty.

Rin laughed then, that amazing sound bringing Sousuke back. The sun hit Rin's eyes just right and as Sousuke turned back to him he couldn't help but smile as ruby red eyes lit up. And god damn Sousuke was having one fucking off day as he was lost in half a second. Rin was always just so--bright. Everything about him was like running into the sun and it made Sousuke want nothing more than to lean in...

"--Haru" Rin had also been talking, while making Sousuke think he was the eighth world wonder. A flaming, beautiful, blazing wonder...

"Sorry?" Sousuke said finally shaking it off to look at his best friend.

Rin just laughed again. "You really don't like him, do you?" Rin leaned back on his side, looking distant and dreamy and then said. "I really think I do love Haru though."

Sousuke was pretty sure his heart stopped. No. That wasn't the right description. It felt like it had just froze over. His breath left him for a second as his insides turned to ice and snow. He knew it wouldn't last long, just that brief moment before it would flow into a burning wrath he couldn't control very well.

But until then he'd have to clamp a hand down on the ice and pull on a smile. Which is exactly what he fucking did!

Sousuke pulled on the best possible smile he could, chuckling. "Dolphin boy does have a nice ass." And nothing else. Not a drop of anything else to offer Rin.

Rin was the fucking sun. And even if Sousuke could feel as he himself was burning out, he'd be damned if he let anything dim Rin's beautiful flame.

Rin laughed, leaning farther back, laying across the sidewalk, his arms under his head as he looked up at the sky. "I just told you I think I'm in love for the first time and all you have to say is , he's got a nice ass?"

Flashing a smile, Sousuek wasn't sure he could bare to do more than glance back at Rin, looking firmly ahead. "Priorities," Sousuke said as he took another drink from his water bottle.

That chuckle was--what Soueuke didn't want to hear. He looked down at his shoes. He concentrated on breathing.

"I'm not sure what we are gonna do, you know in the future with college and all that, but..." Rin smiled looking so blissfully happy. "I can't wait for it! He's so great. He just doesn't know it and I know we can make it work out...."

His eyes glazed over while he spoke of Haru. It was like he was seeing a dream. Sousuke could relate. He felt like he was looking at light in its purest form every time he glanced Rin's way. And the way Rin was lit up now, like he was so fucking high and he was never going to come down. He was so bright, so happy as effortless smile after effortless smile came to his lips as he talked about Haru.

But wasn't that what people in love were supposed to look like? Isn't that what the feeling of finding someone so perfect, finding a soul so breathlessly beautiful was supposed to feel like? Wasn't it supposed to feel like a rush and like time had stopped all at the same time? Wasn't it supposed to be bright colors and soft kisses and tender whisperings?

Sousuke trained his eyes on the cement. If that was what it was supposed to feel like, then why didn't it feel like that for Sousuke? Why did he feel like Rin had his hand around Sousuke neck and every time he opened his mouth Sousuke wasn't sure if he was going to breathe new life into him, or spit needles at him? Why did he feel like the way he looked at Rin was like carrying a cement block on his shoulders? On his pathetic, broken shoulders...

In a breathless rush, Makoto's words came back to mind, from the night they'd fought. "...clinging to someone so tightly he was pulling them under the current with him..." Right. A sinking horrible feeling like that.

"I better get back up to the dorm room," Sousuke suddenly heard himself say.

He must have interrupted Rin because those ruby red eyes looked startled as they turned to Sousuke. "Huh?" Rin sat up.

Sousuke was already standing, his limbs felt stiff and heavy, but he wasn't sure how much more he could get through and not--he couldn't destroy this for Rin. Sousuke, he almost choked on his own thoughts, his hand even coming up to his throat. He hated that stupid little black-headed twink! But he loved Rin too much to destroy this for him.

So he was just gonna have to work it out.

"I thought we were hanging out today?" Rin said. He frowned. It was a bit expected. With the swim team and school and everything, they hadn't had all that much time to focus on being best friends in the same school for the first time in years.

Sousuke managed to pull on a smile. "We are going to!" He wasn't giving up an entire day with Rin for anything. "But come on," Sousuke pulled his sweat-soaked shirt away from his neck, looking down at it with a sour face.

Rin chuckled. "Yeah I guess you're right. We should have jogged later tonight like usual."

Sousuke just hummed. Tossing his water bottle at Rin before he started off. "I'll text you when I'm out of the shower."

Or at least after he'd worked a few things out. He needed something to get him through the day and he had a very good idea what would work best...

 

* * *

 

Okay ambushing him right after a shower hadn't been Sousuke's most brilliant ideas, but hey he was already naked!

Sousuke wrapped a hand around the back of Makoto's head, pulling him into a kiss as he cornered him against the desk. His skin was still wet from the shower, his hair dripping as Sousuke slid his fingers through it. It was amazing how every time they did this Sousuke found himself more and more attracted to Makoto.

After recovering from the shock it took a second but Makoto raised his own hands, one resting at Sousuke's side, against his hip bone and the other coming up to Sousuke's neck.

"Nehh!" Makoto let out against Sousuke's lips. Clearly a bit surprised it didn't stop Makoto from kissing back.

Sousuke could just leave it at that though as he started to roll Makoto's bottom lip between his teeth, tugging playfully with a growl. He had planned on just a quirky, slamming Makoto over the desk and nailing his ass across the top, but now that he had Makoto's taste back in his mouth--Rin could chill on his own for an hour or so...

Sousuke let Makoto have his lip back, with a look and a preditorial smile against the boys already flushed lips.

Makoto didn't pull back, speaking into Sousuke's mouth. "I thought you were gone." He sucked in a breath. "When I got up and you weren't here. I figured you went home."

"Nope," was all Sousuke said before lurching forward to bite his way back into the kiss.

"You're sweaty..." Makoto said quietly as Sousuke broke the kiss to start trailing down his neck.

"Mmmmm," Sousuke hummed as he found an ear. "I was running with Rin," he tugged at the ear lobe at the same times shifting back to the bed.

Makoto nodded and followed back to the bed. As was per usual he let Sousuke push him face down. Sousuke also pulled the towel away, presenting him with Makoto's wonderfully smooth bare ass. He could feel his insides heating up, it was finally hitting him. Rin was in fucking love and there was nothing Sousuke could do about it. His jaw clenched as his expression twisted wrathful.

He let his hands run through Makoto's hair. He looked a bit too comfortable, his eyes hooded and head resting forward on the bar across the side of the bed. Sousuke crawled up the bed, before yanking Makoto's head back. He just held him there as Sousuke dipped his head and tasted Makoto's neck and shoulders again.

"Hands to the bar." He whispered in Makoto's ear.

With a short nod, Makoto extended his hands, both grabbing at the bar in front of him. Sousuke slid off of him and went to the closet, digging around before he found a belt. He tugged Makoto's hands closer together, wrists touching before he looped the belt around them then around the bar, fastening the two together before flicking the clasp on the belts end.

"Can you move them?" Sousuke asked as he removed his shoes, pulling off his socks as well.

Makoto tested his binding out, tugging at them. He flexed his fingers trying to wiggle out, but in the end they stayed put. "Not much. I could probably slide them along the bar, but they're not coming off."

"Good," Sousuke said as he stripped his sweaty sleeveless shirt off and wiggled out of his track shorts.

He climbed back on the bed and this time he had absolutely no desire to tease much. He seated himself back on Makoto's legs and squirted lube in his palm, slicking up a few fingers before reaching up to Makoto's ass.

Makoto jumped at the cold touch, looking back, and clearly a bit confused. Sousuke crawled back over him. But his hand stayed at Makoto's ass, he rubbed against the puckering hole before pushing the two fingers in.

Makoto shivered underneath him. His forehead rested on the sheets, up on his elbows still, making his shoulder blades hunch over him.

Sousuke bent down, kissing at Makoto's nape, running his teeth over the peak of his spine. He leaned forward just enough to speak at Makoto's ear. "Different rules this time around."

He worked his fingers in particularly fast, digging in and up against Makoto's prostate. He was still beautifully sensitive, gasping and his back arching into Sousuke, writhing with the action. His head lifted just slightly and Sousuke saw those lush green eyes as they glazed over. It took so little to make Makoto start moving into him and grinding did seem to be their favorite way to fit together--well so far.

"I'm going to fuck you." Sousuke went on. "Except now I want to hear every little whimper and whine from you." He nuzzled up against the back of Makoto's neck.

"Uh," Makoto let out, his eyes opening as he tried to breath evenly.

Sousuke made sure his hand made that harder, curling and fucking and teasing at Makoto's insides. "Yeah?" Sousuke asked punctuating it with another thrust in.

"Nhhnnn," Makoto bit out, just barely getting the sound out, he closed his eyes, swallowed and then tried to speak again. "It's not even noon, on a Saturday."

"Yup." Sousuke smiling, kissing Makoto's nape again. "Bit too early for your indulgence?"

Makoto shifted under him, laughing. "No it's--there are still a lot of people in their rooms."

Sousuke leaned in again this time right against his ear. "I want to hear how much you really like what I do," he pulled his fingers from Makoto's ass smoothly, running them slick up to his tailbone and tracing against it. "Or I make you suffer."

Those green eye's were still a bit unfocused as Makoto licked his lips. "I don't--" he took a deep breath, Letting his head drop back between his arms.

Sousuke shifted away. Was this--maybe Sousuke was pushing too far. He slid up on to an elbow, "hey," he started.

He was unfortunately startled as Makoto looked up and kissed him, leaning over almost to his side to manage it. Sousuke let a growl hum through the kiss as he bit back into those ripe red lips.

"Alright," Sousuke hummed next to Makoto's lips. He slid back against Makoto, this time letting his dick slide up against Makoto's ass. He leaned up, feeling the rush of arousal, exactly what he wanted. It was shaking through his limbs and making things so much easier to deal with.

He smeared another gooey gob of lubricant at Makoto's entrance before he returned his fingers. He pushed two in, thrusting shallowly.

The first real sound from Makoto slipped out then, a gasping whimper. Sousuke reached around and under him, stroking at his cock.

And in the next second they were moving together, Makoto rocked back into Sousuke's hand and Sousuke leaned forward over Makoto. It was a bit disjointed Makoto rocking just a bit out of time as Sousuke added a third finger, doing less to make him moan and stretching him.

Makoto still gasped as he moved and Sousuke felt--he wasn't even sure, like he was so present in the moment and so not even there. He let his eyes hood as he rest his forehead against Makoto's shoulder and moved with him.

It was slow at first as Sousuke removed his hands and slide forward, he kissed at Makoto's shoulder, whispering something--he wasn't even sure what, but Makoto's own eyes were closed and he was whining, shifting his shoulders and turning his head to nuzzle into Sousuke's hair. They both gasped audibly as Sousuke finally slid in. The breathless whine Makoto let out was intoxicating as Sousuke slowly rocked forward, pressing in a bit more every forward thrust.

Then when it all clicked together they must have both felt it. Sousuke's hands wandered, and Makoto's eyes closed, his breathing becoming ragged and they moved. It wasn't frantic just effortless, sliding together. Sousuke realized one of his hands was up at Makoto's neck, not caging him, just tracing along his throat, directing his head back so Sousuke could lean forward and claim his mouth in a brief kiss.

Sousuke wasn't sure he'd even wanted this till it was happening, they moved and ground into each other, pulling at each other to be closer, nuzzling at each other and whining and cooing into each other's skin. It was like a haze was slipping through Sousuke and it felt amazing, like the world was fuzzing away and in return he was finally on the same perfect wave length as another person.

Makoto let out a bit of a louder cry, tugging at his hands so hard it shook the bed and Sousuke let out his own growl, slamming back into Makoto. It was exhilarating both of their chests heaving as Sousuke clawed at the sheets and pulled his arms around Makoto.

"I said I want to hear you," Sousuke choked out as he started to really slam into Makoto, jolting the frame of the bed every time.

Makoto's green eyes were so clear and so deep as he blankly stared ahead, nodding as he let a whining moan dribble from his open mouth.

He got his wish as Makoto dipped his head, "uhhhhhnnnn ahhhhh!" He let out as Sousuke pound into him.

Sousuke's hands kept moving over Makoto, at one point Sousuke was pretty sure he was pumping Makoto off and then the next he'd realize his was threading one hand through Makots hair and then another a hand was extended out. He looked up at this, seeing his hand smooth over Makoto's bound ones, his fingers threaded through Makoto's and startled green eyes looked up at their locked hands as well.

Then it was hitting through Sousuke, so fucking unexpected he let out a strangled cry, "nnnauuuhhh!" His senses dimmed and then exploded, white exploding behind his waking eyes and he clutched as tight as he could to the boy underneath him.

 

* * *

 

"You're really different when you're mad at me versus when you're mad at--him." Makoto said from the bed. He was still laying back, his eyes closed and hair a mess. The sheet was over his waist, but legs haphazard and arms facing out, naturally fallen away from him.

"What?" Sousuke said sitting at the edge of the bed. He was just recovering, having pulled on his boxer briefs. he was getting ready to find a shirt and pants to shower. Glancing down at the sheets it would probably be better if he washed those too.

Then again his head still buzzed with what had just happened between them. He hadn't--that hadn't been planned. He thought he was frustrated. Sousuke thought he came up here to make Makoto beg at his feet, to feel a bit more in control of his life and it would all be good they could move on from there. But god damn what they had done instead--looking down at his fingers they were still tingling. It wasn't even the orgasm. The orgasm was certainly awesome, it always was but that's not what it had even.

He looked back to Makoto. He had to be feeling it too. He was speaking to Sousuke freely, not the usual nervous sputter of curated words. And God his skin looked so perfect, so smooth. Sousuke could still fucking taste it, feel it. And not only that it felt different, every time with Makoto felt different but this time--he had this twinge like he'd brushed up against something really remarkable.

Makoto didn't open his eyes just hummed, but it was enough bring Sousuke back as Makoto spoke, "when you do me, it's different depending on who you're mad at."

He sounded so nonchalant about it. Like maybe--maybe he really didn't care about what they did. It was a bit of a hit to Sousuke that he didn't expect. He furrowed his brow. He was still a bit curious. "How?"

Makoto smiled, "you're more forceful when it's me. If I make you mad you barely talk to me, just take what you want. You don't care what I do then as much." He shrugged. "If it's someone else, you like control more, and to tell me what to do."

"Huh," Sousuke huffed. He was a little--he didn't want Makoto to... "I don't-- I mean," the other night it had been easier to out and say it. "I don't hurt you right?"

Makoto laughed then, almost mockingly, finally opening his eyes as he pushed up on an elbow to face Sousuke.

Sousuke felt his throat constrict as his brow lowered, "Tachibana, I thought I made myself pretty fucking clear--"

This time Makoto's eyes went wide and he raised a hand, "no no!" He started quickly. He shook his head as Sousuke died off. "It's not like that," Makoto gave him a look, like it should be obvious. "You--you're a lot nicer person than you think."

"What do you mean by that?" Sousuke mumbled. He wasn't quite sure what to do with his hands then.

Makoto smiled that sad smile at him, the one Sousuke never understood but wanted so bad to figure out what the hell had caused it. "You take care of me, Sousuke." Makoto made very strict eye contact. "You could just leave right after, I wouldn't blame you," his voice cracked a bit. He swallowed hard before going on. "You stay every time, you make sure I'm okay, you make sure I'm not a mess. You've been doing that all along and it only intensifies when you're mad at me." He laughed. "When you're pissed I can't have barely two minutes alone."

Sousuke looked at Makoto, and found himself wishing that that sad smile was --a real one. It wasn't the one he wanted and he wasn't sure he knew how to change it. He leaned back on his elbow.

"It's not a bad thing," Makoto said after a moment of silence between them. "You don't take care of me half as much as you take care of Rin."

"What's that mean?" Sousuke shot out. Hadn't it been very clear Rin was an off limits subject?

Makoto let another sad smile pull on. "Nothing bad." He looked really sad this time. "The two of you are best friends and you dropped everything to come back here for him. If that's not taking care of Rin I don't know what it is."

Sousuke didn't say anything as he just listened.

Makoto looked away to the sheets. There was another long moment neither spoke before Makoto said something. "It's a really great thing to have a best friend like that, it's not a bad thing to want to do everything you can for them." He shook his head. "I don't know if there is anything in the world better than a friend like that."

Sousuke cocked his head. It was just another glimpse through the cracks, a look at whatever the hell it was that made a mess out of Makoto.

That's when there was a pounding on his door.

"Shit," Sousuke breathed, completely forgetting that he'd promised Rin he'd text him once he was showered. "Rin. "

Sousuke stood. Running a hand through his hair, he sprayed on more cologne than necessary and pulled on pants on his way to the door, rethinking he tossed Makoto some boxers.

Makoto just looked amused as he caught the boxers and slipped them on. He didn't bother getting out of bed, just flopped back amused. Sousuke rubbed on another shot of cologne just for good measure. He might not smell like his jog that morning, but Sousuke was pretty sure smelling like sex might be worse.

Adequately no longer scandalous, Sousuke opened the door.

"Why's it locked, dude?" Rin asked as he stepped in. He wrinkled his nose as he stepped closer to Sousuke. He looked at him a bit dubiously. "I thought you were gonna text me!"

"I was!" Sousuke affirmed as he side stepped to get a shirt. He pulled something out of the VERY FRESH pile still even in the clean laundry basket, wasting no time in pulling it on. "I just got out of the shower. I was just getting dressed."

Rin stepped in, took a sidelong look at Makoto laying back, head under one arm and already snuggled up under the sheet. He was still so clearly fucking amused.

"You're having a late morning I take it." Rin chuckled as he flopped back on the bed.

Makoto shrugged. "I figured I could take the morning off."

Rin just hummed as Sousuke collected his things from around the room, finding socks and shoes and his wallet and --right, his belt was just right there next to Makoto's head. He snatched the belt from the bed, getting one of those looks from bright green eyes as he did so.

"Isn't this your bed Sousuke?" Rin seemed to suddenly remember.

Something told Sousuke, mostly experience, that Makoto couldn't lie, it seemed physically impossible, probably because he was an angel... So he took over on this one. "I lost a bet with him. He get's my bed for the weekend." He sighed. "I had thought I was gonna go home so it wasn't like I would lose anything, till you begged me to stay," he tossed Rin his jacket and Sousuke finished with his shoes.

Rin caught the jacket and chuckled. "You never win bets."

"Apparently not," Sousuke affirmed.

Rins brow furrowed. "You bet your bed?"

"I'm really bad at bets." Sousuke said monotone hoping that would answer the question. He grabbed his wallet and went to the door. "We going?"

Rin hummed as he stood up and right in front of Sousuke again. His nose wrinkled as he made a face. "That's-- new cologne?"

Sousuke looked back in mock offense as he opened the door. "What? You don't like it?"

Rin took another sniff leaning closer. He shook his head as he leaned away. "No." He said it very frankly as he strode through the door.

Looking back to the bed one last time, Makoto had pulled the sheet up over him and was snuggled into Sousuke's pillow. Sousuke stifled the urge to step forward and kiss Makoto before he left. Instead he did lean forward enough to hook the bottom of the sheet and pull it from its wrinkled mess out and over Makoto's feet.

As he did, Makoto's bright green eyes opened as he gazed at Sousuke. It wasn't exactly happy, but it was--satisfied and just a bit knowing. Right, taking care of him again.

"Hey!" Rin called from the hall, "let's go!"

Sousuke gave Makoto a wave before yelling back, "I'm coming!" He closed the door behind him and followed after his best friend. He wasn't sure if he managed to clear his head or make it worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next water time.
> 
> Tumblr: [lovelilylion.tumblr.com](http://lovelilylion.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Edit: Sorry! I totally spaced editing this chapter and then Friday was here and I was like "Oh that Chapter is tots ready!" Except I'm pretty sure I didn't even read it over.
> 
> And I thank everyone for the patience since school just started again as well as I have two internships this semester. I'm a lil preoccupied at times but I should still be able to get these out to ya'll, if ya run across mistakes be sure and let me know!


	8. Part 2, Chapter 8

Practice had been canceled and Rin was--out. That just left, Sousuke looked over and sighed. Makoto had been sitting at his desk all after noon, doing his freakin' homework. He hadn't really even said anything to Sousuke all day. 

 

Not that Sousuke had prompted much. It had gotten quiet between them since the last time. They talked, but not really. It was about nothing, the most meat talking being at practice when they would actually interact. They didn't avoid each others eyes, if anything Sousuke found himself looking at Makoto all the time, and those green eyes would flick towards him and then there was that shocking thread, so small just it would jolt through Souske and he'd remember everything they'd done last time, the honey smoothness of Makoto's skin and how it felt pressed up into Sousuke. He'd catch a glimpse of Makoto's lips and think about how he'd tugged at it before they'd gotten on the bed. 

 

He hadn't left Makoto really since then and Makoto hadn't really avoided him at all, they just trailed after each other from class to class. To breakfast and practice and Makoto had even wordlessly started following Sousuke to the gym. Not talking was somehow not even bothering him then. They waited for each other in the locker rooms, they sat across from each other at lunch.

 

It wasn't even about the fucking -- it was some strange -- Sousuke hated it. 

 

And now he was sure as hell getting tired of the not talking thing!Sousuke had been trying to read but every few minutes he just looked over and Makoto was just sitting there. 

 

"Let's go to the pool," Sousuke said in a gruff voice. 

 

Makoto looked up, glancing back behind him, his green eyes connected with Sousuke in one of those looks... It was like they were dancing around each other and it was fucking annoying. 

 

"I'm pretty sure that Rin had the doors locked." Makoto said. "I think he's pretty serious about wanting the team to take the day off."

 

Sousuke sighed. 

 

Makoto just chuckled. "It makes sense. Everyone's exhausted them selves trying to get ready for prefecturals. He wants everyone to be less sleep deprived and more ready to race." 

 

Sousuke sat up from his bed. He hadn't bothered with a real shirt when he'd gotten out of the shower, donning one of his sleeveless running shirts.It didn't seem important anymore with-- them, being what ever they were, what ever that was. It was more than roommates, but not exactly lovers and yet fuck buddies was the wrong label too. He leaned against the ladder to Makoto's bed. His eyes glanced around their room and of course circled round to land on Makoto. 

 

Makoto adjusted his reading glasses, caught watching Sousuke in the reflection of the glass of his open laptop. The screen was black since Makoto hadn't touched it in a while as he scribbled down on his homework instead. Sousuke flashed him a smile and Makoto flushed, Sousuke could see it in the way his ears went red, and looked back down to his homework. 

 

Those reading glasses, didn't look half bad on him. Sousuke kind of wanted to take them off, maybe with his teeth. 

 

He surged forward, leaning down low as he hit Makoto's desk, making sure they were at eye level with each other. He smiled as Makoto gave him a questioning look.Makoto gave him one of those fake smiles back in return. 

 

That mask was so much more visible all the time it felt like to Sousuke. But seeing behind the cracks was also easier all the time, and those few moments after they'd screwed each other that last time, there hadn't been any mask, no act pulled on because Makoto wasn't trying to be anything. 

 

"You have homework to do too, you know." Makoto said as he glanced at his notebook then back to Sousuke. 

 

Sousuke hooked his own desk chair with his foot and drug it over to sit next to Makoto. He shrugged as he filled out in the chair, leaning ever closer to Makoto. "I kind of like doing you more." 

 

Makoto laughed this time. 

 

Sousuke smiled. He looked back at all the stuff on Makoto's desk. Scratching at his head he tried to figure out exactly what did Makoto do when he had free time. All his books were for school, the laptop that every time Sousuke had seen open just had the schools assignment engine up. Once and a while Makoto had Pandora or Spotify up, but he always plugged in headphones before Sousuke could even hear a note or two. 

 

Was this really the only things Makoto brought with him? The essentials? 

 

"Is there something I can help you with, Yamazaki-kun?" Makoto asked. He looked over at Sousuke but didn't move to push him away. 

 

Sousuke just shrugged, before asking. "What do you do, you know for fun?" 

 

Makoto's brow furrowed and he shook his head. "Swim?" 

 

"Yah right," Sousuke blew that answer off with out a second thought. "Come on really. Since you've been here all I see you do is swim and do your homework, and neither with an exactly convincing smile." 

 

That mask was so fucking visible, Sousuke thought as he looked at Makoto's expression. 

 

"Maybe because I really like to swim, though it is hard to smile while doing so." Makoto said, trying the answer again. 

 

Sousuke just snorted. "You've already told me you don't love it. I don't understand why you do it but you certainly don't come back overjoyed after your water logged afternoons." 

 

Makoto finally sat back, letting his pencil down on the notebook. "You're right," he gave a fake smile. "I let you do me in my free time." 

 

It was Sousukes turn to laugh this time. Only because it was partially true. 

 

But there was something--that sadness in Makoto was leaking out this time. Sousuke had managed to relax him and finally he was getting a bit more of a peak into those green eyes, a real one. That vacant, distant glaze he usually pulled up seemed to peel away with just enough pressure. 

 

"What made you press the restart button, Tachibana?" Sousuke suddenly asked. 

 

Makoto backed up immediately, his back going ram rod straight as he sat up, away from Sousuke. "What are you talking about?" 

 

Sousuke gestured to the desk. "You left everything at home. You never go home. I haven't seen you on your phone more than a couple times. You don't really call your parents. you don't call friends. I'm not even sure you have a Facebook." Sousuke looked at Makoto a bit to the side. "That doesn't sound like you're throwing everything out the window and starting over at all." 

 

This time green eyes didn't look up at him. 

 

Sousuke sighed. "Come on just give me something. Fun? Everyone likes to have it, mind telling me what you do for it?" 

 

This time green eyes peaked up and Souske knew he had him. He gave an easy smile, resting his folded arms on the desk as he looked to Makoto. 

 

"You're going to think I'm weird." Makoto gave a wry smile. "And laugh." 

 

"I already think you're weird." Sousuke let his chin rest over his folded arms. "but I'll try and contain myself for you." 

 

Makoto just continued to look at him. "You know there's plenty of space, like on your bed or over by your desk." 

 

Sousuke just smiled. "I like your desk." He raised a brow at Makoto. "Well?" 

 

"Alright." Makoto said looking back down, and sitting back in his chair. "I like plants." 

 

"Plants?" 

 

"Yeah." 

 

"You mean like gardening?" Sousuke connected. 

 

Makoto just nodded giving that small smile. 

 

"Well then why don't you have any in here?" Sousuke pressed on. "There's the window, I'm sure the seal is wide enough you could put a couple or so there." 

 

Makoto turned his head to look. "Uh, yeah I--I guess I could put something there." 

 

"Like tomatoes?" Sousuke asked. 

 

Makoto laughed. "Not inside. Fruits and vegetables need bees."

 

Sousuke hummed. "Right, that pollination thing." He watched Makoto before suggesting, "but maybe some flowers?" 

 

There was less sad this time when Makoto smiled at him. 

 

Looking across Makoto's desk, Sousuke saw the framed photo Makoto had at the edge, picking it up gingerly to get a better look. "Who are these two?" He asked. 

 

The smile was gone in a split second, and Makoto's expression softened, but in such a--it wasn't a good way. He didn't look away from the photo as he spoke. "That's my little brother and sister, Ren and Ran." 

 

"They're cute," Sousuke tried out. He was watching, hoping that he didn't manage to over step. Something about this made it seem--

 

"They're dead." 

 

Sousuke set the picture down, freezing. 

 

Makoto looked distant as he stared at the photo. "It was last fall." He sounded--hollow. And surprisingly he went on, though in quite a different way, like he was on autopilot or as if he wasn't really fully filtering himself. "I was with them and it's not like Iwatobi is all that big and I--I wasn't watching and they ran across the road." 

 

Sousuke swallowed watching as Makoto's chest heaved suddenly. "Ren was dead by the time I got there. Ran lived for about an hour after. She screamed most of that hour. ...Sometimes I forget it's stopped and I can still hear her some times, in my head." 

 

There was a second Sousuke was pretty sure he could hear his heart beating in his ears.

 

Suddenly Makoto looked at him and Sousuke sucked in a sharp breath. Makoto's blinked rapidly his mouth open and he wasn't crying but he was so close--and for possibly the first time Souske didn't see a single layer of masks. He'd wanted to peel it all away and now that he saw it-- Makoto's eyes shown with the most painful depth and his mouth moved like maybe he was still trying to call for help and he just--he looked so vulnerable. 

 

"I'm--" Makoto started. He abruptly stood quickly taking several steps back. "I am so sorry." He held up his hands. Sousuke was still trying to figure out if it was in defense or surrender, as he himself stood slowly and Makoto went on. "I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry I just--" 

 

He looked down at his hands before turning away and Sousuke surged forward. But once he reached him he wasn't sure what he had been thinking he was going to do. He opened his mouth to say something and he wasn't even sure what to say. 

 

"I'm so sorry." Makoto said again shaking his head. Sousuke could see over his shoulder that he was shaking just slightly. He looked like he was about to drop. 

 

And surprisingly Sousuke held out a hand, feeling like he could maybe catch him... 

 

Makoto turned back around then, his vibrant green eyes down caste, looking like they were trying to find something but avoiding looking at Sousuke at all costs. "I'm so sorry." He was calmer as he said it this time, pulling in some control. "I never meant to say those things." He closed his eyes. "You didn't need to hear those things. I don't know how--I didn't mean to--I just was all of a suddenly saying them and I don't even know how." 

 

Sousuke licked his lips, still unsure what would help. "It's fine." 

 

"But it's not!" Makoto shot back. His hands went up to his face and he started rubbing at his eyes and cheeks, it was a scrubbing motion. 

 

It frankly looked painful and Sousuke instinctively reached up, grabbing Makoto's hands and pulling them away. 

 

In the next second Makoto was ripping his hands away from Sousuke. "Stop," he said briskly. It was honestly the most anger he'd ever seen out of the precious boy. 

 

Makoto swallowed, his face starting to move back into a vacant apathetic stare. "Please," he murmured quiet. He looked down before gulping in several big breaths. "Can we please, just--just pretend I didn't say those things." Makoto closed his eyes again for just half a second squeezing them so tightly shut before he sighed and opened them. "Please, just forget I said anything." 

 

Sousuke looked down at him, not sure what to do and shifting from one foot to the other nervously. "I'm not so sure..." he said a second later

 

"Please," Makoto cut in. He looked down at his feet again before looking up, he wouldn't quite meet Sousuke's eyes but he looked to his chest. "You're the only one who doesn't look at me--just please forget that I said any of that. No body else treats me like I'm still-- just me." 

 

Sousuke wanted to laugh. He'd been treating Makoto like he was some sort experimental genie pig. 

 

"Makoto," Sousuke tasted the name on his lips, testing out of he really felt like he wanted it. He shook his head. "I don't know if I can pretend..." How in the world was he supposed to forget something like that? 

 

"Please," Makoto pleaded again. His eyes flicked up finally to look at Sousuke. "You're the only person that when I'm with, I don't have to remember anything that happened last fall." He looked away again. "Please, you're the only island I have here." 

 

It took a minute before Sousuke could really process but in the end he nodded. "Alright," he breathed out slow. "I can try and do that." 

 

Maktoto looked away again but nodded. "Thank you," he murmured. 

 

It was a few more seconds of silence before Makoto spoke again. "Can we go try and see if the pool is open?" 

 

Sousuke nodded slow. "Yeah." He sighed. "It's not hard to sneak in through one of the windows if its not." 

 

With a small nod Makoto, whispered again, "thank you." He turned away,heading straight for his swim bag. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Makoto was exhausted. Dripping wet, he sat at the edge of the pool looking down at the water as it glistened in the limited light. He didn't think he could manage to swim any more.But he was so close to the threatening hollowness In his chest. It felt like he'd scraped across the inside of his chest with a wire brush when he'd realized what he'd said to Sousuke earlier. 

 

Sousuke hadn't said much since that time. 

 

The doors had been locked, but Sousuke showed Makoto that one of the windows on the side of the building was always a bit loose and with a bit of prying, the lock would click and Makoto had wasted no amount of time hoisting himself up and into the indoor pool, Sousuke fast on his heels. 

 

Makoto had stripped as he strode towards the water, having already pulled a swimsuit on in their dorm, he left a trail of cloths as he padded up on to the starters platform and dove off with out a word behind him to Sousuke. He wasn't even sure what happened to Sousuke as Makoto plowed through the water and started swimming so hard he was gasping by the time, several dozen laps later, he reached up to the pools edge and and finally stood up. Sousuke was sitting on the edge of the pool a lane over, he just looked at Makoto for a second before growling about his turn around times again. 

 

Now Makoto felt a shiver run through him as he sat at the edge of the pool. Sousuke had seemed to disappear and Makoto wasn't sure if he wanted to go try and find him or not. He gulped down several breathes of air and tried to calm his mind. 

 

He hadn't voiced what he'd just told Sousuke to anyone, not his parents, not even--not even his best friend. 

 

Maybe he would have if everything hadn't all changed so fast. Haru hadn't been there but sometimes it felt like he had been, like Makoto had kneeled there helplessly as everyone important in his life bled all over his hands and slowly, painfully died. 

 

Abruptly he felt something dropped over his shoulder and Makoto looked over to the black jacket flung over his shoulder and arm. Next to him, Sousuke stood casually looking out at the water. 

 

Makoto pulled the jacket off his shoulder to see that it was a Samezuka jacket, and on the front his name was embroidered over the school patch on the right side. 

 

"You transferred so suddenly Rin told me the school had to back order your jacket." Sousuke said. "It's been sitting in the store closet for a good two weeks now," Sousuke gave Makoto a significant look. 

 

Souske looked back to the water. "I figured I better dig it out and make sure you wear it." 

 

Makoto looked down at the jacket, running his hand over the smooth fabric under his name. "Thank you," he murmured to Sousuke. 

 

"Yeah," Sousuke said. He hunched down next to Makoto and sat at the edge of the pool as well. Their shoulders brushed but Sousuke nor Makoto commented. 

 

* * *

 

It was occurring to Makoto how much more formal Samezuka really was compared to Iwatobi as he got off the bus, standing next to Sousuke neatly in rows as the underclass men filed in behind them. 

 

Since he'd--said way more than was appropriate to Sousuke, he was glad that not much had seemed to change. There was still a quietness between them.It had been quiet between them for a few days anyway, though it was more of a sensitive silence now. Makoto was aware of Sousuke watching him more often than not. He still gruffed at him when they did speak, he still growled and his general irritation seemed present. 

 

It was something Makoto found himself grateful for. It was just every now and then, he'd catch Sousuke looking at him and it wouldn't be irritation, arousal, or that amused knowing look. It wasn't quite like the look he received from his friends. It wasn't the sympathy. But it was enough that Makoto would look away quickly. 

 

"Makoto," Sousuke hummed next to him. It was just to get his attention, just enough to get him to look up as Rin spouted off the schedule for prefecturals. 

 

That was another small change. He was no longer, 'Tachibana,' to Sousuke. It hadn't really been proceeded by an agreement or anything, but ever since two nights ago, Sousuke had casually started addressing him. It was still said like a bear growling and spiced with just enough distain Makoto at least knew it came from Sousuke. 

 

He looked up, a bit nervously, peering around his teammates to spot Iwatobi standing near the door. He quickly looked back to Rin. 

 

When the team was dismissed, Makoto turned his back to the front, not sure what he could do to get in with out being noticed. 

 

"Come on," he heard the low threatening growl next to him. Looking up Sousuke was hunched over him and Makoto leaned away, his face was so close. The glare that was looming over him didn't look like one Makoto wanted to contradict. 

 

"R-right," Makoto said a little nervously. 

 

Sousuke turned, watching Makoto as he started towards the building..

 

Not seeing how he was left with much choice Makoto followed, sighing out of relief as he glanced up to see Iwatobi had already gone in as well. 

 

* * *

 

Getting Makoto to keep up had only seemed to get harder as the tournament progressed. Sousuke had grabbed Makoto by the jacket twice to keep him from wondering off. 

 

Sousuke was satisfied that his jacket was fitting perfectly. Though Makoto kept pulling at the collar anxiously. He'd shift nervously from one side to the other and by the time they mounted the bleachers Sousuke was feeling like a good shot of tranquilizer was probably the best option. 

 

The idiot frowned as he stepped even farther behind Sousuke as the first heat was setting up below them. Souske pushed Makoto out, away from him with a huff. 

 

"Would you two quit it!" Rin shot back at them. "Damn it all, I thought you two had stopped squabbling all the time!" 

 

"He's acting like an idiot today," Sousuke said matter-of-factly. 

 

Makoto didn't deny it, just gave an exasperated look to Sousuke. 

 

Rin rolled his eyes and looked back to the heat, talking with Mikoshiba who had come to watch. 

 

Makoto stepped away from behind Sousuke finally, once Sousuke had jabbed him in the side. He looked a bit more uncomfortable than he had thus far. Sousuke leaned over the railing as well to see a bright-eyed boy with blond hair eagerly waving up at them. 

 

Turning, Sousuke watched as Makoto pulled on a pleasant and seemingly warm smile as he waved down at the excited boy. 

 

Sousuke couldn't help but smile either as he looked over at Makoto. 

 

The heat started and as the underclassmen of Samezuka started in on the cheers, Sousuke looked to the tournament. 

 

The breast stroke was over in a flash and Makoto smiled as he blond boy climbed out of the pool vibrating with his win. Sousuke snorted as he glanced at Nitori's times. Makoto looked up at the times in prompting and sighed. 

 

"He tried his best," Makoto commented. "That's all that we can ask from him." 

 

Sousuke couldn't stop the unimpressed look he wore. As much as Rin babbled on about passion and dreams to match Makoto's ballads about hard work and support of your team, Sousuke still didn't see much use in being so positive about it all. No progress made and no win to show for it, counted more than hard work or heart or whatever in his opinion. 

 

But he looked over at Makoto and ruffled his hair, pushing him gently towards the entrance. "It's your turn, pop tart." 

 

Makoto didn't resist the playful jab as he smiled back at Sousuke. 

 

"Come back with a win for us, Makoto!" Rin called to him. 

 

"Hai!" Makoto nodded as he started to the locker rooms. 

 

* * *

 

 

Pulling himself up at the starters block, Makoto breathed slow though his lips. He hadn't been through a real race in so long his limbs buzzed with it. He felt the water lapsing at his sides. He closed his eyes, letting the motion lull through him. 

 

This is why he clung to the water. The gentle, perfect motion of the water, the way he could just be in it, let it surround him and just float away into it. 

 

He took one more breath, opening his eyes. 

 

The starters flare cracked over head! 

 

Makoto on instinct more than anything leapt away for the block, arching through the air and letting the water catch him as he speared through it. His legs moving in powerful strong kicks to shoot him through the water. 

 

As he surfaced, he took a breath and his eyes almost slipped closed again as he raised his arms and carried himselfthrough the water. As he approached the other end of the pool, he flipped in the water, letting the current help turn him. He placed his feet before he rebound off of the wall and was soaring through the water again. 

 

It seemed to end so fast. He almost felt like it never happened. His hand tapped down on the wall and he gasped for breath, chest heaving from the exertion as he stood there. It took him a second to realize the race was over and he glanced up at the score boards. 

 

First flashed his heat, 1st place Tachibana Makoto. 

 

Then his over all, Makoto breath stalled for just a second as he cocked his head at the score board. 

 

He had managed to place 2nd overall. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

As he returned to the bleachers, Makoto was a bit startled as Sousuke waved him over to a seat next to him. 

 

"Yamazaki-kun," Makoto murmured as he approached. Heats for Butterfly stroke were already starting below, Makoto even spotted Rei mounting the starting block. 

 

"Why are you still here?" Makoto murmured as he sat next to Sousuke. 

 

Sousuke just smiled at him for a moment before answering. "I'm not competing in individual here." 

 

Makoto's brow furrowed unsure. If Sousuke didn't compete here he couldn't just jump in at Regionals. 

 

"Don't worry," Sousuke turned back to the pool. "I'm in the relay tomorrow." 

 

There was a strange look in Sousuke's eyes as he looked away, Makoto furrowed his brow as he looked over at him. 

 

When Makoto finally did look away to the pool his eyes skimmed over the bleachers. He ducked his head as he caught sight of Haru. He was looking back at Makoto, expressionless as usual but he didn't even look to Rei's race as the staring flair sounded. 

 

Makoto shifted his eyes away and unfortunately noticed Sousuke was watching him. Like always. Caught between the two, Makoto's only choice was to look back up to the pool and watch the race. 

 

Put line here 

 

Unfortunately Sousuke seemed to make it his initiative to keep Makoto close. 

 

"What are you doing?" Makoto asked as he started on his way to the locker rooms after lunch. 

 

Behind him, Sousuke hummed in acknowledgement. He sighed before answering. "I'm making sure you don't get lost." 

 

Makoto snorted though smiled. Out of the two of them, Sousuke was quite a bit more likely to lose his way, 

 

Makoto stopped at the entrance to the locker room, turning to face Sousuke. He gestured to the door. "I made it. Thank you for your guidance." 

 

"Is that sarcasm, Tachibana?" Sousuke asked, a smile tugging at the side of his mouth. "Seems someone is starting to take cues from a bad influence or two." 

 

"Course not, Yamazaki-kun. Though if you need, I'd be happy to draw you a map of how to get back to the bleachers." Makoto let the joke slip, in as level a voice as he could. 

 

Sousuke snorted a laugh, before he looked to the little plastic label marking the locker rooms, he reached forward and picked at it. "Free style isn't your best." He commented in what seemed like an off handish way, "you did really well in backstroke, I don't see why you're here again." 

 

Makoto frowned. It always seemed no mater how much Sousuke picked at him, he still kept going. Sighing Makoto tried to pull on a smile. "Don't worry about me." He adjusted the Samezuka swim bag just a bit on his shoulder. "I've got some personal reasons to be here. Once they're dealt with I'll back off." 

 

Sousuke just nodded. It was a moment before he spoke. " 'Kay. Your turn around time still needs work, so watch it out there. You were faster this last time but--"

 

"Makoto," 

 

The interruption caused both Makoto and Sousuke to look. A few feet away Haru stood, looking a little stunned as he watched the two. 

 

"Haru," Makoto said out of surprise and greeting. "Uh hi," 

 

"Hi," he said back. He looked to Sousuke then Makoto again. "Are the two of you--?" He pointed to the locker room. 

 

"Just me," Makoto said while pulling on a smile. "Yamazaki-kun was just giving me some pointers." Makoto looked over at Sousuke meaningfully, "he was also just going back to his seat." 

 

Sousuke hummed to mark he heard Makoto but he was looking at Haru, and certainly not nicely.  

"Nanase," he grumbled before looking to Makoto, "Mako," and turned away to start his way back to the bleachers. He, of course, went right past Haruka seeming as if he was meaning to push his shoulder into him, side stepping only at the last second. 

 

Makoto shook his head before turning back to the locker room, continuing in. He knew it wasn't exactly polite but he went straight to a locker, opening it to lift his bag in and started to pull off his jacket. 

 

"Makoto," he heard quiet next to him. 

 

Makoto looked into the shadows of his locker for an extra second before he looked up at Haru. 

 

"I--" Haru started, watching Makoto. "You did really great in your last heat." 

 

Pulling on a smile was harder than expected, but Makoto mangled it. "Thank you, Haru. That means a lot coming from you." 

 

Haru gave a small nod before he looked away, pulling the locker next to Makoto open. Makoto gave a small sad smile before he pulled his shirt up and off. 

 

"Do you and Yamazaki hang out a lot now?" Haru asked abruptly, taking off his own shirt. 

 

Makoto looked over at him, but Haru wasn't looking back. It seemed the distasteful feelings were mutual between Sousuke and Haru. Makoto folded his shirt to place it in his bag as he spoke. "Uh yeah. Kind of, I mean we are actually roommates so I do end up spending a lot of time with him, yes." 

 

"Rin told me you two actually get along pretty well." Haru went on as he continued to get dressed. "He was kind of surprised you two made such good friends." It didn't sound like Rin was the only one surprised either. 

 

Makoto chuckled as he dressed himself. "He can be a bit off-putting at first but it's not always like that once you get to know him." He looks down at the Samezuka jacket he'd set on the bench behind him. "He can actually be quite kind." 

 

Finished, Makoto closed his locker and pulled the Samezuka jacket back on. When he straightened all the way, he turned and found Haru looking at him. He had on his own Iwatobi jacket. His oceanic eyes ran over the black jacket, pausing at the name embroidered on Makoto's right side. 

 

"Haru," Makoto said quietly. He couldn't pull on a smile this time, he didn't want to disrespect his best friend with something so fake. 

 

Haru's eyes flicked up to Makoto's face. 

 

"Don't hold back." Makoto made sure he made eye contact. "Please, respect me enough to race for real. And give it your everything." 

 

Haru's mouth opened like he was going to say something but instead he just nodded. 

 

"Thank you, Haru." Makoto said and this time he let his sad smile come to his lips. 

 

Not sure if he could hold it together much longer, Makoto didn't wait for his best friend,and he stepped around him and to the door. 

 

Put line here 

 

This time looking at the starters block didn't fill him with excitement. Makoto instead stripped off his jacket, glancing up at the bleachers. Rin was watching, and so was Sousuke, leaning over the railing and making eye contact with Makoto, giving him a nod. 

 

Makoto gave a polite smile back before he pulled on goggles and the swim cap, stepping up to the starters block. 

 

His limbs felt almost stiff, he was aware of Haru glancing at him, on the block next to him. Makoto looked back letting a small smile be pulled to his lips before looking back to the water, bending to get into position. 

 

The starters gun sounded and Makoto leapt into the air. 

 

He felt like he was crashing into the water this time, his heart pounding already a second or two into the race. But determined he pushed through it, surfacing on the water. 

 

A part of him had always known. Even if it wasn't completely conscious he had always known. But--then again it hadn't really been about anything other than the experience. 

 

It was over in a flash though, like being caught in a typhoon Makoto slammed into the wall of the finish line. He braced himself up against the cement, his head hanging. He heaved against the wall, feeling that hollowness, the scrapping feeling, like he was being scoped out, all tearing through him. He squeezed his eyes so tightly shut, pulling it all together before he straightened and looked at his best friend. 

 

He gave a sad smile, not even trying to hide anything from him this time. 

 

Haru's eyes were so beautifully blue. So perfect. He looked at Makoto with such-- Maktoto couldn't even bare to recognize it. He just kept that sad smile on as he looked at his friend. 

 

In another world, maybe things would have all worked out, they would have all been fine maybe, but this time around--at least for Makoto it hurt to see everything he'd lost too much. He'd need this farewell as much as he'd needed to press restart on his life. 

 

"I lost,"he breathed out at Haru. 

 

His friend just stared at him, not even glancing up at the score board. They both knew after all. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack for this old chap: [Stones Throw Away, Bronze Radio Return ](https://myspace.com/bronzeradioreturn/music/song/stone-s-throw-away-65398498-71643842)
> 
> Also, from here on out will be the beginning of actual substance to the story. The first third or so was basically a nice setup, I needed to establish Sousuke and Makoto as a thing (largely sexual but hey they at least talk!) and now we set in for the deep shit. Also from here on out most chapters will have a soundtrack. I could have done that before, but basically all the songs would have been, "SEX!" with some possible rhythm and auto tuning involved. 
> 
> P.s. super sorry its a myspace link for the song this evening! Haha, I got on Youtube and all I could find was a shitty recorded live version and I was like, well that's not gonna work so I went hunting and this is the best I could find. 
> 
> Tumblr: [lovelilylion.tumblr.com](http://lovelilylion.tumblr.com/)


	9. Part 2, Chapter 9

Souske ran into him on the way back to the locker room. Surprisingly enough he grabbed his arm, pulling him down one of the dark hall ways out of the way from anyone else.

"I know," Makoto said in a quiet tone. "My turn around times were taking too long--"

Then Makoto found himself holding his breath as Sousuke hooked an arm around his neck and pulled him into an embrace. He breathed in at Makoto's neck seeming to inhale Maktoto's essences.

"You did great." Sousuke said before pressing a kiss to Makoto's neck. It was a sweet, lingering kiss, bringing a blush to Makoto's face.

Makoto remembered to take a breath again and lifted a hand to Sousuke's shoulder. He sighed and closed his eyes for half a second before Sousuke pulled away.

"Come on," Sousuke said, still very close to Makoto. "Rin's up next."

He stepped away and started for the pool again. Maktoto looked after him. He swallowed, not sure if--

It felt like, like maybe he wasn't wandering alone any more. Makoto would like that, even if it was just the weird what ever it was between them.

He stepped up and followed after Sousuke.

 

* * *

 

Everyone was all smiles by the time that they were filing out of the building. Rin laughed with Sousuke up ahead of Makoto and they joked like usual. After taking second against Haru, Sousuke had punched Rin in the shoulder, telling him he did a good job, but next time a win would be nice.

Makoto liked watching the two of them interact. Sousuke seemed to be so much more relaxed when he started to spend time around Rin.

Outside it was rather bright and Makoto shielded his eyes from the sun as he looked across the parking lot, which was when he saw him first, but by the time he really realized it, Haru had snagged the sleeve of Makoto's jacket, tugging at him insistently.

Haru must have approached from the side of the building. He still looked around a bit uneasily as he took a step closer to Makoto, "can we talk?" He asked quietly and bluntly as ever.

Makoto glanced at everyone getting on the to the bus behind him. It had also been ages since he'd even given Haru a text. And it had to be lonely, even if Haru had Rin now. It wasn't like the bus was his only way home any how. If he missed it, the train station wasn't that far away.

So a bit reluctantly Makoto nodded. "Yeah, Haru. We can talk for a few minutes."

Haru nodded before walking towards the side of the building, tugging Makoto by the arm with him.

As soon as they were back away from where anyone else could see, Haru finally let go of Makoto's jacket, he still stood a bit close to Makoto though.

"I've missed you, Haru." Makoto said with a sad smile, looking down at his friend.

Haru nodded. "Yeah--it's been really different with you gone."

It was quiet for a second, neither really knowing what to say.

"Rin has been saying you two are doing really great!" Makoto said. "He's really happy with you Haru."

Haru just nodded this time.

"I wanted to tell you," Makoto tried another way. "The Iwatobi team looks great. I'm so happy you guys found a couple of new swimmers!" And it wasn't a lie. He was happy for Iwatobi. When he'd left it had felt so--he'd felt like he was abandoning them and he was so very glad that things were working out for Iwatobi.

"They're alright." Haru commented.

Makoto glanced back behind him, the bus was probably all loaded at this point. And he wasn't sure what else to talk about with Haru.

Though the real reason was that he could feel it in him already. The slow approaching ache that stemmed from feeling like he was hollow. It wasn't over threatening, it was just a talk with his old best friend, but it was the first time since--since the two of them had parted ways...

Makoto closed his eyes as the memories flooded back. Now he was really in for it if he didn't shut this down fast.

"Haru," Makoto said looking down. "The bus is leaving, I have to--"

"That stupid cat won't leave the stairs outside your house." Haru interjected.

Makoto's eyes widened as he looked back up and Haru was looking--no, glaring at him. His face set and brow low he looked at Makoto with a very set expression of almost anger.

"It just sits there every morning," Haru grumbled. "By now, you'd think it would learn that you're never coming back but for some stupid reason it's still just sits there."

Makoto closed his eyes before pulling in a breath and opening his mouth--though for one of the few times in his life he wasn't sure what to say.

"Haru," was all he could really settle on.

 

* * *

 

Sousuke stood next to Rin as he looked over the roster, counting heads. "Someones still missing." He murmured with a sour look on his face.

The rest of the team was seated on the bus, chattering amongst themselves. Sousuke scanned over the faces trying to pin point exactly who wasn't with them--or more precisely wasn't being pulled along by Sousuke.

"Makoto," Sousuke said, turning to look at Rin.

Surprised, Rin looked up to scan over the seats was well. "That's not like him..." Rin mumbled to himself. "And we need to leave."

Sousuke straightened a bit more. "I'll go find him."

Rin looked at him like that was the worst decision he'd ever made. "Right, so I should send the one who can't even manage to hold a map the right way to find the one that's lost." Rin sighed, and folded the roster under his arm. "I can go." He frowned though as he said it.

"Let me." Sousuke said. "you've got captain stuff to take care of anyway once we get back," glancing at the team. He looked back out to the parking lot. "It's not like me and Makoto can't catch the train."

Rin looked over at him before giving in. "Alright. You seem to keep track of him best any how." He sighed as he signed off on the roster. "Go find him, and drag him back to Samezuka so I can yell at him."

Sousuke chuckled before shifting to the stairs. "See us back there." He said as he stepped off the bus and started back to the building.

He could try the locker rooms first maybe. They were so close to Iwatobi if possible Makoto could have just gone to see some old stomping grounds. Though judging from his behavior up until now, Sousuke doubted that was the case.

He pulled out his phone, sliding past the lock screen to open his messages. Makoto's name was third on his list after Rin and an automated reminder about--for a doctors appointment. He opened it up and typed out a quick message, asking where he was.

As Sousuke pressed the button at the top of his phone to get it to lock he glanced around again, wounding if maybe Makoto was back at the pool. If his obsessive behavior was anything to judge from that was more likely than in the locker room. Glancing to the side of the building, it looked like the side walk lead back, maybe a bit of a short cut to the pool.

Sousuke shrugged, Makoto would probably text him back here soon, he was pretty prompt about it usually. The side walk way was all shaded by several trees too, so he might as well give it a try.

Sousuke pocketed his hands as he started back under the shade and around-- he froze as he heard--

It was Nananse. Sousuke gave a long stride forward enough to peer around one of the tall trees and under brush to see who exactly was back there.

He was met with the broad back, a jacket inscribed with 'Samezuka,' and topped off with cinnamon mess of hair.

Sousuke considered quickly whether to intervene or not, but then Makoto was speaking and Sousuke sighed back to lean against the tree. Listening in wasn't dignified exactly, but--he could let Makoto deal with his shit, and be right here so they could go home when he was done.

 

* * *

 

For the first time, maybe for quite a long time, Makoto felt no urge to explain himself. He just closed his mouth swallowing. This wasn't his farewell. He'd already given that, in his own way.

Haru's expression did yield a bit as he looked down. "You're mom asked me about you." He looked at Makoto's chest. "I couldn't really answer her with anything."

"I'm sorry, Haru. She's worried and no matter how much I tell her not to, she doesn't stop." Makoto said quietly.

"Maybe if you came home..." Haru said moodily.

Frowning Makoto reached up to Haru, ghosting a hand over his cheek as he tucked a strand of hair away from his face. "I'm sorry,"

Makoto stopped looking into those perfect ocean blue eyes. It was so easy to get lost in them. Everything he'd ever wanted was there, staring back at him. He wanted to fall into him, like falling into water. He'd always be caught there, be able to drift with the current--but drifting led him right back--

"I can't, Haru." Makoto said. His frown deepening as he starred at his best friend. "Please don't ask me to do that."

Haru's deep eyes just stared back at him for a few more seconds before he spoke. "Why did you enter the freestyle race today?"

Makoto pressed his lips together, shaking his head, a sad smile peaked through. He could feel how close he was to breaking and it was cloying at his throat. "I wanted to swim with you."

Haru shook his head violently. "That's not what it felt like."

"I'm sorry," it was all Makoto could think to say.

"Stop saying that!" Haru hissed at him. "It's not your fault."

Makoto shook his own head feeling as the first tear streaked down his face. "No, it's not. But I'm still so sorry."

"What did you want from today?" Haru asked. "Why did you swim today?"

Makoto felt like his throat was closing, like his breath was being pulled out of him, choked out in a strangling of the hollow nothing he had left inside. "I needed to say goodbye."

"No!" Haru hissed in a sharp voice. "You're still my best friend. I told you! I told you." He hung his head. "Nothing can change that."

Makoto closed his eyes, shaking his head. "I can't be who you need." It was all he could manage.

"Come home," Haru said. His voice sounded hoarse. "I--I fucking feel so lost with out you." He struck out, grasping onto the front of Makoto's jacket, "take this off! And just come back."

Taking his hand gently, Makoto tried as tenderly as he could to pull Haru's hand free, taking a step back in the process. "I can't." He repeated.

Haru was frowning, his eyes down cast as he refused to look at Makoto.

"I'm so sorry, Haru." Makoto said one last time. "I know you don't understand, but I can't do it."

"You ran away." Haru said suddenly, viciously. "You ran away from everything that should have mattered to you. We could have helped. We could have made it better!"

"No," Makoto shook his head.

"You don't know!" Haru suddenly said in the loudest voice Makoto ever heard him use. "You never let us try."

"Please don't do this, Haru." Maktoto pleaded, he still had Haru's hand in his, and Haru had clutched around his fingers, refusing to let go.

"We could have been in this together--” Haru started.

"No." Makoto cut him off, looking down. He felt as his face was streaked again and again with his tears. He looked up at Haru so close to letting out a sob. "I'm not him anymore." He shook his head. "I feel like I died there with them. When I was holding my sisters rib cage together I felt like someone was scraping out my own with a pitchfork." He took one painful breath, choking on the tears still streaming. "I will always try for the rest of my life to be your best friend again, Haru, I can promise you that, but I am not him any more."

Finally Haru's grip had loosened looking at Makoto with those big wonderful, perfect blue eyes.

"I feel hollow all the time." Makoto finally admitted. "I'm apathetic. I get nervous at nothing. I let--I do things I know aren't right, for anyone. And that's just the tip of it all. You have no idea the person I've become. I won't put you through that. We are not in this together, and I would never wish that on you. I won't do that to you, or my parents, or anyone else." He took another step back, giving Haru the only sorrowful smile he could manage.

"You're right," Makoto swallowed. "I ran. I am sorry for that, but it was never because of you or anyone here." He took Haru's hand in both of his. "I miss you. I miss this, but I need to be lost right now. I can't really see any other way to find out what I am now."

He let Haru's hand go gently. "I have to go now." Makoto said. Because if he didn't leave now there was no way he would be able to pull him self together later. He wanted to hug Haru but he didn't, he just let him have his hand back as he turned away.

"Makoto," Haru spoke as he looked up.

Makoto looked back at him, shaking his head. "I can't go back, Haru."

Haru ran forward then, grabbing at Makotso hand and pressing something into it. "I know what you are," Haru said quietly. "You're my best friend."

With that he closed Makoto's hand and backed away, not looking at Makoto as he went back behind the building in the direction of the pools.

Makoto sighed as he looked after him.

It was almost not surprising as he turned around and Sousuke stood there. He didn't look out of the ordinary. Something Makoto was thankful for.

He walked forward with his same casual gait. He tugged his jacket sleeve up, and lifted it to white as Makoto's face. He cleared away any thing of the tears before his fingers ran up through Makoto's hair, brushing it up away from his face. Makoto blinked, not quite sure if he should speak, looking down instead. Sousuke brushed his hair away from his face affectionately again before his hand was pocketed again.

"Come on, scruffy, we missed the bus already." Sousuke said as he turned back to the parking lot, making sure Makoto followed.

 

* * *

 

It wasn't until much later on the train back that Makoto had managed to piece everything together enough to remember that Haru had pressed something into his hand, seeing Sousuke afterwards, he'd just shoved it in his pocket.

Leaning forward over his knees, Makoto dug into his pocket and pulled the little trinket out, holding it in the palm of his hand.

In his palm, rested a small plastic blue dolphin.

Next to him, Makoto felt as Sousuke shifted in his seat, restless. He never seemed to take train rides well. He'd get restless with his arms, extending them to rest on the backs of the seats one minutes and folded over his chest the next.

This time they were down at his sides, hands in his pockets as Makoto looked up at him. He gave Makoto a crooked smile, looking up at Makoto to meet his eyes. He didn't say anything as he looked away ahead of himself.

Makoto's stuffed it back into his jacket and sat back. Souske shifted then, giving a grumpy expression as he extended his arms along the back of the seats. He didn't really put his arm around Makoto, but Makoto didn't care as he closed his eyes and leaned back into it, breathing out a sigh.

It was a few minutes before Sousuke said anything. "Were the two of you--?"

Makoto let his head rest back on Sousukes arm. "Yes and not really."

Sousuke looked over at him, looking for explanation.

"Maybe," Makoto said, letting himself look at Souske. "If Rin hadn't of come back." He pulled in a breath. "But once Rin's hurricane blew through there was no hope for me."

Souske's teal eyes searched over Makoto's face. "Did the two of you--ever try being together?"

Makoto gave a sad smile. He wasn't sure he could have this heartbreaking conversation then. But he felt strangely glad to tell someone, and that Sousuke had asked here, and not back at Samezuka.

"Haru tried for me," Makoto said. "Once after--I lost my siblings." He closed his eyes as he leaned into Sousuke's shoulder. "I just couldn't do that to him."

"Do you still," Sousuke seemed to have trouble thinking of the word.

Makoto looked up at him, if he had it in him, he would have smiled, but he was so far past that. The great Alpha Male Sousuke it seemed was uncomfortable when talking about relationships. When it came to sex there was clearly no limits, but the binding glue of it all seemed to be something Sousuke was having trouble articulating.

"Do you still think about him?" Sousuke settled on.

Makoto frowned. "Yeah." And it only made it all hurt so much worse.

Sousuke didn't say anything next to him. But he did rest his cheek on Makoto's head. Maybe because he felt like it for once. Maybe because he didn't want to push Makoto away. Maybe because he could relate to Makoto finally. Maybe because he felt sorry for Makoto. What ever the reason, Makoto didn't care as he closed his eyes.

Cradled against Sousuke's shoulder felt like the water, like he was being caught and held and allowed to just float there without having to worry about what ever came before or what ever might come after.

 

* * *

 

The next morning, Makoto could feel the energy as they dismounted the bus for the second day of the tournament, and he was finding he actually, kind of liked Sousuke when he was getting ready to race. It was surprising to say the least. He was still hovering over Makoto every few minutes but he did it with out the glares and comments.

Not that Makoto could say--he found that though Sjouske was grumpy and easily irritable and abrupt and demanding, Makoto was getting better at dealing with him all the time. Or at least maybe just getting used to him.

The night before had been surprising after they had gotten back to Samezuka. Rin announced the relay line up and once they had gotten back to the door room Sousuke had very quietly congratulated Makoto on making it into the relay team. Makoto was maybe just more easily seeing through Sousukes grumpy exterior. It seemed at least that when Sousuke did speak to Makoto he was at least very sincere. He never lied to him, never polished over things, never made them out to be anything but what they were.

Sousuke wasn't glued to Makoto that day it seemed though. He was drifting towards Rin more since that morning, and it gave Makoto a bit of air to think.

He couldn't place how he felt about the impending relay.

As he opened a locker and pulled his shirt off, he hoped it was the right decision. He honestly had thought about giving up swimming at one time, but that had been only passing. With out swimming, he wasn't sure there would be anything left of him.

As they left the locker rooms Sousuke looked over at him. hHe looked ditermined and gave Makoto only the slightest of smiles before continuing out. Makoto had heard Sousuke and Rin talking together about winning this relay.

Makoto took a big breath. He didn't want to let any of them down, but he wasn't so sure anymore if winning even mattered to him.

 

* * *

 

The feeling didn't get any clearer as Makoto lined up with his teammates. Of course Iwatobi had to be placed next to Samezuka. Rei still refused to look at him, while Nagisa waved at Makoto eagerly. Makoto was starting to believe there was next to nothing that could damper Nagisa's sense of Friend ship. Makoto waved back and when he lifted his eyes, and when he did was met by Haru.

There was a moment neither seemed to know what to do before Haru nodded at him. In return Makoto smiled as best he could, pulling on the goggles and swim cap and stepping into the water.

Backstroke was always first. The rest of his team was already lined up and waiting for him. ...and that's what it felt like, not like they depended on him like they were waiting.

He tried to shake of the feeling as he pulled himself up on the starters block. He closed his eyes and tried to get his head on straight in the last few seconds he had.

The starters gun fired.

And Makoto pushed off of block, but it was a second behind the other swimmers on the line and he felt like he couldn't get his limbs to work as he crashed through the water. He tried to push through, closing his eyes he tried to stop all the whirling in his head and before he knew it he was surfacing gasping do air, he rebounded off the wall and darted back under the water, it felt suffocating.

He hit the starters block still a half a second behind Iwatobi's swimmer. His teammate had been ready though and arched off the block the second Makoto hit the block.

Pulling himself out of the water he was met with Sousuke's eyes. Makoto looked away and just looked down instead. Standing there he closed his eyes, turning to watch as the breaststroke leg was coming to a close.

"Don't worry about it," Rin said next to him, though his tone didn't imply that's what he actually meant. Makoto could blame him.

He nodded next to Rin.

"Sousuke will make it up," Rin said next to him.

Right, like always. Makoto looked down, Sousuke was cleaning up his mess yet again it seemed.

Sousukes bound off the block, perfect form as always. His long body arched and his arms came up in perfect reaction as he darted through the water, slipping through the current and powering through the water.

Rin was right, against Rei, Sousuke over took him before he'd even started on his way back. Makoto caught sight of the smallest--Sousuke's face looked tense too tense as he brought his arms back around... There was just half a second, Makoto saw that he wasn't the only one in this that wasn't quite right. By the time Sousuke had touched down on the block, Samezuka was in 1st place.

Rin leapt into the water a seconds before Haru.

Sousuke turned immediately once he was on land, his eyes tracking Rin's progress.

It wasn't until Rin hit the block, in first, and was pulled up on land that Sousuke even looked at Makoto.

But Makoto was looking to the score boards. Both Samezuka and Iwatobi had qualified.

"What the hell was that?" Makoto heard from his side. He turned to see Sousuke.

He wasn't looking at him angry just like he was confused.

"I'm sorry," Makoto said. Something about the day just didn't feel right, and he couldn't figure out why. "That was my fault. I won't let it happen again."

Sousuje cocked his head at him. "You didn't--" he looked to Iwatobi then back to Makoto.

It clicked suddenly for Makoto as well. Maybe he did. And his insides felt horrible for it. When he looked back to Sousuke, unfortunately he was pretty sure his expression betrayed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I missed last week. Super sorry peeps! I'd say it won't happen again, but knowing that I as a person am incredibly unorganized it probably will...
> 
> [Soundtrack: Blood, The Middle East](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7SSC3ex-bA)
> 
> Tumblr: [ lovelilylion.tumblr.com](http://lovelilylion.tumblr.com/)


	10. Part 2, Chapter 10

It wasn't until they were back that night that Makoto really had a chance to suss through the chaos of his head. The celebration of their victory had taken Sousuke with Rin for most of the after noon and into the night. It was a big step for the team. Makoto had declined, returning to the room on his own. He let his things drop to the floor as he entered the room. He collapsed on to Sousuke's bed, rubbing his hands over his face. 

 

Had he really--? He cared about Haru, but doing that just seemed so out of his scope. Makoto laughed at himself. Right, like he even had a scope anymore! 

 

He lowered himself to the floor. It for some reason didn't matter that Sousuke wasn't there, Makoto couldn't sit on his bed, knowing he probably wasn't into sharing at that moment with Makoto. 

 

His head fell forward into his hands as he curled over his knees. 

 

How had he gotten this messed up? Guilt was gnawing at him this time, chewing through his insides painfully. He felt guilty for leaving Haru, felt guilty for letting down his team, felt guilty for--for doing this to Sousuke. 

 

Nothing he had with Sousuke was sincere! How could Makoto do that! God and all for a buzz that would last a couple hours at most! 

 

He felt himself crying again before he could control it. He curled tighter around his knees, scrubbing at his face again. It wasn't his face, it felt like. 

 

It wasn't his. 

 

He wouldn't do this to the people around him, 

 

How had he ever gotten to this point? How had he let what ever it was devouring him inside out have so much control? He shook his head before closing his eyes and blurring his face against his knees. 

 

This wasn't him, and he hated it. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Makoto woke when the dorm room door opened. Light spilled through the opened doorway, making Makoto blink several times as his eyes adjusted. He knew it was Sousuke and he rolled over in the top bunk, facing the wall. He'd crawled in bed way earlier then necessary and curled up under the covers hoping for nothing but sleep. There was nothing he could think to do about--everything, at least nothing in the immediate present. So sleeping seemed like the best option. He closed his his eyes, knowing Sousuke wouldn't really care. 

 

Sousuke didn't turn on the light, just shut the door behind him. Makoto could hear him removing his jacket, sliding off his shoes. He sighed back into the bed covers, trying to clear his thoughts to sleep again. 

 

He was suddenly jerked from his bed. Makoto's eyes flew open as he tried to steady himself, half hanging off the top bunk. He was made aware that Sousuke gripped his shirt firmly and was the only thing keeping Makoto from crashing to the floor quite a ways below him. 

 

Makoto grabbed at one of the bars in the bed, balancing himself. "Sousuke--" he started. 

 

"Let it go, Tachibana." Sousuek growled, deep and threatening, near Makoto's ear. 

 

Confused, Makoto wasn't sure what Sousuke was talking about.He was abruptly jerked again, and Makoto let out a gasp as it felt like his arm was almost jerked out of its socket, and he very much realized what Sousuke wanted. 

 

"Okay," Makoto said, slowly. He let go of the bar on bed, holding his hands up for Sousuke to clearly to see. 

 

He was yanked all the way off then, his feet fumbling to get under him in time, as he fell from the bed. 

 

Sousuke still clutched him from behind, pressing his chest to Makoto's back. "What the hell was that today?" He whispered viciously in Makoto's ear. 

 

Unsure, if any answer would really satisfy him, Makoto just worked on standing, getting a good footing under him. He still held his hands out, making it clear he wasn't going to fight Sousuke. At this point it was a little bit ridiculous to try. 

 

"Tachibana!" Sousuek hissed. 

 

"I'm sorry," Makoto quickly got out. "You're right." He tried to comply. "I know it was my fault. And you have no idea how guilty I feel over it all." 

 

"You have no idea what guilt feels like yet," Sousuke snarled. 

 

Makoto was flipped then, coming to face the angriest Sousuke he'd seen to date. 

 

"I thought I had made it very clear between us," Sousuke growled, his face dangerously close to Makoto's. "What ever the hell shit you had in Iwatobi stays in Iwatobi." Sousuke shook his head. "You don't bring it to this teams doorstep. You don't let it sabotage this year." 

 

Makoto clutched at Sousuke's hands trying to keep them from strangling him if possible, he had at least that much strength left, though maybe not that much sense. 

 

"I know," he said to Sousuke. "I know, I'm sorry." 

 

Sousueks breathing hadn't calmed and he hurled Makoto against the wall. "You're fucking sorry?" He snarled. "Because of you, we were half a fucking second from not qualifying for Regionals." 

 

Makoto braced himself against the wall behind him, holding himself ready for when Sousuke would come at him again. He didn't have to wait long as Sousuke crashed over him, bracing his arms against the wall at either sides of Makoto's head. 

 

"I'm sorry." Makoto said again. What else was he supposed to say? "It won't happen again." 

 

"No," Sousuke hissed. "It won't." 

 

Makoto could feel as Sousuke drifted closer. "Damn it all, Tachibana." He growled as he moved his mouth it against Makoto's neck. "How the hell do I make you get your shit together?"

 

Letting his head rest back against the wall, Makoto could feel as his eyes drifted and his hands moved in to Sousuke's shirt. Sousuke didn't seem to like that though and with a gripping rough hold pinned Makoto's arms against the wall. He didn't kiss Makoto's neck like usual, just rested his head there, pressing into Makoto's skin. 

 

Opening his eyes, Makoto licked his lips and blinked up at their ceiling. This wouldn't help anything. Using Sousuke like a sedative hadn't helped before and it wasn't going to help now. He was making it worse for Sousuke. If they hadn't--before the two of them had gotten all tangled up in each other Sousuke hadn't hesitated to really hurt Makoto and now he was hesitating. He'd left so he couldn't hurt his friends and finding a substitute to shove his problems off on to wasn't going to help. 

 

Sousuke slid one hand away from Makoto's arm and down to the hem of Makoto's t-shirt, dipping beneath it. 

 

"No," Makoto abruptly found himself whispering. 

 

Sousuke either didn't hear or didn't understand as he slid closer to him. His teeth scrapped against Makoto's neck. Because kissing then would have been too sweet, mouthing, bitting seemed to make sense. 

 

Makoto fisted his braced hand and with his one free hand pushed at Sousuke's shoulder. "No, Sousuke." Makoto said again. He tried to say it gently as he looked at Sousuke. 

 

Sousuke looked up at him, cocking his head. He was still angry as his teal eyes glint in the limited light from outside the window. There was a moment that Makoto thought he was going to back off. His brow furrowed as his looked at Makoto. 

 

They were grappling in the next moment as Soususke tried to pin Makoto to the wall again and for the first time Makoto fought him off.

 

In the tussle, Makoto flung himself away from Sousuke, stumbling into the middle of the room, and thankfully several feet from Sousuke. They both breathed heavy, and watched each other, as Makoto straightened. 

 

Makoto shook his head, "this won't help," Makoto said. 

 

Sousuke looked a bit taken back, "has it ever?" He asked so matter-of-factly. 

 

"No," Makoto answered, shaking his head. "We don't even like each other all that much." 

 

Sousuke snorted. "That matters because?" 

 

Makoto took another step back, hiding behind the vertical bar of their bed. "Because I want it to. I don't want something like this to be meaningless." 

 

Cocking his head, Sousuke gave Makoto a particular look. "Does it feel meaningless to you?" He snorted. "It sure as hell hasn't felt meaningless on my end." He was growling in a low voice again, no doubt Makoto was probably pissing him off more. 

 

Makoto pressed his lips together as he considered what Sousuke was saying. "We're substituting--" 

 

"Because you look so much like the love of my life." 

 

"I mean it!" Makoto spoke up. "I--I know something's off with you, and it's been getting worse and I haven't pried, because it is none of my business, but I know what ever it is, you feel out of control. This isn't going to give any of it back." 

 

Sousuke looked at him this time, in the eye, across the room. "And can you really tell me you're not hurting?" 

 

"That's not my point," Maktoto said a bit taken back. "Filling holes with something that's equally has the potential to hurt doesn't solve either of our problems." 

 

"Right," Sousuke said as he took a step forward, and into Makoto's personal space, he rested an arm on the top bunk and spoke, looming over Makoto. "And what we do is hurtful?" 

 

Makoto looked down away from those teal eyes. What was he supposed to say? Yeah, we are screwing each other into a death match? That jerking each other around on a leash that felt shorter and shorter all the time was a really healthy way to go about fixing their lives? He shook his head. "I don't know. But it doesn't feel--" he wasn't even sure. 

 

"Like soft kisses and tender whisperings?" Sousuke hissed. 

 

Makoto looked away to the floor. Sousuke was mocking him now, great. "I'm just not sure sometimes if we are a good idea." 

 

Sousuke sighed. "You told me you weren't here to pull others under the current with you, and maybe you really mean that, but today--you almost drug the entire team right off that cliff you keep trying to hurl yourself off of." 

 

There was no way Makoto could get himself to meet Sousuke's eyes this time. "I know. I--" 

 

"You're sorry." Sousuke growled. He was close to Makoto again, though Makoto couldn't pinpoint when that had become the case. "I know, you've told me several times before." 

 

"I don't know what else you want me to say." Makoto said. He could feel Sousuke's breath against his skin again. He closed his eyes, almost wanting to lean into it. His smell was--warm and heavy, it was the smell of the pool and of the tall pines outside. It was distinct and Makoto could barely think around the idea of being able to sink into it, feel Sousuke grinding into him, clutching at Makoto's skin, growling in his deep voice, vibrating through his chest as he made Makoto feel like he was just him, in just that moment and blissful enough that he could just float away. 

 

"I want you to finally take off that stupid smile," Sousuke startled Makoto out of his daydream as he bit down on Makoto's ear, growling the words in his ear. 

 

Makoto hissed, and pushed Sousuke away. It was a harder shove than Makoto expected and he looked over at Sousuke to make sure he caught himself. 

 

"There ya go," Sousuke said, sounding way too self satisfied. "We both know I've seen past that silly expression of yours. You're not happy, you're not okay with everything and you feel like you're being shredded apart from the inside. Hiding it by pretending you can breath water clearly hasn't helped, letting me toss you around you say doesn't help, so how about showing a bit of emotion." 

 

Makoto let out a breath, not realizing he'd been holding it until then. "I don't have anything I need to--" 

 

"Stop feeding me bull shit." 

 

Makoto pressed his lips together again, wishing he didn't feel suddenly so cold, and so empty. 

 

"Come on, Tachibana, let's make this meaningful." Sousuke growled. "You let me shove you into what ever I like for a reason now why don't you let a bit of that out for once." 

 

Folding his arms over his middle, Makoto turned to the side, away from Sousuke. "Trust me, I'm pretty sure there isn't anything you haven't dug out of me." 

 

"Hit me." Sousuke growled at him. 

 

Makoto looked at him. His brow furrowed as he shook his head. "No." 

 

"I pushed you onto your knees and made you suck my dick." Sousuke said as he took a step closer. "I snarl at you every couple of minutes. I practically stalk you. I tell you what to do constantly. I'm the worst roommate you'll ever have. That doesn't make you a bit mad, Tachibana?" 

 

Makoto's brow furrowed downward this time. His eyes scanned over Sousuke hoping for once he could suss out what Sousuke wanted from him. "How would hitting you make any of that better?" 

 

"You're right," Sousuke cocked his chagrin smile. "It would probably just make it all worse." 

 

"Baiting me isn't going to make any of this better," Makoto sighed. He looked to the floor. "Would you just quit for once? Let something be?" 

 

Sousuke expression dropped into something Makoto wasn't sure he wanted to recognize. "You're right I should just let it lie, leave you to deal with it all on your own, because that's working out great. How's the swimming coming? Drown yourself yet?" 

 

"Shut up," Makoto snarled back for the first time. He looked up at Sousuke and frowned, breathing heavy through his nose. Watching those teal eyes, Makoto knew if he kept up this argument with Sousuke, it would go all night. He didn't relent, that was just exactly who Sousuke was. 

 

"Fine, " Makoto growled as he hurled himself at Sousuke. He hit into him so hard Sousuke stumbled a step back, having to reach for the bed to keep balanced. "Have what you want," Makoto cursed as he sealed his lips over Sousuke's. 

 

He didn't give Sousuke much time to react as his hands started down at his jeans. Lifting Sousuke's shirt, Makoto slid his hands under and and clawed his nails into Sousuke's skin, drawing down the V of his abdomen to his belt buckle. 

 

Sousuke let out a hiss, breaking their kiss. His hand was clutching up at Makoto's face, but as Makoto started to yank at the belt to get it free his grip changed, his hand palming over Makoto's throat, flexing his grip like a threat. In answer, Makoto finally got enough leverage to jam a hand down Sousuke's pants, tugging Sousuke's dick into filling in his hand. 

 

Sousuke attacked Makoto's lips again, growling as he bit and licked and bruised Makoto's lips into compliance into thekiss. 

 

They breathed hard into each other's mouth, cursing under their breathes as they tore at each other. Makoto pulled at Sousuke's shirt again, insistent on getting it off as he gave Sousuke a shove. Sousuke tackled him to the floor in exchange and they grappled again. The tangle of limps settled as Sousuke rolled on his back, carrying Makoto to seat himself over Sousuke's hips. 

 

He gripped over Makoto's throat again pulling him into a kiss. 

 

Makoto let out a hiss as Sousuke bit down on his bottom lip. 

 

"Feel that Tachibana?" Sosuske said as he sucked and licked at the lip. 

 

Makoto tasted blood and dug his nails into Sousuke's cock still in his hand. 

 

Sousuek let out a yowl, and jerked Makoto's hand out of his jeans. He fisted a hand in Makoto's fringe and yanked his head back as Makoto's hand fumbled its way to Sousuke's throat in return. 

 

Sousuke let out a snort as he lifted his head up and took Makoto's lip between his teeth again and bit down. Makoto squeezed his eyes shut as he let out a hiss again, feeling the blood trailing from his lip. 

 

Letting the bottom lip drop out of his mouth, Sousuke was speaking again. "How does really hurting like that feel?" He licked up at Makoto's abraised lip, suckling at the deep cut. His fisted hands grip loosened and Makoto let his head drop to Sousuke's shoulder. 

 

He smeared the blood from his lip against Sousuke's neck, his hand around Sousuke's throat shifting to grip up and around his head, Right under Soususke's ear. 

 

"Please stop say those things," Makoto whispered. He closed his eyes as his free hand gripped down Sousuke's chest to his loosened waist band again. 

 

Sousuke own hands were framing Makoto's hips, gripping to his back and tracing down to start tugging Makoto's boxers down. His broad hands, ran over Makoto's ass, squeezing just enough as he directed Makoto's hips to curl in and down. 

 

"Am I still meaningless to you?" Sousuke hissed as he moved in against Makoto's ear. He dug his nails into Makoto's skin then, slamming his hips down again into Sosuskes groin. 

 

"You know I never meant it like that." Makoto said into Sousuke's neck. 

 

Sousuke just hummed, yanking Makoto's boxers down farther, enough Sousuke could grind his cock up and against bare skin, but not enough so that Makoto would have to move to take them off completely. 

 

"Lube?" Sousuke groaned in Makoto's ear. "Or would you prefer I just tear into you bare?" 

 

Makoto clawed at Sousuke's neck, burying his face further. It didn't feel like he was drifting this time, he wasn't allowed to disconnect it seemed this time around. Instead Sousuke was reeling him closer. There was plenty of room on the floor but they curled into each other and fought to get closer, to break skin and bleed together and into each other. 

 

Sousuke's hand grappled up into the side of their desks, opening drawers and pulling out what ever he found. He finally pulled out a tube of lotion and growled into Makoto's jaw line. He bit against the skin there, tugging lightly but not really inflicting pain this time. 

 

Makoto could hear as Sousuke ran a slick hand over his cock before his hips jutted upwards and Makoto was gasping into Sousuke's collar bone. Makoto's hand fisted in Sousuke's hair, his other hand clutching at the carpet. It was a real difference from the times before when Souske had spent most of their foreplay with his fingers knuckles deep inside Makoto. Regardless, Sousuke didn't stop till he was all the way in and Makoto was breathing hard against him. 

 

One of Sosuske's hands found its way between them, palming Makoto through his boxers. Makoto's groaned, his teeth gnashing against Sousuke's collar bone. 

 

"Bite me," Sousuke said, his mouth somewhere buried in Makoto's hair. "I hurt you, hurt me back." 

 

He would have refused, if Makoto had been himself and if they had been some normal couple that cared about each other and kissed and cooed sweet words and if Makoto didn't feel like there was nothing left to his insides, like they were bare and raw and bleeding. 

 

Sousuke pulled his hips back, slamming back up into Makoto and Makoto let out a yowl as he clamped his mouth down on Sousuke's neck, making Sousuke gasp for breath. Sousuke started to roll his hips, his head resting back on the carpet as he took a deep breath. 

 

"Yeah come on, Makoto, fight back a little." Sousuke said a bit breathless as his hands found Makoto's hips and he pumped in and out. 

 

Makoto groaned, releasing Sosuke neck as he pushed himself up on shaking arms. He shifted back into the motion, his forehead resting on Sousuke's sternum. He could feel his lip still bleeding. He could also feel Sousuke's cock thrusting into him, filling him and Makoto wasn't sure he could breath evenly. He pushed up all the way. 

 

Teal eyes caught his own gaze, and Sousuke's hand found Makoto's placing them at Sousuke's chest before they went back to running up Makoto's sides and squeezing his thighs and palming Makoto's erection in intervals. 

 

Makoto balanced, sitting back, he shoved his hips all the way down on Sousuke's cock. At the same time, clawing his hands over Sousuke's chest, digging the nails of one hand over a nipple. 

 

Sousuke groaned and thrust his hips up insistent, his head thrown back and eyes wide open as he watched Makoto over him. His hands came up, suddenly yanking Makoto's T-shirt up over his head and tossed it to the floor. 

 

Makoto let a whimper quiver past his swollen bottom lip as he started to move, humping back against Sousuke's legs and farther down on his dick and then rolling his hips up and forward, threading his cock through Soususke's fisted hand. Sousuke just watched as with ever roll of Makoto's hips he fucked himself as well as stroked him self off with just a bit of Sousuke's help. 

 

Sousuke couldn't last long passive like that though it seemed as Makoto felt him shifting under him. Makoto's own head was thrown back, his throat feeling dry as he tried to keep breathing and moving on Sousuke's cock. Sosuke hand threaded through his hair as the first sign as he was jerked back down and his mouth was crashed into Sousuke's.

 

Maktot let out a yelp as he found how painful kissing was. He closed his eyes then, supporting himself on his elbow and Souskue slammed up into him, impaling him and growling into his mouth. Feral and incarnate they humped and ground into each other hard, ridding out what ever issues they could manage. 

 

Finally their peak couldn't be put off anymore as Makoto tore his mouth away in a yell as white hot rush poured through him. He shook and gasped and tried to keep steady as Sousuke slammed into him, egging on his orgasm. 

 

With a whimper, Makoto finally dropped his head, falling against Sousuke's neck and limbs failing. Soususke didn't stop though his hands clutching at Makoto's skin as he pumped up into him. 

 

Makoto groaned, his mouth open and smearing fresh blood over Sousuke's shoulder as he whined. He felt too sensitive and too worn to keep going. His hand pulled at Sousuke's hair, nosing into Sousuke's neck. He cracked his eyes open just as Sousuke let out a growling groan his back arching off the carpet and spearing himself into Makoto. 

 

Makoto was a bit surprised as he felt it inside as well, swallowing as he watched Sousuke climax under him as well as aware of the wet fluid spilling inside of him. 

 

Sousuke's chest heaved as he came back down. A hand dropped to Makoto's back, tender this time as he traced between Makoto's shoulder blades. 

 

For a few minutes they just lay there catching their breath. Maktoto slid off of Sousuke, but their legs tangled and ended up pulling them both on their sides. 

 

Sousuke pressed his forehead to Makoto's, his eyes hooded but still open as he asked. "Is this still meaningless?" 

 

Makoto's eyes shifted to look at Sousuke. He felt so tangled up in him that they might bleed if pried apart. "No," he said quietly looking away. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Makoto woke facing the wall again. He wasn't sure when exactly they had transitioned from the floor to Sousuke's bed but it had more than likely happened when they started falling asleep on the floor, breathing in the same air, Makoto was pretty sure they hadn't separated much. They hadn't really talked afterwards but they didn't move away either. 

 

It was also becoming clear that the two of them had entirely different sleeping habits. Makoto always slept on his side, usually facing the wall, slightly curled. He didn't take up much of the bed despite his size. It was probably a good thing since Sousuke always seemed to take up as much of the bed as humanly possible. He slept on his back or stomach, splayed out over the mattress, sometimes a foot or hand hanging over the side. He didn't like covers, usually just a sheet bunched at his waist, which was nice since Makoto pulled the duvet almost up to his chin most nights. 

 

It was an odd fit, yet it still seemed to work. 

 

Sousuke sighed in his sleep and Makoto shifted to find Sousuke's face against the back of his neck and shoulder. He was on his stomach, an arm lazily resting under the covers across Makoto's waist. 

 

Makoto shifted again, hoping he wouldn't wake Sousuke, but not so sure he was going to get out of bed otherwise. 

 

With a deep inhale of breath, Sousuke's head lifted and he blinked down at Makoto. 

 

"Uh--hey," Makoto ended up saying. 

 

Sousuke gave a deep hum in acknowledgement before shifting on his side he pulled Makoto back into him. It was a sleepy, lazy motion. 

 

It was a few minutes for Sousuke to wake up before he moved at all again, finally pulling away to shift up on to his elbows and observe their room. Their cloths were strewn across the floor, they'd managed to knock a few things off both of their desks in the tussle, Sousuke's things were still where he had dropped them near the closet. 

 

Makoto shifted on to his back, still very aware of the lack of space between him and Sousuke. Not that the bed was really big enough. There wasn't much hope to do anything but touch with how broad the two of them were at the shoulders. 

 

Sousuke noticed, looking down at Makoto. He didn't smile, that somehow seemed not right for the feeling between them. But he leaned down, and opened his mouth to claim a kiss from Makoto's lips. 

 

For which, Makoto immediately groaned. "Mnnhhhh." 

 

Sousuke pulled back, reassessing the damage of Makoto's lower lip. 

 

"How bad is it?" Makoto asked, half joking, and unfortunately half very serious. Explaining this was going to suck and even worse Makoto wasn't looking forward to how chlorine would feel on it. 

 

"Well the domestic abuse charges should hold up." Sousuke shrugged. He wasn't smiling still and Makoto wasn't sure if he was irate with what had happened last night or worried--probably both. 

 

Makoto let out a small laugh. He looked over at Sousuke and wondered out loud. "I thought you said you didn't like blood." Looking at Sousuke's shoulder it seemed that the evidence of Makoto's injury was still smeared on his skin, dry and dark, but still there. 

 

"I thought you weren't going to let me leave marks." Sousuke said in return. He was looking away as he said it. But as he finished he looked down at Makoto and lifted a hand and gently let his thumb brush against Makoto's swollen lip, his other fingers caressing down Makoto's cheek. "I've certainly left something to remember me by." 

 

It seemed--out of character now to say something like that and Makoto cocked his head. "What--what are we Sousuke?" 

 

Instead of answer, Sousuke looked away again, pulling his hand away as he looked back up to the window. He armed a pillow under his head and gazed at the sunlight filtering in through their blinds. 

 

It wasn't like. Makoto could say he knew either. He sighed back, looking to the top bunk as he let his head rest against Sousuke's arm. Maybe there wasn't a clear answer yet. Or maybe there was a clear answer and neither of them wanted to see it. 

 

"Should we talk about--what happened last night?" He asked, unsure if he should even keep talking. 

 

Sousuke didn't quite seem all there next to him. 

 

"I'm not sorry." Sousuke suddenly gruffed. "I mean I--I don't want--I don't know what I was thinking last night. I wanted you--present." 

 

Makoto sucked in a breath, looking up at Sousuke as best he could from the odd angle. "It's fine. It was entirely consensual." 

 

"You told me, no." 

 

"And then I told you yes." Makoto countered. "I hurt you too." Makoto reached up to trace the dark bruised bite mark on Sousuke's neck. "I don't want to do it again." Makoto admitted. "But we were equally in it last night." 

 

"I think--" Makoto started looking down at his hands holding the covers over his bare chest. "We both had things to hurt over last night and you were right--I needed to stay present. I did. I can't say I feel better this morning. But I don't feel like I ran away or that I hid anything last night." 

 

Sousuke still hadn't looked down at him, and didn't seem like he was going to. Makoto closed his eyes, sighing. He was surprised when he felt Sousuke shift next to him, coming up on his side he directed Makoto back on his side as he pulled him in at the same time, tucking an arm around Makoto's middle. 

 

"I really want you to say something," Makoto said, letting Sousuke have what he wanted as he turned on his side, feeling Sousuke's breath at the back of his neck. 

 

He wasn't given an answer for several seconds and almost thought he wasn't going to get one at all until Sousuke leaned his head down and kissed the peak of Makoto's shoulder. 

 

"Mine," he said just loud enough Makoto caught itbefore tucking his head in and against Makoto's neck Sousuke let out a breath, eyes closed again. 

 

Makoto wasn't sure if that meant things were getting worse or better between them. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

It wasn't until they were leaving practice later that day that Makoto noticed Sousuke finally shifting out of his funk. 

 

They had spun some story about going jogging and Makoto tripped, landing with a cut lip. Sousuke had spent practice with his jacket on, hiding the long red marks Makoto had managed to leave on his chest, as well as the bruised biting on his shoulder. 

 

Makoto could feel Sousuke next to him as he opened their door to the room. He'd been quiet most of the day. Not that they had done much. Most of the morning had been spent in bed before Sousuke had finally been convinced that Makoto was at least hungry.He had pulled Makoto back on the bed when Makoto had started doing homework. As far as Makoto could tell Sousuke spent the rest of the after noon till practice with his nose in a book. 

 

As Makoto entered the room, he looked over the mess the two of them had been ignoring. Sousuke had already sat down on his bed, looking distant and stoney as he had been all morning. 

 

When Makoto started pulling off his jacket at the closet he finally heard Sousuke speak. 

 

"My first priority here is Rin." His voice was that low baritone it always was, but he didn't growl it. 

 

Makoto hung the jacket up. "I know." If it had all been different he would say the same about Haru. It wasn't though and he was alone here now. 

 

"I won't let you get in the way of that." 

 

When Makoto turned he saw Sousuke staring at him. "I--" Makoto wasn't sure what to say. They hadn't really worked through what had happened at prefecturals so a part of him had guessed this was coming, but he wasn't sure what to say now that it was coming to a head. "I understand." Makoto ended up saying. 

 

Sousuke kept eye contact with him. "If I don't think you really are in this, I will tell Rin not to put you on the relay for regionals." 

 

Makoto sighed. "That's completely fair." 

 

Sousuke nodded and turned his head away. 

 

"Why did you swim the relay?" Makoto asked, surprised he'd wanted to know for a while, it didn't seem like Sousuke. 

 

Sousuke sighed. "I wanted to see it, what ever the hell it was Rin and all you other's keep going off about." 

 

Makoto pulled on at shirt he'd be fine falling asleep in and went to his desk, pulling out his laptop. "Did you?" 

 

He turned just as Sousuke looked up at him. His hands were pressed palm to palm, his finger at his mouth. "I don't know." 

 

Sitting back on the desk top Makoto nodded as he looked down at the laptop he had under his arm, resting on his leg. 

 

"It means everything to Rin though. " Sousuke said as he stood, stepping closer to impose his size over Makoto. "And Rin is important to me. I won't let what ever we got started mess up anything for him." 

 

"I know." Makoto said, looking up at Sousuke. "I would never let you get in Haru's way." 

 

"You're still that loyal to him?" Sousuke asked. 

 

Makoto looked up at Sousuke, not smiling as his brow lowered. "Haru is my best friend. I left him, not the other way around. I would go to the ends of the earth for him." 

 

"The feeling clearly isn't returned." Sousuke said rather straightforward. 

 

Makoto cocked his head. This was turning strangely personal and biting. "It doesn't matter." He looked at Sousuke a bit more confused. "Why does it matter to you? I'm pretty sure you and I aren't a couple." 

 

Sousuke hummed, his eyes roamed over Makoto's face, landing at Makoto's swollen cut lip. He lifted his hand, his thumb just barely grazing over Makoto's affronted lip. "Maybe because I'm pretty sure I'll be the one left to piece you back together." 

 

"If we are still in this room together." Makoto amended. 

 

"What?" Sousuke asked, his hand on Makoto's face pausing. 

 

He seemed sincerely surprised, Makoto concluded as he watched Sousuke's face. "Empty promises right now, won't help either of us." Makoto said. "Once we aren't packed together like this, will you really care about what happens with me?" 

 

Sousuke didn't answer, seeming to be really not sure what his answer would be as his hand dropped back to his side. 

 

Makoto didn't have it in him to leave it there and he reached up, barely touching Sousuke's cheek as he leaned up. With a grimace he pressed a small kiss to Sousuke's lips before leaning away to speak. "Rin comes first. I completely understand, and it's fine. I never expected anything different." 

 

Turning away then Makoto set his laptop on his bed, turning again to find the textbook that had his homework in. 

 

"You really mean that?. Sousuke asked behind him. "You never thought there--this is what you expected?" 

 

Makoto didn't turn, looking down at the textbook in his hands. He wasn't sure he could turn. "I spent my entire life living next to the boy I'm pretty sure I'm in love with. It's not like I didn't try. You don't think I fought, but I did. I did everything I could think of. But I still lost." He snapped the textbook shut. "Rin has always come first. Why would I expect anything different at this point?"

 

The hollowness was suddenly clawing at Makoto's throat. He wasn't quite sure when he started letting Sousuke have every drop of honesty that Makoto could offer, but it was quickly digging a grave Makoto wasn't sure he could pull himself out of. 

 

He didn't feel like he could move confidently as he looked down at his desk. 

 

"Right," Sousuke said in a quiet voice behind him. 

 

Makoto could feel the realness of his own words hitting through him. He could feel his eyes watering. It all seemed to crumble so fast. He thought he was getting better until he realized he wasn't. 

 

He could hear Sousuke shift behind him, probably not even watching Makoto any longer. 

 

This really wasn't helping them. Makoto wasn't sure Sousuke had been entirely full of crap. What would happen when he wasn't there to pull Makoto back from the brink? And what the hell was Makoto thinking refreshing everything Sousuke ever felt for Rin. He wasn't just refreshing it, he was pouring salt on the wound, every time. It wasn't healthy for either of them. 

 

Makoto sighed, scrubbing his hands across his face. Trying to wipe any trace from his face as well as hide just another moment from his roommate. 

 

He snatched up the text book and turned to pull himself up on his bed, when Sousuke was there again. A bit too soon Makoto observed reddening. Sousuke pushed Makoto down on his bed before handing him his laptop. 

 

"We'll end up down there eventually anyway," he mumbled. As he went to his own desk and dug out his homework. 

 

When he sat on the bed, Sousuke gave Makoto plenty of space, laying at the end of the bed, away from Makoto against the wall at the head. 

 

Not sure what to say, Makoto just looked down at his homework as he opened his laptop and tried not to think about how Sousuke's feet touched his at the other side of the bed. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Soundtrack: Mess is Mine, Vance Joy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kINi_D0SW0Y)
> 
>  
> 
> Tumblr: [ lovelilylion.tumblr.com](http://lovelilylion.tumblr.com/)
> 
> * * *
> 
> THERES A JOB OPENING! YAY! 
> 
> **Job Title:** BETA Reader for Lovelilylion
> 
>  **Description:** Basically an English Intern that doesn't get paid but gets to do all my grunt work. I post my work every week or so and though I have plenty of time to write them at work, honestly I way too often end up skipping the part where I read my chapters over and fix mistakes. So guess who gets to do that for me? :D
> 
>  **Duties:** Put up with a moody writer/artist that clings way too fiercely to bad ideas.
> 
> Look over weekly chapter posts to check for grammar, spelling and typos. Average chapter around 5,000 words or more a week. Sometimes more, sometimes less.
> 
> Possibly look over entire works when they’re finished to check for plot holes or gaping inconsistencies.
> 
> You could make suggestions on content, but 4 out of 5 times I won’t care and just write whatever I want anyway.
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> Can put up with a lot of em dash use and abuse. 
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> You know what an em dash is.
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>  **Skills and Qualifications:** Great at English. Absolutely awesome with grammar. Time and interest in looking over weekly chapters. Phenomenal coffee brewing skills. Alright that last one's a joke, I hate coffee. Ability to endure lame jokes. Ability to pretend the writer/artist is funny. 
> 
> **Pay:** …you get to read my crap first?
> 
> I may honestly take more than one as well since the more eyes go over a chapter the better it will be before posting.


	11. Part 2, Chapter 11

Pulling himself out of the water, Maktoto noticed Rin at the edges of his vision. It wasn't unsurprising. Sousuke had gone quiet next to him over the last few days. And a new development was that Rin was watching after Makoto as well.

Tossing a towel around his neck, Makoto observed that Rin was watching him again, that same sour expression on his face. It wasn't his usual act to keep at a distance, so Makoto wasn't sure he should ask or not. Sousuke was next to Rin, looking out over the other teammates, some still in the pool, some not. His arms were folded over his chest.

It was comforting that Sousuke at least was reverting back to old habits. He let Makoto take care of himself at least. He jogged with Rin, he hung out with Rin, he'd started to train with Rin, and Makoto spent every free moment in the pool. Everything felt like it might be adjusting back to where it might be normal.

Then again, Sousuke pulled him in bed with him every night since prefecturals, so maybe normal was a bit too hopeful. They didn't have sex, didn't really even kiss, probably because it still hurt on Makoto's end, or touch, just slept in the same bed. Makoto had even pulled his pillow down from his bed, relenting that things were probably changed for the foreseeable future. He was getting used to waking up with Sousuke's nose buried at his neck or shoulder, almost always a lazy hand resting at Makoto's hip or chest.

But for the day Makoto was relieved to feel like he wasn't under surveillance. He sighed and trudged back to the locker room. He had homework he could work on for a few hours before returning to the pool when no one else was there.

It wasn't until he was leaving through the entrance doors that Rin stepped up to him. He motioned for Makoto to follow him outside to the trees surrounding the campus buildings. Taking a deep breath Makoto nodded and followed after him.

"It's our last year here," Rin said as he looked at the trees, sighing in that already nostalgic kind of way.

Makoto didn't say anything just nodded.

"I've only got one chance at this," Rin went on looking back at Makoto. "I have one chance to make a team I'm proud of, Makoto."

Makoto could feel his shoulders drop a fraction. "I know." Makoto started. "I messed up and I'm sorry for that. I never intended for things to go that way."

Rin nodded at him, but his expression was still set, still unyielding. "Your team pulled through your mistake at the relay, I need you to be very clear on that."

Nodding, Makoto wasn't sure there wasn't anything to say that could make up for his failure.

Rin sighed, seeming frustrated. "This wouldn't be so hard if you weren't so instantly repentant about this whole thing."

Giving a smile, Makoto chuckled. "Isn't that supposed to make it easier?"

Rin gave his own half smile. "Well it makes me feel like I'm really coaching if you at least fight back a little."

Makoto shrugged and sat on the brick barrier separating the sidewalk and the flower bed. He looked down at his hands. "I know I didn't do my best in the relay."

Rin sat next to him, Leaning down on his knees.

They didn't speak for several long seconds, maybe trying to figure out how to approach the real issue standing in the open air.

"Iwatobi was my team at one point too, ya know." Rin finally said. "I care about Haru too."

"I know." Makoto said. He closed his eyes, his hands linking and coming up to his face. "Trust me I know."

"Do you?" Rin suddenly hissed at him.

When Makoto looked up he frowned at the intense look Rin had him pinned under. Right, well he did deserve it.

"I'm not going to accuse you of that," Rin growled at him, low and pissy. "But I would never do that to Haru. I would never do that to any of them."

Looking down and away, Makoto wasn't sure he could really work it out himself. He shook his head. "I never intended for that."

"How am I supposed to believe that?" Rin snarled. "I know you've kind of got some shit to work through, but fuck you don't listen to a thing anyone says, I haven't seen you make a single friend here!" He gave a sigh. "If I can tell you're on this self destruction highway than we both know it's pretty obvious."

Makoto just nodded.

"God, you are so fucking lucky when I talked to Sousuke he backed you five hundred percent of the way." Rin went on. "He swears your head just wasn't in the game for that relay."

Makoto looked up as Rin paused.

"This is my team Makoto, I built this relay team, for this year, for the best year I could make it. I won't settle for anything but the strongest." His voice was growling, vicious and it tore through Makoto. "Now I need you to tell me straight, what the hell happened at the relay?"

Makoto gazed back at him. He shook his head. "I don't know."

Standing, Rin pocketed his hands. "I can't create a team worth shit on, 'I don't knows.'" He looked to the pool. "Until you get your issues straight, consider yourself off the relay. I won't tell Momo he's your replacement till I have to--but I won't hesitate when it comes down to it."

Makoto just nodded. What more was there for him to say? He still wasn't sure what happened on that starters block! Did he really just have an off day? The morning before he'd snagged second over all and then in the relay his reaction times had caused Samezuka to fight for a spot at Reginals. It should have been a clean sweep.

Had he really wanted to give the win to Haru? Would he really disrespect a friend and his team like that?

Makoto sincerely hoped not as he finally stood.

 

* * *

 

Sousuke threw his stuff up on the top bunk. It wasn't like Makoto was sleeping up the anymore so it had become storage of sorts. Though as the semester heated up between swimming and exams, the mess that would be on the floor was now up on the bunk bed. Glancing down at the bottom bunk Sousuke sighed. they hadn't really made the bed that morning and Sousuke could tell the pattern from the remnants of the sheets.

It hadn't taken much to fall head first into a groove with Makoto. Makoto always slept facing the wall, curled on his side. He would take the duvet and Sousuke would take the sheet. Sousuke hadn't mentioned it to Makoto, but he would tremble in his sleep. He wouldn't ever make much sound, but Sousuke would wake feeling Makoto shaking next To him at least once a night.

He hadn't figured out how to make it stop as of yet, but he could calm it, sliding up against Makoto, pulling the covers up over his shoulder and breathing in against his shoulder.

Sousuke shook his head. This whatever it was was messing with his head. It was twisting his perspective. Then again he couldn't imagine it stopping. The idea of letting Makoto try and take care of himself was laughable.

Pulling his jacket off Sousuke headed for the shower.

The hot water just fueled on his thoughts though. He did care about Makoto, there was no denying that much any longer, but how much was the question. Their tense conversation a few days ago had hit at Sousuke's ego a bit too hard. The idea that Makoto thought they were that vapid and temporary, that Sousuke was that superficial had made him sick! At first maybe it had just been about a piece of ass and Makoto was confident. But then again Sousuke had been rooming with people since middle school and he'd never cornered one for sex like that before.

He sighed as he washed though his hair and scrubbed over his skin. Being acutely aware of another person was a constant drain it seemed like and Sousuke wasn't sure he liked it. Nope, actually change that, he for sure hated it. There was nothing about it that he liked.

By the time he came out of the shower he could hear the rustle of life on the other side of the bathroom door. Sousuke looked in the mirror, trying to convince himself he wasn't going to run straight out there to see Makoto.

Then again, it wasn't like he had much left to do in the bathroom either. He pulled a sleeveless shirt over his head and slipped on a pair of boxer briefs and some track shorts. He still used the towel on his hair as he stepped out.

Makoto looked up at him, and almost immediately Sousuke could feel his nerves spike. There was just something, a very tired way in how Makoto blinked at him. The split second he was caught off guard and seeing his real expression and how it was generally just--down.

"What--" Sousuke rethought that. He was being way too obvious. "Where have you been?" Right, like they both didn't know.

Makoto just shrugged. "Pool."

Sousuke stepped up to him, "uh huh." His eyes roamed over the slouching way Makoto's shoulders weren't set. How his eyes only briefly met Sousuke's and shifted quickly about the room.

"I--" Makoto spoke softly. "I talked to Rin."

There it was! Sousuke tossed the towel onto the top bunk, right along with the rest of their laundry. He hummed in answer before speaking. "He's mad?"

Makoto gave a nod. "I--I just, I want you to--you don't have worry about it all anymore." Makoto looked down at the fidgety way he tried to look like he was occupying himself with his homework. "I'm off the relay team."

"What?" Sousuke growled. It was a knee jerk reaction. "I fucking told Rin to let you work through your shit--"

His cinnamon head shot in. "No!" He shook his head. "It was me. He completely gave me a shot. I just--maybe you were right. I don't know if I deserve this chance." He looked away to his hands again. "Not with everything, you know."

"You could start by not letting this shit dictate your life!" Sousuke hissed.

This green eyes looked up at him for half a second free of his stupid apathetic mask and Sousuke prowled a step closer.

"You told Rin you love relays." Sousuke started a bit more level headed.

"It's a lot to handle right now." Makoto said quietly. "If I let this drop I don't have to worry about Samezuka and you don't have to worry about me messing it up either."

"Because you're just a fucking worry to me." Sousuke said before he could stop himself.

With a huff, Makoto leaned his hands on the desk in front of him. "I didn't mean that." He took in a audible breath. "Rin told me you were all in for me. I just--we are clear Sousuke, Rin comes first and the last thing I want to do is let you down. Just let me stick with this decision. It's weeks till regionals anyway."

Sousuke's hand was still fisted at his sides. He hated this tense feeling between them. He felt like every time he talked to Makoto every word mattered and it was exhausting. He nodded. "Alright." Maybe they would get lucky and Makoto would suss through his life better than expected. "We'll try your way."

Those deep green eyes were still on him though, and Sousuke couldn't find a reason to step away and do anything else but watch them.

He tugged Makoto's chin up and angled his face to the light. "God, that's getting worse it seems like." Sousuke growled as he looked at the red, swollen lip. It hadn't managed to scab over even.

"It's the pool water, I think." Makoto said, letting Sousuke direct his chin freely. "The chemicals are keeping it from closing up."

Sousuke grumbled in acknowledgement. "We maybe should have gone to get it stitched." He wondered out loud.

Makoto pulled his head away finally. "No." It was said in his usually quiet tone but was forceful enough. "I keep putting antibacterial on it, so it should start to heal up soon."

It didn't feel as strained to be able to just--be able to look after Makoto for once with out a string attached. Sousuke let his thumb pet down along Makoto's jaw line before he took his hand away.

"It got a butterfly bandaid," Sousuke said. "Stay here, I'll put it on to see if it helps."

Makoto let his deep green eyes rest on Sousuke for several more seconds before he nodded.

At least he was compliant for something, Sousuke thought as he turned to the bathroom to dig out the first aid kit.

 

* * *

 

Makoto looked out of place in the white school uniform, Sousuke mused to himself. His lip was looking better though.

Sousuke did have to admit that their relations--were getting tense-er. If that was a word, or even the right one for it all.

Makoto hesitated as he approached the table. He saw Rin and Nitori but his eyes rested on Sousuke. In his defense, Sousuke had been staring and since it was Sousuke more like glaring at him since he had gotten up that morning. He wanted to sigh. Was this really getting to the point Makoto wasn't sure he had friends to sit with for lunch? He had that much courtesy at least.

Sousuke yanked Makoto down in the chair next to him as he turned to back to Rin.

"You two seem to be getting along splendidly." Rin commented.

Sousuke just gave a gruff growl in response. Rin could piss off when it came--seriously? Rin? God damn where the fuck was Sousuke's head really at these days?

He shoved his food away. His insides felt like they were all twisted into knots. It was miserable and for once in Sousuke's life food was the last thing that sounded like it would help.

Nitori started speaking to Rin and that seemed to be enough for both Makoto and Sousuke. Noticing that Makoto hadn't exactly started to do anything but move his chop sticks around in his food, Sousuke wondered if it was contagious.

"Eat," he found himself growling, despite telling himself he wasn't going to.

Makoto looked at him, a raised brow his only comment on the present hypocrisy.

Sousuke raised his brow. "We both know you'll be spending the rest of the day with your feet wet, do me a solid and don't run on E."

"You have practice too." Makoto said.

It amazed Sousuke that the guy never sounded even the tiniest bit of miffed. With all the crap Sousuke loaded onto him by now a normal human would be throwing punches.

"Right, and when it ends, I'll stop swimming." He looked at Makoto pointedly.

"I'm not that hungry," Makoto just said turning away. "I'll eat more at dinner later."

"Eat now, and I won't have to check you on that promise later." Sousuke growled in return.

Makoto sighed. "Thank you for your concern but I'll be fine, please stop badgering me." He was strained in his politeness for once. In his lap it looked like for once he had his phone out, he looked at the alert on his lock screen before pocketing the phone again.

"If you weren't an idiot I wouldn't have to be on your case 24/7."

"I'm sorry I'm such a bother though No one asked you to, to begin with." Makoto said under his breath, looking very pointedly away from Sousuke in an effort to get him to stop.

Right, like that was a tactic that would work. Sousuke opened his mouth to shoot back.

"My god, you two," Rin cursed, beating Sousuke to the punch. "Either decide you wanna be friends or that you hate each other, just pick one so I can plan accordingly."

"Sorry," Makoto stepped up a bit too quick beside him. "I didn't mean to be that tense." He said quietly before standing, taking his barely touched food with him. "I'll see you later for practice."

He was gone before Sousuke even had much of a chance to protest.

"What the hell?" Rin growled across the table. "You are the only fucking person I know of that has seemed to ever get under Makoto's skin. I didn't know that was even possible!"

Sousuke just glared in return.

"And holy shit, I've never seen you so actively comment on every choice a person makes! Dude, you're a grump but you're not critical like that as far as I've seen." Rin elaborated. "What is going on between you two? You're acting like a dick to him every time I turn around and the next minute you're telling me every thing is perfectly fine."

Well when it was put like that... Sousuke gave a grumpy frown. "He's just--being difficult." In every way possible! And he was always on Sousuke's mind. And he was really confused about how he felt, and it was messing everything up!

Rin gave him a look that implied he was quite possibly a legitimate idiot before rolling his eyes. "It's Makoto, he isn't difficult about anything."

Not true! "He was just intentionally being a brat!" Sousuke said gesturing in the direction Makoto had used to exit.

"He apologized -- possibly twice!" Rin growled back.

"With an attitude." Sousuke amended. He only half smiled as he said it.

Rin let out a mock laugh. "I don't think there is a bone of attitude in Makoto's body." He was smiling as well by the time he looked down at his food.

"You think," Sousuke said. "Wait till you live with him. He is only--" he paused. "Ridiculously polite."

"That must be a pain!" Rin said, raising his eyebrows for emphasis.

"It's annoying." Sousuke admitted. He was only completely serious.

Rin still laughed. "I bet! He probably is always super nice about everything, and probably is neat and keeps all his crap away from you, and oh my gosh he keeps to himself and doesn't bother you at all! He must be satan."

"Exactly, I don't know what he's thinking!" Sousuke agreed, giving one assured nod.

"Probably that you're an ass." Rin quickly shot back. A smile was surfacing though.

Sousuke shrugged, taking a bite of his food. It was more or less the likely truth.

Rin broke and laughed first, and even though Sousuke tried to fight it he found himself chuckling as well.

Looking across the table, Rin's beautiful red eyes watching back at Sousuke, it was like things came back into focus. Makoto had been right, Sousuke was here for his best friend. And looking at him now, Sousuke had no idea why he had ever gotten off track.

"Seriously," Rin said he stopped laughing. "You and Makoto? You guys good?"

Sousuke felt the brush of an emotion he couldn't quite place, but he shook it off and looked back into those clear red eyes. They weren't like green ones he was so familiar with. They were bright and bold and so open. There wasn't anything Sousuke had to pull back in hopes of finding something real. It was all real with Rin. He could joke and laugh, and he was himself, with out a speck of ire.

Sousuke nodded. "Yeah I think it'll all work itself out."

They stood and deposited their trays before starting down the hall way for their afternoon classes. It felt easy to walk next to Rin. It was like walking in the sun, bright and perfect. Sousuke wondered how he had ever forgotten that feeling.

 

* * *

 

He felt dishonest, and a bit rude leaving that quickly at lunch, but Makoto wasn't sure he could really look at his phone with Rin and Sousuke there. Especially with Sousuke growling at him.

Once he was out into the afternoon air, resting his back against the brick wall, Makoto scratched at the back of his neck. His phone rested in his hand hand, untouched since he'd glanced at it in the cafeteria.now he wasn't sure he even wanted to press the home button.

He whipped his hand over his mouth, tugging at the collar of his white uniform.

Finally he pressed the home button. Just to be sure, just to make sure that it was what he thought it was. And that he wasn't wrong...

He sucked in a breath as the screen lit up, his lock photo blurred, because there was an alert. It was a text message, accompanied by the little green message icon.

Makoto read the name in bold out loud, "Haru."

He thought about swiping left and getting rid of the alert-- but in a split decision he swiped right and ducked his head as he read the message.

Put line here

As Sousuke came through the door he was surprised to find Makoto was there. He looked up at Sousuke from his desk.

"Hey," Sousuke nodded as he came in.

Makoto gave him a fake smile. "Hey," he parroted back. He had reading glasses on, and a text book open in front of him.

Things had been--quiet. Mostly because Makoto didn't say anything--at all really--and Sousuke had decided to take a step back. It turned out if he didn't pester Makoto all that much, Makoto didn't make him that mad.

"Your lip looks better." Sousuke commented.

Nodding, Makoto gave a small sad smile, his hand reaching up to brush over his bottom lip. "Yeah, it feels better. The butterfly bandaid helped a lot I think. " Makoto let his green yes shift up to Sousuke. "Thank you."

Looking at him, Sousuke just nodded.

A few days had passed since they had been at each others throat and the weird truce was--it was awkward really. Mostly because they pretended they had basically nothing to say to each other during the day and at night--Sousuke still found himself pulling Makoto closer to him, resting his cheek against Makoto's warm honey toned skin.

It was whatever it was, Sousuke figured.

He looked back at Makoto, he had his phone in his lap. It looked like he was texting someone... Sousuke went to the closet and pulled out his jacket before digging his wallet out of the dresser. That's what he had come in to get, after all.

It was a split second decision but as he passed back to the door, Sousuke turned. "I'm going to hang with Rin." He said.

Makoto looked up again. "Okay," he said, half glancing at the phone in his lap again as it buzzed.

Sousuke wasn't sure what else to say. "Stay out of trouble for once while I'm gone, kay?"

Makoto gave another faux smile. "I'll try."

Sousuke looked at him--spending one more second on him before he turned to the door, pulling on his jacket as he walked down the hall.

Rin was why he was here, he told himself again as he went.

 

* * *

 

Five days. Five days since Makoto had said anything other than ten words at a time to him. Not that Sousuke was counting. He sat next to Rin, at practice. Next to him, Rin was looking over his roster, more than likely going over training plans. He hadn't said anything to Sousuke in the last few minutes so Sousuke wasn't exactly paying much attention anymore.

But he most definitely wasn't paying attention to watching the tall green eyed boy at the other end of the pool, giving pointers to Momo.

Sousuke huffed and looked back to Rin. Right, because he was here for him. He for sure hadn't come for some stupid kid who was lost at sea, he'd come for the ray of sunlight next to him.

Getting on topic again seemed to be more of a hassle than Sousuke had imagined.

It was the yell from Momo that caused Sousuke to turn. Looking over at the commotion Sousuke was about to growl for the others to give it a rest when he realized that three or four of the other teammates were standing at the edge of the pool, two of them were helping pull Makoto out of the water, with just one of his arms...

He held the other one a bit gingerly, out away from him oddly--and wet deluded blood was running down his arm.

Sousuke surged forward, not really thinking as he charged straight to the side of the pool where Makoto had eased up to sit on the edge.

"It's fine," Makoto said a bit too quickly as Sousuke plowed forward through the underclassmen. He knew it was meant for him since Makoto's eyes had made clear contact with his own the instant he said it.

Fine? "You're bleeding." Sousuke exclaimed. He went down next to Makoto, looking to the other team mates all crowded around. "What happened?" He carefully took Makoto's arm in his hands, looking over the damage.

He must have been glaring because Makoto quickly directed his attention back to him. "It was an accident." His eyes made sure to lock with Sousuke's. "I went to pull myself out when my shoulder locked up. I tried to catch myself and I slipped against the wall."

He held out his arm, a bit gingerly but clear enough for Sousuke to see. "My hand was caught in the cement of the wall. It's just a scrape."

His hand, right. His entire arm was bloody up to his elbow. Blood was still dripping from the exposed flesh. His skin wasn't just scraped it had been ripped off in long jagged tears from wrist to elbow.

But that wasn't as worrying as-- "your shoulder locked up?"

Makoto's brow furrowed before he nodded. "It was nothing that big, just a cramp. You've been right, I've probably been in the water too much."

Sousuke stood. "Come on, you need to go to the aide office."

Makoto let Sousuke grasp his good arm and hoist him up and out of the water fully to stand next to him. He still held his hand against himself a bit too carefully for Sousuke to believe it was just a scratch. There was probably at least a muscle abrasion.

"It's alright," Makoto tried to assure again. "I can get it wrapped and it will be just fine." He nodded trying to make it more true maybe.

"You're coming to the aide office." They lived on a fucking sports campus! They had a physicians assistant specializing in sports medicine there for a reason., Sousuke cocked his head at Makoto, hoping the challenge was clear.

Makoto looked back at him for a second and then his eyes flicked to those around them. He must have assessed it wasn't worth the fight as he resigned with a nod. "Alright. If you think I need to."

Nodding in return, Sousuke was a bit surprised Makoto wasn't pulling away from him. "Yeah, I do."

He went quietly this time as Sousuke pulled a towel around his shoulders and directed him to the door. Rin met them at the door, his expression worried as he looked over Makoto keeping his arm close.

"I'll be fine. Don't worry, I'm all right." Makoto jumped right in again. "It's just a scrape." He nodded smiling as he looked at Rin. "Sousuke thinks we should take it to be looked at just in case."

Sousuke leaned into Rin though to make it clearer. "He's bleeding--a lot and he said his shoulder locked up."

"Jeezes Makoto!" Rin hissed. He turned a glare on Makoto. "Alright," he pointed to Sousuke. "You get him to the aide office." Then he pointed to Makoto, giving him a bit nastier glare. "You, no swimming outside of practice for the next two week."

"I told you--" Makoto started.

"You are the fastest backstroke swimmer on this fucking team." Rin's voice roared. Before he stepped closer, very much in Makoto's personal space. "Keep talking and I tell you to stay out of the water period, no practice, nothing."he snarled. "Now I want you to deal with this, start screwing your head on straight, and with a bit of luck I can let one of my oldest friends back on my relay team."

Speechless, for once, Makoto just looked at Rin, eyes a bit wide.

"Come on," Sousuke said before Makoto burst into tears and Rin said something even more vicious. He took Makoto's arm, tugging him lightly along with him to the infirmary.

 

* * *

 

Sousuke glared at Makoto sitting on the examination table. He hoped as the PA asked questions it would help motivate Makoto to give very honest answers.

So far he seemed to have a mantra of, 'I'm fine.' Sometimes that changed to, 'alright' or 'okay.' But it always stayed along those lines. The PA was looking more and more like he didn't believe him as the visit went on.

Sousuke had his Samezuka jacket on, as well as his swimsuit. He sat back, pocketing his hands as he watched the doc wrap up Makoto's arm. It sounded like it was turning out like Sousuke had been right, there was muscle abrasion. Makoto's arm was already starting to swell his now cleaned skin turning an angry red.

"No swimming," the doc said very pointedly looking at Makoto, and then glancing over at Sousuke.

Sousuke nodded, hopefully showing that if Makoto wasn't going to see it through, Sousuke was going to be there to help.

"For how long?" Makoto asks in a whining voice, his expression breaking into a frown.

"Right now, a week." The doc said looking down at his clipboard, he was writing something down. "Your arm is going to get very stiff and trust me very painful, especially by the time you wake up tomorrow. I'm going to give you a prescription for the pain, but mostly I don't want you doing anything to strain it." He shook his head. "Not until the muscle is well on its way to healing."

Makoto frowned deeper, "but what about regionals?"

"Take a break from swimming now or pay for much worse consequences later." The doc said, staring over his reading glasses at Makoto. "You should be fine by the time you need to compete again. But taking this time off will ensure a small issue doesn't become a big one."

"He said his shoulder locked up as well," Sousuke said loud enough the doc heard.

Looking at Sousuke and then back to Makoto he raised and Hebrew in question.

Makoto sent Sousuke a look of, 'why do you do this to me?' Before he reluctantly nodded, "it was just a cramp. It didn't last more than a second or two."

Rolling his eyes, the doc looked back down at his clipboard, pulling the prescription off from his note pad. "Right, well all the more reason to stay out of the water for a few days." He handed Makoto the prescription. "Get this filled, go get some sleep and lay off the training for a while. I'll see you again in a week to reevaluate."

Looking down at the prescription, Makoto looked a bit more depressed than ever.

Sousuke cocked his head looking at him. The masks were down for once, Makoto just looked so--ready to burn. Like cogs fitting together in his head, Sousuke could see it finally, he really didn't care. Eyes a bit wide, Sousuke wanted to slam Makoto against the wall. He had the physical form, he had a shot, he had friends and a home and so fucking much--and he just wanted to douse himself in gasoline and light a match.

He was here for Rin. Sousuke was here for his best friend and it wasn't any clearer than it had been right then.

Makoto slid off the table, thanking the PA before turning to the door. His hand was wrapped from elbow to knuckles, still held awkwardly close to him. The pain was probably setting in.

As Sousuke watched Makoto as they both went down the hall, eyes down at the floor and quiet, Sousuke couldn't think how he hadn't seen it before--there was nothing for him, tagging along after Makoto. Setting his jaw, Sousuke nodded to himself. Widening the distance between the two of them was the only way he was going to get through this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: [ lovelilylion.tumblr.com](http://lovelilylion.tumblr.com/)
> 
> * * *
> 
> THERES A JOB OPENING! YAY! 
> 
> **Job Title:** BETA Reader for Lovelilylion
> 
>  **Description:** Basically an English Intern that doesn't get paid but gets to do all my grunt work. I post my work every week or so and though I have plenty of time to write them at work, honestly I way too often end up skipping the part where I read my chapters over and fix mistakes. So guess who gets to do that for me? :D
> 
>  **Duties:** Put up with a moody writer/artist that clings way too fiercely to bad ideas.
> 
> Look over weekly chapter posts to check for grammar, spelling and typos. Average chapter around 5,000 words or more a week. Sometimes more, sometimes less.
> 
> Possibly look over entire works when they’re finished to check for plot holes or gaping inconsistencies.
> 
> You could make suggestions on content, but 4 out of 5 times I won’t care and just write whatever I want anyway.
> 
> Can put up with a lot of em dash use and abuse. 
> 
> You know what an em dash is.
> 
>  **Skills and Qualifications:** Great at English. Absolutely awesome with grammar. Time and interest in looking over weekly chapters. Phenomenal coffee brewing skills. Alright that last one's a joke, I hate coffee. Ability to endure lame jokes. Ability to pretend the writer/artist is funny. 
> 
> **Pay:** …you get to read my crap first?
> 
> I may honestly take more than one as well since the more eyes go over a chapter the better it will be before posting.


	12. Part 2, Chapter 12

Sousuke pulled on a blue and black jacket from the closet just as Makoto came out of the bathroom. Looking over, Sousuke sighed. The idiot was trying to bandage himself up again. The one-handed circus act was entertaining to watch, though by the end Makoto was usually all frowning and frustrated.

"Let me," Sousuke growled and stepped in front of Makoto.

He took the medical tape, eyeing the gauze fitted poorly over the long scratches. The PA had been right, the muscles along Makoto's arms had enflamed and swelled up with in a few hours. Because of it and the fear of infection they'd been told to change the bandages every night and morning, keeping it as clean as possible. They were still told to expect a nice cherry red arm for the next couple of days.

"We should clean it out with the hydrogen peroxide tonight." Sousuke grumbled as he replaced the gauze and started to secure it with the medical tape.

Makoto looked up. "I--I'm sorry."

Sousuke looked up, trying to think what the hell it was now Makoto was apologizing for. Then it occurred to him how rough and brisk he was being with Makoto.

Sousuke sighed. "It's not you." He growled. He could admit he was irritable. His--he had to run some errands, and he didn't want to, and it was making him grumpy.

Makoto looked away. It had only been one day since the swim ban and already he looked a little worse for wear. If he didn't have anything he did in his spare time before, now it was just ridiculous!

It didn't help that Rin was still a bit pissy with Makoto as well.

"You're done." Sousuke patted Makoto's elbow as he turned back to the dresser to get his wallet and keys.

It was when Sousuke turned back to the door that he noticed Makoto looking at him. It was out of routine for the week day.

"I have to step out." Sousuke explained. It was probably better for both of them at this point. Makoto was mopy and Sousuke was grumpy. If they weren't careful they would end up irately humping on the bed again.

"What about practice?" Makoto inquired.

As Sousuke opened the door, he looked back at Makoto. "Won't be there. Don't worry, I told Rin. I just have some things to take care of. I'll be back by tonight."

There was something--Makoto shifted uneasily, but nodded. Sousuke narrowed his eyes. It wasn't like they were really that connected. They didn't really even interact all that much at practice.

"Is Rin still having you go?" Sousuke asked, hopefully in an off-handish way.

There was a frown and Makoto nodded.

That could be the reason for Makoto's unease. If Rin could do anything well and thoroughly it was be pissed. Sousuke leaned back, ruffling Makoto's shaggy hair in an affectionate way.

"Just stay out of his way and he won't eat you." Sousuke said with a crooked smile. "I'll be back in a couple of hours."

 

* * *

 

Pulling off his shirt, Sousuke leaned back against the examination table. The nurse next to him taking his blood pressure was--oh so wonderfully!--chatty. Sousuke grunted when she asked if he was still in school, it looked like he was pretty fit, did he go to that sports academy, she knew a boy that went there, it was such a spacious campus... Sousuke answers were mostly grunts of acknowledgement as she went one.

Sousuke closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he tried to block her out. She moved on from his blood pressure to heart rate in one fell swoop, still a nice infomercial's worth of babble spilling from her.

Maybe it was a coping mechanism. If she chattered on endlessly she wouldn't have to look at the fact she was in a hospital surrounded by people all worried, and sick and--hopeless.

Finally, she removed the stethoscope and smiled at him as she retreated, saying the doctor would be right in.

Sousuke hopped up on the table, leaning over his knees as he tried to keep his breath coming. His heart rate was probably nice and high. The X-rays last time had shown promise. Maybe he could heal. Then again--he couldn't--he'd been told to take it easy. He'd tried to keep the daily swimming to a minimum but at prefecturals... he'd felt it. The twinge of pain that indicated he was in trouble again.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. He had done so well, and then just one push too far...

The door opened, and Sousuke was startled into sitting up straighter as the small doctor let herself in.

"Yamazaki-kun." She greeted respectfully. She held a clipboard in her hands, which she looked, over as she slid into the wheely chair across from Sousuke.

Sousuke wasn't sure he was quite ready to hear any of it. He was better. He was worse. Would surgery maybe be an option this time? Would less practice be needed? Would he--would swimming really even really be a viable option in the future? It all was just--his future felt like it was talked about in the same tone that he talked about the weather over a shitty breakfast.

"There's good news and there's bad." The doctor said as she looked over the clipboard in her hand.

"Bad," Sousuke chose with out prompting. He just needed to hear it straight, hear all about the limb he felt like had betrayed him, had ripped from the socket and was now strangling him.

"You're not any better." The doctor said bluntly. As she looked up, she removed her glasses. "But, there isn't any worse damage either."

Sousuke a hands fidgeted again, his gaze shifting to the floor as he tried to process.

"You want to keep swimming?" The doctor pressed. She clearly didn't look impressed with Sousuke. "You could lose it. And I mean all mobility, when you're thirty it will hurt to lift it higher than your chest. I have some patients so bad they live on pain meds."

He'd tried. He had fucking tried! But there was no way he could stop swimming all together. Rin had already noticed so much. And then fuck there was Makoto. He couldn't just quit. It's nothing else he'd go crazy.

"I don't want the meds." Sousuke said in a low growl. The last thing he needed was something clouding his head up further.

"Then take some time off," the doctor tried to argue, she always tried. "You have a spot at Aoyama. I can make sure they let you swim after recovery--"

"No." Sousuke hissed. Not this year. Not now. Rin was still here. He had gone through all of this to get there, to swim with his best friend--even if it was the last time, ever. "I stopped competing for individual, but I won't stop until after nationals for the relay."

With a sigh, the doctor sat back in her chair. She looked over her clip board again, looking frustrated and grumpy. At least Sousuke was rubbing off on someone. "Alright, I want you on physical therapy then. Twice a week, at least for the rest of this swim season." She pulled out a note pad and started writing. "There's a sports therapist...”

Sousuke could admit he wasn't listening very well any longer. He felt angry, like his insides were knotting and burning, like they were ash and it was suffocating him. The question of his future versus his present felt like it was holding a knife to his throat. He just--it was like there was no tangible enemy beyond the one strapped to his right side, and he wasn't sure he had it in him to rip his own shoulder out.

 

* * *

 

One fucking day! Makoto couldn't last one fucking day of doing what he'd been told. The red hot fire that blared through Sousuke's veins was like molten lava. He wanted to scream.

Why did he fucking care? This wasn't his concern. Makoto was going to destroy himself they could all see it. He'd started at the first of the season, probably even before then and now it was hitting critical mass. Sousuke could feel his hands fisting at his sides. He'd thought whirled with the idea of storming down the halls and yanking Makoto out of the water. He'd come back into the room that night after training and found Makoto gone right along with his swim bag, leaving only one possible outcome.

He hadn't gotten the prescription filled either. It still sat on the side of his desk, not even looked at since Makoto had left it there.

Sousuke tried to breath evenly. Why was this making him angry? Why was Makoto letting himself spiral out of control this hard?

"Fuck," He hissed to himself. This wasn't him. He had left everything behind to come through for Rin. To spend his last good year with his best friend.

Why the hell was he letting Makoto get in the way?!

Just then the dorm room door opened. Makoto stepped in, though as he lifted his eyes at the sight of Sousuke he knew he was in trouble.

His hair was still even damp.

"I--" Makoto started, though with wide searching eyes he didn't seem to find an answer, frowning as he resigned to look down.

"No excuse?" Sousuke asked with just enough animosity it stung.

"I," Makoto tried again, his head not turning up at all. "I tried, it's just I was alone and--I needed to clear my head."

Sousuke took a stalking step forward, prowling over to Makoto as he growled, "if I find you down there again, I will push you under."

That seemed to startle Makoto, as he looked up. "What?"

"That's what you want isn't it?" Sousuke hissed. "To finally end up dead."

Makoto opened his mouth, jaw working as if he wanted to say something but no sound surfaced. "I--Sousu--"

"Don't," Sousuke roared, in the same instance pinning Makoto back against the wall. "You don't call me that."

Makoto's for once was giving Sousuke his full attention. "I'm sorry, I just thought--"

"I'm not your fucking island," Sousuke snarled. He was close to Makoto's face, making his point very clear he hoped. "I'm not some refuge that will keep enabling your pathetic, masochistic behavior."

He could already see the levies breaking in Makoto. Maybe this was the breaking point for them. It was either move forward together or apart and Sousuke wasn't sure he was thinking clearly but he was in no way going to let Makoto keep falling.

"Now, I'm not going to find you down in that pool the rest of the week." Sousuke hissed. "I'm not going to find you in a swimsuit and I'm not going to find this," he ran a couple fingers down damp cinnamon hair.

Makoto looked up at him then, shaking his head. "Or what?" He asked softly. "What really more could you do to me?" His voice was low, like he was already barely holding onto the edge by his finger tips. "I'm off the relay team, nothing I do now will have any impact on Rin!"

"If this was fucking about Rin, I'd be in his face and not yours." Sousuke snarled. He moved in closer his teeth skimming over Makoto's neck. "More importantly, Rin isn't the one under me right now." He said in a quiet tone, though equally as vicious.

Makoto's head turned in towards Sousuke. "I don't understand. You told me he was your priority."

"Oh he is." Sousuke affirmed. "But I'm getting very done with this. You clearly can't take care of yourself. And since you don't seem interested in doing anything about it, I will."

Those deep green eyes met teal as Sousuke took a step back.

"I thought--we're not a couple." Makoto seemed unsure if he was constructing a statement or asking a question.

"No." Sousuke looked down, his face as glaringly Stoney as he could manage. "That would require the two of us to be on equal footing."

"So what are--" Makoto shook his head. "I don't understand."

"You don't need to." Sousuke chided in a growling voice. "From now on, we aren't doing this middle of nowhere crap. Your decisions keep getting worse so if it comes to it I'm going to start making them for you."

"You already tell me what to do," Makoto said. "How does this change anything?.

Sousuke looked down at him, cupping Makoto's face gently as he watched those beautiful emerald eyes. "Because you are going to do as I tell you this time around." He leaned in closer, pressing his lips over Makoto's in a tender kiss. "Because you're mine."

Sousuke slipped away then, his nerves much calmer as he slid his jacket off on his way to the dresser.

"Sousuke--"

In a split second, Sousuke had Makoto by the shirt collar and slammed up against the wall again. "Makoto," he hissed. "I thought I made it very clear, we are not on the same footing in this."

Makoto's eyes locked with Sousuke, he opened his mouth, seeming not sure for a moment before he nodded, "Yamazaki-kun," he quietly resigned.

Sousuke gave a nod, letting Makoto go. He let out a huff as he continued to the dresser. Yanking one of the drawers open he started searching for a shirt to sleep in. "We're going to bed," he told Makoto over his shoulder.

There was a pause between them, Sousuke straightened looking back across the room as he could see Makoto weighing his options, working through his decision.

Finally, his shoulders dropped and he sighed raising a hand to rub at his face. "Is it alright, if I shower first?"

Sousuke gave a single nod. "Yeah, go ahead." He turned back to the dresser as he pulled his shirt up over his head.

Makoto still stood there, looking up through long lashes at Sousuke. When he spoke it was quiet. "I don't understand."

Sousuke wasn't sure he did either. He stepped away from the dresser pulling on a white sleeveless shirt. "We're--partners. You let me keep you out of trouble, and I keep you from shitting away your future." Sousuke said shortly.

Makoto's brow furrowed. "I can't believe you want that."

"Well I can't get myself not to fucking want it." Sousuke snarled back. He was frustrated. He closed his eyes leaning back against the dresser. He honestly didn't know what he was proposing either. Did it have limits? Was there a time frame? End goals? It was clearly along the lines that Sousuke was in charge. He was the more assertive and dominate between them.

"God, you don't know what you have at your doorstep." Sousuke sighed, trying to get himself to think straighter. He wanted to be back next to Makoto, feel the heat of his skin, feel him lean into Sousuke, maybe lean back... "I know what happened sucks, all of it. But if you're not going to let any of them," Sousuke nodded outside hoping Makoto got the hint it was all of them, old friends, coaches, advisors family, "Pull you out of this, then at least let me try."

"Why do you care?" Makoto asked, looking so terribly confused.

"You don't know what you've got, Tachibana." Sousuke said in a gruff voice. "Maybe I don't want you to lose something to realize you've lost it"

Makoto sighed, coming forward he slumped down on the bed. "So what are we doing here? Making this official?"

Looking over the floor, Sousuke trailed his eyes up to Makoto. "More like making this less meaningless."

Makoto's expression broke, frowning. He smoothed his hands over his face, as he breathed out slow. It was a nervous gesture Sousuke was starting to recognize. He didn't pull his hands away, seeming to hide under them as his head tipped lower towards the floor. "I'm sorry I said that. I didn't mean it."

Sousuke grunted in acknowledgement. He slide away from the dresser coming up to Makoto. For a second he resisted before, he slid his hand through Makoto's hair, brushing it up and away from his face. "Just let me--mean something to you."

Makoto let his hands fall away this face, sniffing. His eyes were red but he hadn't started crying yet. "What did you lose?" He asked suddenly, his eyes flicked up to Sousuke.

A chill shook through Sousuke's veins as he stopped, dropping his hand. "Who says I've lost anything? I'd say I'm trying to hold on to something right now."

Those deep green eyes blinked up at him, watching him for a few seconds before Makoto responded. "Are you?"

"Fucking hell," Sousuke swore as he sat on the bed. "How is it you are the most observant person I know and the thickest all at the same time?"

"I'm sorry." Makoto hastily apologized,

"For what?" Sousuke's voice dipped back into a growl. He was calming down at least. Though he wasn't sure he could still manage to make decisions. He was in the middle of one he didn't know how he was feeling about and yet plowing straight ahead.

"I'm sorry I dumped all my crap on you."

Snorting, Sousuke laid back on the bed. "Telling someone what's going on with you isn't a crime, Makoto."

"You don't talk about yourself either."

Sousuke rolled his eyes. "Maybe because getting you to talk is hard enough."

"I mean it," Makoto said, glancing his way before he went back to his huddled position. "I've let you see just about every skeleton hidden in my closet. It's so full I feel like all I did was crack the door and it all just--tumbled out, burying the two of us. In return, I haven't seen a speck from you."

Sousuke sighed, looking back up to the bed over them. "Yeah, you have."

"Rin?" Makoto asked a bit incredulous. "Doesn't that just make this all the more unrealistic? And all I know about him is because you fuck me instead of him."

Letting his arm rest over his face, Sousuke growled again, "not even close." He huffed out a breath. "Besides, I'm offering for us to be more than that, stop being each others distraction and actually--be there. Be something real."

The other boy on the bed didn't respond just hunched his shoulders over even more, leaning his elbows on his knees. It was hard and it was awkward for a few minutes between them.

Makoto pealed his hands from his face, looking up. "How is this working then?"

Well, at least he sounded like he was agreeing to Sousuke. Sousuke sat up, leaning in to nuzzle into Makoto's neck. He leaned away after pressing a kiss to Makoto's shoulder. "You're going to go shower, then come back here and we go to sleep."

"You're simplifying the question." Makoto said in return, though turned into Sousuke.

"Do you object to this?" Sousuke asked bluntly, moving away enough he could see Makoto's face.

He wouldn't look up at him, his hands fidgety at the hem of his jacket. "I don't know what 'this' is." He finally swallowed, looking up at Sousuke. "What do you want? We already sleep together. We have sex. We don't care about further interaction."

Sousuke sighed. He let his hand come up, running along Makoto's swollen and bandaged arm. "I'm tired of being so--loose from you. When it feels like I'm so god-damned tangled in you that it's strangling me."

Makoto's brow furrowed looking at him. "What--where did this come from?" He didn't move away though. "You're not usually this honest with me."

Pulling away, back to himself, Sousuke wasn't sure how to answer. He knew--he just--there was no way he could tell the sweet boy next to him.

Makoto didn't let him get far, reaching across the bed to Sousuke, digging his fingers into his arm as he pulled Sousuke back. The imploring look in those deep green eyes was free of any mask. Isn't that what Sousuke had wanted? No more layers to peel back from Makoto? To just get the real him?

"I don't know," Sousuke said then. "Maybe I just want someone to be honest with?" He admitted a second later, looking away.

It was when Sousuke heard Makoto breath out, like he was letting himself finally go that he looked up. In return Makoto looked back before he shifted closer, pressing a kiss to Sousuke's shoulder. "Alright." He berated against Sousuke's shirt. He nodded to himself before shifting to get up from the bed. "I'm going to go shower."

"And?" Sousuke asked, looking up at him.

His hand was shaking when it came up, but Makoto still went through with it, letting his fingers thread through Sousuke's hair. "And I'll come back here and we can go to bed."

For once Sousuke leaned into Makoto's side, inhaling deep before nodding. It was harder than Sousuke had though as Makoto pulled away starting to remove his cloths as he shuffled towards their bathroom.

 

* * *

 

About an hour later, Sousuke could smell Makoto, his face wasn't pressed to his neck, but he was close enough, inhaling his rainy scent was inevitable. Closing his eyes, Sousuke sighed back into the bed.

What hell had he done?

Was he even qualified to tell Makoto what decisions he should make when somehow Sousuke had flipped on a dime. It was just a day ago he had seemed to resign himself to wanting nothing to do with Makoto. And all it had take was on push against him and Sousuke had snapped back, he had clawed Makoto into his arms.

Somehow the docile boy next to him made Sousuke in to a walking contradiction.

He looked over at Makoto, he was sound asleep next to him, on his side, turned away as was usual. He had the bothered with a shirt after getting out of the shower. His honey smooth skin was warm and seemed to hum with a sweet feeling of--comfort. Sousuke looked up at the bunk bed over them.

He could feel his heart racing in his chest. He searched the bunk over them, not sure exactly what he was looking for. He could finally feel it though, the realization of what had happened that day.

He was done.

He had already burned out, streaking across the sky in a brilliant explosion and--and in just a short moment he'd ruined it all. Fizzled out, before even getting a shot at anything real.

Suddenly he could feel his arm curling, pulling Makoto to him. The other boy stirred, awake just enough that one eye cracked open, but Sousuke was already curling into Makoto, hunching over him as he took a deep inhale of Makoto. He smelled like rain, like comfort. Both his arms curled around Makoto's middle holding him flush back into Sousuke.

Sousuke squeezed his eyes as tightly shut as he could while nuzzling his way into Makoto's neck.

It was several seconds before Makoto moved, he lazily pulled the sheet up over Sousuke's arms, up to over their shoulders and rested a hand under the covers, along Sousuke's arm, rubbing just once or twice before he sighed back into Sousuke and let himself sink into the pillow.

 

* * *

 

It was still startling Makoto every time his phone next to him sounded. Sousuke had been completely right, he had basically cut off every tie as far as his friends went. So now--

Makoto wasn't sure what he was doing. He pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket looking over the text from Haru.

"Oi!" Rin shouted across the pool to a couple of the underclassmen horsing around at the edge of the pool. "Cut it out!"

"The last thing I need is another incompetent injury." Rin grumbled as he walked past Makoto. It was quite intently loud enough for Makoto to hear.

As if sitting there, in track pants and his school jacket, Makoto wasn't painfully aware of his situation. He glanced down at the bandaged arm resting over his knee. It was looking better every day. Sousuke and he had been changing it still every day. Makoto had two days left on swim restriction and his reevaluation. It couldn't come fast enough it felt like as Makoto sighed, leaning back into the wall.

"He'll warm back up to you eventually." Sousuke said as he took a seat on the bench next to Makoto.

He looked up through dark chocolate wet hair at Makoto. if anything had really changed since they're agreement it was the way Sousuke looked at him. Clear, brisk eyes the color of Caribbean water on warm days seemed so open to Makoto now. Though, now that Makoto thought about it, despite the wet hair, he couldn't remember seeing Sousuke swim at all. It could just be because Makoto had spent all of practice moping because he couldn't be in the water himself.

"Rin's under some intense pressure, and he's not happy about his loss to Haru at Prefecturals. You're just unfortunately an easy target at the moment." Sousuke opened the purple Gatorade bottle between his legs before taking a swig.

Haru, right. Makoto gripped the cell phone in his hand a bit tighter, slipping it back into his jacket. He'd answer later, when Sousuke wasn't around. With him there it felt like, well like cheating. Though Makoto was still a little hazy on what that all was adding up to.

A bit surprised, Makoto found Sousuke was offering the Gatorade out to him. Looking up at Sousuke, Makoto opened his mouth looking around them.

"Because swapping semen is okay, but Gaterade is just too much--"

Makoto scrambled to get his hand over Sousuke's mouth. "Not here." Makoto mumbled. He took the Gaterade, hopefully shutting Sousuke up.

Right, there was that too. Sousuke was surprisingly more comfortable with just whatever when it came to Makoto. As Makoto took his hands away form his mouth, Sousuke was smirking. He leaned in and for half a second, Makoto thought he was going to--Makoto leaned away. The last thing they needed to do was let the rest of the team in on their--arrangement.

Makoto took a swig of the Gaterade, pointedly looking away from that smirk. He roughly handed the drink back. He could hear Sousuke chuckle next to him but Makoto refused to look over at him.

"Makoto!"

Looking up to Rin approaching, Makoto stood.

"Toudou, one of the swim team advisors wants to talk to you." Rin said as he approached.

Samezuka seemed unique at least to Makoto in the fact that the advisors were quite--uninvolved in construction of the team. Most of the responsibility rested on the captain and the advisors seemed around just to make sure nothing went drastically wrong. It made winning and losing rest completely on the team responsibility, that was for sure.

"Do you know why?" Sousuke asked, coming up to stand behind Makoto.

Rin gave Sousuke a look. Right, their arrangement. They were an actually--they now and Sousuke was now Mother Russia. Right, Makoto would give Sousuke a look as well.

"No, he didn't say. I didn't ask." Rin answered, still looking at Sousuke.*

Makoto. Nodded. "Alright," he looked to Sousuke in a very, 'I'll be fine, thanks for the concern, man' and his bare feet padded against the tile on his way to the advisors office not far from the locker room.

 

* * *

 

Makoto hated to admit it, but he was already sneaking behind Sousuke's back.

He knew the last place Sousuke would find him would be the gym. The basket ball team was just finishing up practice and though the looked at him a bit sidelong as the filled into their locker rooms, Makoto didn't look up from the papers in his hand.

They were offers--from schools.

Apparently taking 2nd overall in Backstroke had impressed someone. Makoto had been scouted.

That wasn't the problem though. He glanced up at the school name printed at the top of one of the papers.

Aoyama Gakuin University--Sousuke's university.

 

* * *

 

He should've been happy. Or at least that was the plan--right? He had a future. At least somewhere he had a possible future.

Sighing, Makoto stared down at his homework. He was in the library. It was away from Sousuke, and he needed away from Sousuke. Because he wasn't sure he could make a rational decision with those droopy teal eyes were on him and his dark chocolate hat was falling over his forehead. Sousuke didn't seem to smile all that much, but when he did--it was really great.

The real question still begged at Makoto's head--was this real or convenient? Sousuke was certainly trying to make it real--despite still claiming he was here for Rin. And what about Makoto? Was he just along for the ride? He had liked Sousuke when they were together--not just the sex--when Sousuke and he had their rare comfortable moments. But was it really more to him then a distraction?

Makoto shut his text book, lazily resting his arms over the text book as he pulled the scouting offer out from under the homework. Sousuke's university and--another on the other side of Tokyo. So what would Makoto decide?

Was Sousuke convenient or someone important to him?

Would he take the offer at Aoyama, possibly live with Sousuke again, and really be a 'them?' Or would he take the other offer, so far from Sousuke there was no way they could live together, and no way he'd ever run into him if Makoto chose not to?

What did Makoto want for his future?

Just then his phone lit up, vibrating twice against the table's surface. A text message.

Makoto's brow furrowed. It was probably Sousuke, asking where he was...

He reached across the table top and picked up the phone. Another decision is what it was.

He opened the message from Haru.

'I want to see you. Tonight.'

It didn't matter how many times he read it, the meaning never changed. It was a ghost, leaking up through the floorboards and tugging at him. Was looking back ever acceptable? Was hoping for a future where everything was different acceptable?

Makoto set the phone down, resting his head to the side, staring blankly at the shelves of books in his line of sight.

Samezuka was supposed to make everything easier, he repeated in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Rin's thinking: you bipolar mother fucker! 
> 
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> [Soundtrack: Blood, The Middle East](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7SSC3ex-bA)
> 
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> 
> Tumblr: [ lovelilylion.tumblr.com](http://lovelilylion.tumblr.com/)
> 
> * * *
> 
> My Beautiful Beta for this Chapter: [ Mykko_chan](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Mykko_chan)


	13. Part 2, Chapter 13

This was a bad idea. After everything Makoto had done. This was a terrible idea. He felt his legs weaken as he came around the corner, seeing the stairs leading up to his parents' house and farther up to Haru's.

Quickly, he hurried past. He tapped the home button of his phone to glance at the text again, reassuring him that they were meeting at the beach. That was good. He wasn't sure he could go back to his parents' house. This was hard enough as it was. Even just seeing the narrow, winding stairs up to a house that couldn't really be called a home anymore was setting Makoto on edge.

His parents were so much stronger than him. Even after -- they had pulled themselves together. They had handled the funeral and stayed.

He felt out of breath by the time he reached the beach. Stepping off the side walk, Makoto tried to gulp down air and calm his racing heart. Why was he doing this? There was no point. It was late. He should just go back.

"Mako."

Startled out of his thoughts, Makoto looked up.

Haru looked as perfect as ever. His hair lifted just a bit with with wind, just enough that Makoto could see the way his eyes gleamed in the light of a slivered the moon.

God, what was Makoto doing here?

"Haru," he breathed out. It was like speaking a confession.

Haruka stepped closer to Makoto. He didn't smile -- not like Makoto. Makoto smiled when he saw his best friend. Though maybe--maybe they weren't best friends anymore? could you consider someone your best friend after so long apart? Makoto felt as his smile faltered.

"It seems like it's been forever since prefecturals."

Haru just nodded. He glanced at Makoto before trailing down the beach a ways, leaving bare foot prints in his wake. It seemed a bit random when he chose to flop down and sit.

Makoto paused for a moment, considering his options before he followed, pulling up his knees as he sat next to the one boy he always felt so blissful with.

"How--how are you and Rin?" Makoto tried asking.

Haru looked at him, his expression familiarly blank. "Better than your relationship with Rin."

Makoto reddened, looking down at the sand. "Yeah, he's pretty mad at me."

"I told him you would never do that," Haru said after a second. "He's stupid to think you would give the win to Iwatobi. He's stupid to think you wouldn't give your all to Samezuka."

Answering then seemed hard, and Makoto wasn't sure what he had been thinking then. Memory was so, so unreliable.

"I know you," Haru said finally. "Everything that's happened may change a lot about you--but I know you still sincerely care about people. You would never hand over a win like that."

Makoto gave a small smile. "Thank you, Haru."

He had almost forgotten why Haru was his best friend. He had almost forgotten what it was like to be in the presence of someone who had his back.

"That really means quite a lot to me," Makoto admitted. He looked out to the water. Maybe he could take a page out of Haru's book. If he stared long enough and hard enough, would the water tell him what had happened that day? "I'm not sure what was doing on that day, I just--"

"You wouldn't," Haru quickly cut in. "Besides you looked like shit that day. And you room with Yamazaki. No wonder your time was off."

Chuckling, Makoto decided to let the issue drop. He wasn't sure what he thought yet, but he was glad he at least had one person in his corner. "He's not that bad of a roommate."

Haru snorted.

Well, at least the feelings were shared for both parties

"He's really not!" Makoto chuckled, finally feeling like he was sitting with his best friend again. "He's cleaner than you, actually."

Haru rolled his eyes. "Right, and his personality?" he leaned back, burring his hands in the sand behind him. "I have no idea what poison he's been feeding Rin and you, but I will find it one day."

Makoto chuckled freely this time. He glanced over at Haru. "So really, how are you and Rin?"

Haru's face made a split second scrunch Makoto could only recognize as irritation, maybe frustration. "It's alright."

"He's pushing me," Haru said rathe distantly. "I mean he always has--that's why we are together. But I don't have an answer for him. He wants so much, and I don't have answers for him."

Makoto watched Haru for a moment, considering. He was unsure if he could even move. He hadn't expected this kind of a turn in their conversation. His heart leapt in his chest, and sank all at the same time. He felt like for once he was full, and yet like he was being eaten alive from the inside out.

" I guess I never realized before," Haru's oceanic blue eyes shifted up to Makoto. "Rin's not like you at all."

Makoto laughed at the quite obvious statement. Was that even a valid comparison? Makoto and Rin were complete polar opposites. Rin was a hurricane, he was a warrior, a charmer -- he was everything that Makoto could never be. He lived for adventure and excitement and the thrill of winning! Makoto lived for sunsets, and gardening and contentment. If Rin was the bright day, Makoto was the calm night.

"No," Makoto agreed as he looked out over the dark ocean again. "We're not exactly alike."

Haru sighed, resting his arm across his bent knee.

Not sure he should say anything further, Makoto peered over at Haru. He looked spread thin. His eyes were red and dark. His skin a bit paler.

"You know," Makoto said, feeling the already tight bands around his heart constrict. "That's not bad." He stopped, taking a breath. "Just as long as you know who you are, Haru."

Because a hurricane was a beautiful thing, and sometimes destructive and terrifying and exciting. But-- "Rin is great. What you want, though, that's up to you." Makoto licked his lips trying to suss through his thoughts before he spoke.

"And he asked for _you_. Not someone else, not someone different who wants the same grand and fantastical things as him--he told you he wanted you. So, I don't know, just don't get lost."

A bit red, Makoto turned back to the waves and the water and the ocean. "You're beautiful because you never care, you're just _you_  regardless..." He looked down at his hands, feeling like he made no sense, like he couldn't quite form the sentences and words right -- not really -- not in a way that he could make others really understand.

When Makoto finally brought himself to look at Haru, he felt a seize in his chest as those dark blue eyes were on him again.

"Come back," Haru said, quietly.

Of course, they were destined to end up at this topic again. "I can't," Makoto said, his brow creased and a frown deepened. As it was, he felt like he was trying to run through tar. He felt like he was being dragged down and under, choking on his own failures at every turn, and that was away from the Iwatobi and his parents and all the sad pitting eyes that had followed him all the way to the train station.

"I need you," Haru murmured.

Makoto's eyes slid shut, breathing in the brisk ocean air. How long had he waited to hear that? How hard he he tried to just -- _get_  Haru to admit anything to him?

"Please," Haru uttered the word so small, so quiet.

There wasn't much in the world that would ever force Haru to say something like that, to Makoto or to anyone else for that matter. What ever the specifics were--Makoto hurt for his best friend.

"No one else talks like you, no one else -- makes me _feel_  like you do." Haru continued, "I feel lost without you."

The ocean was so dark, so surprisingly timid as Makoto looked out over the waves and swell and crash. He smiled, truly sad this time. It wouldn't help, he knew. Being there in Iwatobi so close to Haru, being a million miles away, at Samezuka. There was little to no difference.

He'd still have his own decisions to make, and they would probably be harder.

"Do you love me?" Makoto asked suddenly.

Makoto definitely loved Haru. He wasn't sure what he felt for Sousuke: contentment, affection, sorrow -- a jumble of swirling emotions -- and he could see it for once, feel it all constricting around him. Sousuke had been right. They were tied together, by who knows what, and it was tangled around them, binding them together.

When Makoto looked at Haru, he had his answer in the way those deep blue eyes blinked at him. Makoto leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Haru's forehead.

"Choose what you want," Makoto reaffirmed, his hand coming up, bracing against Haru's neck. He let their eyes connect there just for a few more seconds. "Tell Rin what you want."

Then he let go and stood, "I need to leave."

"Makoto," Haru said briskly, standing as well.

"Don't, Haru, " Makoto breathed low. His arms had already come up, pulling around his middle, clasping at his sides. He ached. Every time it just seemed to get worse, he ached worse. Before, the salt water had been a comfort -- a refuge -- now it just burned against his open wounds. "I need to leave this place."

"It's your home," Haru said, sounding desperate.

Makoto stopped his slow trek up the beach, looking back at Haru. He was right. Iwatobi would always be his home. But he didn't need a home filled with ghosts and tripwires and loneliness.

He wasn't sure what to say as he opened his mouth. His thoughts filled with teal Caribbean eyes, so warm. Sousuke was so warm, even if he didn't know it.

"I can't thrive here." Makoto ended up saying.

"I don't want you to go." Haru said. "I--" he looked away, his brow furrowing. "I want everything to be like it was, with you and me and the club and all of it."

There was nothing Makoto wanted more as well, only he'd still loved Haru then. Still pined for him everyday, still watched him thinking, maybe this time, maybe if he just let Haru know one more time, maybe if he just showed Haru this way, maybe he'll finally see Makoto then... And he never did. Even now when Haru was asking the world of Makoto, he still wasn't saying anything.

On the other hand, all Makoto could think about was tall, broad shoulders. He'd caught a glimpse of Sousuke stretching out of bed that morning. His back had flexed in the morning light-- soft, tan skin glowing as he'd stretched his neck from one side to the other. It all looked so _comforting_ , so warm, and Makoto hadn't even realized it till now while replaying the memory in his head.

"I won't," Makoto said quietly.

Sousuke wasn't blinding bliss, but Makoto didn't need that. Beyond that, he'd made too many decisions based on what others wanted.

"I'm sorry Haru," Makoto breathed. He turned away again, and this time he didn't look back as he trailed up the beach, starting back to the train station.

His eyes were squeezed tight by the time he got there, his chest heaving, he had to lean against a wall outside the train station to steady himself. He was so close to breaking. His insides were aching again. It was usually so dormant -- so passive-- but it was bitting pain now. He felt like he was being eviscerated, like long sharp teeth were pulling his insides from his chest cavity, like whatever demons inhabited Iwatobi were clawing at him, breaking off and tearing pieces from him to litter a blood trail all the way home.

His arms tightened around his middle, and as the first sob broke through he could only think about one thing -- warm water. Warm water that lulled him and held him, and let him drift, let him lie back into its embrace. Water hued teal and framed with tan lashes.

* * *

 

Returning to Samezuka was accompanied with a wave of relief. and arm was restricted around his middle, in hopes of holding himself together just long enough to get back to the room. That hollow feeling was there again. It ate at him. No, that wasn't quite right. It felt like sand filtering through an hour glass. He tried to stop it. The thick ooze of emotions and longing and all the things he'd wanted to keep bottled up filtered down and into nothing, but just like sand he couldn't grasp on to anything. The remnants of himself just flowed through his fingers, leaving him empty inside. And worst of all the emptiness hurt.

He slid open his bedroom door.

"Hey!" Sousuke grunted from the bottom bunk, "where the hell have you been? It's been hours since practice." He was stretched out, leaning against a couple pillows stacked against the head bar of the bed, wearing a black button up shirt and dark wash jeans. He must have gone out with Rin. He was reading. Makoto was affectionately starting to notice--so terribly late--that Sousuke was fond of reading.

Makoto looked at him.

For being such an ass, Sousuke was a perceptive ass, and Makoto's expression must have revealed more than necessary. He set the book he was reading down, his eyes narrowing as he sat up. "What did you do, idiot?" He growled.

It didn't make sense, but then again this entire thing with Sousuke didn't make sense-- and he just hurt so bad.

Makoto crawled on to the bed, crawling over Sousuke, ignoring the raised brow as he seated him self in Sousuke's lap, and promptly started to grind his hips down.

"Tachibana," it wasn't clear if the way Sousuke spoke was in warning or in questioning.

Ignoring it, Makoto's fingers moved to start unbuttoning Sousuke's shirt. He rested his forehead against Sousuke's neck as he still rocked his hips back and forth.

"I don't want to feel hollow," was all he could manage to get out.

"Come on," Sousuke warned again. "We've been over this." His hands moved up to Makoto's hips, but they weren't pushing him away yet.

Sucking in a deep breath, Makoto plunged in head first. His mouth went to Sousuke's neck, kissing and sucking his way up to Sousuke's ear. He adjusted his hips, making it easier to roll them, adding just enough rhythm to make it feel amazing. And Makoto could already feel the rush of arousal shaking though him.

"Makoto!" Sousuke snapped. He jerked Makoto away until he was forced to make eye contact.

They paused like that, noses so close and eyes peering straight into each other. Makoto must have looked worse than he had even thought, because Sousuke's expression softened. He pressed his lips together as his teal eyes searched over Makoto's face.

"What have you done?" Sousuke asked. A broad hand came up, brushing through Makoto's hair.

Makoto swallowed, looking down at his hands at Sousuke's shirt collar. "I get it," he said softly. "I'm not Rin." He admitted, though if it was more to Sousuke, or himself, he wasn't sure. And the blow of it cracked through him, feeling like it was breaking bone as it tumbled through his chest. "I know I can't be anything like him. I'm not so full of energy I burst with sunlight, and I don't topple over everything in my path. I'm just me--I just the cam one." He shook his head, trying to wish away the way his eyes watered and his throat felt like it was choking for breath. "But please just give me tonight." He managed to look back up, trying to plead into those teal eyes. "We're not a couple. We don't like each other. We're just -- I don't know -- looking out for each other, just _there_  for each other, and that's it. I get it! But, please, just want _me_. Just for right now."

Licking his lips, Makoto leaned in and pressed a kiss to Sousuke's open mouth. "You can hate me when the sun comes up, but please just--" his voice broke, frowning as he realized he was crying.

Sousuke's hand came up again his fingers running through Makoto's hair. Though makoto couldn't tell if the aciton was out of pity or to convey comfort. Sousuke looked so expressionless. Makoto's heart seized, his shoulders slumping. The last time had crossed a line for them both and apparently it was too far, too much...

Makoto let his head drop as embarrassment finally started to sink in. What had Makoto expected? Sousuke hated him. And coming here, whining like some sad, pathetic puppy, hadn't changed that. Makoto's hands shook at Sousuke's collar, clinging to the stupid _whatever-it-was_  they had. Raising his head just enough, Makoto opened his mouth to apologize. He'd been stupid. It had been made clear this was off limits, Makoto needed to respect that. It was sex -- just freaking sex -- not comfort, not warm teal waters, not anything but sex -- and he was fooling himself if he thought it was more.

That's always what he did: fooled himself into believing he mattered to someone.

But as his green eyes locked with teal, suddenly Sousuke's grip shifted, his fingers curling into a tight fist of Makoto's hair. Makoto was yanked forward, eyes wide as his lips crashed with Sousuke's.

The surprise only lasted a second as Makoto squeezed his eyes shut, and whined as he threw himself into the kiss. It was hot and messy and Sousuke nipped as his lips, warning of what had happened the last time Makoto wasn't completely there with him.

Makoto was already back at getting Sousuke's shirt off, pushing at the collar to at least get at a shoulder. Sousuke seemed to have the same idea, though, his hands were clawing at Makoto's jacket -- ripping at it to get it off Makoto's arms and shoulders. Happily, Makoto complied, letting Sousuke toss it to the floor. His hands came back up immediately to Sousuke's face, cupping along his jaw line, before they slid up and into his soft, dark chocolate hair. Makoto sealed their lips together as he started to rock his hips.

Sousuke dug between them, his hands tearing at Makoto's jeans to get them open. Another hand was up Makoto's shirt petting at his nipple before he broke the kiss, leaning in to suck at it through Makoto's shirt. He found Makoto's cock at the same instance, curling his fingers around it to start tugging it to life.

Makoto gave a groan, wanting nothing more than to be close, breathing Sousuke in. He wound his arms around Sousuke's neck and shoulders, watchign down at Sousuke's actions.

Giving a low growl, Sousuke tugged at the nipple, bitting lightly and giving it one last suck before he straightened and his looked to Makoto. The wet shirt clung to Makoto's skin, shaping to the ripe nipple underneath. Feeling drunk already on it all, Makoto gave in, sighing into another kiss. Sousuke returned both hands down between them, digging his own jeans open before he started to fist both of their cocks together.

Makoto whined and tugged at Sousuke's shirt, pleading into his ear. "Screw me. Please."

"I can get us off like this," Sousuke gruffed, stroking becoming more insistent.

Makoto's forehead rested at Sousuke's shoulder. He could feel as a few more tears run down his face, dropping off of his nose and jaw line. "I don't want to _get off_ ," he said. He was thankful Sousuke couldn't see his face then. As if he didn't already feel like he was stripped bare every time Sousuke looked at him. "I want to feel connected. I can't take this hollow feeling. Please," his eyes closed. "I'm yours, just take it." His arms wound around Sousuke's neck holding on to the only thing he wanted in life at that moment.

Sousuke seemed to breathe deep next to him, before he nodded. "Lube is still under the bed?" He whispered in Makoto's ear.

Makoto just nodded.

They had moved it there when it became apparent they both liked sex and disliked the awkward untangling before tangling back up again required to retrieve the lubricant from the bathroom. So Sousuke placed a hand at Makoto's back, holding him close as he reached down under the bed, pawing for the plain shoe box. Makoto heard the clatter as Sousuke got frustrated and simply dumped it out, spilling the contents on the floor and snatching up the bottle.

"We should probably start using condoms," Sousuke said, a bit miffed as his hands started to pry at Makoto's jeans.

"Why?" Makoto sniffed, letting one arm rest along Souske's chest as he turned to better speak to him. He lifted his hips so Sousuke could pull his jeans down his thighs. Makoto twisted against Sousuke, letting him jerk and pull the jeans along with Makoto's jock-brief shorts down his legs

Sousuke looked down at him. "So we don't--spread something," Sousuke said. "To be safe." He punctuated it with finally tossing Makoto's pants to the floor.

Makoto sniffed again. He settled over Sousuke's groin and locked his eyes with Sousuke's crystalline eyes. "Are you sleeping with someone else?" Makoto asked. His hands moved up, his fingers spread as he cupped Sousuke's face, holding his chin up to look right at Makoto.

The question seemed to catch Sousuke off guard. His mouth fell open as he blinked at Makoto. "Well, no," he stammered.

Makoto cut him off as he connected their lips, licking into the kiss and convincing Sousuke to groan into their slick, connected mouths. His hand came up as well, a strong hand diving through Makoto's hair, tangling his fingers at the back of Makoto's head.

"Good, me neither," Makoto breathed as he broke the kiss. He let his lips press in against Sousuke, soft and tenderly, giving him just a taste before he spoke again. "Now please fuck me."

He crashed their mouths back together then. Sousuke gave a deep growl and devoured up into the kiss. His hand moved back down between them. He gave a tug at Makoto's erection, causing a moan from him, before he was reaching down, between Makoto's legs.

He gave a devious smile as they parted to breathe. "Well since you're asking nicely..." he mumbled before kissing up into Makoto's mouth again.

Makoto shivered, breathing out a gasp against Sousuke's lips as he felt cold, lube-slicked fingers enter him. He whined, seeking down into Sousuke's warm skin, kissing down along Souske's jaw. He steadied himself against Sousuke's shoulders, letting his head fall back as he reached behind them both. He pulled Sousuke's hand away, grasping Souskes cock on his own. Smiling, he bit his lip as he ran his fingers along the length of it, reveling as a small whimper slipped from Sousuke's lips. He wasn't here to tease though and holding it there before breathing in and sliding down in one swift movement. His mouth opened in a gasping breathy moan as he was suddenly very full.

Sousuke took a big breath under him. Makoto shifted to see Sousuke's jaw tighten and eyes hood. His hands crept up at Makoto's thighs.

Makoto tipped his head down to kiss Sousuke again. He felt like he could break, like he was ice cracking and popping, the prelude to crumbling into Sousuke's arms. He rested his forehead against Sousuke's and breathed shakily. He was trembling, his body shaking uncontrollably as he begged for Sousuke to, "Move, please, I need it," and his hands shifted, petting and caressing Sousuke's neck.

It was surprising how kind Sousuke could be in those small moments Makoto had chance to witness. The soft lingering kisses he lapped into Makoto's lips blurred with the soft brush of fingers that tenderly touched at Makoto's face. Sousuke whispered something Makoto couldn't make out, but he nodded all the same, wanting whatever Sousuke would give him.

He started to move slowly at first, just a gentle rock into Makoto, creating enough friction to make it pleasurable. Their eyes were hooded. Makoto was flushed and could feel the heat from Sousuke's skin as well.

"More," Makoto broke their kiss to plead. "Don't let me think about anyone but you." He admitted as he cracked his eyes open catching onto those teal fires burning so bright. Sousuke nodded and his hands went to Makoto's hips.

He started to lead them both, applying enough pressure to direct Makoto into the motion his hips should take as Sousuke started to buck up. He gave a groan as his hips snapped the first time in their slow building dance.

Makoto shivered as he picked up on the wet slap of skin and his mouth fell open letting out a small whine and moved his own hips with more urgency.

Sousuke groaned again, one hand grappling up to grip at Makoto's neck as he growled and slammed up into Makoto. It was the first rough action he'd made towards Makoto in weeks and Makoto eyes rolled back with it. This is how they started. This was their way to biting and growling and fucking each other raw Makoto felt as he cracked, a sob breaking from him.

Sousuke was breathing hard, his chest heaving as he slammed into Makoto. He was holding Makoto to him, so carefully, and yet with unyielding force. His eyes closed as he thrust up, his hips moving powerfully into Makoto as he arched up.

Makoto felt as tears streaking down his face, having to steady himself with one arm striking out to the head bar of the bed as he watched Sousuke. He was close -- after all the rough nights and intimate moments -- Makoto could tell. Makoto swallowed harshly as the tears poured down his cheeks, dripping from his nose and falling from his jawline as he tried to stifle it.

But... this was it. He had finally decided, and it was over. His old life was over. He could never go back. He would never bend time and space, and side step back into a world where things were all okay. Where he returned to a cheerful home, with the sounds of two children gently laughing and playing. Where Haru and he were so distant, yet so close. It hurt. It hurt so much and Makoto--he wasn't sure he would live through the mourning of it.

He let out a shaking, wrenching sob as he watched Sousuke, slamming his own hips into him.

Sousuke's eyes opened slowly, going wide. His hands had been buried at Makoto's hair and neck, strongly holding him up as he plowed into him, but he stilled immediately when he saw Makoto's face and gasped.

"No!" Makoto snarled and dove down on to Sousuke. He fought his way through strong arms to smear their lips together before impaling himself on Sousuke hard. He heard the gasping groan from Sousuke underneath him, but Makoto didn't stop as he fucked himself on Sousuke's shaft.

Sousuke's grip trying to move him off suddenly changed, and he was clawing at Makoto, dragging him closer as his hips snapped upward and he nailed into Makoto erratically. He gave a deep lions-growling groan as Makoto felt him spill inside of him.

"Yes," Makoto breathed resting his hips, sniffing as the tears continued to stream.

Sousuke gave another groan this time though relief based as he went limp. His body arched one last time, pressing into Makoto before he fell back onto the bed. It was several breaths before he was reaching up, his hands pawing for Makoto's face as he shifted to look at him.

"What...?" He breathed. He was so clearly confused as he stroked still shaking fingers through Makoto's hair.

Makoto pressed his lips together, shaking his head as he grasped at Sousuke's hands, and looked away. "Nothing."

"No, tell me," Sousuke insisted. "I need to understand."

Makoto felt another sob shake through him, breaking through his shoulders. "I just--thank you."

Sousuke shook his own head. His thumb rubbed across Makoto's cheek wiping away another fat tear dripping down his face. "That's not enough." He pressed a dry, chaste kiss to Makoto's lips. "Don't hide. I want you to talk to me."

"I--" How would Sousuke even understand? How would he even care? This was just sex, and Makoto just needed to feel wanted, useful, <i>loved</i>.

"Makoto," Sousuke said it was dipping into a growl. "Tell me what is going on. I won't let you run from me. Remember? You don't run from me. Let me mean something to you."

Makoto looked up, letting his eyes meet Sousuke's. They were so warm, so open.

"You're mine, remember?" Sousuke pressed on.

He'd heard Sousuke say it before. He heard it and yet--Makoto nodded. He wanted that. To fall into Sousuke's warm waters, he wanted nothing more.

Sousuke surged up and locked their lips in a brief, passionate kiss before he broke and spoke. "What happened?"

"I..." Makoto swallowed. "I went to talk with Haru."

Sousuke gave a surprised raise of his brow before they plummeted, and he growled, "What did he say to you?"

Makoto shook his hand. "Nothing. It's me. He just--he wants me to come back. I don't think he knows what he's asking." He closed his eyes, leaning into Sousuke's hands. They were so warm, so big, they could hold him up as long as needed.

"Like hell he doesn't," Sousuke grumbled. "Come on," he coaxed gently, his hands moving to Makoto's hips, he was shifting to the side.

"No," Makoto pleaded and his hands came up to grasp around the back of Sousuke's neck. "Stay inside me."

Sousuke paused, his expression the characteristic stoic blend. He shook his head, sighing as he nuzzled into Makoto's neck. "Alright. We can stay like this."

Makoto nuzzled into Sousuke's neck. "Thank you." He whispered.

"Do you--I mean," Sousuke tried to look around Makoto's arms. "You didn't come."

With a shake of his head, Makoto rested his forehead against the warm skin of Sousuke's neck. "I'm fine. I--I don't really know if I could, not like this."

Sousuke leaned back, shifting them until they were laying down a bit more, but not separate. "Alright," He closed his eyes and breathed out slowly. A hand came up to card through Makoto's hair. "You are just so--insufferably sincere."

Makoto chuckled. Right, that was exactly what he was. A bleeding heart, walking around with his insides hollow, and a gaping hole where his chest should be -- all for everyone to see.

"I'm sorry," Makoto said. "He asked me, and I just--I couldn't say no." He huffed out a breath. "He's my best friend. How could I not come when he asked?"

Sousuke just stared up at the bunk above them. "Yeah," he said quietly.

It was quiet between them for several seconds, Sousuke's lazy hand stroked up over Makoto's back,  
rubbing the best way possible, comforting and warm. Makoto sighed, letting his body sag into Sousuke as he relaxed.

"I'm going to pull out now," he said, leaving no room for protest this time.

Makoto nodded and let Sousuke shift him over to the side. Makoto was still half hard, and it sent a surprising shock through Makoto as Sousuke pulled out of him, sending a last pleasurable jolt tingling up his spine. He was surprised at how satisfied he felt, despite not coming, not really even being all that hard to begin with.

He slid off to the side, his head resting at Sousuke's chest. This was good. Makoto could live with this.

 

* * *

 

They had torn every shred of clothing off each other. It had felt like it was getting in the way, like there was no good reason for anything that would prevent skin from pressing into skin.

Sousuke closed his eyes, his fingers brushing through Makoto's long cinnamon hued fringe. They were tangled, with Makoto on his side curling into Sousuke. His head rested at Sousuke's chest and shoulder. Judging from the slow, even breaths the tears had stopped and he had finally tumbled into sleep. Sousuke had pulled the covers up over them, wrapping the duvet up around Makoto's shoulders.

Wide awake, Sousuke didn't have it in him for sleep then. His chest felt tight. Sighing he whispered into Makoto's hair, "You are tearing me apart, Tachibana."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Soundtrack: Stole You Away, Benjamin Francis Leftwich](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pfe_x23Rzuk)
> 
>  
> 
> Tumblr: [ lovelilylion.tumblr.com](http://lovelilylion.tumblr.com/)
> 
> * * *
> 
> Special thanks to My Beautiful Betas for this Chapter: [ Mykko_chan](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Mykko_chan) and [ GreenEyes, SoftSighs](http://archiveofourown.org/users/greeneyes_softsighs/profile)


	14. Part 2, Chapter 14

He heard the squeal of tires first. It really didn't even register for a moment. One careless driver coupled with one careless big brother made for a disaster Makoto had never even imagined.

Maybe it would have been better if the driver hadn't stood, hadn't tried to swerve. As it was it looked like Ren was hit first and thrown across the pavement. He was crumpled on the road, another car coming the opposite direction screeching as his bloodied limb body skid across the pavement to rest in the oncoming traffic lane.

Ran looked like she'd been caught against the swerving car. The front end had ripped through her font like a rag doll, flinging her, smearing blood across the pavement as she came to a stop just a few feet from the car.

Makoto was frozen like he was rooted in place. His heart loud in his ears and he looked frantically between his siblings.

A women stepped out of the car in question. Her hands were over her mouth as she looked on. Out of the car that had stopped in front of Ren a man stepped out, running to Ren's body.

Then Ran screamed.

He will remember that sound for the rest of his life. It will haunt his steps, it will perforate all of his dreams, it will be the defining moment of the rest of his life, and it will play it self over and over and over again, until Makoto wants to scream himself.

But it jostled Makoto into action as he flung himself into a run towards his sister. His sneakers pounded across pavement in time with his heart and he slid over the black top as he rounded the car to fight his way to his bleeding sister.

And there was so much blood. It was on her face, in her hair and her torso. Makoto wasn't sure even what to do. Her chest was -- gaping and open. Makoto's eyes widened as he tried to breath. He could see -- his sister's ribs, he could see that her sternum had been cracked, and the skin tore open. Not sure what else to do, he pushed his hands down over her ribs, trying desperately to hold them together. She was still bleeding everywhere and screaming.

She looked up at Makoto and Makoto could feel his eyes well as he looked back at her. What does he say now. What does he falsely promise her?

"I love you," he found himself whispering. "And I'm so sorry."

She just screamed and cried and screamed.

Makoto looked to his brother. The man who had gotten out of the oncoming car had laid his suit jacket over him -- over his face. He was so still. Makoto looked back to his last living sibling.

He felt like there was a hand at his neck, cloying at his throat. He watched his sister, his hands were red now. She was looking at him, pleading with him. Of course she was -- she was dying after all. And there was nothing Makoto could do about it.

A man in a blue and white windbreaker was suddenly at his side. He was asking Makoto to take his hands away. Looking up, Makoto just nodded. It took him a second more to finally take his hand away, leaning back .

The man, Makoto realized, was a paramedic and was joined by a woman in the same windbreaker jacket.

"Sir, we need you to step away." She ordered suddenly.

Makoto nodded, right. They needed to do their jobs. They needed to save her and Makoto was in the way. He stood and stepped away several feet.

He looked up to his brother, two paramedics were lifting him--into a black body bag. Makoto looked back to his sister. The two paramedics were both speaking. The man was saying what he was doing, commentating every action as he completed then as he worked at his sisters chest. The women was talking to his sister asking her questions, asking if she could see her, hear her, if she could calm down.

Ran just screamed. And cried.

Makoto felt himself shaking. He lifted his hands, seeing the dark red coating his skin from fingertips to his elbow. His shirt was ruined.

Suddenly they were lifting Ran up onto a gurney. Another paramedic had joined them and they were quickly starting to to get her to an ambulance. Makoto found he couldn't really move again. He just looked down at his hands. It was a second, one second he'd looked away and his hands were so red. There was nothing he could do. There was no way to step back in time and repeat. He had been right fucking next to them, distracted as the light had turned...

And in the end he couldn't do anything.

"Sir!"

Makoto looked up. His mouth open as he tried to get himself to breath.

It was another paramedic. She was looking at him, standing a few feet away. Her hair was dark--like Ran's--like the blood stained across his shirt.

"Are you alright?" The woman asked urgently.

Makoto looked to the ambulance again. They had it open and was lifting Ran in. There was three of them. Two were at her chest now, hurriedly working with red gloves and clamps.

She wasn't screaming anymore.

"No," Makoto said then, shaking his head. "I'm not."

 

* * *

 

"Did we--" Sousuke asked as he sat at the edge of the bed, already dressed in his school uniform as he waited for Makoto to gather his things. "Did we become exclusive last night?"

Makoto abruptly looked up from trying to dig his shoes out from the bottom of the closet. "Uh...."

Sousuke narrowed his eyes. "You told me you're not sleeping with anyone else."

"Well, I mean," Makoto looked down, finding one shoe he started to work at pulling it on. "Who really would I sleep with, besides you?"

Sousuke shrugged. "Does it matter?" He asked with a sigh back against the wall. "The point is you told me you were just sleeping with me."

His shoes must be really interesting, because Makoto didn't look up from them as he found the other one and started to pull it on. "...yeah." Makoto admitted a bit timid.

"And I'm not sleeping with anyone else." Sousuke admitted a bit too casual maybe. "So doesn't that mean you and I -- are just doing you and I."

"Uh," At this point, Makoto had both shoes on. He just stayed there, not looking at Sousuke, not looking at anything in particular. It was the embarrassment again probably, Sousuke concluded.

After having cried in Sousuke's arms, by morning Makoto was red faced about it and sputtering off apologies. There was really nothing about it that could be helped at that point, and it surprised Sousuke how much he didn't mind it all. He'd asked Makoto to unload some of his crap--and he had. It had been messy and hard and a bit embarrassing but Sousuke--kind of, well he wouldn't stop it if it were to happen again.

"So we're exclusive?" Sousuke concluded.

Makoto's knees popped as he stood from the floor. "We should get to class," he said quietly.

Sousuke didn't move, pocketing his hands as his expression turned cold. "Are we exclusive?" He posed the question again, looking up at Makoto standing near the edge of the bed.

Makoto looked down at his feet. "What about Rin?"

Sousuke snorted. "Clearly he is preoccupied with someone else." Sousuke sat up though, pulling his messenger bag from the floor to loop the strap over his head. "Trust me if he comes out and professes his undying love for me I'll let you know. "

Makoto still just looked down.

"Well?" Sousuke said as he stood, tipping his head to catch Makoto's eye. "Come on, Tachibana, it's not like we can really pretend we don't like each other anymore."

Makoto's head raised just a bit at the words. "You like me?"

Sousuke stifled the urge to roll his eyes. No, he fucked Makoto and talked to Makoto, and let Makoto cry all over Sousuke, and spent just about all his time with Makoto because Makoto absolutely disgusted Sousuke.

"Yeesss." Sousuke said very slowly with plenty of emphasis.

Finally, Makoto gave a nod. "Uhm, alright."

"We're exclusive?"

"...yes."

"Say it." Sousuke was smirking, still holding Makoto's gaze.

There was an exasperated sigh before Makoto looked at Sousuke fully. "You and I are exclusive."

Smiling, Sousuke straightened all the way. "Good."

Makoto shook his head.

A thought occurred to Sousuke them, making his brow furrow. "What about Nanase?" He cocked his head. "I mean if you two work it out it could go that way."

Makoto gave one of the most humorless laughs Sousuke had heard yet from him. He shook his head as he walked past Sousuke to the door. "I could spend the next hundred years next to Haru and he still wouldn't love me."

Turning, Sousuke watched Makoto as he left for their first class. He wasn't sure if he'd just managed a victory or tore open Makoto's wounds all over again.

 

* * *

 

He didn't realize it's but when the Paramedic -- the one with the dark hair, like Ran's hair, like the blood staining Makoto's shirt -- asked if he was alright and he answered, that was the last time for a long time that he would answer honestly.

He was still in a daze as he reached the hospital. His family was already there. His mother was sobbing into her hands, leaning into Makoto's aunt. His father stood close by, his hand on his wife's shoulder. His eyes were wide and he looked a bit lost, eyes listless and expression frozen in a state of shock.

It was when Makoto approached that he came to the full realization. He was still covered in blood, his sister's blood.

He abruptly turned in the hall, asking a nurse at on of the information desks if there was a washroom he could use.

There was nothing he could do about the shirt, and he fidgetingly tried to hide it by pulling on a dark blue hoodie. He zipped it up before stepping out to his family--or at least what was left of them.

His father looked up this time as Makoto approached. He looked calmer, at least by a small fraction, he stepped forward and hugged Makoto, his hand coming up and cupping the back of Makoto's head, holding him close, like when Makoto was small, maybe ten, maybe the same age as....

Makoto pulled away. His father faced him. His eyes were red. Makoto had never seen his father cry, and he had the feeling he was about to see it.

"How are you doing son?" He asked then. "Are you okay?"

And Makoto could see it in his eyes. He was feeling pain, really tangible pain. And how could Makoto make that worse? How could he even consider it.

He couldn't manage a polite smile. But he could nod. "Yeah," he said quietly.

His father nodded and turned back away, returning to his mother.

Makoto stood there for a moment. He could feel the bloody stains all across his front. It was the first feeling of it then, the first inkling of feeling--empty, like it was his chest that had been ripped open, like he had his insides scooped out and what was left was--nothing. Just nothing and it ached.

Looking up, Makoto stepped towards his family. He didn't tell them about his shirt. He didn't tell them about the feeling in his chest.

 

* * *

 

Sitting in the chair across from Makoto on the examination table, Sousuke crossed his arms over his chest as the doc inspected Makoto's arm.

The wound was still a bit visible, but it was minor scrabbing, Makoto might get away with a scar or two to make up stories about, but other than that he was smiling as the doctor looked over the arm, seeming to nod to himself and make positive sounds.

"It feels good." The doctor said as he stepped away. "Most importantly the muscle inflammation seems to have dissipated."

Makoto nodded, eager as he listened on.

"I think you should probably not stress it, just in case." The doctor when on. "How's your shoulder?"

"Fine." Makoto answered. "It feels fine, I haven't had a single issue with it."

"No more locking up?" The doctor checked.

Makoto shook his head. "Not at all. It was the first time it had honestly happened and I haven't had it since."

The man nodded. "Alright. You can get back into the pool again."

"I can swim?" Makoto asked eagerly.

The doctor nodded. "Yeah you can swim again. Try not to push too hard, too fast though." The doctor signed off on a form of release and handed it to Makoto.

Makoto slid off the crinkly paper and took the release form, looking down at it before looking up to Sousuke with a smile.

Sousuke rolled his eyes. Looks like it was pool time every night from here on out! Great. Though the smile on Makoto's face did make Sousuke want to look at him a bit longer.

They were out of the aide office and back down to the pool for practice surprisingly fast. Makoto slipped his swim suit on in record time and was standing before Rin with a smile and presenting the signed release form.

Rin plucked the paper from Makoto's hands and looked it over before looking over at Sousuke. "This legit?"

"He can swim again," Sousuke assured, smiling at Rin.

Rin sighed and waved Makoto on. It took him point zero two seconds to have his Samezuka jacket off and stepped up on the starters block. He dove in a second later and was dolphin kicking through the underwater portion of a free style lap.

Sousuke chuckled as he stepped up beside Rin, his hands pocketed. It wasn't till he looked over at Rin that he caught the sour expression on his face.

"What?" Sousuke asked.

"Nothing." Rin grumbled and turned away to scowl at a poor first year.

Sousuke sighed. If it wasn't one problem it was clearly another.

 

* * *

 

Makoto can't say he really remembers the funeral. He remembers--buying a suit. Right before the funeral. He'd never really needed one--well a nice fitted tailored kind of suit.

He had his school uniform, but nothing formal enough for a funeral. He remembers his father taking him to buy a real suit, black with a slim lapels. Two buttons. The waist was taken in an inch and the shoulders let out two. He also got a tie, slim and black.

Standing in front of the mirrors at the back to the store Makoto remembers looking up at himself, seeing himself standing there, seeing the suit, seeing his own face.

It was still the same face, still his messy hair, still his green eyes.

And yet looking at those green eyes--Makoto realized he didn't know this person. And it certainly wasn't him anymore. He didn't know who it was, or maybe even what it was, but what used to be him was no longer the same person standing there.

"How does it fit?" His father asked from behind him.

His father used to smile a lot. He used wear a smile as a natural, easy expression.

Makoto hadn't seen his father smile since--everything changed.

"It's fine." Makoto said quietly.

 

* * *

 

Sousuke pulled the hoodie up a bit better as he exited the rec center. Rin beside him, scrolled through his phone as he looked for somewhere for them to grab food.

"There's a curry place close with some pretty good reviews." Rin said as he looked up at Sousuke.

"Sounds good to me." Sousuke said as he hitched his duffel bag over his good shoulder.

Nodding, Rin locked his phone, pocketing it as he followed Sousuke.

They had spent the morning playing racket ball. Rin had wanted to play and Sousuke had nothing against ratchet ball so it seemed like a good Saturday morning hang out.

Sousuke had left a sleeping Makoto at home, kissing his shoulder as he had told him, he was going to hang out with Rin for the day. Makoto'd been swimming nonstop for the last week besides Sousuke was learning he seemed to like his sleep. He had tucked the sheet up a bit more securely on his shoulder and left after smiling at Makoto's mumbled goodbye.

Sousuke smiled as he thought about it. If nothing else was going well in his life--at least him and Makoto seems to have fit into a nice comfortable stride. It was surprisingly pleasant to know he could sleep in someone else's arms every night, and that someone was always there, always available to talk. Someone was just simply there.

He looked over at Rin. He had that same sour look, the one he'd been sporting a bit too much lately.

"Everything going okay?" Sousuke asked. It was unusual since Rin usually was the open one, babbling on about any and everything happening in his life. Come to think of it, Sousuke hadn't really heard him talk all morning.

Rin looked up at him and gave a sigh. "Yeah. I'm just stressed."

Sousuke nodded, humming in acknowledgement.

"I got an offer for the same university you're going to." Rin suddenly said.

Looking over, Sousuke looked a bit surprised, his mind rolling the information in his head.

"Come fall, I might be swimming with you and Mako." Rin said flashing a shark tooth smile.

Rin was going to be at... Aoyama? Right and he thought Sousuke was going to be swimming. Wait, Mako?

"Makoto?" Sousuke said suddenly his brow lowering in confusion.

"Yeah," Rin said a bit agitated. "Didn't he tell you?"

Nope! Sousuke shook his head.

Rin brow furrowed for just a few seconds before he spoke. "Yeah, he got an offer from Aoyama. He also got one from Tokyo University. But when I was talking to Toudou he said he has advised Makoto to take the Aoyama offer, it's apparently better as far as he could tell."

Sousuke nodded. The school certainly did promise a lot. At least before they found there might need to be--damage control.

"I thought you and Makoto were basically conjoined twins anymore." It was said with just enough sarcasm to make Sousuke look over.

"What does that mean?" He asked abruptly. It was more of a growl than anything else.

Rin looked up at him though his mess of long red hair. "You just spend a lot of time with him is all."

Sousuke wasn't quite sure he followed. "He's my roommate." Assigned to Sousuke by Rin!

"I know," Rin grumbled, a fact he -- _HE_ \-- didn't sound happy about. "I mean I get it, you are around him a lot, but you spend just about every free moment with him besides that."

 _Then what the hell is this?_  Is what Sousuke wanted to say, what he ended up saying was, "then what the hell is this?" He gestured to the two of them walking together to go get lunch after spending all god damn freaking morning together.

Rin huffed, rolling his eyes. "Just forget it! I just noticed that you and him are real buddy buddy!"

"Just noticed?" Sousuke repeated under his breath. It didn't sound like it was a casual observation.

"It's not a big deal, I get it, he's your roommate." Rin finished up.

Sousuke's brow was still furrowed though. "You told me he was a great guy." Sousuke said stifling the urge to imitate Rin's voice sarcastically when he got to, 'great guy.'

"He is!" Rin snarled back, startling Sousuke.

Right. Now might be the time to drop it. Though Sousuke couldn't really--his first instinct usually told him to poke angry things with a stick. Eyes a bit wide as he looked at Rin though, he wasn't sure what exactly was the issue at hand.

"Do you want me to stop hanging out with Makoto?" The great guy, the old friend Rin had shoved on him at the first of the year. Sousuke was getting a bit too sarcastic now, maybe.

"No, I didn't mean that." Rin said through his teeth, sounding frustrated, though with himself or Sousuke it was a bit unclear.

Sousuke sighed. "Alright, well whatever. Come on, we're both getting hangry, let's just get food." Would ya look at that, he did it! Sousuke just let something drop and left it alone. He should tell Makoto when he got home to see if he'd get a button -- or something else.

Rin nodded and lead the way inside the small curry place. Sousuke sighed and followed him without comment. That sour look was still on Rin's face though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw, look there was just a lil smidgin' of cute there for a sec--sandwiched between devastating heart break, but ya know can't have the good with out the bad and all that. Also slight confession -- I have no fucking clue what racket ball is. My sporty friends all seem to love it, that and Lacrosse (another game I have no idea what really is) so I thought, hey Rin and Sou probably love to do something like that! 
> 
> Tumblr: [ lovelilylion.tumblr.com](http://lovelilylion.tumblr.com/)


	15. Part 2, Chapter 15

They got back to the room by the time it was dark, but Makoto was still all jitters. He'd only asked Sousuke a billion and a half times if they could swim that night, and the answer so far had still always been yes.

"One minute," Sousuke said as he batted away Makoto for the umpteenth time that day. "I wanna change into something different."

"But you can change down there," Makoto whined as he fell back on the bed. Laying there all spread out as he whined to Sousuke.

Sousuke rolled his eyes. "Two days," he mumbled to himself. "Two fucking days without chlorine and you think it's a crime." He stepped over to the dresser, rummaging though the shirts to find the one he wanted. A comfortable long sleeve knit.

Makoto hummed from the bed, letting Sousuke know he had indeed heard them. "If you think I'm bad, you have no idea what 'bad' can be."

Sousuke snorted as he pulled his T-shirt off and the long sleeve knit on in its place. He slid onto the bed next to Makoto.

"Oh yeah, and what could possibly be worse than your whiny self?" Sousuke said, smiling as he let his knee brush pleasantly against Makoto's leg. He was sitting on the bed perpendicular to Makoto, leaning back on his good arm, propped up just enough he could still watch Makoto's face.

Makoto let his eyes close and smiled one of those sad smiles, the ones that told Sousuke he was remembering things lost to the past. "Haru," He answered pleasantly. "I used to show up at his house every morning to find him in the bathtub. Every morning."

"Every morning?" Sousuke repeated. "You went to his house every morning?"

Makoto chuckled again. "We only live like two houses apart from each other. It was never that far out of the way." He brought his hand up to rest over his forehead.

"Still sounds a bit high maintenance," Sousuke said with a sour expression before he was back to smiling again.

The laugh Makoto gave him this time was _almost_ light. So close to being unburdened for once. "Haru isn't very adept at day to day life," Makoto turned his head, those deep green eyes catching Sousuke's. "In public he had the bad habit of stripping for any water he came across -- kiddy pools, aquariums, all of it."

"Right." Sousuke said.

Makoto just went on, a knowing smile on this time. He knew Sousuke was holding back on the sarcastic comments and curt remarks. Well, or at least Sousuke was trying.

"He was one of the most unique people I've ever encountered," Makoto went on. "He was so _honest_ it was a tad bit frightening at times, but that made him mean a lot more to me. When Haru tells you something he means it with his whole heart and it's... wonderful."

Sousuke shifted, knowing what was coming next. Makoto's voice shook just a bit, just enough and now... Sousuke pushed up from his elbow to slide closer on the bed.

"And he was so--" Makoto went on then. " _Caring_." He looked away from Sousuke, sniffing as he averted is gaze. "I know you don't think that he's in the right place with Rin and everything. But Haru sincerely cares about his friends."

Sousuke nodded, he leaned against the wall and pulled Makoto to him, letting the soft cinnamon hair rest in his lap.

"He cared about me," Makoto said quietly. "I know he didn't feel that way about me. But he protected me. He was there for me."

Sousuke still didn't say anything. He wasn't sure if he could, really. From his perspective Haru had practically abandoned Makoto. He'd known Makoto was bleeding out of that gaping hole he always tried to hide, and he'd still let Makoto go. Still let him run and hide and keep hurting. That wasn't caring, that was neglect. But, looking at those green eyes, Sousuke knew Makoto didn't feel any of that.

Sousuke lifted his hand and started to drag his fingers through Makoto's hair, sliding the strands away from his forehead.

Makoto's eyes shifted up to Sousuke. "We were thick as thieves," he said quietly, his lips managing to tremble into a smile. "Since we were old enough to walk, he and I were always there for each other."

Sousuke just blinked down at him. Noticing the first tear shed, running down Makoto's cheek, he brushed it away with a graze of his knuckles over Makoto's face.

Makoto flushed immediately and gave a groan as he raised his hands up to cover his face. "Gosh, I'm so sorry, Sousuke," He groaned under his hands. "I just... man, I don't know." He let his hands drop back to the bed.

"When he asked me to come back -- I knew," Makoto stopped again, his eyes blinking rapidly. "He has such a hard time with life sometimes, I have no idea how he even got that way, but he can't even take care of himself sometimes, i swear. And last week, when he asked me to come back again," Makoto shook his head. "I was so close. I stood up right then, and I filled my head with you, cause I just -- I knew I would go back to it if I stayed. I'd go back and feel needed again and feel like I was making a difference and--I'd go back to his cool affection. Never quite telling me to stop, but never reciprocating." He frowned this time, looking down at his hands.

Sousuke returned his hand to card through Makoto's fringe. Did he really need to say anything? Makoto had said it himself: Haru was cold towards him, and Sousuke was there. He was the one pulling his fingers through Makoto's hair, the one who was the big spoon when they snuggled into each other at night, the one who was a grump and irritable and still the one that kissed Makoto sometimes the minute they were behind closed doors.

"I just miss him." Makoto sighed, his eyes flicking closed as he turned his head into Sousuke's hand. "Sometimes I see you and Rin, and it just gets really bad. I want my best friend back, and I guess I've come to realize I'll never have him back. Never fully."

They stayed like that for several minutes, as Makoto's tears dried up and Sousuke rested his hand on Makoto's shoulder. The contented, easy affection leaked into each of them, making their bones heavy and saturated.

But as a pleasant expression returned to Makoto's face Sousuke couldn't help himself any longer. "Sure you weren't his babysitter instead of his friend?"

Makot chuckled. "He knew how to make sure he stayed alive just fine."

"And yet you admitted you've had to pull him out of an aquarium," Sousuke snorted. "What a freak!"

He earned a weak toss of Makoto's shoe at Sousuke's head. It was a split moment of reaction that Sousuke raised his arm--and it was the wrong arm.

Before the shoe even was near his face he was grimacing and growling in pain as his shoulder gave a groan, the monster embedded there stirred and sent shots of sharp pain though Sousuke's arm and back.

Makoto was scrambling up on his hands and knees in half a second, tearing over the covers to get up close to Sousuke. He was face to face with him, his hands hurriedly coming to Sousuke's face, to his arm and rubbing over his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to--" and maybe he realized he missed. His shoe lay on the bed a few feet away, and maybe the dots in his head finally crashed together. Makoto went quiet as he looked at his hand on Sousuke's shoulder. He dropped the hand at Sousuke's face.

Sousuke could see it as his eyes went a bit wider than he would have liked.

Makoto moved his hand on Sousuke's shoulder a bit more gently, soothing over the peak and down his tricep before rubbing back up.

"It's nothing," Sousuke hurriedly said.

There was a nod from Makoto but it was several seconds before he looked up at Sousuke.

Sousuke stalled, knowing it was a guilty sign, but unable to stop it as he saw Makoto's face. He knew. He fucking knew. He may not have grasped the details, he may not have discovered the extent, but he could see Sousuke this time. In those deep green eyes Sousuke could almost see himself.

He'd been a comet, bright and glorious, and had arched through the sky. No one could even came close to his times, no one could even hope to beat him. And then he'd burned out. And he could see it in those eyes -- the darkness, the emptiness.

He'd heard someone say once that everyone gets ten years. Ten years to be great. Ten years to be creative. Ten years to build something amazing. And he felt so _fucking_  robbed. Sousuke hadn't even gotten ten months.

"It's fine!" Sousuke hissed this time. He cursed under his breath, but unable to look away.

Makoto just kept looking at him. He didn't nod this time.

And maybe that was the worst part. If that snotty nosed, clumsy, pathetic brat, bleeding all over the place all the time, and pretending no one else could see it -- oh god, Sousuke felt like he was going to burst. They were so _fucking_ alike. Both of them trying to hide their gashing wounds that was so obvious to everyone else.

Sousuke looked away. He jerked his shoulder out of Makoto's grasp. "Didn't you fucking want to go down to the pool?" He said. He should have been growling it.

Sousuke closed his eyes. This was where he was supposed to be furious. Where he was supposed to move away from Makoto and grab his jacket and yank him down to the pool. Once there he could show him. He could wipe the floor with Makoto and make it very clear who was still at the top, who still could claim the glory and the rush of a win.

It was a few seconds before he heard Makoto shift on the sheets. "Alright, let's go to the pool."

His hand was back up to Sousuke's face. His fingers pet so fucking lightly against Sousuke's cheek, urging him to look back at him, but not demanding it.

"Fine," Sousuke snapped, knocking Makoto's hand away as he climbed off the bed. "Let's go then."

Sousuke could feel Makoto watching him closely as he snatched up his own swim bag before grabbing Makoto's bag and roughly tossing it to him.

Makoto caught it, sitting at the edge of the bed, still--fucking _still_  watching Sousuke. He stood slowly, and Sousuke could sense as he approached him. It was slow, cautious, like he was approaching a wounded animal.

Sousuke's hand came up, rubbing against his eyes, making sure he was turned away from the Makoto.

He felt him first, warm fingers skidding down Sousuke's arm.

This wasn't--the one to break down was Makoto, the one to comfort was Sousuke. That's how it fucking worked. And God damn it, Sousuke snatched his hand away as Makoto went to intertwine their fingers. "Let's just go." He hissed under his breath. "You wanted a chlorine fix so fucking bad."

"Alright," Makoto finally spoke. "Let's go."

He'd already said that, that dick. Sousuke snatched a jacket and pulled it on, shoving his way past Makoto to the door.

"Sousuke."

It was quiet, so stupidly quietly spoken behind him. But Sousuke still stopped, still turned his head, not willing to look at Makoto, but so--so fucking stupidly willing to listen.

"Don't," Makoto said. "Please, don't swim tonight."

When Sousuke did look up at Makoto over his shoulder, he couldn't help but turn, just a little, just enough towards him, shifting his feet. Makoto was standing just a few feet from him, his hand stretched out, he probably wanted to touch Sousuke again, but having been rejected already of physical contact he knew he shouldn't.

Sousuke looked down and away before he gave a short nod. "Whatever," He said, quiet as well.

"Thank you," Makoto said as he stepped up to him. He must not have been able to resist again as his fingers brushed lightly over Sousuke's cheek.

Sousuke looked down and away giving a curt nod. His swim bag dropped to the floor then, where it stayed the rest of the night.

 

* * *

 

They didn't talk about it and that relieved Sousuke more than he let on. It didn't stop Makoto from being Makoto, but he didn't bring it up or try and tell or even ask what Sousuke was going to do about it. Maybe because he already knew what Sousuke was going to do about it and that it wasn't all that much, at least not till the year was over.

As they walked out of the locker room, Sousuke holding Makoto's laptop and a text book to get some homework done while Makoto swam it was--nice. Or maybe Sousuke didn't mean that word. He didn't know what word he meant really. Comfortable maybe? It was their new form of companionship.

Though tonight, Makoto bumped into Sousuke ahead of him as Sousuke pulled up to a halt. A few feet away in the pool Nitori huffed as he prepared to push off the wall again for another lap.

Makoto stepped up next to Sousuke, giving him a nod in Nitori's direction before Makoto pulled on his cap and googles sliding into the water a couple lanes away.

Sousuke sighed and set the laptop and text book down on one of the chairs lining the walls and went to the edge of the pool. Makoto arched through the air several lanes down and dove down into the water. Sousuke's eyes trained on his dolphin kick which was getting better. His underwater portion had always been a bit lacking but now it was kicking it up to a good place.

Nitori gave a squeak of surprise as he noticed Sousuke standing over him. "Yamazaki-senpai!" He let out as he cowered against the pool wall. "What are you doing here?"

Sousuke lifted the water bottle in hand to gesture towards Makoto. He was already on his second lap.

It also struck Sousuke then that he was--well how in the world did everyone not peg the two of them as butt buddies anymore? Now that he thought of it maybe Rin had been right, the two of them went everywhere together. And Sousuke had even just explained his presence with indicating Makoto's presence, as if to suggest they were a two for one green light special.

"O-oh," Nitori exclaimed, looking over at Makoto.

"Your fatigue is ruining your form." Sousuke said, bringing Nitori's attention back to him.

"Oh!" Nitori said a bit reddening. "You were watching me swim?"

Sousuke gave him a blank stare still. "You won't get better by just swimming recklessly like an idiot." He shifted from one foot to the other. "You should take a break."

"I-I'm sorry," Nitori peeped. "But my time is among the slowest on the team," he looked down sheepishly. "So I feel like I need to swim more than the others to catch up." He glanced back over to where Makoto was still plowing through the water.

Sousuke glanced up at Makoto as well before looking back to Nitori his brow lowering just a fraction, remembering why he was there on the side lines and his partner--Sousuke almost choked on the word as he thought it, though at the same time liking the sound of it--was in the water.

"If you overdo it, you won't be able to do what you could before." Sousuke admitted. His eyes were still on Makoto watching his long body twist back under the water, rebounding off the wall.

"I--I'm sorry." Nitori said. "I just, I watch all the improvement every one is making and--" he looked back at Makoto.

It seemed no matter how many nice words Makoto tried to give Nitori, the fact still stood he was light years ahead of him, and the divide was only growing wider.

Sighing, Sousuke looked back to the sad boy in the water before him. Makoto hadn't gotten where he was because he was lazy and also because he was lone wolfing it.

"I'll coach you." Sousuke found himself saying to Nitori.

"W-what?" Nitori's sputtered as his head shot up to look at Sousuke.

"I said I'll coach the rest of your practice." Sousuke growled irritated he had to repeat himself. "You keep looking at Makoto likes he's got magic flippers or something. He doesn't. He just listens to me when I tell him to shape up!"

Sousuke turned to go refill his water bottle. "After you take a break, that is." He sighed looking back at Nitori. "You want to swim with Rin, don't you?"

Nitori's face suddenly brightened, a big smile spreading. "Hai!" He called already pulling himself out of the water for a break.

 

* * *

 

"You're letting your legs open too wide again!"

Makoto faltered in his stroke as he heard the tell tale growl of Yamazaki Sousuke. Makoto stopped at the pool wall, leaning against it as he looked over to where Sousuke was--

Makoto gave a sigh into a smile. Sousuke didn't know it yet, but he was a good coach. He caught things other people didn't. He was observant, great at bringing out the best in swimmers and a bit of a perfectionist. He also reminded Makoto of a grizzly bear every time he started barking out orders like that. Makoto chuckled as he watched Nitori try and correct himself in order to avoid further growling from the bear looking over him.

"Better." He heard Sousuke snarl at Nitori.

Makoto chuckled. His gruff exterior was becoming _almost_  charming, especially when he used it in tandem with a bit more affectionate motives. And as for giving Nitori some coaching, it was a good thing, Makoto hoped. If nothing else maybe it would take a few things off Sousuke's mind.

It was at the faint scuff of feet against the tile that Makoto looked up to the doors. Rin was standing there. He was watching Sousuke with a bit of apprehension, maybe. His red gaze shifted to Makoto. Makoto tried to pull on a polite smile, but Rin's expression turned a bit sour.

Cocking his head, Makoto's brow furrowed.

Rin looked away, depositing a granola bar and a bottle of water next to Nitori's things, then left.

Makoto huffed as he pulled his goggles back down. Things were just starting to work out with Sousuke, and now Makoto just needed to figure out what to do about Rin.

 

* * *

 

With Regional's right around the corner, Makoto looked on as the Nitori pulled ahead of Iwashimizu. Makoto smiled, padding back against the wall where Sousuke leaned. He glanced at Makoto, before looking back to the race. He wore his same bored stoic expression, droopy eyes blinking lazily.

As Nitori touched down in first, Makoto smiled.

"I like that smile."

Looking up at Sousuke's words, Makoto reddened a bit. He glanced around them. They were in public, and it wasn't like they were exactly in their own little corner public, there was other members of the team just a short couple of feet away.

But Makoto couldn't help the smile that broke on his face as he looked at Sousuke.

Sousuke quirked his own lopsided smirk. "I like that one even better."

Makoto cocked his head. Was Sousuke--? Naw! Sousuke didn't flirt. He made Makoto squirm as he murmured dirty things in his ear. He did dirty things to him once every one was out of sight. But be flirty, or charming? No way.

Then again, maybe Makoto should take it when ever he could get it. "I smile a lot." He chided.

Sousuke's eyes didn't waver from looking into Makoto's. "Not like that you don't."

"And what do I smile like most of the time?" Makoto asked for clarification, though now a little genuinely curious.

"Not like that." Sousuke repeated. "It's polite most of the time." His brow creased for just a couple of seconds. "It's still--kind of sad most of the time." He looked away, back to the pool. "It's like you're trying to remember what a smile is supposed to look like instead of just doing it for real."

Makoto blinked. Were they really that...? "And how I just smiled?"

Sousuke turned those warm sea eyes back to Makoto. "It was less sad. Less of a memory."

"Less sad?"

Sousuke hummed, nodding. "It wasn't quite happy, but it wasn't--I couldn't see any cracks."

Tipping his head, Makoto looked at Sousuke still. They were really close. Was it normal to be this close? Sousuke's droopy eyes were so charming up close like this. And for just a moment Makoto thought that they might just lean in a inch or so more and he opened his mouth just slightly because it looked like Sousuke wanted to...

Abruptly Sousuke looked away, crossing his arms over his chest and looking back to the pool.

Rin slid up next to Sousuke, giving him a knowing smile. "Looks like someone's coaching was pretty effective."

Sousuke rolled his eyes, looking away as he grumbled. "Shut up."

Makoto smiled again watching the exchange. Even if Rin was a little miffed at Makoto still at least his and Sousuke's relationship still looked to be going strong. And that--made Makoto happy. He glanced at Sousuke again. A lot of things were making him happy recently that he didn't expect.

Unexpectedly, Rin looked around Sousuke to Makoto, growling, "Mako! You're up. We're timing the backstroke swimmers as well."

Surprised, but a bit nervous, Makoto nodded. He tugged his cap on, getting a smile from Sousuke as he pulled googles on as well and set off towards the starters block.

There were three other backstroke swimmers on Samezuka all vying for a spot on the relay team. And though this wasn't an official race to determine who won a spot or not, it was a good chance for Rin and the other advisors to get a good look before they were off to Regional's.

Makoto slid into the water next to Momo. The other first year was so excited, he was practically vibrating, making Makoto chuckle as he readied himself, taking hold of the bar and pulling himself up.

The starter horn blew!

Makoto burst away from the wall, as hard as he could, this time making sure his reaction time was perfect. He arched high and long just like he and Sousuke had worked on over his late night practices. Before he hit the water, diving under the current and kicking through, gaining as much momentum as he could before surfacing with a breath. He started his stroke breathing in to his shoulders and letting them easily slide over his head and chop down through the water, propelling him forward.

Reaching the wall he made sure to concentrate and cruising through the flip and kicking off again, launching himself towards the finish line.

As he hit down on the pool wall he found himself standing just in time to greet Momo. He smiled and offered the boy a high-five.

Momo looked at him, looking at the offered hand before he plowed over the lane divider to Makoto. "Makoto-senpai! You're so great!" He shouted gleefully as he latched on around Makoto's neck giving him a rough hug. "You did it!"

Makoto laughed patting Momo's back in hopes to get him off after a moment.

Over head, the other team mates were cheering for Makoto's win. Some shouting out Makoto's time to him, and a few other offering a hand out of the pool.

Makoto took one of the offered hands as he looked up to Sousuke.

He was still leaning back against the wall, and smiling. Makoto smiled in return and mouthed. "I like that smile."

The smile quirked a bit higher on one side as Sousuke rolled his teal eyes.

Makoto looked to Rin then standing close. He'd clearly seen the exchange and was looking at Makoto with that same--almost bitter expression. He turned away quickly and trudged back to talk to one of the team advisors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Soundtrack: Flashed Junk Mind, ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wErZMUrHQA)
> 
> Tumblr: [ lovelilylion.tumblr.com](http://lovelilylion.tumblr.com/)
> 
> * * *
> 
> My Beautiful Betas for this Chapter: [ GreenEyes, SoftSighs](http://archiveofourown.org/users/greeneyes_softsighs/profile)


	16. Part 2, Chapter 16

"Have you talked to Rin to yet?" Sousuke asked as Makoto was in the bathroom, finishing up drying off from a shower.

There was no answer from the bathroom.

That was the kind of suspicious Sousuke didn't like, standing up from the bed he tossed his book back to the covers and came to the door of the bathroom.

"Did you hear me?" Sousuke asked as he slid in.

Makoto gave a yelp as his personal space was invaded by a looming Sousuke. Not that he really cared. Making Makoto give a girly scream every now and then was half the fun of rooming with him. The other half was... Sousuke smirked.

"Makoto?" He brought the boy back to focus.

With a sigh that told Sousuke this was a subject Makoto would rather Sousuke forget, Makoto turned away towards their bedroom. "I haven't breached the subject, no."

Sousuke huffed following on Makoto's heels. "Why?" He snapped. "You want to be on the relay team, I can see it. I'm sure Rin can see it too."

"And I wanted to be on the team last time as well." Makoto said as he went to the dresser, opening one of his drawers. "That didn't turn out so well."

Sousuke snorted. "That was last time."

Makoto pulled a shirt on over his head, and Sousuke smiled as he realized it was his own shirt. Dark teal it must have gotten mixed up in their laundry. They were basically the same size. Makoto's clothes fit a bit more loose on him and Sousuke didn't mind that his own was just fitting, his own chest and shoulders built a bit more broad and thick.

"I don't know about it," Makoto said. "Rin hasn't said anything to me about it."

Right, because that's the way to get what you want. "That just means you're being an idiot." Sousuke clarified for Makoto.

Makoto sighed. "I saw him speaking to Nitori about the relay." He stopped against the dresser looking down at his bare feet. "I think Rin has his relay team already planned out."

"Do you want to be on the relay team?" Sousuke bluntly asked.

Makoto dropped the towel around his waist stepping into a pair of blue jock brief short and then into some basketball shorts. He was quiet, his eyes looking down as Sousuke recognized his expression as a bit pensive.

"Yes," Makoto finally answered, "but I don't know if it's for the right reasons--Sousuke!"

Sousuke was already out of their bedroom door and on his way to Rin's room. He could also hear Makoto's feet pounding against the hardwood floors as he ran after him.

"No!" He met him just as Sousuke reached Rin's, door.

Unfortunately for Makoto, Sousuke was a lot more coordinated--and he also wasn't wearing socks. He'd also been practicing the sabotage Makoto technic half of the school year.

It was all too easy to simply side step out of the way, leaving a prone foot in Makoto's path. And there he went tumbling to the floor, unable to stop fast enough on the smooth hard wood floors. He gave a groan as Sousuke opened Rin's door and stepped in.

"Sousuke--" Rin hissed from his bottom bunk, his laptop in front of him, and a agitated look on his face as he pushed his headphones to his neck.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Sousuke snarled back, not giving Rin time to formulate.

Rin's expression turned to confusion.

Then Makoto managed his way into the room, tugging at Sousuke's shirt, "Sousuke come on, just leave it alone!" He pleaded. Nervously grabbing Sousuke's arm, trying to tote him out of the room.

Rin's expression changed again to--bitter. Yeah, that was the perfect word for it. Not just sour, not just a pucker at a shock of something but truly bitter, the feeling lasting and making one want to wash out their mouth from disgust.

"Seriously." Sousuke said, not even giving Makoto a side look. "What is wrong with you?" He had his hands out in an obvious gesture to Makoto. "He's the fastest backstroke swimmer in the team. You're not even going to ask him if he wants on the relay team?"

"Let's leave it alone! Sousuke!" Makoto yelled this time, yanking Sousuke by his arm to the side.

Sousuke granted him a look then. His brow hard as he looked at him. And then he shook his head. "No."

"What the hell has he told you?" Rin hissed at Sousuke, stepping off his bed.

"Nothing," Sousuke sneers. "And that's the part that worries me."

"I'm sorry, Rin." Makoto tried then. "You know Sousuke, he overreacts to things, we were just talking in the room and the relay team was brought up and I didn't handle it very well--"

"My god, would you shut up for once!" Rin growl.

And Sousuke was growling right back, taking a side step in front of Makoto and one big step into Rin's personal space. "You don't talk to him like that!" He yowled.

All parties in the room ground to a halt at that, eyes wide as they realized what exactly had transpired. And Sousuke also realized there was an extra party as well, Nitori cowered on his bed, looking down at the confrontation with big dilated eyes.

The first one to speak was Makoto, his hand at Sousuke's arm again, tugging him back towards the door, coaxing this time as his green eyes locked on Sousuke. "Sousuke, I think we should go."

"Why?" Sousuke turned his gaze on Makoto.

"Because this isn't something to fight over--"

"Like hell it isn't--"

"It's not!"

"You won't confront him yourself--"

"It's not something I need to confront anyone over--"

"Why not?!"

"It just isn't!"

"That not good enough!"

"I don't want to swim in the relay!" Makoto suddenly yelled, bringing the bickering to a halt and plunging the room back into silence.

"You don't?" Rin was the one to speak this time, looking confused.

Makoto gave Rin an apologetic look before turning back to Sousuke.

"What do you mean?" Sousuke asked. He wasn't like Rin, he didn't slide into confusion, anger dissipated. He looked at Makoto irate and ready to tear an answer out of him if he had to.

"I mean--" Makoto swallowed. "I mean I think that--" he looked down at his hands. "Can we talk--I mean can we talk alone about this?"

Sousuke glanced at Rin then back at Makoto. "We have." He settled on.

"I know, but--" Makoto started.

"You lied to me?" Sousuke interjected. Now the anger was fading.

"Makoto can lie?" Rin asked a bit confused.

Makoto's gaze shifted between the two men. "Well--no, not exactly, I just--"

"Just?" Sousuke helped him along.

Makoto lifted a hand to his face rubbing over it in that same nervous way before he breathed out a huff. "Look, I just don't want to let anyone else down."

But Sousuke could read what he was really saying, seeing those green eyes focused on him, watching the way Makoto held his hands at his sides, palms open, trying to let Sousuke have the truth. Makoto had meant--he didn't want to let his friends down, let Sousuke down.

Sousuke turned to Rin again. "Well?"

Rin crossed his arms over his chest. "Last time Makoto swam he put this entire team in jeopardy. I'm not--"

"You son of a bitch, he just told you he feels remorse for it all!" Sousuke snarled back, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. Knowing the two of them, if Makoto or Nitori weren't there it would probably be an all out brawl by now--still might be if things kept going.

"And I asked him what the hell fucking happened and you know what he said? He doesn't god damn know!" Rin said back, baring shark teeth out as he met Sousuke head on. "I can't have that on my team!"

"He was dealing with some pretty deep shit!" Sousuke growled back. "Or did you forget the part where his family was cut in half and you started fucking his best friend?"

"Sousuke!" Makoto was back to trying to pull him from the room. "That's enough!"

Sousuke jerked his arm out of Makoto's grip, leering back at him with a snarl. "Not everything can be smoothed over with a heart to heart and some tea, Makoto!"

Startled, Makoto let go of Sousuke's arm.

"Now what is your fucking problem with him?" Sousuke hissed back at Rin.

Rin held up his hands as if he was pointing out the obvious. "Example A." Rin glowered. "Makoto's doesn't give three shits about this team. You may be rooting for him, dick tard, but trust me you're the only one!"

"Really because he seems to be giving his fucking all for this god damned team!"

"What are you the Tachibana fan club now?" Rin snarled back. His own fists were at his sides, clenched and shaking.

Sousuke felt his insides burn with rage at that, stalking another step closer, he gritted his teeth. "Considering his own captain doesn't give a flying fuck about him, maybe I think he might need one!"

"Probably because I can see what he really is, just like everyone else! A pathetic, basket case that can't manage to keep it together for a few fucking hour with out that terrified look crossing his face!" Rin howled, spreading his own feet, taking his own ready stance.

Sousuke was taken back. Hits at either of them was fine, it was how they always worked this shit out. But Makoto? No. That wasn't allowed. Roaring, Sousuke pitched forward his fist held back.

"Sousuke!"

Sousuke stopped, frozen mid swing as Makoto was suddenly in front of him. Those green eyes looking up at him intently. He knew. He trusted Sousuke. Makoto was assured that Sousuke would never hit him. He'd promised never to hurt him. Sousuke glanced back at Rin, his bitter gaze on Makoto.

"Move away--"

"No." Makoto interrupted Sousuke. "This has gone far enough." He didn't look weak now. He didn't look pathetic. Unblinking emerald eyes stared at Sousuke, his own stance wide and ready, but unlike Rin it was in preparation to take a hit, not to give one."I already told you. I'm fine with Rin's decision." He swallowed, glancing back at Rin. "We all know he's right."

"He's not." Sousuke interjected. He shook his head. "You told me you wanted to swim in the relay team."

Makoto sighed. "Yes." He shook his own head. "But that doesn't mean I know if I can."

Rin even looked up at the honest confession.

Giving a deep growl Sousuke let his fist drop. "What are you so fucking afraid of, huh?"

"I let all of you down." Makoto said, holding his hands out again, offering what ever he had up to those in the room, even glancing at Rin. "And I'm sorry!"

"Did you mean to lose?" Sousuke asked. "Everything else aside, did you want to give that win away?"

Makoto paled a little, but kept Sousuke's gaze. "I don't know." He shook his head. "I wish I could tell you, but I don't know."

"Makoto,." Rin said from behind him. "I told you that was the stipulation on the relay team."

"I know!" Makoto snapped back. "And I don't fucking know! Do I love Haru? Absolutely! Do I want Iwatobi to succeed? More than anything! But I don't know if I would do that, I don't know if I would go that far! I don't know!" His raised voice hushed the room again. "And I don't know if I'll ever know. I've ran that day a million times in my head, and I just don't know."

Rin shook his head, letting out an exasperated sigh, "Sousuke you can't be serious, even Makoto admits to it!"

"Shut up!" Sousuke snarled at Rin before saying back to Makoto. "Would you do it again?"

Makoto looked at him, his green eyes so deep and so vast, but open. At least for Sousuke they were open. He shook his head. "I don't know if I'm right for Rin's goals. I don't want medals. I don't want glory. I don't want to be a hurricane." He sighed. "I just want to make it through this year."

"Doing the best fucking job you can, right?" Sousuke clarified. "You told me Samezuka was a great opportunity for you, that it was an honor to be here. Well you're here, and opportunity is placed at your feet! Now would you fuck up again on that starters platform?"

Rin's fiery eyes even shifted to Makoto, looking for an answer.

Makoto pressed his lips into a tight line. "I can't say. I want to say no. I want to say I would never do that to my friends. But i don't know if I would screw it all up again."

"That's not what he asked." Rin growled. His glower intensifying on Makoto. "He asked if you would do it intentionally again. If you would, roll over and hand Iwatobi Regional's."

Makoto looked at Rin then back to Sousuke. His eyes shifted down taking a breath before he looked back up to them. "I can't say where my head was at when I walked into the water that day--but where it's at now--no. I wouldn't destroy this team like that." He sighed. "I wouldn't destroy myself like that."

"Exactly my point," Sousuke said as he looked at Makoto. His eyes turned to Rin next. "You want heart and passion? I believe he just served his bloody, beating insides to you on a silver fucking platter!"

Rin pressed his lips firmly into a line. "I don't have any official roster for the relay yet." He gave a sigh then. "but fine, you prick, I'll consider--"

"Don't," Makoto said this time around, his eyes down at the floor.

"Will you stop being so obstinate all the time!" Sousuke hollered frustrated. "He's giving you a chance--"

"I don't want it!" Makoto yelled back, his eyes lifting from the floor to meet Sousuke's.

Furrowed brow, Sousuke shot back. "What do you mean?"

"Exactly what I said." Makoto's tone had returned to his level calm pitch.

"You don't want it?" Rin repeated even, looking back at Makoto, then at Sousuke. "Then why the hell have we been fighting?"

Makoto cleared his throat, "yes, well if--Sousuke could just given me a moment in private."

"That options closed." Sousuke growled gesturing around him. "Now start spitting it out. You tell me you love relays, you tell us you don't know what happened that day. You tell us you will not let it happen again. Now you tell us you don't want Rin to consider you for the relay! Would you make up your mind?"

"I have!" Makoto hissed back. "I didn't push this because I don't--the risk is too great. I wasn't lying about any of it, but it doesn't matter. I screwed up last time and if I screw up again--I'd crack. It's too much risk."

Oh his beautiful, beautiful little broken boy. Sousuke shook his head. He was always with Makoto and yet he still forgot the boy was trying to piece himself back together, one tiny glass shard at a time. It was painful and bloody and he couldn't let Makoto do this to himself. If there was no chance of failure there was no chance for success either, and he had to make sure Makoto knew that.

"Swim the relay." Sousuke said, dead serious as his teal eyes found Makoto's holding them in his gaze.

"I told you--"

"Swim the relay." Sousuke repeated.

"I can't. What if I mess up again?" Makoto's eyes pleaded as he spoke.

"Then I fucking have your back!" Sousuke roared. He pulled in a gulping breath before going on. "I will make the time up. If I have to fucking rent a speed boat to do it, I will make the time up."

If they were in their room, they would have probably had their tongues down each others throats by now. But they weren't and looking into those deep green eyes Sousuke was a bit glad they weren't. He wouldn't have seen the way Makoto looked at him then, the way his mouth opened just slightly, the way his eyes softened, head tilting just a bit.

For once it wasn't a cry for help left unspoken on Makoto's tongue, it was--gratitude. And relief, and maybe something deeper...

"Makoto?" Sousuke brought him back to focus, his eyes flicking to Rin, telling Makoto they still weren't alone.

Surprisingly enough, he shook his head. "Yeah. Alright." He looked back to Rin. "I'd like to swim on the relay team." His head dipped a tad before he went on. "Give me a chance to redeem myself?"

Rin sighed, blowing out a long puff of air. "Fine. I'll think about it." His eyes meeting Sousuke's, giving him a nod as he leaned back against the desk, pocketing his hands.

Sousuke nodded back. "That's good enough."

 

* * *

 

Makoto wasn't quite sure he was going to make it back to their room alive. He was by the way quite certain the room was the only place he was allowed back to after the exchange, Sousuke hot on his heels.

Once in the safety of the room, behind locked doors Sousuke had practically devoured Makoto. His hands were bound to the bed again, a bandanna secured around Makoto's eyes with a murmured whisper of assurance.

Makoto let out a gasping cry, on his hands and knees on the bed, legs spread with Sousuke's hands running up and down his thighs. Unable to see, Makoto found himself drifting as he felt Sousuke sliding in and out of him. He let out a whimper, feeling Sousuke warmth over him, his breath at his neck.

His hands were shifting, petting across Makoto's skin. The bed was squeaking with ever slow forward push of Sousuke into Makoto.

It was so intimate, Makoto felt he would burst if he wasn't allowed to rove his eyes over Sousuke's skin, feel his heated skin under Makoto's finger tips. He wanted more and Sousuke just hovered over him, slowly dragging his cock in and out of Makoto. There was the wet squelch of the ample amounts of lube used, a slick hand still played with Makoto's own erection, hanging between his legs.

Makoto let out a whining gasp, burying his face in the pillow as he let it drift into a whimper.

"Shhhh," Sousuke was suddenly at his ear, causing Makoto to arch up, seeking his warmth, clamoring for what ever contact he could obtain.

"Hush," he breathed the words lightly into Makoto's ear. "I've got you. Trust me, Makoto. I've got you."

He could only whine again, feeling as if he wanted to catch the feather light whisperings, catch them and hold them to his chest, maybe drop them into a mason jar and watch them glimmer and glow.

"Sousuke," the name drifted from his lips, leaving in a whisp of his own glimmering light. He gasped for air.

Trembling Makoto could feel Sousuke's hand traveling against his side, running across his skin in a way that sent shock waves through him.

"Let me catch you." He heard at his ear.

And Makoto did just that.

 

* * *

 

Rin sat back on the bed, with a huff. He didn't look up to his laptop screen, not sure if he could really. Nitori had scrambled out of the room the second Sousuke had steered Makoto out of the room. Thank god! Rin was pretty sure his day was about to get shittier as he snagged his headphones, fitting them back on his ears as he finally inhaled deep and looked back up at his laptop screen.

Deep ocean blue eyes met him through the Skype window.

They didn't speak for a long stretch before Rin nodded and asked. "You heard?"

Haru gave a single nod.

"I never meant--" Rin started.

"I've been at Makoto's side since we both could walks." Haru interrupted. "He would never do what you suggested."

Rin sighed. "Haru, you weren't with this team after wards--"

"He's my best friend." Haru said quietly, in his same level assured tone. Haru blinked. "I'm going to go."

"Oh come on!" Rin hissed. "You were just telling me you were pissed at him too!" He huffed.

Haru didn't say it, maybe he didn't need to say it. Yeah he was pretty mad at Makoto, but he didn't call Makoto a cheater. And the person Haru had least expected to be on Makoto's side had been the one to defend him.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow." Haru said before clicking off.

Rin gave and angry huff, sliding down the bed.

 

* * *

 

Sousuke's lips carved a nice petite line parallel to Makoto's spine as they lay in bed together, both facing the wall. It was surprisingly tender coming from the grisly boy behind him. They fit together in such a cliche way, but aptly described like spoons. Sousuke had his arms tucked around Makoto's middle. His lips hadn't left Makoto's skin possibly since they left Rin's room.

Makoto was still wide awake though staring at the wall. "Why--" he reformed the question in his mind before continuing. "Why do you want me on the relay team?" He asked, turning, his fingers gently untangling Sousuke arms so Makoto could lay on his back and see teal clear eyes.

Sousuke gave a smirk. "You know why." He said before leaning in, his mouth already open as he dove for Makoto's mouth again.

Makoto stopped him, sitting up in the bed. He even reached over the bar, finding Sousuke's shirt and pulling it on. It gave him less skin to ogle and maybe more focus on Makoto's words. Besides--Makoto couldn't have this be about sex. He knew Sousuke craved if afterwards. But now--now it was about them. Nodding to himself, Makoto crawled over Sousuke and found the rest of his cloths, pulling on the jock briefs again and basket ball shorts.

Sousuke looked at him indignantly, laying back still proudly nude in the tumble and twist of sheets. He lazily looked at Makoto in a way that suggested he wasn't all that happy about the wardrobe change. But the back of his palm resting on his forehead, he gave a sigh and shifted up onto his elbow.

"No." Makoto said. "I don't know." He dipped his head to give Sousuke a pleading look. "Enlighten me?"

Sousuke grumbled and shifted to be a bit more comfortable on his side. He was still a little lethargic and his limbs loose from the sex Makoto noticed.

Makoto pulled out his desk chair sitting in it cross legged as he watched Sousuke.

"Is that really necessary?" Sousuke asked.

"I don't want you to touch me right now." Makoto explained. "It's an influence I don't want right now."

"What are you an addict?" Sousuke asked.

Makoto shrugged. "If I'm addicted, you must be completely three sheets to the wind when it comes to being baked, blitzed and blasted on me."

A smirk spread on Sousuke's lips. "Point." He conceded.

Makoto gave him a wry smile in return. Regardless, he continued. "Why do you want me on the relay team."

"You know why," Sousuke reaffirmed.

"Then please remind me," Makoto asked as politely as he could. The last thing he wanted now was a fight with Sousuke.

Sousuke carded his hand through his already forming bed head. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out for quite a while. When he did speak it was low. "You don't have all that much time left in high school."

It was the answer Makoto had hoped he wouldn't get. "That can't be all." He looked at Sousuke. "You're too selfish for that to be it."

It was like looking at a mirror for the first time as Sousuke pulled on a sad smile. "I am being selfish." He gave a huff before finally giving in. "I don't have all that much time left either."

The indefinability of that statement, Makoto found, was what stung the most. And looking at Sousuke Makoto knew--he wanted to refute it but he knew. This wasn't the time, this wasn't the right place. Sousuke was surfing on his bliss still, and Makoto knew now wasn't the time to bring up issues he knew would be like stopping an earthquake.

"I don't understand." Makoto said.

Sousuke gave an uncomfortable grunt, shifting a bit more in his elbow. Shaking his head he answered. "Why do you do this to me? Rin would have never demanded I write poetry for him. Or serenade him with declarations of unending affection!" He huffed. "And I'm the idiot addict, answering to you."

Makoto gave a small smile. Well that at least he could now attest was very clear and quite true. The argument in Rin's room was enough to prove that. What ever it is Sousuke and Makoto had, it was quite different than the rough and tough boyish rumble that connected Rin and Sousuke on the same wavelength.

"I can't imagine you'd just let this drop and come back to bed with me?" Sousuke tried.

Makoto shook his head.

Sousuke nodded, already knowing his answer probably before the question left his lips.

"Sousuke?" Makoto prompted, still waiting for his answer.

Those teal warm water eyes flicked up to hook Makoto's gaze. "I want to swim with you."

It was--Makoto almost choked. Sousuke wanted to swim with him? Sousuke? Growly, grumbly, grizzly bear Sousuke wanted to swim with Makoto?

His expression must have spoke as much because reluctantly Sousuke went on. "I'll never get a chance to again, okay? You said your self you're done after this year. You don't want medals, you don't want the grand stand of international swimming. And I'm--" he swallowed. "My future is clear as mud. So this is it, whether I watch you fly through that pool or catch you when you falter, this is my chance to be there."

"For me?" Makoto found himself asking.

"Yes." Sousuke nodded. "And for me and for Rin and for even freaking Nitori." He cocked his head. "You're mine, but I've considered sharing you for this, be happy about it."

Makoto chuckled. He could accept that answer.

"Tea time and heartfelt conversation over now?" Sousuke asked indignantly, holding his hand out for Makoto to move back into bed with him.

Makoto gave a smile. It really was becoming charming the way Sousuke stomped around, grumpy and growling at everybody, maybe because Makoto had just seen how gentle Sousuke really was, but all the same it was growing on Makoto.

He shifted up and crawled over the bed.

"Minus the extra attire," Sousuke said a bit dead pan as he looked at Makoto still apparent state of over dressed.

Makoto frowned. "I don't want to."

Sousuek rolled his eyes. "Take them off."

Ignoring him, Makoto wiggle into his side of the bed against the wall as he explained, "it gets cold."

"That's what I'm for!" Sousuke shot back, righteous indignation back in full force.

Makoto just smiled, pulling the covers over his legs and fitting back in next to Sousuke. Fully clothed as he fit in against Sousuke very naked and as he had stated quite warm body.

"Did you hear me?" Sousuke growled.

Makoto hummed, pulling Sousuke's arm over his middle again.

With a huff, Sousuke finally let it be, grumbling as he let his head rest back, his nose at Makoto's neck again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do we want? A cure for Makoto's inferiority complex! When do we want it? Whenever it's convenient for you! 
> 
> Tumblr: [ lovelilylion.tumblr.com](http://lovelilylion.tumblr.com/)


	17. Intermission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the intermission, I was gonna write something all sentimental and serious and heart wrenching just slightly but then I was like -- eh, maybe next time. 
> 
> The story will continue after this dose of "Makoto found a kitty," please tune in next week for more sadness and angst. 
> 
> **Also this scene is pulled out of the time line.

Sousuke wasn't going to be happy. Nope, not in the least. Especially since Makoto had set the little fluff ball on Sousuke's bed.

Makoto flopped down onto the bed, frowning. What had he gotten himself into? What in the world had he been thinking?! There was no way they could keep it...

With a loud meow, the little grey kitten bounced across Sousuke's black covers to claw its way up Makoto's trousers and into his lap. There was another loud meow before -- AGAIN -- Makoto gave in and ran a hand over the little kitty's back. Immediately there was loud purring and the kitty arched it's back into Makoto's hand.

There was no way Makoto could just let the little thing go outside.

He hadn't actually meant to bring it back to their room. But Makoto had been on his way back home from the station when he'd seen it. The dirty cardboard box the little kitty had been meowing frantically from had just an empty food bowl and a dirty rag in the corner. Makoto couldn't just leave it outside the station like that!

The kitten purred further as it slid up against Makoto's hand.

He'd had no idea what he should have done so he just -- well, putting the little thing in his bag hadn't been the best idea but after he'd gotten it up to the dorm it was all okay.

Now he just had to figure out a way not let Sousuke know.

Which why did it have to be this weekend? For months, MONTHS, Sousuke had gone home every weekend. Every. Freaking. weekend. He would peace out to his parents house and leave Makoto the room to himself. And Makoto would never do anything. He didn't touch Sousuke's bed, he didn't touch his desk, he didn't even look at Sousuke's cloths in the closet. Makoto didn't do anything those weekends. And nothing had gone wrong!

And then there was this weekend. Did Makoto really have this bad of luck?! The one time, the only time he may have caused a real problem and Sousuke had decided to stay here!

And he'd be back in the room any minute now.

Makoto frowned deepened as he looked at the kitten on his lap. How--how could he make it invisible? The kitten gave a loud meow. And quiet, he'd need to make it quiet as well as invisible.

Unfortunately there was absolutely no time to think about it since there was the sound of Sousuke sliding his key into the lock.

Jumping up, and holding the kitten, full panic mode initiated and Makoto realized there was basically no where he could hide a kitten in their room. He pushed the kitten onto the top bunk, tossing the sheet over it and nervously adjusted his shirt as he looked back to the door just as Sousuke walked in.

He was mid-bite into a Dorito when he looked up at Makoto. Mouth open, he let his hand down. His other hand had the cool ranch Doritos bag prone.

"Tachibana," Sousuke said slowly.

Makoto laughed. Not subtly, not even quietly. He just laughed, because he was nervous, and out of the corner of his eye he could see the kitten lift its head under the sheet, tenting the black fabric.

Sousuke thankfully didn't seem to notice as he tilted his head at Makoto.

Makoto stopped laughing, thankfully, as he went back to clutching the bottom of his shirt, trying to, uh, fix it? It was a little wrinkled... he should fold his laundry more promptly after getting it out of the dryer.

"What-?" Sousuke asked.

Right, of course the best decision to make was for Makoto to laugh again. Why did this have to be a secret? Makoto was never good at secrets. He also couldn't bring himself to look at Sousuke in the eye--or really at all.

Sousuke gave him a side long look this time. "Something humorous?"

"What??" Maktot said, his head shooting up, before he very firmly looked down.

"Humorous, as in funny," Sousuke repeated. He shifted to look behind himself. Observing his surroundings before looking back to Makoto. "As in, is there something funny I'm unaware of?"

"Right," Makoto felt like he was going to hyperventilate. "You're just so -- funny."

"I'm funny?" Sousuke looked genuinely startled by that. It was probably the first time in his entire life someone had described him as funny in anyway.

"Yeah." Did his voice crack? Makoto was pretty sure his voice cracked. Maybe Sousuke didn't notice... Wow, his shirt was just so -- wrinkly. Makoto obsessively tried to smooth it down again.

That's when they both heard the rustle of sheets from the top bunk. Sousuke looked first. His brow furrowed as he watched the sheets tent in a zig zag pattern of something under the sheet making its way towards the edge. Makoto couldn't bring himself to watch.

Peeking out from the edge of the sheet, a grey fluffy head poked out and two very blue eyes met Sousuke's teal ones. To punctuate the moment of revelation the kitten opened it mouth and let out a particularly loud, squeaky, meow!

When Sousuke looked back at Makoto, Makoto tried to fix his shirt again. So wrinkly!

"Where-?" Sousuke started.

Makoto interrupted with, "what?"

"The cat..." Sousuke clarified.

"Oh." Choosing to look down at his desk, Makoto noticed he'd left a gum wrapper. So messy! He picked it up, fidgeting with it between his fingers.

"And it came from...?" Sousuke took a step closer, ducking his head to make Makoto looked at him.

Makoto glanced at the kitten. It was at the edge of the bed. Tiny little tail and butt in the air as it reached one short front paw out over the edge, trying to reach the ladder rung only a foot or so out of its range.

Makoto sniffed, looking back down at the gum wrapper. "I don't know." He said as he shook his head.

 

* * *

 

"No." Sousuke said again. And again and again and again. He'd say it as many times as he needed to till Makoto finally realized--Sousuke was trying to say, 'no.'

"But--" Makoto whined. He was sitting cross legged on Sousuke's bed, the kitten cuddled up to him on his folded legs. The little thing had a purr loud enough to be used as aN alarm clock. "I can't just go put it back."

"Why not?" Sousuke said, leaning back against his disk as he folded his arms over his chest. "It'll find a home or learn how to survive! Have you seen outside, there are stray cats all over the place."

Makoto shifted his eye away, looking nervous and out of sorts again. "I'll keep it up on my bed." He tried. "You won't have to even look at it if you don't want to."

The little fuzz ball was still just curled up, ignoring the fight over its existence.

"And you're going to sleep...?"

Makoto pressed his lips into a hard line before his eyes glanced down at the bed he was sitting on, Sousuke's bed.

"No." Sousuke said, yet again.

"I spend most nights with you anyway!" Makoto pleaded. "It's not like anything would really change."

"We can't have a cat." Sousuke growled. "It's against the rules."

Makoto glanced away to the closet, his hand coming up to scratch behind the kittens ear. "We have sex, and I'm pretty sure that's against the rules."

Well he at least had a point, Sousuke ground his teeth.

Makoto took the opportunity the second Sousuke didn't rebound with an answer. "And no one finds out! A cat isn't even that bad compared to some of the things we've done."

Sousuke ran a hand over his face. It was a freaking cat. How of all the things that Makoto had latched on to, out of all the stupid ideas, had a cat become the one he would get stuck on? Sousuke unfortunately couldn't help but look up to Makoto. The boy would blush up and give in immediately if Sousuke asked for a blow job but ask him to give up a cat he barely knew, and was in clear violation of dorm room rules and impossible to hide and Makoto wouldn't budge.

Those big green eyes were looking at him, slanted just slightly enough to make Makoto's already sad expression even sadder. It was fucking unfair. Makoto sniffed, frowning as he continued to pet the little fuzz ball on his lap. Sousuke wouldn't have had a second thought about dropping it off at the first humane society office he came across but -- why did Makoto have to look at him like that?

Sousuke pressed his hands together, letting them point at Makoto as he spoke. "There is no way we will be allowed to have a cat in this dorm room."

"But I just told you--" Makoto started.

Sousuke held up one hand. It took a second, but Makoto fell silent, closing his mouth in that same unhappy frown.

"A semester cleaning check won't reveal that we sleep together, however it will be hard to hide that we have a cat on the other hand." Sousuke tried to explain slow, hoping maybe Makoto would understand. And stop it with that stupidly sad expression!

Makoto still didn't look like he was complying well. "Sousuke," he said it so fucking quiet, his voice taking on that tone Soueuke mostly associated with the way Makoto spoke when they were so wrapped up in eachother...

"We can't." Sousuke said sighing as he stepped forward crawling across the bed to Makoto. He slid up against the wall, close to Makoto.

That stupid angel looked at him with those big brilliant green eyes, his hand still rubbing at the kittens head in his lap.

Sousuke sighed. "What if we took it to a shelter?"

Makoto looked down to the kitten. "I'd rather we kept her. I like her."

Great, now he was referring to it's gender, next names would be involved and then a cat bed in the corner and there would be no stopping this freight train.

"I wouldn't mind if we were in an apartment," Sousuke tried to bargain. "But we aren't. We are in the school dorms and we would both get in a lot of trouble for having that cat here with us."

Makoto frowned down at the cat. It was a minute or so but eventually he sighed. It was a secede to Sousuke and Sousuke knew it, watching him. Sousuke leaned closer kissing at the boys frowning, open mouth. He petted up through Makoto's hair even, reassuring and claiming his victory all at the same time.

"Come on, Mako," Sousuke murmured to him. "There's an animal shelter not far from here. We need to take it in before they close."

Makoto didn't look up. "We could take her in the morning."

"No we can't." Sousuke said very firmly. They both knew if Makoto waited a day he'd be fine waiting another day and another day until they were several days in and the kitten had a name and a bed and happily purred on Makoto's stomach every night when Sousuke came in.

Makoto frowned again, before sitting up a bit straighter, "alright, let me get my shoes." He picked up the kitten gingerly and before Sousuke could stop him, set the kitten down in Sousuke's lap.

Sousuke glanced down at the kitten as Makoto climbed off the bed to find shoes. The kitten in return looked up at Sousuke, sitting on his leg.

Hesitantly Sousuke lifted his hand. Makoto had been petting the cat all night so it couldn't be that bad...

He moved his hand towards the cat going to scratch at the kittens head. It was cut short though as the kittens head darted forward and latched its mouth on to Sousukes hand.

The sharp pain was accompanied by a yelp from Sousuke as he thrust the kitten away from him on to the bed, shooting up to his feet as well.

"The little fucker bit me!" He growled at Makoto.

Makoto opened his mouth reaching forward with a nervous chuckle. "Uh, well she never did that to me. I didn't think she was aggressive at all."

"We're getting rid of it," Sousuke growled as he jerked on a jacket, and plucked the kitten off the bed by grabbing the kitten by the back of the neck and deposited it into Makoto's hands.

 

* * *

 

Getting to the small shelter wasn't hard but once it was in sight Sousuke had to start dragging Makoto along with him. The frown only deepened and Makoto held the kitten to his chest as they approached the doors. Sousuke held the door open, gesturing for Makoto to go in.

Makoto's pressed his lips together and gave Sousuke one last pleading look. Sousuke nodded towards the entrance.

"Come on," he said to Makoto.

There was an audibly sad sigh from Makoto as he trudged in, head hanging.

Sousuke sighed as well as he followed. It was just a cat!

Behind the counter a woman lit up as Makoto approached. In a bit of a reluctant tone Makoto explained they were here to bring in the kitten and where he had found it and every thing.

Breathing out in relief, Sousuke stayed a few steps back, pocketing his hands as he watched.

The kitten was put on the counter and another young man from the back came out and all three people gathered around all looked on googly eyed as the kitten let out a loud, "meow!" The shelter workers started to assure Makoto that the kitten would be well taken care of and that they would find it a good home. He looked a bit better, giving them all polite smiles as they spoke, though he was still leaning over the counter, scratching at the kitten's chin.

"Not as big of fan?"

Sousuke looked down at the voice as he realized an older woman was standing next to him. Looking up at him with a stoic expression. She was probably half his size and dressed in the same uniform as the other workers.

He shook his head at her. "Not really, no."

The woman gave him wry smile, looking to Makoto still hovering over the kitten, reluctant to leave. "He unfortunately seems to think differently."

Sousuke glanced at Makoto breathing out a huff. "Yeah, He likes animals a lot." he added after a moment. "I'd be fine if where we lived would let us keep it, but there's no way." Yeah alright so maybe he would, it made Makoto happy so maybe... Maybe!

The women snorted out a single laugh. After a moment she asked. "Small place?"

Sousuke chuckled. "It's a very small dorm room."

The woman looked at Sousuke then looked at Makoto, "can it even fit the two of you?"

Sousuke smiled. "We manage." He looked at Makoto still frowning over the kitten. "Though if it were up to him we would be crammed in there with every furry creature he comes across."

"Some people are very caring like that." The women commented.

Sousuke nodded as Makoto looked up from the kitten, his bright green eyes giving one last attempt to convince Sousuke they should just leave with the kitten themselves.

Giving a sigh, Sousuke stepped forward, "you'd think we were giving up a first born child," he grumbled under his breath as he went to retrieve Makoto and pry him away.

 

* * *

 

Makoto opened his eyes slowly, looking up at the bottom of the bunk over head. Sousuke was already up, Makoto could hear the water turn on in the sink from the bathroom. Sousuke was almost always up first, making Makoto wonder if he even knew how to sleep in.

Probably not. After years of early morning swim practice it seemed ingrained in Sousuke to be up before 7 AM. He was always courteous and quiet about it though, rarely waking Makoto up.

Taking in a big breath Makoto sat up from the bed, a hand running through his hair as he did. From the sound of it now, Sousuke was brushing his teeth so it was probably still pretty early. Makoto looked over, trying to find a clock. His phone was--on the desk.

But when he looked at his desk the first thing he saw wasn't his phone.

Sitting on the corner of the desk, right where Makoto couldn't miss it was a tall, potted white orchid.

Sousuke came out of the bathroom then, tooth brush in his mouth. He was dressed and looked like he'd been up for quite a while. When he reached the bed he noticed Makoto looking at him then back to the new addition.

Makoto chuckled as Sousuke just pivoted and turned right back around into the bathroom. Sliding out of bed, Makoto pulled on a clean shirt and some board shorts, before leaning in the bathroom door way.

Sousuke spit his tooth paste into the sink, not looking back at Makoto as he swished a mouth full of water. When he finally looked up and into the mirror he just gave Makoto his same stoic expression.

"You went out this morning," Makoto commented as Soussuke approached him.

He just hummed an affirmative as he stepped past Makoto. He went to his own desk, sorting through some of the papers there. He was surprisingly neat person, not exactly strict but he was generally organized Makoto had observed. Sousuke seemed to not like clutter all that well.

"Stop looking at me like that," Sousuke growled, not looking up from his task. "The lady said it was a plant that would need a bit of upkeep and I figured you could use something to take care of."

Makoto nodded as he stepped closer to Sousuke. Sousuke was still grumbling about something but Makoto had stopped listening. Instead he leaned his head down and kissed the peak of Sousuke's right shoulder.

Sousuke froze and slowly turned his head.

Makoto gave him the best smile he'd managed in a long time, and kissed Sousuke's shoulder again. "Thank you." He murmured into the fabric of Sousuke's shirt.

Sousuke just nodded in return as Makoto slid away from him and went to his new flower, picking it up he fit it into the corner of the window seal.


	18. Part 2, Chapter 17

"My god," Sousuke finally exclaimed. "Will you just fucking say it!" He exclaimed.

Across from him Rin looked rather miffed down at his food. He had the gall to look surprised before speaking, gesturing with his hands as if he had no clue. "Say what?"

Sousuke rolled his eyes. He set his coke down on the sidewalk next to him. "You're pissed," he growled. "You've been pissed off for the last who-even-knows-how-long and it's getting worse and I'm fucking tired of it!" He gestured to Rin. "Spit it out, what's your problem."

Rin huffed exasperated. "I am not pissy!"

"Will you just stop," Sousuke groaned. He rubbed the heel of his hand up across his face. "I mean, really, I get it from Makoto only every other day. But you? Nah, man, you are the one who isn't afraid to tell me straight up."

Rin's brow furrowed. "Oh, so you and Makoto share feelings and shit now?"

Sousuke was going to kill him. He stifled the urge to roll his eyes again. "Is this really what your grump face is about? You are pissed at Makoto."

"Oh just let it go!" Rin snarled, moving up off the cement steps and away.

Sousuke stopped him, grabbing him, and yanked Rin back down to sit with him.

"What is there to let go!" Sousuke snapped. "We haven't even talked about anything! Honestly, I don't think we have talked about _anything_  since we left campus."

Rin rolled his eyes, moodily sitting back.

"Seriously!" Sousuke yelled. "What is your problem?"

Rin still didn't answer him.

"You know you're my best friend and all, but if when we hang out all you do is grumble and glare at everything around us, I'm not so sure I might as well not be back at my dorm room!" Sousuke hissed, hoping to prompt at least some kind of response.

Rin was quiet for a second before he hissed. "Running back to Makoto?"

Right, so it really was about that. "What exactly are you mad about?" Sousuke asked. "Is it because I took his side for the relay thing, because I don't know if you've noticed, but Makoto has no backbone. He would have never asked you on his own."

Giving a huff Rin leaned back, leaning into the grass up on his elbows. "No," he grumpily admitted. "It's not that. I know he wouldn't have come back to ask me."

Sousuke turned just giving him a look, asking for clarification.

Rin gave an uncomfortable squirm before sighing. "It's just that--you did it for him. I mean like you were ready to just take me down for him, ya know."

"You're pissed because I fought with you because of him?" Sousuke tried to ask.

"No," Rin said huffy. "It's that it was that you--I don't know. You're close enough to him you're willing to do that for him."

"You told me to get along better with him!" Sousuke snapped. "Well surprise we get along fantastically! And now you're mad?" Sousuke wasn't sure he could believe this!

"It's not exactly like that!" Rin shot back, though looking a bit self conscious as he sat back.

Sousuke paused. "Is this like a second child kind of thing where I'm going to have to tell you, you haven't been replaced, you're not going to be any less loved, blah blah blah?"

Rin gritted his teeth but did give a curt laugh. "No, man it's just--sometimes he sounds like he means a lot to you, and I don't know if I mean all that much anymore."

As far as reactions go, Sousuke could have done a better job... Okay, he laughed. It was a small laugh! That is exactly what the second child syndrome entails though!

"Cut it out!" Rin growled.

"Sorry!" Sousuke backed himself up. "It's just--dude, I came to Samezuka to be around you." He held out his hands like it was seriously a no brainier.

"I know!" Rin snapped. "But--he just.... You weren't there after," he gestured with his hands, indication the 'family cut in half' thing. "If you think he's a wreck now--he wouldn't talk, I remember. Haru said he would go be with him, and Makoto wouldn't say anything for hours. And it was like he didn't even notice, he would just be there, silent and withdrawn and you had no idea what was going on in him." Rin huffed. "It just I don't know, it made me feel inadequate when you were the one that pulled him back to earth finally."

Rin sighed. "Then right after me and Haru hooked up. I mean I knew Haru liked me but I always was just a bit jealous of Makoto. He was always Haru's best friend, even with me there."

Sousuke sat there for a second considering. "And what?" Sousuke asked. "Now he's pulling me away from you too?"

Rin didn't answer, but that was probably the most obvious way of answering.

Sousuke sighed. "You know, he's got more problems than a guppy fish in a shark tank. " he snorted. "But some stupid beef with you isn't one of them."

"I just wish everyone would get over what happened to him." Rin grumbled under his breath.

At one point in the conversation, Sousuke would have probably been able to bring Rin back to some common sense though now, now he wasn't sure he had any either. Looking over at his red headed best friend Sousuke's brow furrowed.

"You know what, he does fucking too." Sousuke hissed.

Rin looked up, aware of the sudden shift. "What?" He said a bit taken back.

"He doesn't say anything, because trust me you don't want to fucking hear it." Sousuke said in a cold tone as he stood.

A look of confusion crossed Rin's face. "Are you serious?"

"Perfectly," Sousuke said as he pocketed his hands. "The one here I'm not sure is serious, would be you. You're seriously pissed because Makoto has a few good friends left? And they might be spending a bit more time with him, because if we weren't he'd be committed? What are you six?"

Rin's brow creased as he stood then as well. "You asked me what I was mad about!" He shot back.

"Yah," Sousuke shook his head. "I just didn't think it would be over something so -- petty."

Rin let out a snarl. "And you're any better?" He took a stalking step forward. "You hate Haru, you've been giving me shit about him since you got here! Every time I even say his name it's like someone kicked your puppy!"

And thus, the down hill spiral began. "Haru is some infatuated nut job blabbering on and fucking on about water and balance and all that granola yogi bullshit that's holding you back!" Sousuke growled. "You haven't listened to a single thing I've tried to tell you about him!"

"And you think that Makoto's an exception!" Rin snarled. "The guy is going to spontaneously combust one of these days and he's going to go down in flames, dragging you right along with him!"

"Well maybe that's where he needs someone to be!" Sousuke yelled back, his voice kicking it up a notch. "Right fucking next to him, ready to burn with him for a change instead of someone saying they 'just wish he and everyone else would forget all about it!'"

Startled, Rin took a step back.

They both seemed to realize they were in public, and in the small park were very much causing a scene.

Sousuke stepped to his duffel bag, yanking it over his shoulder.

"You're just leaving?" Rin hissed then, snagging Sousuke's arm. He shifted, as was their way, getting right in Sousuke's face.

"Is the something else you'd like me to say?" Sousuke growled. He yanked his arm from Rin's grasp taking a step back from him.

Rin looked at him, his red eyes baring right into Sousuke.

"I'll see you back at school," Sousuke growled over his shoulder as he left. He could feel himself still smoldering as he walked away. Besides the part of him that felt like it was bleeding. He hadn't lied to Rin. He intended to be there for Makoto, though at that point he hadn't considered at what cost.

 

* * *

 

Makoto pulled his bag from the over head compartment as the others filtered off the bus. The rest of the team had already gotten off, having entered the hotel they were staying at while at The Regionals competition.

"Oi!" Sousuke looked at him from the front. "Our room is together. I can't check in with out you." He sounded irate again.

Makoto sighed, it wasn't like it wasn't expected. Sousuke wasn't talking, but something had happened. Something that pissed him off. It had been a good three or four days since Sousuke had come back to the room grumbling. Makoto had thought maybe the shoulder--but the conversation had been shut down quickly. In fact, every conversation since then had been shut down rather quickly. He said only what was needed to Makoto, bossing him around unendingly and growling about anything that got in his way. Oh yeah, and telling Makoto shut up so he could have sex with him. The usual.

"I'm coming." Makoto said, hoisting his bag over his shoulder and walking to join Sousuke at the front of the bus. For how much Sousuke proclaimed he wasn't stalking Makoto, he made sure to spend plenty of time and effort on keeping Makoto with him.

Sousuke huffed as he stepped down off of the bus, "as slow as you are sometimes, it surprises me you made it to regionals." It was said under his breath but quite obviously loud enough for Makoto to hear.

Right, ask Rin about what the hell was going on with his best friend was quickly rising to the top of Makotos to-do list.

Makoto reached to retrieve his swim bag out from under the bus when Sousuke beat him to it, sliding the Samezuka bag over his shoulder.

"I've got it." He said before reaching up and closing the hatch.

Shaking his head, Makoto followed after Sousuke. It was things like that, that confused Makoto to no end. Maybe he could survive the next few months till graduation with Sousuke...

The rest of the team was already standing in the lobby. Makoto guessed that Rin was giving out room assignments. No matter, Sousuke and Makoto already knew they were together. Rin had told them early on, along with a not so subtle glare and snip about how Rin had guessed Sousuke wanted it that way. Right, so just everyone was miffed about something it seemed like.

The glass doors slid open and immediately Makoto heard a very familiar laugh. He stopped in his tracks a step or two away from the rest of the Samezuka Swim team.

"Ah, what is it now?" Sousuke growled over his shoulder as he noticed, turning just enough to see Makoto's face.

Just then a few members shifted just enough and Makotos green eyes locked with -- clear, oceanic blue ones.

He hadn't even thought... He should have known, _he_  was probably the best in the nation after all. And yet with everything going on between him and Sousuke and the swim team, Makoto hadn't even thought that going to regionals would have the slightest chance of meeting...

"Makoto," Haruka looked just as surprised.

Rin turned to see Makoto as well, standing less than a foot from Haruka, it was clear the two had been in the middle of a conversation.

"Mako-chan!"

The squee of joy jarred Makotos attention out of full freeze frame and he looked down just in time as Nagisa leapt into the air, arms spread and crashed into Makoto.

There was just enough notice for Makoto to brace himself, though he had to take a step back to counter balance Nagisa's landing into his arms. "Nagisa..." Makoto said, his voice sounding distant even to himself.

Nagisa's blond head buried into Makotos black uniform jersey. "I've missed you so much, Mako-chan!"

Makoto smiled, laying a hand on Nagisa's head. Those big magenta eyes peered up at him as Makoto spoke. "I've missed you too, Nagisa."

And he really did mean it. For all Nagisa eccentricity, Makoto really had always thought of him as such a close friend.

Looking up, Makoto noticed not everyone was so pleased with this little reunion. Haru hadn't moved, his face still a mix of taken back as he looked on. Right, the last time they had talked hadn't gone so well. Next to him Rei looked shocked as well, just before another emotion flashed, his teeth gritting, brow furrowed. There were two other boys wearing Iwatobi jersey jackets, they unfortunately just looked so confused.

As Makoto shifted his gaze, he took in first Rin's cool expression, before his own eyes widened as his gaze made it to Sousuke. Rin was expected, they dealt with this issue everyday, saw each-other everyday, practiced, ate, and went to school with each other, this issue wasn't as raw between the two of them.

But in a million years, Makoto would never have guessed the look on Sousuke's face. His eyes narrowed and mouth a stiff tight line, the tension in him strung like a bow string, and clear in the way his stance became rigid, hands fisting at his sides.

That wasn't something Makoto knew how to handle, but regardless it looked like handling this with a calm demeanor was going to be left up to him.

He patted Nagisa's head, urging the boy to dislodge from his middle as he stepped forward. As subtle as he could he ran his hand down along Sousuke's arm, hiding it, with his body as he stepped forward. He hoped the touch was calming, reassuring that thet could both handle this.

"Haruka." Makoto said as he tried his very best to smile and stepped forward in front of his former best friend. "It's so great to see you."

Haruka was still frozen for a moment, his mouth hanging just slightly open. He shook it off though as he took his own step forward. "Yeah," his answer was quick, like he'd been eager for this moment. "How-how are you?"

Makoto smiled, even chuckling before going to answer.

"He's doing fine."

The gruff, irate voice was accompanied by a heavy arm rested in Makotos shoulder. It wasn't possessive, Sousuke used his height advantage, resting his elbow across Makotos shoulder and leaning into him like he was a wall. Not possessive, and yet staking territory in its own Sousuke way.

"In fact he's doing great." Sousuke continued. "His times have almost halved for backstroke and he's doing great with freestyle too."

"Sousuke..." Makoto tried to jut in.

Only to be over run again by the more intimidating one. "It wouldn't surprise me if he goes to nationals this year." He looked down, his eyes taking on a darker hue. "Maybe even in relay as well." His teal eyes switched threateningly to Rin.

Now that Sousuke was bordering on rude, Rin stepped up, "Sousuke!"

Those unique green-blue eyes, brushed over Rin like he was brushing away a pest. He snatched the room assignments paper from Rins hand, before taking the appropriate room key and sliding off Makoto's shoulder on his way to the elevator.

"Come on, Tachinbana." He spun the room key on his finger as he went. "You and I have practice to attend to before our heat tomorrow."

Makoto stalled for just a moment, looking to Haru for a moment, "sorry, he didn't mean that, like it sounded. "

Makoto also looked up at the ding of the elevator, just in time to catch Sousuke's glower. Yes, he had, he'd meant it to sound exactly as rude it had been. Makoto smiled at Haru again, knowing the look on Sousuke's face meant to get a move on.

"Sorry again, I'll see you around Haru!" he bade before sprinting to catch the elevator.

Once the doors closed, Makoto turned, his mouth open and ready to scold Sousuke when the look cast back at him made Makoto clamp his mouth back shut. Right, maybe later. After several hundred years and Sousuke was dead... Yeah that would be perfect timing. Makoto should wait till then to bring it up.

The elevator dinged as it reached their floor, and Sousuke led the way out of the room, his shoulders hunched as he jammed the key into the hotel room door and opened it.

Unexpectedly he held the door open and those glassy boat bottom eyes drilled into Makoto.

A bit nervously, Makoto smiled, "uh, uhm, thanks." Ducking his head as he trudged into the room.

"Uh I think I'm going to shower if that's alright---gahhhh!" Interrupting him, Makoto was thrown forward with a hard shove to his back.

He caught himself on the small chest of drawers before he regained balance. Peering back he was instantly on edge as Sousuke dropped their bags to the floor not bothering to step towards Makoto.

Recognizing the feeling washing over him, Makoto stumbled away another few steps, regaining his balance and facing Sousuke as he threw his hands up in front of him.

"Sou--" was all he got out before he was shoved again, this time his back hitting the wall.

There wasn't any time to react as Makoto was pinned, Sousuke's hand clamped on to his jaw and pointing his face up. His lips crashed onto Makoto's. There wasn't even time to close his eyes before Sousuke licked across Makoto's lips and biting down on Makoto's bottom lip.

Makoto let out a yelp and Sousuke released him. Whipping at his lip, Makoto saw blood come away. How the hell had things gotten this warped between the two of them?

"Are you still thinking about him?" Sousuke asked, his arms came, up caging Makoto against the wall as his hands rested on either side of his head.

Makoto froze.

"You are so God damned fucking transparent, you know that?" Sousuke viciously whispered to him, he was leaning closer, his nose brushing against Makoto's neck and jaw.

And some how with those words every ounce of resistance drained from Makoto, his shoulders slumping as he rested against the wall. "At least I don't still follow him around like some sad, lost puppy."

Unexpectedly Sousuke chuckled at the comment instead of hitting back at Makoto again. His huge hand slide down the wall, his head leaning into Maktos neck more. His fingers lifted from the wall before lifting the hem of Makotos shirt and sliding up against Maktos skin.

"Why don't we both stop thinking so much for just a bit?" Sousuke said in his rough hushed voice, pressing his lips to the hollow just under Makotos ear.

It was definitely a different way to approach it than their usual wrestling match to the bed. Maybe they were managing to start getting into something a bit more real.

Makoto let his head rest back against the wall. When he spoke, it was barely above a breath, "yeah..."

Sousuke took opportunity of the permission immediately, pulling Makoto from the wall, and turning him, hooking his foot with his own and placing a hand on Makotos chest. Confused for a second Makoto looked up just in time to see one of those devious smiles spread and Sousuke tapped down with his hand. Makoto lost balance and fell back on to the bed with an, "uhmph."

There was a second when Makoto pushed up on to his forearms, watching Sousuke pull off his shirt, that he thought maybe me wouldn't crumble like the last few times they'd done this. He felt the heat flooding into his face as he remembered the way he had called out Sousuke's name the last time, whining. And whimpering, even asking Sousuke for more.

Sousuke stepped up between Makoto's legs hanging over the edge of the bed. He let his shirt drop to the floor next to him before leaning over Makoto, he grabbed at Makoto's sides, leaning in to seal their lips once more for a small kiss before he picked Makoto up, hauling him more on to the bed, his feet barely hanging over the edge then.

Makoto was set back down gentler than expected and he settled in on his elbows, his hands going to Sousuke's shoulders. Yeah--his brutally painful and broken shoulders. Makoto looked to Sousuke's right shoulder as Makoto spread his fingers, rubbing gently over the crest of it.

"Eyes back here," Sousuke chided.

Makoto flicked his gaze back to meet those sea green eyes.

"Keep them on me," Sousuke warned. "Or I retract your right."

Eyes going a little wide, Makoto nodded. Right punishment, yeah because giving Makoto a blindfold was so mean. Never the less, Makoto leaned in and bushed his nose up against Sousuke's, asking for a kiss.

Sousuke gave a wry smile before he pulled away then, shaking his head. He sat up on his knees, his hands at his belt undoing hastily, before he worked his jeans open as well. He didn't pull them down just loosened them .

Makoto sat up, grabbing the neck of his shirt to start pulling it off. And he was pushed back into the mattress a second later with a shake of Sousuke's head.

"Okay," Makoto said in a small voice, not sure this time if he was allowed to speak exactly.

Sousuke gave another stoic look before he settled down on his stomach between Makoto's legs, leaning forward on his elbows.

Makoto swallowed, suddenly realizing what Sousuke wanted as he started to slowly pry Makoto's shorts open. He raised his hand hesitantly before his fingers shaking a bit he slid them through Sousuke's hair.

In answer, Sousuke leaned in, peeling Makoto's boxer briefs away from his stiffening cock--with his teeth.

Makoto gasped, having to look away to keep breathing. Sousuke was busy pulling anything Makoto was wearing below the waist completely off. Makoto felt like he wasn't getting enough air. Why was this getting to him? This is how they solved their problems right? They fought, they cursed, they sometimes made up, and in the end Sousuke pinned Makoto against something and they gasped and cursed some more and whispered each others names and --God, Sousuke fucked him.

"Someone's excited," Sousuke commented.

Shifting his gaze back down, Makoto realized he was now very hard, and Sousuke hadn't even touched him yet. Right, thinking about sex could do that.

"Are you," Makoto tried. "Sure?" He finished a bit uneasily. "I mean, about, like--" Makoto swallowed. "You don't have to if you don't want to."

Cocking his heads, Sousuke blinked before dipping his head he let his tongue drag a long stripe up Makoto's cock. He didn't stop there either, sucking Makoto's head into his mouth. Sousuke looked up then at Makoto. Yeah, Sousuke looked pretty sure.

Sousuke settled a bit more comfortably, his arms over Makoto's bare thighs. One hand holding at the base of Makoto's erection and the other petting, just at the inside of Makoto's thigh. Just right where--Makoto's eyes hooded, Sousuke knew exactly where to touch and caress to get him whimpering. And he hadn't even started to move, oh gosh, Makoto wasn't going to last long.

Remembering the hand still in Sousuke's hair, Makoto tried to stay present as he felt Sousuke start to move his head up and down. And oh--so that's what it felt like, wow, that was--Makoto let out a strangled breath as his head tipped back between his shoulders. "Sou..." Slipped past his lips.

There was a growl of satisfaction, before Sousuke sucked Makoto in all the ways to the hilt quickly and Makoto was pretty sure his brain stopped, his hips involuntarily jutted up as well. No wonder Souusuke always looked like he was trying to bend steel with his bare hands every time Makoto was on his knees! He was just trying to hold himself back from choking Makoto with his dick.

Sousuke still sucked as he came back up, his mouth making an attractively lewd sound as he came off. His hand pumped lightly at Makoto's length. He looked up at Makoto, and Makoto gave a shiver, locking with frigidly cold eyes.

Swallowing, Makoto could feel his chest start to heave. Nope, he was not going to last long at all.

"Makoto," Sousuke purred, deep and mildly threatening, like it was a panther resting between Makoto's legs and not another teenage boy. He was still mad. Yeah he was sucking Makoto off and he was still pissed. Right-that was only--really hot.

Makoto shifted, blinking as he tried to regain sense, but Sousuke was now lapsing at the tip, his tongue, delving at the slit. Makoto gave a whining moan.

And abruptly Sousuke's tongue was gone. "Makoto," he repeated still that same growling purr.

This time, Makoto swallowed and brought his head up, blurrily looking at Sousuke.

"Good boy," Sousuke said, his eyes met Makoto's cold and beautiful. "Eyes on me." He reminded before opening his mouth he dipped his head again and his tongue touched down first at Makoto head, giving ample attention before Sousuke sucked him into his mouth again..

Makoto swallowed again, feeling his limbs shaking. He combed his hand through Sousuke's hair again. Oh god it was amazing. It was so good, so good, so freaking good. Makoto whimpered as Sousuke bobbed his head, taking Makoto in and out in such an amazing way.

"Sou," Makoto wasn't sure when the shortened name had entered his head, maybe seeing Nagisa again had triggered it, but he let it out like a plea. He struggled to stay balanced on his elbow, as his hand carded a bit more frantically through Sousuke's dark chocolate strands.

"That's so good," Makoto squeezed out as Sousuke bobbed his head again, sucking this time again every time he was back up at Makoto's head. "Mmmmnnnnnn," he moaned. "Yes."

Sousuke slid off easily, with a long wet lick up and over Makoto's slit again. Coming off, he wore the same stoic expression. "Close?"

Makoto nodded vigorously. Yes. Yes he was very close.

Sousuke didn't say anything more before he went right back down, his head bobbing and Makoto felt like he was going to curl into a ball around Sousuke's head and his eyes were rolling back into his head and it was just so--"wonderful."

That earned him a snort as Sousuke came off again. He pressed his lips in such a great way to Makoto's tip. He mouthed his way down Makoto cock before he was back up at the tip. The little nip of teeth, sent a shock through Makoto's body. He jolted, his hips bucking involuntarily and making him aware--when had he wrapped his legs around Sousuke's torso?

Sousuke scrapped his teeth again over Makoto's head making Makoto groan. His hand in Sousuke hair pulled away and shot to cover his own mouth. This was, quite a bit more than he expected.

"Ready to come?" Sousuke asked, his eyes serious as he looked at Makoto.

Makoto just nodded. Yes. Coming sounded awesome!

With out further delay, Sousuke dipped his head and was taking Makoto in, sucking fast and hard. Makoto let out a shaking moan. His limbs trembled as he felt his torso curling as much as he could to get closer to Sousuke. He tried to obey watching those sea water teal eyes as Sousuke's head dipped and came back up.

Then he was climaxing. It hit through him with out much warning, making Makoto gasp loud , his hand at his mouth clawing over the terribly embarrassing sounds he made, hoping to stop them and failing as the white rush crashed through him.

And then he was released, and Makoto was falling back to the bed, so incredibly spent as the last after shocks of his orgasm tremors though him.

It was when he heard the sound of Sousuke swallowing. Blurrily, Makoto opened his eyes and tried to slide an arm underneath him to sit up.

Sousuke was still at his cock, looking down as he cleaned up, his tongue lapsing and gentle as he ran it over Makoto's head--making him jolt and tremble again--and then down the sides and back up. He looked up finally when he was satisfied swallowing again as he looked at Makoto.

"Did you--?" Makoto wasn't sure he wanted to ask.

Sousuke hummed an affirmative in answer. He sat up then, untangling from Makoto's legs as he straightened. He still looked stoic. It didn't stop Makoto's eyes from working down Sousuke's lean torso to his waist.

Makoto quickly sat up and was at the edge of the bed, his hands going to pull Sousuke's pants and boxer briefs down to get to his clearly very hard and strained erection..

"No," Sousuke said quietly as he slid Makoto's hands away. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to Makoto's slightly open mouth.

It was a bitter kiss. But Makoto leaned into it. And when Sousuke pulled away he watched as he straightened back up.

"I'm going to shower." Sousuke said. His expression still cold as he worked the belt form his pants, tossing it to his back.

Makoto wasn't sure but he figures he might as well, "can I join you?" He asked quietly.

Sousuke stopped for a moment looking down at him before he nodded, pressing another small kiss to Makoto's lips. "I'd like that."

 

* * *

 

 

"You have like four missed messages from Rin," Makoto said as he pulled on a clean shirt. His and Sousuke's phones were both on the bedside table between the two queen beds.

Sousuke didn't say anything, behind him pulling on track pants.

Picking up his own phone, Makoto gave a sigh. "And so do I." He unlocked the screen and scrolled through the messages. "There's a team meeting down stairs. Rin's announcing the relay line up."

Sousuke looked up at that, his eyes going to Makoto. He still didn't say anything.

Pocketing his phone, Makoto picked up Sousuke's as well. As he approached the broody boy Makoto held the black iPhone out.

With out, much of a glance at Makoto, Sousuke pocketed it. "When's the meeting?" He asked as he pulled on a dark teal shirt.

"If we leave now we'll be just in time," Makoto answered.

Sousuke nodded, before pulling on his Samezuka jacket. "Kay, let's go then." He said, nodding towards the door.

With a sigh, Makoto complied. It seems even their long shower--completely with Souuke breathing Makoto's name as he came--hadn't done much still for Sousuke's mood. Great.

They rode down in silence, exiting in silence and stood at the edge of the black clad group as well in silence.

Rin was announcing the individual competitors one more time again, checking off to make sure they were all still there. Sousuke leaned back against the wall next to Makoto and looked down at the hotel carpet. Makoto gave a worried look over at him.

"In relay medley," Rin started.

Makoto took a breath. He looked up, eyes locking with Rin's dark red one. He nodded, hoping to let Rin know what ever he had decided was fine. Momo was just as good of choice.

"Backstroke, Tachibana Makoto." And those dark red eyes stayed on Makoto, waiting for Confirmation.

A bit surprised, Makoto opened his mouth. Next to him Sousuke looked up. An awkward half second later Sousuke knocked his foot against Makoto's.

"Oh," he breathed. "Hai!" He gave before smiling at Rin. It was surprising, but not unpleasant.

Looking back to the paper in front of him, Rin went on. "Breast stroke, Nitori Aichiro."

"Hai"

"Butterfly stroke, Yamazaki Sousuke."

"Yeah," Sousuke toned next to Makoto.

"And I'll be swimming freestyle." Rin finished waving away the team. "You're all dismissed. Get sleep and food and be ready to win tomorrow morning."

It was a moment or two before Makoto moved as everyone started to disperse. Sousuke straightened and Makoto was very aware of how close he was to him. He was hovering. He did that when he wasn't speaking but still concerned.

Jump starting back to life Makoto sucked in a breath looking up to Sousuke for just a moment before he stepped up to talk to Rin.

Those dark red eyes up close--were a lot like Sousuke's actually. Makoto sighed. Going into a competition with this much tension between them all couldn't bode well in the end.

"Rin," Makoto said as he came closer, pocketing his hands.

"Don't let me down, Makoto." Rin simply said.

Makoto nodded. "Of course." He said. "But--thank you. I don't know if I deserve a second chance from you, but thank you for giving it to me."

Rin sighed then, turning to fully face Makoto then. "It's nothing." He gave a frown. "It wasn't, I mean you didn't make anything worse, but my final decision wasn't because of you."

Makoto nodded. "All the same, thank you."

Rin nodded in return.

Makoto gave him a small smile as he turned away to Sousuke standing a few feet away, waiting. He shifted back to Sousuke, letting him see the small smile as well. They both moved to the elevators, with out a word to each other.

"Sousuke!" Rin called behind them. "Can I have a minute?"

Sousuke stopped, his teal eyes looking to Makoto then back to Rin. He looked like he wasn't sure what to do for a moment.

Makoto spoke up quickly. "I'll meet you back up at the room."

Sousuke looked unsure for a heartbeat more before he nodded. Makoto started back to the elevator. If the two of them talked maybe Sousuke would come back in a much better mood.

 

* * *

 

Sousuke watched as Makoto slipped into the elevator giving him one last look before the doors slid closed. It was only then that he looked back to Rin.

He had his hands pocketed, wearing a somber expression to match the one on Sousuke's face as well.

It was quiet for a few awkward moment between them before Rin gestured for Sousuke to follow him as he slid into the stairwell. Sousuke followed after him. A few of their teammates were still in the other room, and they both knew what ever they had to talk about between them would be best kept away from the team.

Once in the white washed stairwell, Rin leaned against the wall and it was quiet again.

"Look," Rin finally said. "I didn't mean to get so angry." He grumbled.

Sousuke nodded. "Yeah I--me too."

"We probably should talk about all that shit eventually," Rin said huffing out a sigh.

Sousuke nodded again. He pocketed his hands.

Rin finally looked at him then. "But can we do it after all this?" He gave a small smile at Sousuke. "Maybe just, put this behind us for now. Focus on swimming?"

Swallowing Sousuke considered it. A part of him still felt pretty rubbed the wrong way as he thought back on what Rin had sneered at Makoto. Then again, there was some not so pretty things that Sousuke had said about Haru. So huffing out a breath, Sousuke conceded.

"Yeah alright," he said, looking up and making eye contact with his best friend. "Let's call a truce."

Rin smiled at him pushing away from the wall. "Thanks."

Sousuke ducked his head. "Don't mention it."

"I'm really glad you're here." Rin said. "You coming to Samezuka has made this year for me."

Sousuke dipped his head in a nod. Right, and there was the un fathomable sentimental side of Rin coming out again. "Thanks."

Rin stepped forward to him, offering his fist out, "no regrets tomorrow."

Giving a lop-sided grin Sousuke bumped his fist against Rin's. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: [ lovelilylion.tumblr.com](http://lovelilylion.tumblr.com/)


	19. Part 2, Chapter 18

Rin parted with Sousuke at the elevator, Sousuke getting in as Rin said he was going to find Haru. Leaning back against the dark wood panels of the back wall Sousuke sighed. He could do for getting food and curling up in bed with Makoto. It'd been a rollercoaster it felt like for the last few days and the thought of Makoto's warm skin was very enticing. Maybe Makoto was right, he was getting a little addicted to him.

Just before the doors closed there was a scuff of shoes and Sousuke lifted his head -- of course. Nanase stood there for a second, before he stepped into the elevator, clicking the floor he needed and standing near the far panel, giving plenty of space between them.

The doors dinged and slide shut before the elevator started to move.

"Yamazaki," Nanase said not looked at Sousuke.

"Yeah?" Sousuke replied.

"I--" Nanase stopped, looking to the side. "I just wanted to say--thank you." He grumbled it out.

"What for?" Sousuke asked for clarification, a bit confused.

"For Makoto." Nanase said. "I wasn't able--to be there for him, like he needed. Thank you, for--caring about him."

That was an odd way to say it. Sousuke shifted a bit uneasily. It could just be Nanase. Makoto had been pretty clear the guy had his very odd moments. But there was just the way his said it... Did he know about them? How would he know?

"Yeah," Sousuke said.

Nanase nodded, looking self assured.

He had to know! There was no way--who said something like that to people who were just friends? But who the fuck would have told him? Unless...

Makoto wouldn't, would he? Him and Nanase weren't talking all that much Sousuke knew but they still texted every few days not much but it could have been enough. But why would Makoto do that? Fuck, Makoto was such a damn sentimental person, he probably didn't even think twice about telling his friend. And if Nanase knew--damn it all! It wouldn't be all that long till Rin knew.

And Sousuke had just managed to patch that mess back up.

The elevator doors gave a ding, and slid open. A member of the hotel staff pushed a cart of towels in, carefully easing the cart at the ridge of the door.

The doors slid back closed and Sousuke gritted his teeth. God, what did Makoto say? This could be so much worse than he even imagined. It just took one word to Rin and it would all come crashing down.

The door dinged again, and the hotel attendant pulled the cart forward. This time though the carts wheels hit the door ridge of the floor for the elevator doors and the tall stack of towels like a wave came crashing down.

It was a reaction, like ever time it happened. Sousuke reached forward, forgetting his arm, his right arm was--"gahhh!" He let out gritting his teeth as there was a shoot of pain from his shoulder and his arm seized up. Cringing back immediately, Sousuke held his arm close to his body, breathing through the pain and getting it to subside.

When he looked up again--Nanase's blue eyes were on him. The attendant apologized profusely and Sousuke looked away quickly as he helped gather up the towels stacking them back on to the cart. Nanase helped the man steer the cart clear of the elevator doors before stepping back in himself.

As soon as the doors were closed this time, Nanase turned his head, pinning Sousuke with one deep blue eye. "How's your shoulder, Yamazaki?"

Sousuke looked up, eyes a bit too wide, before growling. "What are you talking about?"

Nanase narrowed his eyes. "I saw Kisumi a while back." He nodded to Sousuke's shoulder. "He said he saw you at the doctors office. When I mentioned swimming he asked about your shoulder as well."

Sousuke grit his teeth, wanting to bare them at Nanase in a growl. In stead, he just pocketed his hands, as the elevator door finally rang for his floor. Sousuke stepped forward and past Nanase on his way out looking back into those eyes with a challenge. "Don't worry about it." He growled, stepping off into the hall. "Trust me, it won't effect the match."

About to turn away, Sousuke was startled as Haru jammed his hand against the elevator doors, preventing them from closing. "Yamazaki!" He growled back.

Sousuke turned, surprised.

"Don't you dare let this hurt Makoto." Nanase threatened. "He's my best friend. No matter what happens he's my best friend and I won't let you pull him down with you."

Having said his peace, Nanase let the doors close then, giving Sousuke a final image of Nanase's nasty glare.

Reeling a bit back, Sousuke stood there a moment more considering. That wasn't what he had expected. But now he was damn sure of it. Nanase knew and very soon possibly Rin would know as well and to top it all off, Sousjke had a hunch on who exactly it was that told him. His hands fisted at his side, Sousuke started straight for their room.

 

* * *

 

Sousuke jammed the key into the lock, throwing the door open as he stalked in, his good arm latched on to the door rim as he strode forward and sling shot the door back to slam shut. "Makoto!" He snarled as he came around the corner and found--

Rin.

And Makoto.

Makoto sat on one of the beds, across from him Rin sat at the edge of the other bed and they both looked up at Sousuke in question.

"Sousuke...?" Makoto asked, dipping his head as he watched Sousuke with a bit of apprehension.

"Rin," Sousuke says, his brow furrowed. "I thought you were looking for Nanase?" He said quickly.

Rin smiled, nodding. "Yeah I tried his room," he shrugged. "I thought maybe he came up to talk to Makoto so I tried here next."

"Huh." Sousuke breathed. He gestures behind him. "I just saw him. He was on the elevator with me."

"Ahh fuck!" Rin exclaimed. "He's harder to keep track of every day!"

Makoto chuckled opposite to him.

"How did you ever pin him down for once?" Rin grumbled to Makoto.

With a shrug Makoto sat back on his hands. "I didn't. Haru just -- does and goes where ever he likes. Half the time I would try and find him I'd end up coming up ended handed, so much so I just stopped. Haru will come around when he wants to."

"Well I want him to now," Rin growled.

Makoto just chuckled again. He looked back to Sousuke, a bit weary and askance.

Sousuke didn't give anything in return, moving into the room. He snatched one of the cups of ramen they'd gotten to make sure they didn't starve, filling it up with water at the sink.

Rin stood from the bed. "I was just asking Makoto about what he planned on after graduation.  
He said lazily. "The dolts just as clue less as ever!" He huffed, though affectionately. It seemed Rin had quite possibly managed to truly put the argument over Makoto behind him.

Makoto smiled and shrugged. "I've still got some time to figure it out I expect."

Rin huffed.

Sousuke slid the ramen into the small microwave, slamming the door shut as he jammed in the time he wanted.

He leaned back against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest.

Makoto was looking back up at him, a look of question crossing his features again. Tipping his head, he hesitantly asked. "I thought we said we were going to go get food...?"

"I changed my mind." Sousuke hissed at him, pinning him with a dagger sharp gaze.

Looking away to Rin, Makoto stood as well. As if the tension in the room already wasn't enough to get Rin to leave, Makoto smiled politely as he said. "You know I betcha, Haru went running." He chuckled scratching behind his head. "It clears his head I think to run."

Rin grumbled moving away towards the door. "Yeah you're probably right." He gave Sousuke a peculiar look as he passed but let it be as he continued to the door. Makoto was right be his him. The gracious one seeing him to the door.

"I'll text him," Makoto assured. "Once he knows you're looking for him, he'll turn up."

"Thanks," Rin sighed as he opened the door. "I'll see you guys in the morning." He said giving on last look back to Sousuke and then a short, "bye," to Makoto.

Makoto waved him off, gently shutting the door behind him.

As soon as the door clicked in place Sousuke was prowling forward. Before Makoto could turn he was three inches from his face. "Texting Namse a lot lately?" He snarled.

Surprised, Makoto clearly hadn't expected Siusuke to pounce on him, he backed away, quickly his hands went out. As his face cycled through several expressions, primarily was confusion.

"What?" Makoto asked as he took several steps back towards the bed.

"How much have you told him?" Sousuke growled, letting Makoto be but still pinning him with a glare. "What the hell have you been thinking?"

"I'm sorry, Sousuke--" Makot started shaking his head.

"Fucking answer me!" Sousuke snarled before he could finish. "How much have you told him?"

Still shacking his head, Makoto looked wide eyed as he searched for words. "I -- I'd don't know what you mean, I'm sorry, Sousuke."

"Us! Sousuke hissed. "How much have you told him about us?! Does he know we're fucking? Did you tell him we were some sort of cute domestic couple? Did you tell him you get on your knees for me? Huh? How much have you said?"

He looked--horrified. And disappointed all at the same moment. Makoto shook his head again, his hand coming up to brush through his hair.

"Makoto!" Sousuke snarled, knowing he was reaching quite a volume in his voice that was unnecessary, but he didn't care any longer.

"Nothing." Makoto said quietly then. Flinching at the snarl of his name. "I haven't said anything."

"Well you must have fucking said something because he fucking knows!" Sousuke snarled. His fists shook with anger still. His jaw was starting to ache, but he still clenched it as he sneered at Makoto. "Now what pathetic little tid bit did you let slip to him?!"

Makoto pulled back even more, sobering up rather fast it seemed as he shook his head again. "I haven't said anything to him in weeks, Sousuke."

"Don't fucking give me that!" Sousuke snapped. "Do you have any idea what this means?" He huffed trying to pull in a breath. “It’s just a matter of time before he tells Rin!”

And that—was a blow he hadn’t expected to see strike across Makoto’s face.

“Of course,” Makoto said quietly, looking down. he swallowed thickly before continuing. “I’m sorry. I don’t—I can't remember saying anything to him that would make him think you and I — are having sex.” he said it like it was dead, like what ever they had was dead in the water and he was looking over it’s cold carcass. “I’m so sorry. but I don’t know how he knows.”

If Sousuke couldn’t breathe before, he felt like he was down right choking on his words now. just like that the fucking angel in front of him could do that — look so, just, and Sousuke was already feeling what ever was boiling over in him dissipate.

“Than how does he know?” Sousuke found the last bit of anger in him enough to hiss the words.

Makoto shook his head yet again. “I don’t know.”

Sousuke finally latched on to a breath, blinking at Makoto he tried to figure through the fog in his mind. He’d been so fucking sure.

There was a knock on the door just then.

“Oh for fucks sack!” Souks roared, pivoting on his heels to get to the door. “Can we finally be left God fucking damn alone for once—“

Wrenching the door open, Sousuke was met with a pair of big magenta eyes blinking up at him. Sousuke looked up to see there was also another one there as well, it was the dark haired one with glasses, which he adjusted as he looked at Sousuke, his eyes narrowing.

“Sou-chan,” the small blond one said, as if Sousuke hadn’t just very crudely answered the door. “Is Mako-chan here?”

“Sou…chan?” Sousuke repeated, his face twisting in a look of distaste.

“I’m here, Nagisa.” Makoto said sweetly, approaching the door as he pulled on a jacket. It wasn’t his Samezuka jacket Sousuke noticed with a miffed expression.

“Rei,” Makoto greeted the taller one, stepping to Sousuke.

“We wanted to come see you Mako-chan!” the blond one exclaimed, before getting a bit more fidgety. ‘But if this is a bad time...”

“No, no.” Makoto assured. “Have you guys eaten yet?”

“No, we were about to go though,” it was the taller one to answer this time.

Makoto gave a pleasant smile. one of his fake ones, and Sousuke felt like the pit of his stomach was being eaten away with it.

“I’ll come with you guys!” Mako said cheery. He tipped his head though with another smile. “Give me a minute? I’ll be right out.”

The tall one nodded, ushering the blond one away.

“Mako-chan!” the blonde one whined.

“I’ll be right there, I promise.” Makoto assured before he very gently clicked the door shut.

“Iwatobi?” Sousuke growled once the door was closed.

Makoto nodded. “Yes, they were on my old team. You should know Rei, he’s actually quite good friends with Rin.”

Sousuke didn’t say anything as he looked back at Makoto.

With a sigh Makoto stepped forward, running a shaking hand along Sousuke’s jacket.”I’ll be back soon.” he sad in that calm, quiet tone. “Would you like me to bring you something to eat back?”

“No,” Sousuke said a bit curt.

Makoto gave a short nod. “Okay.” He looked up at Sousuke again, his hand caressing Sousuke's chest before he dropped it. “Please eat something other than the ramen.”

Souske gave another curt nod.

“Maybe take a shower again?” Makoto suggested. He nodded to himself more this time than anyone else. “I think it’ll be easier for you to unwind with me out.”

Sousuke didn’t have time to react as in final biding, Makoto leaned in and gave him a small, very quick and passionless kiss before turning to the door and hurrying out.

As the door closed, Sousuke found his mind backtracking through their argument. What in the world had he just done?

 

* * *

 

The lights of the night life around Makoto were actually very pleasant to look at. He smiled as Nagisa chattered on, telling Makoto every detail he could think of since he had seen Makoto last. Rei next to him was quiet, listening probably as well.

Though as Makoto looked over he caught sight of those very violet eyes. Rei looked away, adjusting his glasses as he usually did and Makoto gave a sad slight smile.

"Let's eat here!" Nagisa suddenly cried as they approached a very colorful restaurant, they even had a large aquarium teeming with tropical fish in their window.

Nagisa nabbed Makoto's hand pulling him forward into it.

Makoto chuckled. He'd forgotten what Nagisa was like. He'd forgotten what having a group of friends at all was like. He didn't not like spending time with Sousuke. But really he spent time with -- just Sousuke. Rin was always busy and Momo and Nitori were petrified of Sousuke so -- it just worked out that Makoto hung around him. And Sousuke had Rin to hang out with as well. But -- Makoto sighed. Maybe when he got back to Samezuka he'd have to make an effort to try and be friends with Momo and Nitori a bit more. maybe even Uozumi or Minami? He could at least try to make friends more.

He had been so caught up with Sousuke. Not that it wasn't exciting in a way, but it was also--exhausting. Sousuke didn't need to be his only life line at that school.

"Was he angry with you?" Rei suddenly asked.

Makoto hadn't even registered, following the others in to the small establishment. Nagisa was up talking to the hostess and Rei was looking at Makoto. Oh right he asked a question.

Makoto chuckled. "Who?"

"Yamazaki-senpai." Rei answered very bluntly.

He thought about lying, but what would be the point? Sousuke was already furious about something Makoto didn't even do. It's not like he had anything to lose now.

"Yes." Makoto affirmed with a dip of his head.

Rei just nodded in return and Nagisa returned, the hostess ushering them over to a table.

The waitress gave them a moment to look over the menu and gave them all a tall glass of water. Makoto thanked her as she left.

"Mako-can you have to meet Yuta-chan and Ryo-chan!" Nagisa suddenly lit up from across the table.

Rei smiled and explained. "Yuta-kun and Ryo-kun are both our new swim time members." He tipped his head at Makoto then. "You might actually have met Ryo-kun. He swims backstroke for us now, I mean now that you're gone."

Makoto smiled. "Yeah, though I've never said hello to him before." He tried to keep sounding good natured.

"He is pretty good! Not like Mako-chan but he's a first year and he's getting better all the time!" Nagisa aside a smile spreading.

"Yuta-kun is doing really well in breast stroke and butterfly as well." Rei assured.

"That's really great you guys!" Makoto said.

"And Rei-chan and I forgot to tell you," Nagisa started looking a bit sheepish. "But you did so well at prefecturals!" He nodded to Makoto. "Haru was watching you too and he was blown away!"

Makoto chuckled. "Thank you Nagisa!"

Just then the waitress made another appearance and they all ordered food. Makoto made sure to get something small as well to go. Sousuke may have said no, but -- Makoto knew he was probably going to end up eating just ramen. He'd enjoy the food once Makoto got back and if not they were there for a couple of days and Makoto could put it in the fridge and they could eat it in the morning with breakfast.

The truth was--this wasn't as easy as he had thought. Though Nagisa was trying so hard to seem unaffected there was still an uncomfortableness between them. Something holding them all back from really being involved and open with each other.

"Is Sou-chan always like that?" Nagisa suddenly asked as things had fallen silent.

Right. And they were back to the drama of the night. Makoto shook his head. "No, Nagisa he's not." Makoto sighed. "He was a bit agitated tonight. He's usually not like that at all." Sometimes he was fun.

"Haru-chan said you and Sou-chan are roommates." Nagisa said.

Makoto nodded. "Yeah, we are."

"He's very good at butterfly." Rei said then, there a clear hint of admiration there.

"He is!" Makoto said with a smile. "He's one of the top ten in the nation for high school." It was odd the sense of pride that reeled him then. And the disappointment. It wasn't really like he could claim Sousuke, that had been made very clear that night. Even after everything, yes, Makoto was very clear that as far as things went -- he was much more into Sousuke than Sousuke was into him.

Their food came then, the waitress laying it out for them all with a bright smile. They all thanked her again before snapping chopsticks and started eating,

"Do you know why he's not competing in individual?" Rei asked then.

"Well," Makoto started. "He's actually--I mean he's already been scouted."

"What?" Both Rei and Nagisa said.

Makoto smiled. "Yeah I'm not sure when it happened but he told me he's just here this year to swim with--his friends." Right, wishful thinking. He was there to swim with Rin, not the pathetic puppy he picked up along the way, Rin, not Makoto.

"He seems so--" Nagisa gave an angry face lifinging his hands as claws and growled. "Rawr! Rawwwrr!"

Makoto laughed again. "He definitely can be!" He smiled then. "But mostly, that's not Sousuke at all. He actually likes to joke around quite a bit. And he can be really nice--when he wants to be."

"Rin-senpai speaks very highly of him!" Rei said then.

Makoto nodded. "Yeah, they're best friends."

"Like you and Haru-chan!" Nagisa supplied.

"Not exactly." Makoto clarified. "Me and Haru like to be comfortable with each other. Sousuke and Rin --well they challenge each other. Sousuke is vey competitive."

It was nice to talk with friends. No, that wasn't quite it. It was nice to have a moment lacking drama. Between Rin and Sousuke there was a lot of the time -- something. And though he and Sousuke had it seemed been laying into a comfortable stride it wasn't the same. Talking with Rei and Nagisa, they both laughed so easily. It was freeing. Makoto missed it.

Nagisa got up then, announcing he needed the restroom. Makoto nodded just finishing up his meal. The waitress stopped by again with Makoto's to-go order and deposited the check. Makoto reached for it just as Rei did.

The small stand off as Rei insistently tugged the black pad from Makoto's hand. "Let me," he said with the same level of insistence.

Shifting, Makoto wasn't sure he wanted Rei paying for them all. It was Makoto who asked to go get food in the first place. "Are you sure?" He asked. "I'm the reason we came to get food."

Rei shook his head, slipping a debit card in. "No, Nagisa and I needed to go get something to eat anyway."

Reluctant, Makoto nodded. "Alright."

It went quiet then. Neither sure what to say.

"Makoto-senpai," Rei started, looking at Makoto a bit apprehensive. "I--" he stopped.

"Yeah, Rei?" Makoto prompted. He had a hunch what Rei was going to say and since Makoto could choose, he would rather have it said sooner than later.

There was another hesitant moment before Rei went for it. "I was really angry with you. I mean when you left."

"I know, Rei." Makoto said quietly.

"You do?" Rei looked surprised.

Makoto nodded. And then gave a shrug. "You're as bad at hiding your emotions as I am."

Rei gave a small smile then. "Yeah I kind of am." He continued. "But I just wanted to tell you--I didn't understand why you left and I was mad but... I don't know, now I guess I'm trying to understand. At least a bit."

Feeling brave Makoto asked. "What changed your mind?"

Rei didn't look up at Makoto. "I--I was with Haru and we went by your house." His brow creased. "I mean your mom and dad are really just super nice and super positive but the air -- it was still so thick with them."

Makoto nodded. He sure knew what that was like. And it wasn't as if his parents were still clinging to Ren and Ran or that they were hoarding their things. Makoto knew his mother had kept a few small things, Ren's jacket from that day, a bit of Ran's hair tied with a ribbon. There were still photos as well. Not lining the walls but a few around the house. They ambushed Makoto when he had been home.

"You know," Rei said then. "Haru visits your parents quite a bit." He looked up to meet Makoto's eyes. "I think they miss you, Makoto." And then a bit more quietly. "You robbed them of at least one more year with their son I think sometimes. You're their only child now."

Makoto looked down at the table top. "Thank you, Rei." He said. "I'm--it means a lot that you've tried to understand."

Rei nodded.

When Nagisa returned they all stood to leave. Heading back to the hotel the mood was light again and Makoto found that for the first time in a long time like his whole body might be able to relax while he was with the two of them.

At the third floor, Makoto waved goodbye to the two as he stepped off and to his room. Glancing at his phone he frowned. It was a lot later then Makoto had thought. Sousuke was hopefully asleep by now. Makoto slid his key in and tried to gently open the door.

As he got in, he removed his shoes and jacket at the door and started towards the beds. The room was dark and Makoto could make out Sousuke, sleeping on his stomach in one of the beds. He could see the gentle rise and fall of his shoulder blades and back the made Makoto sigh. He slipped the take out into the small fridge under the counter in the room.

Deciding it would probably be best to give Sousuke his own space for the night, Makoto crept into the room, pulling off his shorts and socks. He figured he could sleep in his t-shirt and boxer briefs since finding something to sleep in might wake Sousuke.

He crawled over the other bed in the room, for a long minute not bothering to pull down the covers as he just lay there. It seemed like Regionals had been going for on for days already and they hadn't even gotten to the swimming part. Makoto gave a sigh as let himself sink into the bed.

"...Mako?" He heard a sleepy voice ask then.

Makoto didn't open his eyes. He hummed and answered. "Yeah I'm here."

Abruptly Makoto felt the bed dip next to him. He opened his eyes to find Sousuke sitting over him. He wasn't looking at Makoto.

"Come to bed," Sousuke grumbled.

Makoto opened his mouth, not sure what to say. Sousuke was by the look of it still half asleep.

And he wasn't taking, no, or in Makoto's case a lack of reply for an answer. He grabbed Makoto's hand tugging it as he moved back to his bed. "Come on,"

Makoto thought about declining but in the end he smiled and followed. Sousuke crashed back in the bed and Makoto lightly slid under the covers next to him.

"You shouldn't be up this late the night before a race." Sousuke said in a thick voice.

"I know," Makoto toned. "I didn't mean to be out this late."

"Mnnnnnn," Sousuke hummed next to him.

It was several seconds before Sousuke said anything again. "It's weird sleeping in a bed with enough room for both of us."

Makoto did chuckle at that next to him. "This is a first for us."

They weren't touching, both having enough room to spread out and Sousuke was still his usually self, limbs flung away from him and a disregard to even sleeping straight up and down on the bed. Makoto curled on his side. The air hung with their earlier fight still. They both probably felt the gnawing of it. Nothing had been worked out.

Makoto looked over his shoulder at Sousuke. He was already back asleep it seemed. Makoto eased back into the pillowed and tried to manage it as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: [ lovelilylion.tumblr.com](http://lovelilylion.tumblr.com/)


	20. Part 2, Chapter 19

He was standing in the middle of the road. It was bright around him. So bright that Makoto raised his hand to shield his eyes. That wasn't normal, why was the sun so bright over head? And then he shot back as he saw his hands.

They were red.

Bright red.

He looked down at his shirt. It had been white. White with a green thick stripe across the chest. But he never wore this shirt anymore. In fact he left it home. He left it buried at home--out in the garden, he'd buried it, frantically digging with his hands he'd thrust the shirt into the ground...

But then how--

Suddenly the dark red he knew so well blossomed over his abdomen and spread quickly over his shirt.

It was dark almost black.

Yeah, dark.

Like the hair of that EMT that had talked to him, dark like her hair, dark like Ran's hair.

"Onii-chan!"

Makoto looked up, still holding his bright red hands away from him.

They spoke in unison, their hands joined between them. "Onii-chan!" They spoke again. And Makoto gasped for air.

Ren was--it was wrong the way he was standing, his free arm hanging limp at his side, back hunched and his feet, his feet were almost facing each other. It was all wrong. And then there was his face, rough skid marks tore across half of his face, the slow ooze of blood from the marks dripped from his face, into his eye and down across his shirt.

Ran wasn't any better. She stood straighter than her brother though her one leg was bent, awkwardly. Her torso was red from her chin to her knees -- she was all red. The blood dripped from her as her blank staring eyes bore into Makoto. Then there was her -- middle. Through the torn skin and plot jumble of ribs Makoto could see her--insides.

"Onii-chan, are you alright?" They asked in unison. Their mouths moving perfectly with each other, hands held tight, they stared at Makoto still with unblinking, vacant eyes.

Makoto felt as he started to shake. He couldn't take his eyes away. He felt the whirl of the scene around them but it was all just blurs, people cars, shouts, it was just blurring together,

"Are you alright?" They asked again. From Ran then, the skin over her abdomen broke and -- her insides dropped. Red and dripping, they made a wet plop as they landed fluid over her shoes. Both twins still stared on.

Makoto broke then, his hands going to his face smearing red and wet across his face. He whispered. "no."

 

* * *

 

"Makoto!" He heard growled first, as Makoto first realized he was awake.

He was shaking, he tried to lift his hand to look at it. Were they red? His hand was abruptly grasped and the bed next to him dipped and Makoto was aware that Sousuke was very close to him, sitting close to him at the edge of the mattress. He was already dressed for the day, leaning over Makoto in his black Samezuka jacket.

"I'm sorry," Makoto managed to mumble out. He was on his side. He was still shaking. He wasn't sure if it's because he felt so -- empty -- or if it's because he just simply couldn't stop his body from shaking. His face felt hot. Why was it hot? The A/C was on, Makoto could hear it.

"It's fine." Sousuke snapped.

Makoto looks up at his face. His forehead was creased as he looking down at Makoto. Makoto felt like he couldn't breathe. He sucked in air rapidly trying to ease the feeling in his chest. It was tight. It was really tight.

Tilting his head, Sousuke rest a hand on Makoto's back. "Mako...?" He said questionably.

Why did the air feel thin?

"Makoto, has this happened before?" Sousuke asked. He was very close then, his hand fell against Makoto's face. "Makoto I need you to answer me."

Swallowing Makoto nodded his head in a yes.

"Alright, good. When?" Sousuke asked. "When has it happened before?"

Had breathing always been this hard? Why was it so hard? He could breath right? Why was it hard? Fuck, why couldn't Makoto manage to breathe?

"Right..." Makoto managed. "After... They... I... They died."

"At the scene?" Sousuke asked, his brow shooting up.

Makoto shook his head. "No..." He managed out. "Just at night... When I was alone."

"Okay." Sousuke said very clearly. His hand was rubbing over Makoto's back. "Makoto, you're breathing very fast." He explained. "You need to slow down."

Makoto nodded. "I am try--I'm trying."

"I know," Sousuke replied very soft and still speaking clearly, not his usual growl. "That's good, but I want you to breath with me, okay?"

Shifting his gaze up to Sousuke, Makoto wasn't sure what to answer.

"Did you hear me?" Sousuke asked very gently.

Giving a nod, Makoto felt his chest tighten even more. It was painful.

"Okay, come on, breathe with me," Sousuke said before taking a deep breath, "air in." He then breathed out slow. "Breath out."

Makoto tried to follow along, though sucking back in quickly after Sousuke spoke. "I'm sorry, " he mumbled disjointedly.

"It's just fine, you're doing just fine." Sousuke said. "Again. Breathe in." And then a half second later. "Breath out."

Makoto tried again.

Sousuke kept going, his hand still rubbing over Makoto's back. "Breath in." Then. "Breath out." And again. "Breath in." Followed by "breath out."

"Good., Makoto." Sousuke said after a few more cycles later. "Now after you have breathed in you're going to hold it for just a second. It'll help you stay very present and calm you down. It clears your head." This time with out waiting for Maktoto to agree Sousuke just started. "Breath in... Good, now hold. Breath out, very good. Again. Breath in. Hold.... Okay, breath out."

When had Sousuke shifted his hands down? He was holding one of Makoto's hands, his thumb rubbing circles into Makoto's palm as he kept up the breathing cycle. "Breath in... Hold... Breath out... Breath in... Hold... Breath out."

One of his hands lifted to Makoto's hair, brushing it back from his face. "You're doing very good, Makoto."

Makoto nodded, his eyes opening though not sure when he had closed them. He was no longer shaking. His breathing returning to normal, the rhythm Sousuke set still cycling in his head. Makoto pushed up then, sitting up next to Sousuke.

"Thank you," Makoto said.

Sousuke nodded. "Does that happen often?"

Makoto looked up at him.

"Fear, shortness of breath like that," Sousuke clarified.

He shook his head. "How did you...?" Makoto asked.

Sousuke looked away. "My mother worked with people who got them." He sniffed. "Don't worry that one wasn't very bad. Pulling you out didn't take that long." He looked up at Makoto. "When did you start getting them?"

Makoto frowned. "Just since--it happened."

Sousuke nodded. "Always when you wake up?"

Makoto shook his head. "No. It's just this time--I just had this dream." He pulled his legs up, rest in this folded arms over them. "I thought they had stopped when I came to Samezuka. It's probably just the stress."

Sousuke nodded next to him. "You're probably right. Stress can do that."

Makoto chuckled. "I thought I was doing so well..."

There was a few seconds that Sousuke was silent. "You tremble, in your sleep."

Startled, Makoto looke up. "What?"

"It's nothing big," Sousuke assured. "You just shake. I was actually really surprised when I heard you from the bathroom. You're a really quiet sleeper." His sighed as he looked up at Makoto. "I can just always tell when things get harder for you, because you shake."

Makoto rubbed his chin over his hand. "I didn't realize.... I'm sorry if I wake you."

Sousuke shook his head. "It's fine. I just kind of press my weight into you a bit, and I--I don't know kind of hold you down..."

"Like when we're--?" Makoto asked.

Sousuke nodded. "Yeah, like when I screw you."

Shifting Makoto slid a bit closer to Sousuke. He felt so--distant from him. Makoto didn't like it.

"How did you, I mean, did your mother teach you to do that breathing thing?" Makoto asked, not looking up at Sousuke.

"Yes, and no." Sousuke answered.

Makoto almost thought that was all the answer he was going to get, until Sousuke spoke again. "Both my parents worked so I went with my mother to work sometimes but mostly she started doing Yoga when I was a child, to see if it would help with stress, and at seven I thought yoga was the funniest thing in the world." he snorted. "It actually helped me more than her. The technics in it are really cross applicable."

Sousuke looked down. "She got really distant when I was little and my dad wasn't ever home so it was just me and," he shrugged. "I adapted. I learned."

Mkaoto's brow furrowed, "is she--I mean did she get better?"

Sousuke nodded. "Yeah she did. Not completely, but more under control." He sat back breathing out a sigh. "I think it was just--too late. She lives in Osaka now. Doesn't really talk to my father or me."

"Your father?" This was the first time Sousuke had a ever talked about his family. It was surprising and a bit--confusing. Makoto felt like he was barely prompting any of it from Sousuke.

"He's in Tokyo." Sousuke said easily. "He didn't--I don't think he knew what to do about my mother. He tried to help, but the worse she got the more estranged they became. He told me when I was older--it was more of a marriage of convenience than anything else. They both had graduated college and they didn't exactly dislike each other, so they got married." He laughed, rather humorless. "They certainly grew to dislike each other."

"And your mother--she never talks to you?" Maktot asked, not sure he was allowed to probe.

Sousuke shook his head. "No. I'm--a lot like my father. Same demeanor, same general looks," he gave a bitter laugh. "The last time I was home--God, we even talk the same. I mean my mother was out living her life or whatever it was she claimed by the time I was ten so my father mostly raised me which could be a big part of resembling him so much." He sighed. "I think I remind her that she failed. That she tried to be a mother and it didn't work out, she tried to be domestic and have the family and a child with her hair and my fathers relaxed bright eyes -- and that it took having all that to realize she didn't want it."

"It sounds--lonely." Makoto commented,

Sousuke gave him a smile then. "Not really. Lucky for me it also took having all that for my dad to realize he didn't want anything else more than the little carbon copy following him around all the time." Sousuke gave a laugh. "Me and my father get along really well."

He seemed to wake up then from what ever spell he was under, standing from the bed. Sousuke zipped up his jacket. "Enough of my sob story, let's go. You still have to get ready."

Makoto sighed before sliding out of the bed and following after Sousuke.

 

* * *

 

"2nd seems to be your lucky number."

It's Sousuke. Makoto paused in the hall. His hair still wet and the Samezuka jacket back on again after his race. He smiled as he slipped In to the dark hallway where Sousuke was leaning.

"Thank you." Makoto said, accepting the sarcastic comment as a congratulations. He looked down. "And thank you, for this morning. I still feel a bit off so I'm really surprised I did so well," he chuckled. "But I wouldn't have qualified probably if you hadn't helped this morning."

Sousuke shrugged as he spoke. "You said the water takes your mind off things." He glanced over at Makoto. "Maybe winning something is what you needed today."

Makoto gave him a smile. "Thank you." He repeated again.

It was silent then. Awkward silent. Makoto scratched at the back of his head, looking away to the tile floors. It's not like things even that morning had been all that comfortable. Besides Sousuke's surprise confession about his family they hadn't really spoken much at all. Even Makoto had left for his backstroke race they had just said a small good bye as Makoto left for the locker rooms and Sousuke said he was going to the practice pool with Rin and the others to work on exchanges some more.

"We should probably talk about yesterday." Sousuke said suddenly then. He scuffed his feet lightly against the tile floor.

Makoto nodded. "Yeah." He said shifting as he swiped a hand across his face. He pressed his lips together a bit before, deciding he should probably be the one to confess up first. "Look I don't know what got said to Haru -- but I didn't tell him. I'm sorry if something I said and didn't realize set Haru off, I didn't mean for that to happen."

Sousuke gave a long sigh. "Yeah, I know."

Makoto could feel the words he didn't really want to say but was going to say jamming up his throat. "And--" he had to pull in a breath again. "I mean, I know, Sousuke. I get where we stand."

The dark look Sousuke gave Makoto then made Makoto swallow. "What does that mean?"

Right. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything, "We're not a thing." Makoto could feel his chest tighten at that. He blinked away looking at the tile. "I mean we've been getting pretty -- I don't know. I just want you to know that I still understand this arrangement."

Why was this so hard for Makoto? And Sousuke was still glaring at him. His hands were fisted in his jacket pockets, Makoto could see them. If he didn't tread carefully they'd end up fighting again and that's what Makoto didn't want. They were just so on edge all the time right now it felt like. Makoto scrubbed the heel of his hand up across his face. It was stress and pressure, and a part of Makoto knew he'd actually just feel so relived when swim season was over.

"Don't do that," Sousuke growled then, stepping forward he grabbed Makoto's hand and pulling it away. "It looks like it hurts when you do that."

Makoto shook his head. They were getting off topic. Reluctantly he tugged his arm out of Sousuke's grasp, holding it close to him. "I would never do anything to hurt your relationship with Rin." He finally said.

Sousuke was quiet then, looking down at Makoto. But Makoto couldn't get himself to match Makoto's eyes.

"I would never tell him. I get it. You're here for him. I'm not pretending this is anything different." He frowned, shaking his head. It was so hard to admit. It wasn't the hurt like with his siblings or with Haru. This was a tightening kind, the kind he knew was from a feeling of -- holding on too tight to something that was going to drift away one day. Maybe as Makoto sank and Sousuke finally swam away.

Shifting Makoto indicated towards the hall. "My parents are actually here. I told them I'd go see them after I swam."

Sousuke looked up then, startled teal eyes looking at Makoto. "Your parents?"

With a nod, Makoto licked his lips and answered. "Yeah." Looking at how stiff Sousuke had gone Makoto wasn't sure if he should offer, but it just felt like a good idea... Maybe. "Do you wanna come with me?"

Sousuke looked surprised again as he looked at Makoto. "Do you want me to come?"

"I certainly wouldn't mind if you came with me." Makoto shrugged. "I don't think they will be here long so it's nothing big."

Sousuke nodded. "Kay." He seemed to mull it over, possibly gnawing on the inside of his lip. "I could come with you."

Makoto smiled and Sousuke grimaced. Right, that must be one of those 'sad' smiles he mentioned to Makoto.

 

* * *

 

Sousuke felt like a dick.

Yeah that about summed it up, walking with Makoto through the maze of halls to one of the waiting areas scattered through out the sports complex, Sousuke felt like a total dick. Even know he huffed out a breath think about Makoto speaking in the hall.

What the hell had even brought this on? God, when had they gotten this serious about everything?

And when had Sousuke started feeling guilty?! About anything? Ever? God this was so -- frustrating! It was so frustrating! And he couldn't even pin point the issue down.

Makoto liked him but clearly not enough to press a real relationship on him. But that was them right? Sousuke had wanted things like that all along. He'd told Makoto that's how it was going to be and that's exactly how it was. ...so why the fuck was Sousuke feeling like a dick?

Did he want Makoto to beg for a relationship? That wasn't going to happen. There was no way in a million years that would happen. So what did Sousuke want Rin to do it instead? Would he say yes to that? Oh god, would Sousuke just drop Makoto and say yes to that?

He loved his best friend. He always had--but what about the boy he'd moved in with?

"Sousuke...?"

Looking up, Sousuke was met with very taken back green eyes, Makoto even widened the gap, walking next to him.

"Are--are you sure this is what you want?" Makoto asked. He looked really skeptical.

And Sousuke felt like a dick. He probably looked like he was going to eat Makoto. Right, happy face. It wouldn't be a good idea to meet Makoto's parents looking like a prison guard.

"I'm sure." Sousuke breathed out slow. Maybe it was a good idea if he tried his own breathing technic for a little while.

"...okay." Makoto said quietly.

Sousuke huffed out an exhale. Sucking in deep again a moment later. If Makoto wasn't so fucking--damn it all he was just so -- what even was he? He apologized for everything. Even the crap that was clearly Sousuke's fault and he was always kind to everybody and even when he wanted something he just stood there and let it leave, every fucking time he just stood there smiling and let it all just happen! He was so fucked up!

Stepping into a small area with tall windows and a few padded benches around Makoto looked forward and smiled.

Almost immediately his parents brightened as well. Sousuke gave a few blinks. Makoto only looked -- exactly like his dad. Though his dad had a more professional hair cut, a bit messy still probably despite great efforts to control it. It was darker too, a burnt cinnamon to Makoto's light cinnamon. And then there was Makoto's mother, small with long dark hair, her beautiful bright green eyes crinkled as she saw her son and smiled.

Sousuke stopped at a group of chairs a few feet away, leaning back against the back of a couch. As much as he though he wanted to be there -- now he wasn't so sure.

Makoto didn't seem to notice as he strode forward and in half a second was engulfed in his mothers arms, his father stepping up to him and hugging the both of them.

"Hi, mom," Sousuke heard Makoto from the family hug. Makoto gave his mother a squeeze before looking up and tightening an arm around his fathers neck as he turned to hug him as well. "Dad."

"I'm sorry," his mother said as she pulled away. She was brushing her face with the sleeve of her cardigan as she spoke. "It's just been so long since I've seen you, and you look so good." She rubbed at Makoto's sleeve in the way only a mother could, loving and concerned all at the same time.

"You did really well out there." His dad said then. "When you took 1st in your heat I was so proud of you!"

"And 2nd over all, that qualifies you for Nationals, right?" Makoto's mother hastily asked.

Makoto nodded. "Yeah it does."

"Oh we're so proud of you." His mother said. "You've done so well."

"Thank you, mom." Makoto said dipping his head sheepishly.

Mr. Tachibana was looking over at Sousuke then. "Mind introducing us, Makoto?" He said cheerily as he gestured to Sousuke.

"Oh, yeah!" Makoto said and turned around.

Sousuke quickly straightened as he took a step closer and Makoto stepped to him. Makoto's mother was still clinging to her -- her only son, clutching at his jacket. Makoto was obliging though. A hand at her shoulder still.

"This is Yamazaki Sousuke." Makoto introduced him. "He's actually my roommate at Samezuka."

And abruptly Sousuke was engulfed in a hug, by the very petite Mrs. Tachibana. She pulled away her hands smoothing over Sousuke's jacket. And she was crying again. Well, at least Sousuke knew where Makoto got it now.

"Thank you," she said quietly. Her husband was already behind her. His hands at her waist and gently guiding her a step back, to a more socially acceptable distance.

"Makoto said you have just been a really good friend to him." She explained.

Okay, that hit right to his gut. Sousuke had just experienced his first worried hug from a mother as well as a heaping helping of a mothers guilt. Great that was just great. As if he wasn't already feeling like a total prick now Makoto had told his parents he had been a 'great friend.' Tots perf.

"Mom..." Makoto said, his eyes a bit big and his ears red. Frowning he directed his mother towards one of the long padded benches. "Come on, why don't we sit down."

Sousuke went to step forward as well to be caught by Mr. Tachibana. He held out his hand to Sousuke. Right. He wanted a handshake. It was a father thing. Sousuke took his hand and they exchanged a brisk, strong hand shake,

"Thank you," Mr. Tachibana said quietly. "We are very grateful to you." His eyes flicked to Makoto and back to Sousuke. "He hasn't said a lot about you, but I know you have meant a lot to him. Especially when he's really needed someone."

The tall man stepped away, joining Makoto and his still fretting mother.

"Are you eating?" She asked.

"Yes, of course--"

"Yamazaki-kun, is he eating?" She bypassed Makoto to look at Sousuke. Right, well it looked like Sousuke wasn't the only one who could tell when Makoto was full of shit.

Sousuke stepped forward, he glanced at Makoto's pleading face before answering. "Most of the time. Sometimes I have to threaten him."

His mother still fretted on, adjusting Makoto's collar. "And are you sleeping? You always sleep so restlessly when you get stressed."

Makoto sighed.

Still wanting an answer, those bright green eyes went back to Sousuke. "Yamazaki-kun, is he sleeping?"

This time Makoto looked at him -- it seems he could pull off quite a threatening glare. Sousuke smiled back at Makoto. Right, how was Makoto's sleeping habits? "He's not restless often that I've noticed."

"Yume," Mr. Tachibana said as he lightly touched his wife's shoulder. "Let's not bother Makoto with this now."

She nodded. "Of course. It's just--" he hand went over her mouth and she looked like she might cry again. "It's been so long since I've seen you."

A part of Sousuke wanted to tilt in his head in utter fascination. Makoto was a surprising mix of his parents as far as Sousuke could tell. He was as sweet as is mother, sensitive like her and caring. and yet he had the presence of his father, comforting and solid. It was a new experience for Sousuke.

“I know, Mom. I'm sorry.” Makoto said as he leaned forward and hugged her again. He looked guilty.

"It's alright," Mrs. Tachibana nodded to herself. "You don't have to worry."

Mr. Tachibana stepped closer then. "We're staying for the relay race." He told Makoto. "So if you need to go just let us know. We can see you later if you need,"

Makoto's face dropped a fraction. "You're staying for the relay.?"

His mother next to him nodded again. "We know how important the relay races are to you, and we wanted to be here for it."

Looking a bit numb, Makoto nodded in return.

There was definitely an air of love and dedication to the way the Tachibana family interacted, but there was also an tinge of--unassuaged actions. It was strained between them all. Sousuke frowned. It was sad. They looked like they were all so close--at least at one point in time. And watching them, Sousuke realized how easily the small thread of contentment could snap.

"Rin expects us for exchanges, Makoto." Sousuke said, trying to fill the gloomy silence.

Makoto nodded, giving his mother one more brief hug before he stood,

"You're in the relay as well Yamazaki?" Mr. Tachibana asked.

Sousuke nodded.

"He's a really great butterfly swimmer." Makoto quickly pipped in. "Sousuke is probably the strongest swimmer on the team."

Looking sideways over at Makoto, Sousuke wanted to snort. Maybe at one time that was true. They both knew it wasn't any longer though.

"We'll be sure to watch for you Yamazaki-kun." Makoto's mother assured, smiling up at him.

"We better let the two of you go," Mr. Tachibana said then.

"Right." Makoto said. It was stiff, a bit unnatural. "Thank you, for coming. It really means a lot to me that you guys came." He assured.

Those bright green eyes of his mother softened, so much so, Sousuke thought for a moment she was going to cry again. She swallowed, and gave a smile Sousuke knew so very well. It was sad and sincere but still a smile, a struggle to show she really did care through the fog of grievance.

"Of course," Mrs. Tachibana said quietly. "We want to support you how ever we can."

Makoto nodded, though looked down, pressing his lips together into a frowning line. Sousuke felt the urge to reach out to him, to run his hand against his back or against his shoulder.

"You both better get going." Mr. Tachibana said. His own eyes looked gloomy, and his face--strained and tired. Maybe seeing the only son he had now reminded him of the time when he had three children. Maybe he was like Makoto and was a restless sleeper when he was stressed. Maybe he just cared very deeply for Makoto, and at such a hard point in his son's life, Mr. Tachibana wasn't quite sure how to let Makoto know.

"Come on, Mako. You can talk more to them after." Sousuke said, touching his arm just a bit as he turned away he let his arm slide away as he started walking back towards the hall.

"Uh, right." Makoto said. He gave a wave to his parents. "I'll see you guys later."

As they walked back through the halls, meandering their way back to the practice pools, Sousuke looked over, watching Makoto as he went. Yeah, Sousuke was being a dick. There was nothing about what he'd just watched that could convince Sousuke more that of all the people out there, Makoto didn't deserve a filler relationship.

 

* * *

 

"Makoto," Sousuke said as the tall boy next to him turned towards the tournament hall. Sousuke jerked his head towards the practice pools. "This way."

Makoto shook his head, "I'll be there after this. Haru's heat is up right now."

Sousuke wanted to scoff but he just looked at Makoto with a cold expression. "I don't have any idea why you would want to watch that."

Rolling his eyes, Makoto turned back down the hall. "I don't expect you to Sousuke, but I'm going to see how he does."

Growling, Sousuke stalked after Makoto.

Makoto gave Sousuke a look but rolled his eyes and soldiered on.

"This is stupid." Sousuke grumbled.

"Rin is probably watching as well," Makoto said with a sigh.

"Of course he is," Sousuke said. "Dolphin boy is his fuck buddy."

Makoto just gave another exasperated sigh and refused to look at Sousuke as he continued on.

They were already at the pools. The swimmers were set at the starters line, bent and ready. Makoto approached the railing, leaning over it as he watched. Sousuke approached behind him, pocketing his hands, he kept his distance.

Right one race and then maybe they could get back to their regularly scheduled program.

Makoto leaned in more as the ready marker beeped.

Then the starters gun fired and. Makoto's hand hit the bar, watching with wide eyes. Sousuke tried to remember some of those breathing exercises they had run through that morning. Yeah, just one race, air in, and then they could go back. Air out.

"Something's wrong," Makoto said suddenly, his eyes wide as he watched.

Sousuke straightened looking to Makoto.

Those green eyes flashed to Sousuke then back to the race, "this isn't right, that's not Haru."

Right, the race. The one Sousuke hadn't really been watching. He looked to the pool to find -- Nanase falling behind, rapidly. Sousuke's brow lowered as he took a step forward to the railing next to Makoto.

Nanase was slowing down fast. Really fast. In fact -- Sousuke's mouth dropped open as he watched Nanase stand up. In the middle of the fucking pool.

Makoto let out a shaky breath next to Sousuke and the finishing buzzer sounded, the winner of the heat called, and the names flashing up on the the board. Nanases name rolled in at dead last.

"I have to be there for him," Makoto said whirling around as he charged back to the dark hallway.

"No, you don't," Sousuke hissed and followed hot on Makoto's heels.

"You don't have to come," Makoto shot back over his shoulder.

"You want me to leave?" Sousuke snapped.

"Wha--no!" Makoto said.he cleared his own throat in almost a growl. "I didn't say that."

"Good." Sousuke hissed. "Because unlike Nanase, I don't plan on abandoning you."

Makoto stopped short at that, eyes wide before they narrowed on Sousuke. "That is not what happened. I can't--” he shook his head, "really, I understand you don't like him, but Sousuke that was uncalled for."

Sousuke stepped up to Makoto, his own eyes narrowing, "Am I wrong?"

"Completely," Makoto snorted as he turned back around and started to the locker rooms. "You're making assumptions about something you don't know anything about."

Sousuke snarled under his breath, catching up to Makoto in a few long strides. "Really? Because every time Nanase has returned you to me you're all broke up in little pieces again!" He spoke low but viciously. "The last time you came back from an excursion with him, you cried for hours on me!"

Makoto glared over at Sousuke. "If it was such a pain, you could have just shoved me off!" He said low and so--

Sousuke snarled again. "That's not what I mean!"

They were already surprisingly close to the locker rooms, Sousuke charged on a head of Makoto, slamming his hand down on to the wall just before him. "Stop!" He roared.

Makoto did, but his narrow green eyes were on Sousuke. "He needs me."

Sousuke gave a single shake of his head. "No, he doesn't."

"He's my best friend, I'm not going to let him go through this alone, I've left him alone all year and I'm not going to let him suffer alone and in pain--”

"Why fucking not!" Sousuke hissed. "He left you bleeding! He left you hurting and in need!"

"It wasn't like that!" Makoto said again, sounding frustrated. "I shut him out!"

"And he let you!" Sousuke countered. "He fucking let you! because it was convenient for him. It was what worked so he could cuddle up with Rin and not have to think about his best friend who wasn't speaking to anyone because all he could hear in his head was his dying sister's screams!"

Makoto's eyes were rather large then as he looked at Sousuke. "I never told you about that."

"I know." Sousuke growled low. "Good thing I can put two and two together because your don't tell anybody shit!"

Makoto shook his head. "I'm not the one that matters right now. Haru is hurting and I have to be there for him."

Sousuke slammed his fist against the wall again, feeling the impact on the brick wall jar through his arm, as he grit his teeth in a snarl. "He's got no right to you! Not after everything he's done to you! After letting you go like that!"

Makoto sighed, his hand sliding across his faces before looking to Sousuke. "And I suppose you do have a right to me?" He sighed. "I wouldn't know why you think that."

Right. For how quiet and soft he spoke, Sousuke always seemed to forget that though Makoto was generous and sweet, he was as equally intelligent, and every now and then, he hit Sousuke right back where he knew it would do damage.

Sousuke opened his mouth trying to think what to say. But then again--it was true. If things were really how they looked, if Makoto and Sousuke really meant very little to one another, then it was so brutally true.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I'm hopeless, but writing the actual race scene is so boring compared to writing teenage boys fucking--I mean fighting.
> 
> Tumblr: lovelilylion.tumblr.com 
> 
> Soundtrack Thing: Longer I Run, Peter Bradley Adams


	21. Part 2, Chapter 20

Makoto slipped past Sousuke, continuing to the locker rooms in long strides. It was cruel what he had said, yeah. But ever since-- saying what he had said that morning to Sousuke just had burned it into Makoto head. Sousuke wasn't there for Makoto.

Even through all his bullshit about meaning something to Makoto, about catching him, about being there for him -- it all didn't matter in the end. Because Sousuke had come to Samezukato to be with Rin, and Makoto had gone to Samezuka to escape his ghosts.

And now Makoto was facing the consequences of that. The friend he'd left behind, the one Makoto had said 'no' to over and over again, was in pain. All because Makoto had said no, time after time, not realizing Haru was in real trouble -- the stop swimming kind of trouble.

He knew Sousuke was still following him, but Makoto didn't care. He didn't care what Sousuke did at all any longer! Makoto strode right into the dark locker room.

Rin had already beaten Makoto there, how poetic. Like always, Rin had already beaten Makoto to Haru every time. But he wore a snarl as he looked at Haru and Haru stared back with vicious eyes. They were in the middle of a fight, and by the sound of the shouted words thrown like grenades at each other, it was going to be one they would remember for the rest of their lives.

With out a word, Makoto strode right to his best friend and pulled him into an embrace.

"Mako,"

It was said surprised, against Makoto's jacket. Makoto wraped his arms tighter around Haru, holding him tight to his chest. Makoto rests his head head against Haru's, holding him as secure and as comforting as he can.

"I'm here," Makoto murmurs.

"You--you didn't? You heard what I just said to Rin, didn't you?" Haru choked out.

"It doesn't matter." Makoto said. "I don't care." He said softly, his hand petting across Haru's dark damp hair.

"But I thought...." Haru said.

Makoto pulled away from the embrace, his hands coming up, he cupped Haru's face between them, sliding a few wet strands of hair from his eyes. He holds Haru's face gently, like he's may shatter, , and Makoto wants to do everything he can to make sure that doesn't happen.

Ocean blue eyes look up at Makoto, blinking for a moment, looking unsure and relieved and frustrated and hurt.

"Are you alright?" Makoto asked.

Pressing his lips together, Haru looked away as he started to nod his head, but squeezing his eyes shut it turns to a abrupt shake.

With out warning, Haru pitches forward into Makoto's arms, almost knocking them off balance as he plowed into Makoto. His finger curl in Makoto's jacket and his head hangs, his forehead pressed to Makoto's sternum.

"I missed you so fucking much." Haru whispers.

Makoto let his cheek rest on Haru's hair, nodding. "I know, I missed you too." Makoto closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around Haru's shoulders again. "I'm here this time. And I won't leave until you tell me you're alright."

As Makoto opens his eyes again he can see in the doorway of the locker room, the tall, broad figure of Sousuke. He's leaning in the door frame, watching Makoto with frosty teal eyes.

"I won't leave." Makoto repeats and from the door way Makoto catches the small nod from Sousuke at the words.

 

* * *

 

Sousuke had kept his distance while Makoto mothered over Nanase.

He caught the glare or two dolphin boy shot him, and even the murmured diss about Soueuke being an "ugly guard dog." Makoto had reddened, glancing back at Soueuke, shaking his head. Sousuke stifled the urge to gesture in a way to point out, hey at least the feeling was mutual!

It wasn't until Nanase had finally urged Makoto that he was fine and that they should get back to their respective teams that Sousuke pushed away from the wall at the far end of the room. Makoto had let him step up to him as he went down the hall.

They didn't speak. At least not for a good long while as Makoto stepped into one of the dark corridors, slumping against the wall with a huff. Sousuke kept a few feet from Makoto as he followed. He pocketed his hands letting Makoto have a moment.

"I'm not going to get a couple minutes to myself by chance, am I?" Makoto said as he looked up at Sousuke.

Considering speaking honestly, with a very blunt, 'nope,' Sousuke just looked back at him. It was answer enough as they stared at each other for a few seconds before Makoto looked away.

"Didn't Rin want us to practice exchanges?" Makoto changed the subject,

Sousuke shrugged. "I don't exactly think Rin's in the practice pool either right now. "

Makoto nodded. He started to scrub his hands across his face again. Sousuke finally stepped up to him, grabbing both his wrists, he jerked them away.

"It doesn't hurt," Makoto said quiet, his hands going limp in Sousuke's hold.

"Right," Sousuke said as he let Makoto's hands drop from his hold.

It went quiet again. Makoto looked tired and worn. His eyes focused on nothing in particular, though generally down cast. Sousuke on the other hand, couldn't manage to watch anything but Makoto.

"If Nanase asked you to go back now -- would you?" Sousuke asked then. "And I mean to all of it."

Makoto looked up, his brow furrowed as he tilted his head at Sousuke. "I'm not sure I know what you mean by, 'all of it.'"

With a deep breath Sousuke leaned back against the opposite wall. "If he asked you to go back to Iwatobi, and drop -- everything here," he breathed out slow, "///everyone/// here."

It took a second for the implications to sink in before Makoto breathed in an audible, 'oh,' as he realized what Sousuke meant.

Right, well looks like as much as the two of them had been dancing around the issue--God, since they'd started nailing each other -- Sousuke was surprisingly enough the one to force it, wanting an answer.

"You know I can't go back to Iwatobi," Makoto said in a low voice.

Sousuke snorted. That probably would have been answer enough but he elaborated nonetheless. "Why? Your parents would love for you to come home, your best friend wants you there. I'm sure spending time with old teammates and seeing what you used to have has got to be bringing up just a bit of nostalgia at least."

Makoto shook his head, looking back to the floor.

"I wouldn't blame you," Sousuke was quite surprised he said it. "I--" he swallowed thickly. "If I had an option to go back I don't know that I would say, no." He looked to the floor. Yeah, if he could only bend time and go back, tell himself to cool it, be at his prime again, be able to swim like he once could.

"Even if it meant losing everyone here?" Makoto said then. His voice was small.

Sousuke breathed out slow, considering. Well that was the question he'd been asking himself all fucking morning. Rin or Makoto? The one that challenged him versus the one that stood next to him? He opened his mouth, hoping what ever came out would be sincere.

And nothing came.

Makoto shifted against the wall, his gaze drawn away to the side.

Right, not answering in this situation would be so much worse. But as his mind worked furiously through all the paths, all the winding trails, all the choices and the mistakes, Sousuke wasn't sure. What was Makoto to him? God, in that locker room Sousuke's heart had pounded so fucking loud. As Makoto had pulled Nanase into his arm, Sousuke had watched feeling a terrifying pit form in his throat. He had glanced at Rin, just one fucking glance before he gave one hundred percent of his focus to Makoto.

What did Makoto mean to him?

"Haru will never love me." Makoto said quietly then. "I wouldn't ever go back." His answer was soft, and tender, a bit sad as well in that way that made Sousuke want to tear through any barrier to crush Makoto to him. "Even with my family, my friends, that will never change, and what I found at Samezuka--isn't perfect, but it's enough and it's heaps better then being constantly chased by ghosts."

Those deep green eyes finally shifted up and locked with Sousuke's. Makoto gave a frown.

And Sousuke still felt his throat cloying and clamoring up.

It was such a simple question, what did Makoto mean to him? Who would he choose? Makoto or Rin?

Makoto looked at him still, those green eye baring into him. He blinked and opened his mouth as well, but looking unsure he closed it again, still looking to Soueuke for an answer.

"Sousuke," Makoto said so quiet, his eyes looking to Sousuke.

Sousuke opened his mouth again, wanting so bad to just--God, to fucking know! What is it that was going on in his head? Which one of them was Sousuke's one? He was so fucking tangled in Makoto, he felt like. So tangled and tied to him, and yet if Rin had asked Sousuke to move back to his room, promising nothing else, would Sousuke step out of his strange thing tying him to Makoto and follow Rin?

"Please," it was uttered so quiet from Makoto, Sousuke barely caught it. "I need to know."

His hand raising to card through his hair. Sousuke closed his eyes as finally he resigned himself to shake his head, swallowing before he answered finally the only answer he knew would be true. "I don't know."

Those green eyes were still on him.

It was quiet again for a long length of time.

It wasn't until Sousuke heard Makoto shifting, pushing away from the wall, that Sousuke spoke again. "Makoto."

"Don't," Makoto said quickly. He was shaking again, moving gingerly as he straightened. "I -- thank you for not lying."

Sousuke closed his eyes as he watched the frail way Makoto's shaking hand pressed to the wall, his face turned away to hide his welling eyes. Sousuke wanted to move, wanted to scream and wanted to tell Makoto not to leave him there alone, not to cut the strings that tangled them together.

"I don't think I want to swim anymore today," Makoto said, laughing at himself as he stepped away from the wall.

"Mako," Sousuke said quietly.

"Just a little while," Makoto said, his back to Sousuke. "Sousuke, just let me have a little while." He gave a shuddering breath. "We both know I'll be back."

As he left, Sousuke felt as his jaw tightened around the his name, "Mako."

Makoto didn't even look back as he disappeared down the hall.

It was several long seconds before Sousuke could feel his limbs again, Could feel like he was human again and not rotted there, not left to crumble. He let out a snarl as he pitched his fist into the wall, it jarred and pain rattled through his already desperately broken shoulder, but Sousuke didn't even look at it as let his body collide with the wall. His breathing fast and hard he wasn't sure he wanted anything more then to swim.

 

* * *

 

Sousuke felt his feet hit against the tile floor as he pulled his goggles on then his cap.

"Yamazaki-senpai--?" Momo asked at the edge of the practice pool as Sousuke stood over him.

"Nitori," Sousuke snapped.

"H--hai!" Nitori gave in a trembling voice.

"Let's practice the exchange." Sousuke growled.

Next to him Rin stepped up. His expressionless face enough to tell Sousuke he wasn't doing much better than Sousuke felt.

"Where's Makoto?" Rin asked.

Sousuke rolled his shoulder in his hand. "He said he needed a few."

Rin nodded. "As long as he's ready."

Sousuke nodded. "He is."

Those deep red eyes turned to Sousuke. What was there to say really? They had both been there as Makoto and Haru had grasped at each other, a mess of limbs and Haru squeezing his eyes tight as he had ground his head into Makoto's chest.

"No regrets." Rin repeated. His fist held out to Sousuke.

Souske nodded, bumping his fist against Rin's. "No regrets" Sousuke mimicked.

He stepped up to the edge of the pool and hunched he'd down, ready to leap into the water the second Nitori's hand touched the side of the pool.

 

* * *

 

A couples hours later, Makoto stepped up to the doorway of the showers. Teal eyes flashed up at him before, clutching at his shoulder, Sousuke gritted his teeth in another groan as he curled inward on himself, sitting against the wall, warm water streaming down over his skin. Fully dressed, Makoto had changed out of his swimsuit the moment he could. Respectfully, he removed his sneakers, setting them at the edge of the tile, before he trudged in with bare feet.

Sousuke looked up at him again as Makoto slid down the tile to sit in next to him. Those warm sea eyes were narrow as Sousuke breathed heavy, looking at Makoto next to him.

"You don't have to be here," Sousuke gritted out.

Was that really what he was still worried about? Makoto gave a sad smile and raised his hand, brushing Sousuke's wet hair from his face.

Those warm teal eyes searched across Makoto's face. Though what he was looking for, Makoto didn't know. Makoto wanted him to find it though, hoped he would at least find a trace, enough to let Makoto stay.

With out a word, Sousuke shifted next to Makoto, his forehead resting on Makoto's shoulder. His hand was still clawing over his red, enflamed shoulder. His eyes turned away this time.

Makoto closed his own eyes, sighing as he turned his head to Sousuke. He wasn't sure he had anything to really say to Sousuke still, but as he was drenched under the shower stream with Sousuke, he let his hand through Sousuke's hair. Leaning in, he pressed a kiss into that dark hair, and cupped his hand around Sousuke's neck, holding him close.

Makoto couldn't help him with the pain -- the physical or emotional, but as Sousuke nuzzled into Makoto's neck, groaning, he shifted his shoulder directly under the water stream, Mkaoto was glad he could at least -- be there for Sousuke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: [ lovelilylion.tumblr.com](http://lovelilylion.tumblr.com/)
> 
> * * *


	22. Part 2, Chapter 21

They had bound Sousuke's shoulder up in the brace the night before, followed by ice and topped off with Makoto's worried glances everywhere so often, his hand running up and down Sousuke's arm as if he could just maybe manage to soothe away the damage.

Sousuke had pressed his forehead into Makoto's neck, neither of them speaking for hours as they lay on the bed, Makoto still in wet cloths and Sousuke still in his jammers. With the timer on Makoto's phone they had removed and replaced the ice at intervals trying to get the swelling down. The more inflamed it became the worse off Sousuke was at moving it.

By morning, he could at least get it up over his head again, but in the locker room Makoto still looked at it with that face, the one that told Sousuke the prognosis wasn't good. It was still red and ached like a mother fucker.

"We need to take it in," Makoto said quietly.

Sousuke's head shot up, straightening as he sat on the bench before Makoto.

Those green eyes shifted to look at Sousuke, and Sousuke's eyes narrowed as he shook his head. Yeah right, like they could go then.

Pressing his lips together, Makoto swallowed before starting again. "This isn't like before. You need to go to the doctor."

Sousuke shook his head more definitely this time. "We don't have that option now, Makoto."

"Yes, we do," Makoto said right back. "Last night you could barely move with out groaning. This is past the point of swimming now." Makoto said as he slid a hand past the collar of Soususke's jacket, his fingers gentle as he pressed around the enraged muscle.

"No." Sousuke said very firmly.

"This is bad, Sousuke,." Makoto said, this time his eyes locking with Sousuke's.

"And it'll get worse," Sousuke said, finishing for him.

"Exactly!" Makoto said, his voice sounding desperate.

"I don't care," Sousuke hissed.

"This is past that point," Makoto pleaded then. "Please, let's just call it!"

"No!" Sousuke roared, slapping Makoto's hand away. His eyes deadly as he looked at Makoto. "It will be fine." He added on, seeing the shock spread across Makoto's features.

The shock only lasted a second though, before Makoto's features fell.,"please," he pleaded. He shook his head. "We need to tell a doctor."

"I have," Sousuke hissed. "Trust me, I've been to every doctor from here to almost fucking Australia for this—God, this monster attached to me, strangling me! This is what I have to work with, and I am fucking going to make it work!"

"But you don't have to," Makoto said, his hands out, so ready to touch Sousuke again the second he would let him.

"Yeah?" Sousuke sneered sarcastically. "And who is going to swim in my place? You?" Sousuke let out a mocking laugh.

Those welling green eyes stayed steady on him. "If I have to, yes!" He gestured to the door. "Let Momo have my place in backstroke. If Rin swims butterfly we still have a shot if I can just keep his lead in the freestyle."

"You said you wouldn't compromise this team!" Sousuke hissed back. "You promised you'd give your all for this relay team! And trust me taking me out of this race will compromise our chance at a win."

"No, not at this cost I didn't," Makoto said shaking his head.

"You did, you knew," Sousuke pointed out. "You agreed to this, knowing I was hurt."

Makoto just shook his head, the tears streaming down his face now. "No. Please just don't swim today. It's not worth it."

"Don't you dare," Sousuke snarled. "You know—you fucking know what this is worth to me."

"Please," Makoto said again quiet. "For me then, just don't. You might not swim again and I—just don't."

"Makoto, I can't do that." Sousuke shook his head viciously.

"It's just a stupid race," Makoto pleaded, stepping closer. "Don't do this, not for this."

"Makoto!" Sousuke snarled sharply.

Those startled green eyes shifted from Sousuke's shoulder to his face.

"I'm swimming." He growled low as he stood, looking down at Makoto with cold, hard eyes.

"Yamazaki-senpai! Makoto-senpai!" Nitori bound in through the door.

Quickly Makoto turned away, knowing the streaming tears would be more then enough alert. Sousuke pocketed his hands, jerking the jacket straight on his shoulders to hide the red shoulder peak. He looked to Nitori. "Yeah?"

"Ah," Nitori glanced from Makoto then back to Sousuke. "Rin-senpai's butterfly race is about to start..."

Sousuke nodded. "We will be there in a moment."

Nitori nodded, eyes resting on Makoto's back for just a moment longer before he skittered out of the room.

Sousuke heard Makoto sniff, his hand scrubbing across his cheeks again. They were both quiet, yet again, as they stood there.

Finally, eyes still shining, Makoto looked to Sousuke. He frowned as he looked at him, looking defeated as he tried again one more time. "Please," he shook his head gently. "Please, Sousuke."

Sighing, Sousuke stepped towards Makoto, sliding his arms around Makoto's waist to pull him into Sousuke's chest. He kissed lightly at Mkaoto's cheek, his thumb dusting over his face to wipe the newly falling tears away.

"No," Sousuke said firmly and yet kindly this time, his thumb caressing lightly at Makoto's cheek. "I'm swimming."

Makoto closed his eyes, squeezing them shut as he rest his head on Sousuke's good shoulder, his hands fisting in Sousuke's jacket. Sousuke rest his chin atop Makoto's head, his hand petting through Makoto's soft cinnamon hair.

 

* * *

 

As Rin walked back through to the waiting areas, a window wall facing the gardens outside and a few vending machines facing a padded bench, he noticed Sousuke and Makoto. Sousuke hunched over his knees on the bench as Makoto–mothered over him.

They were talking though in low voices. Rin considered staying there in the shadows for a moment, but he couldn't make out what they spoke of. He did catch the way Makoto frowned and wrung at his hands, his brow creased. Right, MamaMako was out in full force it seemed.

"Sousuke," Rin called as he approached. "What's wrong?"

Sousuke's eyes widened just a fraction before sliding back into his usual bored expression. Standing next to him, Makoto wasn't so good at hiding his surprise. And actually—the way he looked at Rin was pleading more than anything.

"Makoto," Rin greeted as he came closer. Right, if he wanted answers he knew the softy was the one to press for them.

"Did something happen?" Rin asked, looking at Makoto though he glanced at Sousuke as well. "Ai said the two of you were acting strange earlier."

Makoto had never been able to hide a thing, and it was true this time as well. He froze where he stood next to Sousuke and clutched at his hands nervously. Glancing at Sousuke, he clamped his mouth shut, frowning but not saying a thing.

"Nothing's wrong." Sousuke said next to Makoto. His eyes up and focused on Rin.

Rin stifled uneasily, looking back at Makoto. The big guy was looking away, eyes on the floor next to Sousuke. Huffing, Rin sat next to Sousuke on the bench.

"You were off yesterday, practicing the exchanges. And this morning in the warm up pools, too." He hunched over his knees as well, watching Sousuke in his periphera vision.

"I told you," Sousuke insisted a bit more firmly this time, "Nothing's wrong."

Rin considered for a moment and looking over caught Makoto's eye. He—was pleading again, looking at Rin before his eyes shifted to Sousuke again and back. There was something wrong, and Makoto though may not want to be the one to tell Rin, he was acting like he wanted Rin to figure it out.

"You've been skipping practices now for the last couple of months as well." Rin added. He looked back to Sousuke.

Sousuke still looked impassive as he stared at his hands.

"My guess is you haven't been chilling with Makoto when you leave since the lug head I don't think has missed a practice yet."

Rin looked back to Makoto. Makoto was looking straight down still at--no, he had never been looking at the floor, or the bench. He was looking at Sousuke's shoulder.

Right, the same shoulder that had stalled in the last relay, the same shoulder Sousuke rolled in his palm excessively before stepping into a pool anymore, the same shoulder that that morning—had given and Sousuke had insistently brushed off.

"Sousuke, don't tell me you're--"

"I said, nothing's wrong!" Sousuke shot back, his sudden volume shocking. And maybe the worst part was that, after shouting in the deserted area his shoulders slumped more, head falling as he very persistently looked at neither of the other two men in the room.

Makoto just looked more worried than ever though still said nothing, continuing to stand over Sousuke. His deep frown and worried eyes were enough to alert anyone that there was clearly something wrong.

Rin gave a small snort as he stood, walking to one of the vending machines facing them. Digging in his pocket he found some change and slid it into the machine. He tapped out the code for a Coke and slid it out of the slot when the machine presented it to him.

Glancing back over his shoulder, Rin called, "Sousuke," in earnest before tossing the can to him. "It's on me."

Sousuke perked up, eyes wide but still reached for the can. Then the pain broke on his face as his shoulder gave again and the can clattered to the floor.

"Sousuke!" Makoto let out and was down by his side in a second, a hand at Sousuke's bicep as he got down on a knee before him.

Still reeling from the pain, Sousuke looked up to Makoto first, nodding and murmuring that he was fine.

Those green eyes shot back to Rin, his eyes narrow as for the first time Rin received a glare from Makoto.

"That was cruel," Makoto said very softly, but with enough malice it shot through Rin.

He'd forgotten what having Makoto's scorn felt like. And though it didn't happen often, it wasn't in anyway a pleasant feeling, and was spiced with a heaping helping of guilt. Rin pressed his lips though, he'd feel guilty later, now he needed to be a captain, and a best friend.

Sousuke gave a small chuckle behind him, the laugh wasn't entirely humorless.

Rin stepped forward then and Makoto stood before Sousuke, his hands in fists beside him.

"Let me see," Rin said.

Makoto looked back, his hand still on Sousuke's arm. Sousuke didn't look up. It was clear he considered for a moment before Makoto stepped back and Rin stepped in his place, gripping on to Sousuke's jacket.

"Don't," Souske growled as he took Rin's wrist trying to stop him.

The struggle was short lived though and Rin pulled the jacket back to reveal a dark red shoulder. It was turning blue and—and looked quite painful.

Next to them, Makoto frowned again, but didn't look away from that shoulder.

"How long has it been like this?" Rin snapped looking from Sousuke to Makoto.

"Since this morning," Sousuke growled, looking up as he brought Rin's attention back to him, he jerked his jacket back over his shoulder as he went on, "it's not as bad as it looks."

"Don't lie to me!" Rin hissed, his hands fisting at his sides. He glared up at Makoto. "This didn't just happen this morning."

On the bench, Sousuke let out a deep sigh. He glanced up at Makoto and Makoto raised his hand, it looked like an unconscious move, reaching for Sousuke's back, but he faltered and pulled it away, pocketing it instead.

Sousuke looked back at Rin. He gave a sad smile. "I really can't lie to you, can I?" Sousuke sat back. "You're right. It happened about two years ago. From overtraining." He looked at Rin but glanced at Makoto as well, the sad smile quirking up at his roommate, it seemed Rin wasn't the only one that was just barely getting in on a few details.

Rin widened his stance. "But you said you were scouted!" He hissed.

Sousuke looked up to Makoto again, his teal eyes resting on him before he looked at Rin. "Sorry. It was all a lie." He sighed. "I don't have much of anywhere to go to after this."

Rin turned his gaze back to Makoto. "You knew about this?" He snarled.

Makoto opened his mouth, he looked surprised as he tried to formulate words. "Uh—yes—I mean not for long, it's just..."

"It wasn't his fault." Souske spoke up.

"Bullshit!" Rin snarled. "Makoto, you could have stopped this! You could have told me!"

"I—uh," Makoto sputtered, before looking down, his eyes already clouding as he said quietly. "I know."

And Sousuke was already stepping up to his defense. "Oi! I told you, it wasn't his fault!" He said, his brow lowered as he growled at Rin. "I made him keep it to himself!"

"Oh and while you whisked him away to the doctor for that stupid scrape, he couldn't have just mentioned the one in real trouble—"Rin shot back.

"He told me to go to a doctor!" Sousuke snarled. He breathed out slow as he realized his volume was rising again. "Rin, don't shove Makoto into this. He's been asking me all morning to see a doctor and he's kept quiet because I made him!" He huffed. "So quite tacking this on him!"

"Sousuke..." Makoto said looking at Sousuke again.

Sousuke stood then, turning to Makoto. His hand went to Makoto's arm, Rin noticed, a bit too casually though partially hidden behind the two of them.

"Give us a few minutes," Sousuke said to Makoto, facing him. "I need to speak with Rin."

Makoto looked to Rin then back at Sousuke. It was a moment before Makoto nodded.

"Go get us something to eat, maybe?" Sousuke suggested. "Neither of us have had anything since this morning."

Makoto looked relived to have a task, something he could do for Sousuke. He nodded. "Alright, yeah that would probably be a good idea."

Sousuke gave him a quirked smile, his half hidden hand slid against Makoto's arm before he let him go.

Makoto gave one last glance before he turned away to the hall way.

"And you wonder why I get pissed about you two." Rin sighed. "Now at least I know the two of you were bonding over one hell of a secret." It was said light heartedly enough as he looked to Sousuke.

"Don't Rin," Sousuke said as he turned to look at Rin. "Makoto has had very little to do with all this."

Rin nodded.

Noticing a few other swimmers walking through, Sousuke jutted his chin to outside. "Let's talk somewhere else."

 

* * *

 

"Answer me, Sousuke!" Rin said as they reached a small glen in the gardens out side of the complex.

Sousuke sighed letting himself drop back against a tree. He'd know. This moment would come. He was kind of regretting letting Makoto go though now. Maybe the additional support would have helped. But the significant looks and casual affection meter had been reaching a breaking point between them in there. Unless Sousuke wanted to start fessing up to several things, he needed Makoto away so he could talk to Rin with a clear head.

Facing him, Rin stood looking at Sousuke with hard eyes and his hands fisted at his sides. "Why did you lie to me and transfer to Samezuka?"

Sousuke blinked down at the grass. Before he opened his mouth and prepared to let it all out. He let Rin have all of it, telling him about all of it. Wetting his lips he started in. "The two of us are rivals." He took another breath, breathing out slow. "It's better if we're not on the same team. That's what I always thought." Sousuek looked numbly to the ground, hoping that just maybe he didn't sound as completely pathetic as he thought. "That's why, when you transferred to Iwatobi, I didn't say anything and just watched you go. Even in middle school, I continued to devote myself to swimming. Since you were fighting hard all on your own in Australia, I thought I had to work hard to make my dreams come true, too."

  
God as he said everything, he was surprised Rin didn't figure out Souske had been head over heels for him even back then. He pressed on, "but after a while, your letters stopped coming, but I never lost faith that you would break through any wall you faced. When I got to high school, I intensified my training even further, so that I could make my own dreams come true." Sousuke sighed, pretty sure he sounded ridiculous. great, it seemed Makoto and his sweet demeanor were rubbing off nice and sufficiently. "I was sure that when I finally stood on the international stage, you would be there, too, Rin."

Right now here was where the bomb dropped. "So I kept up my rigorous training day after day. By that time, there was no one left who could beat me." Sousuke pulled in a breath. "That was when it happened. I started sensing something was wrong with my shoulder. I ignored it and kept on swimming. But it made itself known more clearly by the day." Sousuke gave a snort. "How could I give up over something like this? I still had a long way to go to get stronger and faster than anyone else. And then..." Sousuke frowned, looking down very stubbornly at his feet. "At last, my shoulder broke down completely. It happens in the summer of my first year." Sousuke snorted at himself. "Of course it broke down. It was around then that I heard from Gou, she said you had come home. But I didn't want to see you."

Sousuke looked to the side, swallowing again as he got to the second hard part of this conversation. "You were the one person I didn't want to see me stuck like that." Sousuke gave a depressed shrug. "Physical therapy, breakdown, and physical therapy again... I felt like I repeated that pattern on a daily basis. I even had to miss a few tournaments due to my condition. " with a sigh, Sousuke just plowed right through. If nothing else he was glad Rin wasn't interrupting him, this was hard enough as it was. "My teammates started surpassing me. My impatience grew by the day. I was miserable.

"Then, one day, I realized that my dream was never going to come true." Straightening, Sousuke faced Rin. "I decided to give up swimming." Rin's eyes went wide and he sucked in a sharp breath.

"Give up... Swimming?" Rin said, looking at Sousuke like he'd grown an extra head.

Sousuke rolled his eyes, really clearly the story wasn't over yet, "I'm not done yet," he growled and went on, gesturing that he was obviously here so there was still a bit of telling to go. "But before I did stop, I went to see you swim one more time. It was at last year's Regional's."

"So you saw that race..." Rin trailed off clearly catching on to where Sousuke was taking it all.

Letting a quirked smile slip, Sousuke nodded. "Ya, since you shared the same dream I had, I wanted to watch you swim one last time." Pulling in a full breath, Sousuke dipped his head. "But what I saw, was you in pain. I couldn't imagine how you'd ended up like that. I'd always believed you would overcome any obstacle and keep pushing forward." He sighed, "so how did you end up that way? What happened?

"When I heard you blow up at Nitori, saying you were done with swimming, I--I was a few feet away and I wanted to call out to you, but..." Sousuke trailed off. "I couldn't." He admitted. "But then, during that relay with Nanase and the others..." Sousuke gave another sad smile. "You came to life, and swam like you were a totally different person. You looked so happy, laughing together with your friends. In that moment, a new hope was born in my empty heart." God, did he just say that? Sousuke quirked a smile at himself. "As tiny as it was, it was a new dream. A dream to swim with you again."

Sousuke looked down away from Rin. "Back then, when we were kids, I wasn't able to see how precious it was to be able to swim with friends." Sousuke scoffed his feet against the grass. "I'm going to give up swimming." Then he turned and stepped up to Rin again. "But before I do, I want to be a part of a team with you." Sousuke looked at his friend. "with you, and Makoto and even the squirt Nitori I want to be a part of that team."

But as he finished Rin didn't look relived as he charged for Sousuke, his hands clawing and grabbing on to Sousuke's jracket as he pushed him back against the tree. "Why didn't you tell me this sooner?! Why did you hide it?" Rin snarled at him, but even so looking so--his face was already breaking, eyes welling. "Why?"

Sousuke gave a small smile. Looking at his best friend. "Because I knew you would cry." Sousuke scoffed, "and come on, I make Tachibana cry enough as it is, I didn't need you crying too."

Right, one of these days Sousuke would remember he wasn't the funny one, and making jokes never worked for him. As Rin looked at him, the tears broke though and he gave a frown that was sad enough to make Sousuke regret so much of what he said.

"I'm not," Rin insisted. The stream of tears down his face obvious. "I'm not crying." Jerking Sousuke closer again, Rin but his head into Sousuke's sternum and not lightly. Hiding he cursed, "you idiot."

Sousuke was surprised as he didn't feel the urge to reach up and pet through Rin's hair. If it had been Makoto, they would have already been in each others arms at that point. "Come on," Sousuke said gently, helping Rin straighten up. "Let's go," Sousuke urged, tipping his head towards the facilities,

"The relay's starting soon." Sousuke explained.

Rin's gaze shot up. "What are you saying? You can't swim in your condition!"

Not another one! He expected this from worry wort Makoto, but he'd just told Rin why he was doing all this! Giving a confident smile, Sousuke said, "I'll be fine."

"If you overdo it, you might never be able to swim again!" Rin snapped at him, glaring again.

Sousuke just smiled. Makoto had already tried that, as well as several other doctors, Sousuke's father, the list went on and on.... "Fine by me. That's what I'd intended from the start."

"No way! I'm won't let you do that!" Rin cried with a hoarse voice.

Sousuke continued to smile. Between the two of them, Rin's way of trying to stop him was definitely a new approach. Though Sousuke had to admit dealing with Makoto was worse. The pleading in that soft voice got to him, a fight just made him more stubborn. Sousuke sighed. Maybe that was the answer he'd been looking for all along. If it really came down to it, he might just stop for Makoto. And he wasn't sure he'd do it for Rin.

"We were finally able to form a team with Nitori and Makoto." Sousuke smiled at Rin. "Let me swim."

"No." Rin said but his face still had that frown, that one that told Sousuke he wasn't quite decided.

"I promise you, I'll swim it all the way through." Sousuke looked up to the tall building looming over them. "I want to swim the relay with all of you."

Rin tried again, though in his voice it sounded like he was breaking. "But..."

"Let him swim."

Sousuke looked up at Makoto, giving him a small smile. Makoto glanced at him before looking back to Rin.

"He's being a stubborn ass," Makoto said. "But he's here for a reason, let him see it through." Makoto managed a smile as well, his eyes trained on Sousuke. "We all worked to get here. Let's all finish it out together."

Sousuke smiled and turned to Rin--who looked like he was going to cry again.

"Come on, Rin." Sousuke said, stepping up to Makoto's side. "I think it's our turn, show it to us, too. A sight we've never seen before."

And he was crying again. Makoto gave Sousuke a look, maybe to say at least it wasn't him this time as Rin strode forward.

"Alright then, I get it," Rin said, sniffing as he charged back to the arena.

Sousuke stayed a few steps back with Makoto for a moment, smiling at him, as he bumped into him casually. "Thanks, for backing me up."

Makoto sighed, looking like he wasn't sure if it had been the right decision already. He shook his head. "Don't mention it. It's probably the few times I've managed to be there for you instead of the other way around."

Sousuke gave him one last look, if they were alone, he would have leaned in and kissed Makoto but instead he bumped his shoulder again and caught up with Rin.

He looked miffed and frustrated. Sousuke held out his fist to him as they strode towards the building. Rin stopped looking at Sousuke.

"No regrets?" Sousuke asked, smiling as he move his fist to bring Rin's attention to it.

Rin finally smiled back. Bumping his fist into Sousuke's. "No regrets."

 

* * *

 

Once in the locker room, Sousuke was left with just Rin again as they dressed again for the relay. It was quiet for the first time that day between them. The stillness didn't feel uncomfortable though as Sousuke slid his Samezuka jacket into a locker.

Next to him Rin was pulling his own shirt off. He looked up at Sousuke when he had it off and Sousuke saw the tenseness in his face as those dark eyes shifted to Sousuke's shoulder.

"I've already heard it." Sousuke said in a quiet tone.

Rin,s eyes flicked to Sousuke's face. "I didn't say anything."

Sousuke chuckled. "You were gonna say something, and I'm just letting you know--what ever you think will stop me, what ever new argument you're formulating, I've heard it."

Rin gave a snort, yanking off his track pants.

It was so still again, Sousuke sighed into it. He felt in the moment, and wonderful that way. Maybe they were about to win, maybe they were about to lose, either way, Sousuke felt, light for once.

"Did you--" Rin stopped, his hand on the locker door. "Did you mean all that shit out there, about meeting me on the international stage?" He looked at Sousuke out of the corner of his eye.

Sousuke nodded. "Yeah, Rin, I did." He closed his own locker. "You were the most important person in my life."

Rin shut his own locker then as well. "Were?" He spoke slowly.

His deep red and beautiful eyes shifted to Sousuke. Sousuke just gave a quirked smile. Did he really have to say anything?

"Are you serious?" Rin sounds agitated, but then sighed.

Sousuke shrugged and rolled his shoulder into his hand as he steped out, heading towards the pool. "We better get to that relay."

"Of all the fucking people," Rin curses behind him. "Makoto, really now that is polar opposites!"

"Relay, Rin," Sousuke reminds, through smiles.

 

* * *

 

Walking out into the arena, Sousuke looked over as Makoto stepped up next to him. Makoto gave him a smile as they proceeded to their lane. His shoulder—looked worse than ever. The crest was a deep dark purplish red, and Makoto resisted the urge to step up to him and touch Sousuke. The clearly injured shoulder made him feel so fucking helpless.

From the lane next to them, Haru looked at Makoto. He glanced at Sousuke before giving a small nod. Makoto nodded in return giving him a small smile. Makoto looked up to the stands then, smiling as he nodded to his parents as well. They stood at the railing looking on excited and smiling at him.

Makoto slid past Sousuke to the front. Next to him was a boy with dark hair and first off in line for Iwatobi. He was quite tall, by the time he was a third year he might be as tall as Sousuke. Makoto looked over at him and smiled.

"Tachibana Makoto," he introduced himself.

The boy looked a bit taken back before he nodded. "Hirano Ryo,"

Makoto nodded. "Let's have a fun race."

Ryo looked at Makoto for a moment, probably very aware of who he was before he smiled and nodded as well. "Yeah."

The whistle sounded a few times, alerting the swimmers to get in position. Makoto slid into the water and grabbed on to the starters bar.

As the ready mark gave a shrill yell, the announcer above accompanying with "ready!" Makoto pulled himself up into position.

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes, letting the breath out slow before opening his eyes again.

The starters beep sounded.

Makoto propelled himself from the block, arching through the air high and long as he pointed his hands back. He drove into the water easily, like slipping through the sheets of a current and kicked his legs, pumping fast and hard to get in as much of a lead as possible.

Sousuke had said he had Makoto's back, but Makoto had no intention of making him come through on that promise. If anything, Makoto intended to make sure he made this race as easy on Sousuke as possible.

He hit the back wall and shot his feet out, kicking himself off as hard as he could and sliding back under the water to charge forward towards the finish. He drove through the water with his stroke and slapped his hand down on the wall.

Makoto looked up just as Nitori arched over him and shot through the water. Makoto climbed out eagerly, standing at the edge of the pool to watch the race.

Nagisa was pulling ahead already. As always he was faster when he was up against Nitori. Sousuke gave him one last smile before stepping up to the starters block. As he did the chants from the Samezuka team over head died.

Nitori hit the block a second later then Nagisa and Sousuke leapt from the block. Makoto smiled as he saw him arch through the air and dive into the water.

Makoto looked up to the bleachers, still quiet except for the small sound of chatter from the Samezuka team members.

And smiled just as Seijuro stood from his place in the bleachers "what are you doing?!" He stood with his arms crossed threateningly over his chest, glaring down at his old team. "What is it you guys need to be doing right now? You need to cheer on your teammates as loud as possible!"

Makoto smile widened as the the team scrambled to start up the cheer again and Makoto looked back to the pool.

Sousuke had caught up to Rei, looking strong as he plowed ahead to the far wall. He hit the wall first and bound off it.

That's when Makoto saw it, stepping closer to the edge. Eyes wide, he saw the break of pain on Sousuke's face and Makoto felt like his heart stopped. He didn't realize he was holding his breath for a second till Rin stepped up on the block, looking just as terrified as Makoto.

Sousuke stalled in the water and Makoto fisted his hands, digging his nails into his palms to keep himself watching and more importantly from diving back in to get his—to get him.

"Sousuke!" Rin let out over the pool.

And Sousuke surfaced again, throwing himself into his stroke. Makoto watched, his fists at his sides. Sousuke had lost the lead again, but managed to hit the wall just narrowly after Rei.

Rin sprang off the block after Haru and Makoto scrambled to the edge of the pool.

Sousuke kept turning to watch Rin's progress as Makoto helped him for the pool. Makoto had to admit, he didn't give a damn about the race as Sousuke was finally up on dry land and Makoto found himself hugging him so viciously tight. Makoto wanted to kiss him, but instead he let him go as he felt Sousuke's patient hand on his back, telling him they still had a teammate in the water.

Sousuke turned, clutching at his shoulder. Rin and Haru hit the wall at the same time.

"Rin!" Sousuke cried at the edge of the pool and Makoto stepped up to him. They were neck and neck so close...

As far as Makoto could tell they touched down at the same second--all eyes shot up to the score board.

1st. Iwatobi  
2nd. Samezuka

Rin pushed out of the pool, looking over his teammates. "You guys... You did great."

Nitori gave a smile before throwing his arms around Sousuke and Rin, dragging them into a hug. Makoto laughed watching, though a big arm wrangled around his neck, dragging him in as well. Sousuke smiled as he looked at Makoto.

Looking back to Rin and the others, Sousuke murmured, "thank you."

Makoto smiled at Sousuke as the other two gave him a look of surprise. Makoto resisted the urge to nuzzle up and kiss Sousuke's normally so sour face.

As Makoto finally pulled away he turned to find... Haru.

"I—" Haru said, though drifting off.

Makoto shook his head and took several steps forward, pulling Haru into a hug. Haru awkwardly hugged back in return, looking down for most of it, and even as Makoto pulled away.

"You did great out there." Makoto said.

Haru nodded. "You did really well too." He murmured.

"Thank you, Haru." Makoto said.

He hugged Haru again, this time with out an ounce of reserve. "That was a really great race." He said, squeezing his best friend to him. Haru tolerated the barrage of affection for a few more moments before batting Makoto away, though smiling at him as he did.

Behind him, as all the others were filling off to the locker rooms, Makoto saw Sousuke standing with Rin. Not wanting to interrupt, Makoto kept a few feet away as he waited.

"Rin..." Sousuke said as he looked out across the water. "I was finally able to find it." He looked back, smiling at Rin as he faced him.

Makoto smiled, as Rin was starting to cry again, looking at Sousuke like he was looking at a comet, like something bright and beautiful and blazing, right there in front of him.

"Took you long enough!" Rin growled as he bumped his leg into Sousuke, kicking at him.

Sousuke just chuckled and turned, and his warm teal sea eyes focused on Makoto. Rin looked back as well and gave an exasperated sigh as he started off towards the locker rooms.

Sousuke approached slow, smiling as he stepped up next to Makoto. They walked side by side as they continued back to the locker rooms.

"Great swim today," Makoto commented.

Sousuke hummed.

The hall was deserted back towards the locker rooms. Sousuke walked slower as they went before finally stopping.

Confused, Makoto stopped as well, looking back with an open mouth.

Sousuke stood there for a moment, smiling at Makoto before he nodded. "Now, it's you. I pick you."

Makoto forgot to breath again. "What?" He hoped but after seeing everything....

"I'm at Samezuka for you." Sousuke said slowly. "I would never go back if it meant we lost this." Stepping forward, Sousuke didn't touch Makoto, those warm water eyes shining at him as he said very slowly. "Now I pick you."

Makoto looked up at him, and oh god he was crying again, wasn't he? He reached up to his face

But Sousuke already beat him to it, gently his thumb brushed across Makoto's face, brushing away the tears. Makoto laughed. Right and everyone thought this guy was scary. Sousuke just kept smiling at Makoto and ever so tenderly whiling away his tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry! It's taken me so long to update this story, haha! I got super sick and then I found out I had an infection in my jaw and I had to have surgery to have the infection removed and yeah, Anywho, so when I finally got back to looking the next chapter over I was like, "oh shite, I can't remember what's going on." So I had to read my entire story over to figure it all out! Haha! Okay don't worry I plan on getting back to regular updates now again. 
> 
> Soundtrack for the last two chapters: Hello My Old Heart, The Oh Hello's


	23. Part 3,Chapter 22

Maybe admitting he was hurting wasn't so bad... Sousuke smiled as Makoto still fretted over him. The moment they had gotten home Makoto had made sure that Sousuke fit on his brace. He also had gotten ice and offered to rub icy hot on Sousuke's shoulder. 

"It's fine," Sousuke said, taking the ice. 

Makoto nodded. "Only leave the ice on for fifteen minutes..." He trailed off. 

Sousuke looked at him before smiling. The door to their room was closed and locked, Sousuke had made sure of that. So with out hesitation he leaned down and kissed Makoto's prone pouty lips. "I know, but thank you for your concern." 

Makoto blinked at him, but nodded again. "Okay." 

Sousuke gave a chuckle, muffling that messy flop of cinnamon hair before he moved to the bed, falling back on it, folding his good arm back to rest his head on it. 

"...did you make a doctors appointment?" Makoto asked timidly as he went about putting away the things he'd taken in his duffel bag to Regional's. 

"Yes," Sousuke answered in a gruff, but affectionate voice. "There's one scheduled for next week." 

Makoto didn't say anything but still looked worried as he put things away in the dresser, deposited dirty cloths in the hamper, and replaced his laptop on his desk. There was still that air of concern Sousuke could feel. 

It wasn't till he felt the bed dip, Makoto sitting at his feet, that Sousuke cracked an eye and smiled at him. Holding out his braced arm, Sousuke moved his hand, gesturing for Makoto to lay there with him. 

A faint smile finally broke on Makoto's face and he crawled up over Sousuke, huffing as he rest on top of him, arms crossed over Sousuke's chest and Makoto's chin resting over his hands. Sousuke careened his neck to lean down and kiss the top of Makoto's head. 

Makoto gave a chuckle. "You're rather cuddly right now." He commented.

Sousuke hummed, letting his head rest back on his hand as he flicked his eyes closed. He rubbed his other hand up over Makoto's back. "I like you," he murmured. 

Makoto let a full laugh out this time. "You're alright, I guess." 

Cracking an eye, Sousuke gave Makoto a perturbed look. 

Makoto shifted up, watching him as he moved smoothly up, crawling up to seal their lips together. Sousuke gave a satisfied hum into the kiss and brought his hand up to cup around Makoto's neck. It was a lazy kiss and they parted with a sweet wet sound. 

"I have no idea why everyone thinks you're so scary." Makoto chuckled. 

"I don't know what you mean." Sousuke said indignantly. "They all just respect me, I'm a proper respectable kind of guy." 

"Right," Makoto said quietly with a smile. "They respect you. And all this time I thought people just cowered in fear from you." 

"I talk to plenty of people all the time, and they don't run in fear," Sousuke defended himself. "I'm great at making friends." 

"You threatened me the first time we met." Makoto quibbled. 

"I was flirting." 

Makoto laughed at that and settled down at Sousuke's side, his head resting on his good shoulder, fingers lightly tracing at Sousuke's chest. 

"Which, I might add," Sousuke went on. "Worked, because you obviously now find me irresistible." 

Makoto hummed. "Yes. I'm addicted." 

"Seduced." Sousuke corrected with a smile. 

"'Course." Makoto sighed as his hand stilled on Makoto's chest and he closed his own eyes. 

The only sound for several minutes was the delicate movement of breathe between them. Sousuke nuzzled into Makoto's hair, breathing in his wonderful sent. Like rain, he was reminded again, fresh and soft. 

"You're going to be okay, right?" Makoto said. "I want you to be okay." 

Sousuke breathed in more of that sweet wonderful scent and nodded. "Yeah, I'm going to be just fine." 

Makoto sighed. "Good." 

Blinking, Sousuke reached up and ran his hand through Makoto's hair, directing his face up to look at him. "And you?" 

Makoto's brow furrowed. 

"You're going to be okay?" Sousuke asked, looking at Makoto in a way he hoped conveyed that he wanted honesty in return. 

Makoto looked at him for a few minutes, his eyes shifting. He clearly knew what Sousuke was getting at. But there was hesitation there. 

"I'm better if I don't think about it." Makoto finally answered. 

Deciding this might not be the best time, Sousuke dropped it. And the frown now appearing on Makoto's face wasn't what he had wanted. Sousuke was going to have to think up a way to check up on his favorite nut case with out causing a typhoon every time.

Hoping for a smile again Sousuke leaned up, growling as he mouthed his way along Makoto's jaw up to his ear, nibbling with an even deeper growl. 

The desired smile broke and Makoto gave protest, "hey, stop that."

"No." Sousuke said wrapping both arms around Makoto's middle, holding on like a petulant child. 

Makoto laughed some more and pushed away from Sousuke's chest. "Oh come on! I don't want to hurt your shoulder any more tonight." 

Sousuke growled again, his mouth at Makoto's neck he said a bit muffled. "I'm trying to get you to kiss it better." 

Makoto snorted, but was still smiling as he wiggled out of Sousuke's hold and scrambled to sit cross legged at the bottom of the bed, where Sousuke couldn't reach unless he actually sat up. 

Huffing, Sousuke grumbled. "Come back!" 

The little shit laid down there again, perpendicular to Sousuke, resting his head in his hand as he lay on his side, prompted up on an elbow, looking up at Sousuke. 

Souske gave a grumpy look and to be an ass as well kicked his feet up to rest on Makoto's side.

Makoto smiled, his hand rubbing up over the top of one of Sousuke's feet and chaffed up over his ankle. 

"You're such a prude," Sousuke groan, flopping his hand over his eyes. 

With a look of surprise, It took a moment before Makoto laughed. "I'm making sure you don't get hurt." 

Sousuke sighed. And grumbled. "Fine." 

He still felt Makoto's warm hands rubbing against Sousuke's feet. 

"I know you don't approve of what I did today." Sousuke said. "Swimming in the relay and everything." 

Makoto's hand stilled, and Sousuke shifted so he could look down at him. Makoto gave a sigh, sliding down to his stomach, content to let Souske's feet still rest on the small of his back. He crossed his arms and turned his head to talk to Sousuke. 

"I wasn't disapproving," his said. "I was very worried, and I'm still worried." His eyes ran over Sousuke skeptically, "you don't take care of yourself all that well sometimes. And I did feel like Rin was right a bit. I should have told him right after I found out, risking your wrath or not." 

Sousuke looked up to the bunk over head. "No, you shouldn't have done that. I don't know how long, but it would have taken me a long lonnnnngggg time to forgive you for that." 

"I know." Makoto said. "But maybe if I had, this wouldn't have happened." 

"It would have," Sousuke said. "No matter how much physical therapy, no matter how many doctors I've seen, how much time I take off, it always breaks down." 

Sousuke felt Makoto slither a hand back to his foot again a bit awkwardly rubbing over the top of it. It wasn't like there was much to say that could make it better really, but the touch was soothing enough, a gentle reminder Makoto was there. 

"I know about your offer from Aoyama." Sousuke finally said after a moment. 

Makoto didn't say anything, just looked away to the wall. 

"I think you should take it." Sousuke said. "Aoyama has a good team, they're a good school." 

Makoto shifted around a bit under Sousuke's feet, squirming around a bit. He turned his head, hiding in his folded arms. 

"Just because I can't swim with you doesn't mean you shouldn't take it." Sousuke said firmly. 

Makoto just nodded. 

It was quiet again, but not like it had been. This was uncomfortable silence, a stalemate between them as they both thought over the futures of the other. Sousuke looked up at the top bunk again. In a few months he wouldn't have a top bunk to stare up at in the middle of the night, when Makoto was curled into him and Sousuke couldn't find sleep. 

"What are your plans, I mean for after graduation?" Makoto asked into his arms. 

Sousuke blinked and looked up. "I have a--partial offer from Aoyama." 

Makoto's eyes went wide and he shifted to get up on the bed. "I thought you said the scouting things was all a lie." 

Sousuke sat up, holding up his hand as he pulled his knees up. "Hold on there, it's not what you think." 

"What is it then?" Makoto asked. 

"It's not for a place on their swim team, that's for sure." Sousuke chuckled. "I mean it was, my first year when they offered to me, but then my shoulder gave. They were going to retract the offer, but I have a very persistent father and a hell bent doctor that--well it's a deal of sorts." 

Makoto was already half way up the bed to him, looking at him expectantly. 

Leaning back on his good arm, Sousuke breathed out slow. "It's a coaching offer. I mean if I can swim they said they want me on the team but the contract is if I get a coaching degree there, as well as if I assistant coach for butterfly for four years after I graduate and in return my tuition will be wavered." 

He waited for Makoto to frown but instead a big smile broke, "Sousuke! That's amazing!" 

Sousuke snorted. "Not hardly. They just know I was good once and they want to utilize a possible resource." 

"But you're a great coach!" Makoto countered. "I've gotten way better with your help, and Nitori made it on to the relay team because of you." 

Sousuke rolled his eyes, "Thanks, though it helps that you're quite naturally built for backstroke." 

Makoto slid down to his stomach again, resting his chin on his hands. Sousuke reached down, filing his fingers through Makoto's hair. 

"I don't know though." Sousuke said in a quiet tone. "My father told me if I wanted I could go help him run his company as well." 

Those deep green eyes flicked up to Sousuke's face before back down, though Makoto didn't say anything. 

"What are you going to do with the rest of your life?" Sousuke asked sarcastically.

But from the furrow of Makoto's brow, it looked like he took the question seriously. "I was actually thinking medicine. Maybe sports medicine, but I don't know maybe just an EMT or if I get really committed a doctor." 

Sousuke shifted on to his side, curling to kiss Makoto's nose, making him jerk his head back with a miffed look, though warping into a smile. 

"I think you'd make a super hot nurse." Sousuke said as he leaned up on his good arm, a smirk creeping in. 

Makoto chuckled, leaning forward for a kiss. "You would." 

Sousuke gave an affirming hum as he leaned into the kiss as well. It was another lazy kiss, they moved slow, but their mouths parted open and the calico click as tongues moving together caused Sousuke to smile and his hand moved to Makoto's t-shirt collar trying to coax him closer. 

Stubbornly, inevitably, Makoto leaned away. Shaking his head like Sousuke was an entirely hopeless case. 

"Come on, nurse Tachibana," Sousuke crowed. "My shoulder hurts, I need a bit of--comfort." 

Makoto sat up, chuckling, "the physical kind, I'm guessing." 

"Obviously," Sousuke said as he wiggled to sit up as well, reaching for Makoto. "I need some medicine, like you, you're perfect medicine." 

Makoto laughed again. "You are so full of crap," he said as he scrambled on the bed away from Sousuke. 

"Nurse Tachibana," Sousuke said, the smirk unstoppable. 

"Stop that," Makoto said as he shifted to get off the bed. "I need to go shower anyway." 

"You could give me a shower, Nurse Tachibana!" Sousuke jumped on the opportunity. 

Makoto gave an exasperated sigh. 

 

* * *

 

Sousuke woke all at once. Looking up at the bunk over head he was a bit confused for a few minutes trying to think exactly why--it became apparent the cause all too sudden... 

Next to him, Makoto's shoulders were hunched, a small whimper sounding. He was shaking again, his arms held in very tight against his chest. the trembling was more than apparent this time, shaking through him violently. 

Sousuke slid closer, gently, not wanting to startle Makoto next to him. He slid an arm around Makoto, and pulled him into Sousuke. 

"Mako," He said in a soft tone at Makoto's ear. hoping to pull him slowly out of sleep. 

Makoto's skin was blazing but Sousuke didn't let him go, he shifted, pulling Makoto under Sousuke's weight. He gave a small whine again and his face scrunched as he suddenly locked up. 

That was something that had not happened before. Sousuke tried to pull his arms out from so close to his chest but Makoto's muscles were rigid and wouldn't budge. blinking, Sousuke pushed up onto his elbow, over Makoto. 

"Makoto." Souske spoke more firmly this time, with more volume, his hand going to Makoto's face. he shifted his hand rubbing against his neck as Sousuke leaned down and kissed Makoto's shoulder over his T-shirt. 

He trembled harder at first then with a rushing breath those green eyes blinked cracked and blinked rapidly. 

"Makoto," Sousuke spoke firmly again. "...baby." he murmured a bit quieter. He felt a rush of blood to his face for one of the first time since he was ten. Great, he was too the point he was using pet names for the cinnamon sweet boy he--really liked. 

Makoto hummed in answer at first, but his brow was still creased. "What--?" he asked as his eyes swept the room. 

Carding his fingers through Makoto's hair, Sousuke noticed how tired Makoto still looked. The skin under his eyes was dark and his hair was a mess as he clumsily tried to pull the sheet up. Sousuke ended up pulling the sheet and covers up to Makoto's chest. 

"Thanks.." Makoto murmured. 

"Yeah," Sousuke said, gaze still washing over Makoto. "You were trembling again." 

those green eyes blinked again looking away as Makoto smeared his face into his pillow. "I'm sorry." he said very quietly, tiredness pulling at the articulation. 

"Its fine." Sousuke said. but as he said it he realized—that it wasn't fine. this was getting more frequent. Makoto wasn't hard to wake up out of them, but it was still becoming a problem. but Sousuke wasn't sure still how exactly to kindly check up on his—Makoto's mental state. Damn it all, why was communication so hard? 

"Have you told anyone about all this?" Sousuke asked then, shifting down to rest his chin on Makoto's shoulder, his fingers still playing through Makoto's hair. 

Makot gave a small sad smile. "just you." 

"You didn't tell me." Sousuke said. 

"Yeah, I did." Makoto spoke quiet, his eyes flicking closed as he sighed back, a hand rubbing up the arm Sousuke had around Makoto's middle. 

From seeing the way Makoto's eyes already fluttered closed, Sousuke could tell he was already falling asleep again. So with a kiss to his shoulder again, Sousuke retreated to lay next to him. Makoto flashed a very faked smile and turned, choosing to nuzzle into Sousuke's neck instead of face the wall. 

It was a few minutes before Makoto was asleep. It was a couple hours before Sousuke managed it, his arms securing around Makoto again as he started to tremble a second time that night. 

 

* * *

 

Sousuke settled on the bench at Swim practice talking to another teammate, laughing as they quipped about Sousuke’s new easy "R and R" regiment of "swimming is a bad idea." 

He watched Makoto still out of the side of his eye not sure whathe was exactly doing. Right, so maybe Sousuke the watch dog was back in force just a little bit. But Makoto was freaking him out. Despite having basically professed his undying love, Makoto had done nothing but pull away from Sousuke. That wasn't in the plan exactly. Lots of sex and blowjobs had been in the plan. 

And on top of that Sousuke was still having trouble thinking up a "nice" way to ask how Makoto was doing with out implying he thought he was bat shit nuts. 

Right. ...but he was, but you know, just a little! Not like asylum worthy, but maybe just a bit of extra careful handling kind of nuts. 

At the far end of the pool, Makoto was moving through the water with his powerful back stroke, moving easy and swift as usual. Sousuke still kept an eye on him, glancing back every few minutes or so. 

Maybe it was that or something else, but Rin drifted closer. 

"Think he's ready for Nationals?" Rin asked good heartedly. 

Sousuke smiled. Physically? Yes. Makoto would plow through and earn himself a nice shiny memory from his high school days! Mentally? Fuck no.

Sousuke gave a shrug. "I think maybe, but--" He paused looking for the right words. "I think we should see how he hold up."

Rin nodded, taking a seat next to Sousuke on the bench. 

Another teammate approached and Rin smiled as they picked up a conversation. 

Glancing across the pool, Sousuke locked on to Makoto again. He was doing well. His stroke had become more refined over the last few months, causing less turbulence in the water and helping him move more swiftly through the water. 

Abruptly, Sousuke watched as Makoto's arms swung over him and --he stalled. Sousuke immediatelyhunched over as it took several second and Makoto didn't surface. 

Sousuke was almost to his feet when Makoto broke through the water gasping for air and shaking hands gripping on to the lane divider. He ripped the cap and goggles off a hand already starting to scrub across his face. That idiot. 

Rin next to him was getting to his feet and Sousuke reached out yanking at his arm to keep him there. Sousuke would have liked nothing better then to high tale it to Makoto then as well, but as Sousuke looked up at his best friend he shook his head. Rin folded his arms and looked back as Makoto stood there still in the middle of the lane. Makoto seemed to take a deep breath before sliding forward into a front crawl he swam to the edge of the pool and with hunched shoulders he pulled himself out of the water and trudged to the locker room. 

"That been happening often?" Rin asked.

Sousuke shook his head. "No." 

With a slow nod, Rin looked back to the locker rooms where Makoto disappeared. "So why are we still here?" Rin asked. 

His palms pressed together, Sousuke raised them, consider for a moment before he looked up to Rin and answered. "Because he needs to realize he needs help before he will let us help him." 

Looking down at Sousuke with a raised brow, Rin nodded but punctuated the nod with a comment, "When did you become a fucking fortune cookie..." 

Sousuke elbowed Rin in the thigh for pay back as he stood. 

 

* * *

 

Makoto tried to breath slow as he flipped on the shower over head and just stood there, letting the hot water roll over his head. That--out there--that had been unexpected. Makoto closed his eyes, though quickly found that was the wrong idea as images flashed through his mind rapidly of all the things he didn't want to think about... 

He jammed the shower head off again and walked back into the locker room. he wrenched open his locker and stood there. He just stood there as it creeped back into him, and he closed his eyes feeling like he wanted to cry. 

It was back. 

And it was so real. 

He rest his arm up against the Locker door, leaning his forehead against his hand. He was still dripping wet and had no motivation to pull the towel from his locker to dry off. The hollow feeling was creeping in again, it was cloying at him, making him feel dry like sand again. It had been so long since he'd felt the dry bite of that feeling in his bones making him feel like his middle was made of nothing and that he was slowing sifting away. 

"Makoto," he heard from behind him. 

Opening his eyes, Makoto turned and immediately jerked himself into Sousuke's mouth. His hands fisted in Sousuke's jacket collar as Makoto sealed their lips. There was a flailing moment before Sousuke managed to steady himself with a hand slammed up against the lockers behind Makoto. Makoto threw himself into the kiss and was pleased as Sousuke slowly let out groan into the heated kiss. 

As they parted, Makoto pushed himself up against Sousuke. "Fuck me," He said as he leaned in again to steal Sousuke's lips. 

"What the--" Sousuke was cut off as Makoto moved in again and sealed their lips. 

Abruptly Makoto was shoved back up against the lockers, and he almost breathed a sigh of relief. Finally this is exactly what he need. Makoto reached for Sousuke's track pants, ready to slip a hand inside when his hands were knocked away. 

"Fucking hell!" Sousuke hissed at him, enraged but in a hushed tone. "We're in public, Makoto." 

Makoto glanced around the room. "There's no one in here--"

"Yeah and in twenty minutes when practice is over?" Sousuke hissed back. 

Right, Makoto hadn't been thinking about that. He just—he needed it to stop and Sousuke always made it all go away. 

"Fuck, Makoto!" Sousuke swore. "We get caught and they will not let us stay roommates another night." he growled. "What are you thinking?" 

Looking down, Makoto couldn't really articulate. 

"I'm sorry." He murmured. 

Sousuke dropped his hands from the lockers, digging his hands into his jacket pockets. He gave a huff before addressing Makoto. "No, It's fine—Damn it, I came in here to see how you were doing, and I got pissed instead. That's not what I meant to do. I didn't mean to snap at you—god, thats not what I wanted." 

Makoto just stared down at his still shaking hands. God every second felt like it was filtering through him. He was afraid again, like when he had first come to Samezuka. 

"Its not—" Sousuke tried to explain himself. "I mean—trust me I'm always in the mood to—have you, but we can't keep up like we used to. We were pretty reckless and I really, // _really//_ don't want to get caught." He looked up at Makoto. "tell me you understand?" 

Those teal eyes were as always infectious and looking up, Makoto gave a nod. Sousuke was right. One quickie in the locker room wasn't worth losing each other over.

It was a moment before Sousuke spoke again. "Alright," he gave a breath before going on. "Now to what I really was wonder, what was that?" he nodded towards the pool. 

Makoto couldn't manage to keep eye contact any longer and looked down again. His heart pounded and he wrung his hands. It had been a very long time since he'd had to lie like this. 

"It was nothing," He shook off. "I just screwed up in the water. I was tired so I figure I'd take off early and then you were in here and—I don't know, it seemed like a good stress relief."

Sousuke didn't believe him. Makoto could see it written all over his face. But he gave a slow nod anyway. Makoto nodded back. If he was allowed to squeak by thats all he needed. 

Just as Sousuke had predicted a couple of their teammates already filtered in from the door. Makoto yanked his towel from his locker and dried off, facing away from Sousuke.

 

* * *

 

That night Makoto sat at his desk, laptop and a textbook open in front of him as he worked on the school work assigned for the week. wearing his reading glasses and a pair of earbuds, it was a surprise when he felt Sousuke's hand on his back. 

Startled Makoto jumped and jerked to the side to see Sousuke standing over him. 

"Hey," Sousuke said gently. His eyes washed over Makoto in a way that didn't make him feel any more relived. 

Makoto removed the earbuds. "Hey," he answered. 

Sousuke tipped his head. "wanna head down to the pool now?" 

Right. Makoto glanced at the clock. Now was when he and Sousuke usually went down again, when the pool was deserted besides the two of them and Makoto swam for a couple more hours. 

"I actually, uh," Makoto looked down at his homework. "I think I'm going to finish this up tonight instead." 

Sousuke's brow furrowed at him but he didn't say anything besides, "...alright." 

Makoto was already turning back, when he felt Sousuke's hand drift up to the back of Makoto's neck. 

"Hey," Sousuke caught Makoto's attention again before he leaned down and kissed Makoto. it wasn't the most heated kiss, but it was lingering and deep and he pulled away and those beautiful, warm sea eyes were staring into Makoto. 

"You sure you're doing okay?" Sousuke asked again. 

As always when Sousuke spoke to him, it was in a way no one else did. It wasn't really a question. It was, it just wasn't the one he had asked. It was less about if Makoto was okay and more about if he was being honest with Sousuke. In a matter of months, spending only ever moment together had turned Sousuke into an unfortunately accurate perspective person when it came to Makoto. 

"I'm fine." Makoto reaffirmed. 

Sousuke just nodded and pulled away. Makoto breathed out, not realizing he had been holding his breath till then as he looked back at his homework. 

 

* * *

 

Sousuke was fucking fidgeting. Yeah, thats right, laugh it up! He for once was the one fidgety--but in his defense it was from boredom. He tried to read and had failed. He'd tried to play a game on his iPad and failed. He'd taken a couple of long hard stares at his homework and shut that idea down before he even got started. Now he was lying back on his bed, watching Makoto at the end of the bed on his laptop. 

"I want to go swimming." Sousuke said then. 

Damn those reading glasses looked hot, Sousuke thought as Makoto raised his head. he looked confused for a second before he shook his head. 

"You can't..." Makoto pointed at his own shoulder a bit awkwardly. "there's--remember?" 

Well since it was basically impossible for Sousuke to forget, no, he hadn't. 

Sitting up, Sousuke pointed to Makoto as well. "You can swim though." he tipped his head. "Lucky for the two of us."

Makoto snorted.

"Oh come on!" Sousuke said. "I'm living vicariously through you now." 

With a shake of his head, Makoto looked back down to the laptop over his crossed legs. "I highly doubt you would ever live vicariously through anyone, Sousuke-kun." 

That was a good point. So instead of countering it, Sousuke made a nuisance of himself and with a finger tipped Makoto's laptop shut. As a miffed Makoto looked back up at Sousuke, he gave a hopefully charming smile.

"I'm pretty sure we're past the point of formalities." Sousuke said. "Just Sousuke." 

Makoto nodded, though Sousuke could still see it hadn't quite sunk in. Politeness was a wonderful front, and fit Makoto well, accenting his pretty masks of indifference well, but it was just another front. Another layer Sousuke was happy to pick at till it was all peeled away. 

"Swimming?" Sousuke suggested again. 

With a tip of his head, Makoto gave his own suggestion. "Staying here?" 

Sousuke snorted and already started his way off the bed. "Come on, lets go." 

Makoto gave a sigh and looked down at his laptop fondly before he slide off the bed as well depositing his laptop on his desk. "Alright, insistent." 

By the time they were down at the pool it was almost an hour later. The entire way from the bed to the pool Makoto had drug his feet, full of excuses and reasons to spend a few more minutes here or there, at the sink in the bathroom, riffling though his swimsuits, saying he wanted to fill up a water bottle or maybe they shouldn't, it looked cold outside. God by the end of it, Sousuke had almost knocked the boy out and dragged him to the pool. Sousuke eyed the boy next to him. 

"What is wrong with you?" He finally asked as they pushed through the doors into the big indoor pool. 

Makoto just gave a shrug. "I just--don't feel like swimming."

"You?" Sousuke repeated. "Don't feel like swimming?" 

A bit snappy Makoto replied as he jerked off his jacket. "Not everyone can be a fish, Sousuke." 

Startled, Sousuke didn't say a word as Makototossed his jacket on to the bench and tore his sweat pants off, stripping to the jammers underneath. He didn't look up to Sousuke as he went to the pool, sliding into the water with out another word. Sousuke, huffed, setting the water bottle and a towel down next to Makoto's things and slid off his slip-on shoes. he had worn board shorts specifically because he hadn't been lying to Makoto. He missed the water and even if he couldn't swim he at least wanted to enjoy the water. He slid down to sit at the edge of the pool, his feet in the water as he watched Makoto's stroke in the lane next to him. 

Sousuke sat back on his hands as he watched Makoto paddled through the water in a front crawl. He was on his third--no, fourth full lap. Sousuke breathed out a huff. Maybe dragging Makoto there to swim hadn't been the best idea. His pace in the water was--hesitant, like he was afraid of something, besides it was odd he wasn't flipping in to his back stroke. 

As Makoto dipped under the water, flipping and rebounding off the opposite wall Sousuke noticed as his course changed and he swam underneath the lane divider and surfaced in Sousuke's lane. Makoto dipped back under the water a few feet away. A few seconds later he surfaced up between Sousuke's legs. Looking at him, Makoto gave a smile, his hands resting on Sousuke's knees. 

Sousuke gave him a crooked smile, watching him. "Want something?" he asked. 

Makoto drifted closer, "join me in the water?" he asked. 

Looking like he was considering, Sousuke leaned forward, his hand drifting to Makoto's hand on his knees, he slowly interlaced their fingers playing with his hand idly as he smiled. 

"I'm afraid I didn't bring a swim suit." 

Makoto gave a demure shrug. "Who said anything about a swimsuit?" 

Sousuke raised an eye brow. "Well well, look who is getting brash now?" 

Not saying anything, Makoto was already drifted closer, leaning up and nuzzling along Sousuke's neck and jaw. He hummed an acknowledgement but only kept up at his neck. Makoto kept his one hand interlaced with Sousuke's hand as the other one drifted up to Sousuke's jacket, slowly pulling down the  zipper at the front.

Sousuke looked down. He wanted to give Makoto what he wanted, but a part of Sousuke--he just wasn't the kind of person that could leave things unsaid and undone. 

"Makoto," He said at his--lover's? boyfriend's? Well there was another conversation that needed to happen in the future--ear. "I can't be your distraction." 

Stilling, Makoto didn't move away, his hand at Sousuke's jacket dropping to Sousuke's leg. 

"Please don't," Makoto said a moment later. 

Sousuke nuzzled in as well at Makoto's neck this time. "You haven't talked to me in at least a week," Sousuke explained. "And I know its getting worse, I can't just let you plow over this. Its obviously effecting your swimming." 

"It's not--"

"Then why aren't you out there right now?" Sousuke cut Makoto off. 

Makoto was suddenly backing up, pushing away from the wall, and Sousuke. 

"I told you I wouldn't enable you." Sousuke said as he looked into those deep green eyes. "You're mine, remember?" 

Those eyes kept his gaze steady. "Please don't." Makoto siad quietly. "You're--you're gaze is starting to look like everyone else's when they look at me, and--Sousuke, please don't do that to me." He started to tread water as he drifted away even farther from Sousuke. "Please, I can't stand the pity." 

"I'm not trying to offer pity." 

"Then stop trying to fix me." Makoto bit back. "I never wanted to talk about this. And I still don't." He gestured towards Sousuke. "You of all people I thought would understand." 

Looking down at the clear pool water, Sousuke mulled over his words. This was--probably exactly how he pictured all of this going. He had been right when he talked to Rin. Makoto had to realize he needed help, not be told he needed help. 

"Fine." Sousuke said. "Just--don't let this drag you down with it." He flicked his eyes up, hooking Makoto's eye contact. "You said it yourself--I can't swim much now, that's been very well settled, and I'm not sure if I could swim much deeper to pull you up."

With out a word, Makoto pulled his swim goggles back over his eyes and dipped under the water, surfacing in the neighboring lane he flipped on his back and started into his stroke. 

It was rough, and disjointed. Sousuke gave a sigh, his hand coming up to rub across his face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack: Weighty Ghosts, Wintersleep
> 
> Tumblr: lovelilylion.tumblr.com


	24. Part 3, Chapter 23

They weren't—exactly—talking. At all. But they were having a lot of sex...

Makoto whined underneath Sousuke, his breath heavy as he ground back into Sousuke. Sousuke was already balls deep in Makoto, so it wasn't like it really made much difference.

It was—pleasant, the sex. and yet distant, like the first few times they had done it, no whispered words, no affectionate caresses. Just animalistic in the way they rocked violently in tandem together, into each other, claiming each other with growls and moans.

They were on the floor again, facing the mirrored closet doors and Makoto on his hands and knees, Sousuke pounding into him from behind. They were in a disheveled state of undress. Sousuke didn't have a shirt, but this jeans were pulled down just enough to get his cock out and shoved into Makoto's ass. Makoto on the flip side still had his white button up on, his jock-shorts stretched between his spread knees, resting on his elbows as he pointed his ass in the air, back into Sousuke. He moaned low again, his eyes closed, his mouth open in that helpless breathless way.

Behind him Sousuke gripped roughly at Makoto’s skin, his fingers digging into his hips, his sides, his thighs, grappling with him as he rammed himself forward.

Sousuke never thought sex would ever piss him off—So. Fucking. Much. punctuating each word in his head with a hard thrust forward, the hot slap of skin sounding.

Feeling close, Sousuke clawed at Makoto’s back, yanking him up to meet Sousuke’s chest as he thrust erratically forward, impaling Makoto viciously. Wrapping a constricting arm up from Makoto’s neck over his head, jerking his head back so Sousuke could burry his his face in messy cinnamon hair, breathing in Makoto as he let a snarling hiss out as he felt the familiar sensation stirring.

“Sou—“ Makoto breathlessly gasped.

It was enough to send him over the edge and Sousuke growled into Makoto’s neck, his arms around Makoto tightening, his fingers tightly gripping into bare flesh as he was overtaken by the white hot rush of climax.

They dropped to the floor, total dead weight on to the carpet, crumbling in a heap of limbs and whining moans.

It was a few more breaths before Sousuke looked up, seeing Makoto’s wide blown eyes in the mirror in front of him. His face was red splotched, the tender skin around his eyes dark and red. He squeezed them so tight still, nuzzling into Sousuke’s arm as he tried to capture his shuddering breath again.

His chest still heaving over Makoto’s shaking shoulders, Sousuke gently pulled his hand from supporting Makoto’s face, his fingers running up, tangling in his hair as he pushed it back from his forehead, lifting Makoto’s head with the same motion.

“Please,” Sousuke spoke in Makoto’s ear. “Please, start looking at what you’re doing to yourself.” His teal eyes met Makoto’s lush green ones in the mirror in front of them.

Makoto’s gaze widened for a fraction of a second before he was turning away, curling in under Sousuke’s body and flipping so he could pull his arms around Sousuke, his arms curling around to Sousuke’s neck, fingers digging across his shoulder blades. Makoto hid there, against Sousuke’s chest, his face pressed into his neck.

Sousuke let out his breath, curling in around the boy still shaking in his arms.

 

* * *

 

Right. When ever they weren't shoving something into each others orifices they were—well not they exactly, Makoto was swimming again. The late night practices had started back up again and as Makoto plowed through the water a few feet away, Sousuke sat on the sidelines, a book or Makoto's laptop in his hands as he glanced up every now and then to Makoto's progress. He'd stopped barking orders at Makoto after Sousuke noticed—Makoto was still slowing down. No matter what pointers Sousuke gave.

Either he wasn't listening or it wasn't helping, both of which just led to more tension between them as they both knew Makoto was barely managing to stay afloat any longer. Still neither of them said a thing about it.

That night, Sousuke sat back in one of the chairs lining the walls, his feet up on another chair as he went through his homework on Makoto's laptop that was sitting over his thighs.

Sousuke could hear the splash and and the rough chop of the water next to him. He glanced over every few minutes to Makoto taking laps in the pool.

It was quiet, the splashes of water reverberating through out the indoor pool. Sousuke had brought headphones once or twice before then, but--it was nerve wracking. He kept taking them out every few minutes to make sure he could still hear that splash of water. In the end, it was more comforting to have the lull of water be his soundtrack as he tried to manage a good exam score or two.

Swimming clearly wasn't going to work out, so it looked like Sousuke might actually have to pay attention in his classes.

Glancing up Sousuke caught a glance of Makoto at the far end of the pool. He had a hand on the edge of the pool with his back to Sousuke. But from the slump of his shoulders and the way his one hand looked to be scrubbing across his face—he was frustrated, and quickly losing steam. He'd more than likely probably stalled in the water again.

Sousuke lips pursed as he tried to still his restless legs. He repeated in his head the same mantra he'd kept up for days, Makoto had to realize it first.

It took just about everything Sousuke had to look back to the laptop and keep studying. He just hoped Makoto figured out he needed a life line, before everybody around him was too far away to help him.

 

* * *

 

"What's happening?" Sousuke asked as he stepped into the locker room door behind Makoto. "Just at least tell me what the fuck is going on in the water, Makoto."

Makoto could barely see Sousuke in the shadow of the doorway. Mostly it was two teal eyes starring out at him, watching him critically as Makoto dried off. It reminded him of the first time they had started all of—this. How Sousuke had stalked in to the locker room late at night, just like this, after Makoto had exhausted himself in the pool, looking at him like that, like a panther stalking ever closer.

"I told you," Makoto said looking down at his knees. "I don't want your pity."

"I'm not offering pity." Sousuke hissed in return. He gave a sigh, for once the anger burning off quickly it seemed. "I just—let me know what's happening out there.”

The quiet in the room stretched.

“Makoto, it's not like I can’t see you!” Sousuke said.

There was only more silence.

"You can't hide from me," Sousuke reminded him. "You step into that water every night like you're stepping up to the gallows and the rest of the time you walk around like you're terrified. You don't hide from me, Mako, that's our deal. You're mine, every bat-shit crazy inch of you."

Makoto let the towel drop to the bench next to him, his eyes not lifting from the floor. "I can't keep shoveling my crap on to your shoulders..." he whispered.

“Trust me, they can take it!” Sousuke snapped in answer. “I’m trying so damn hard to be there for you. And I can't do that if you don't let me in."

"I don't want you trying to fix me," Makoto said, irritation creeping into his voice.

"For fuck sake!" Sousuke's voice snarled. "I can barely manage myself right now, what makes you think I can mange to fix you, huh?" he gave a growling huff. “I just want you to talk to me. I’m not blind, and I’m tearing at the seams just sitting on the side lines of this.”

Makoto looked to the lockers, unwilling for a second longer.

the long stride forward, followed by Sousuke's snarled growl, "Makoto! I will drag it out of you if I have to—"

"I hear her." Makoto suddenly snapped. He waved at his hand, quickly looking away. "In my head, sometime I can hear her screaming again." He frowned. "I thought I was safe in the water. Or at least I used to." He sighed. "I've never heard her in the water before, never. And now—it always hits when I least expect it and I just, flounder."

Sousuke's quiet steps forward were the only sound in the room for several seconds before he was standing directly behind Makoto.

“And anymore—It doesn’t matter if I’m in the water or not, and that’s never happened before. The water has always been able to—just shut everything up.” Makoto explained. “Now the only thing that can quiet it all down is you…” Makoto gave a shaking breath. “And I’m scared, so scared that it won’t last like that, and one day you’re going to be holding me and all I can hear is that fucking screaming.”

Sousuke heaved a great sigh, less than a foot behind Makoto. "If I have to destroy my shoulders to do it, I will hold you up. When you finally want me to, I'll rip you from this stupid free fall you insist on and we can finally start being us.”

Makoto looked up at that. “…being us?” he asked in question.

Sousuke gave a snort and leaned down, kissing Makoto’s neck. “Yeah, because all this crap we are both carrying around isn’t us. and I want to just be us when this is all over.”

Makoto let out an uneasy chuckle. “I could go for just being us one day.” He turned to look at Sousuke, at his shoulder.

Sousuke hummed and pressed another kiss to Makoto’s lips this time before straightening. “So could I.”

 

* * *

 

Rin stopped at the door of his best friend's room, mulling over everything that had been going on, regionals included. And then there was the fight with Haru there and then all the subsequent fights they had had since then. He'd barely seen Sousuke in the mix of it all and now— Rin rapped the back of his hand against the door quickly, before he could change his mind.

A second later the door opened, and Sousuke smiled at Rin. He also had his shirt in hand.

Rin's eyes gravitated straight to the black brace over Sousuke's right shoulder. It looked so—oppressive.   
"Hey," Sousuke said when Rin said still just stood there. "What's up?"

Rin snapped his eyes away. "Hey," He said back.

Sousuke gave him another look before stepping back as he pulled his t-shirt up over his head and fit his arms in. "Wanna come in?"

"Oh, uh yeah.." Rin said and stepped in.

They were always surprisingly—tidy. It always amazed Rin just a bit when he entered Sousuke's and Makoto's room. The laundry was neatly piled in a hamper, the floor clean, beds made—usually both desks tidy and neat.

"You guys are—really clean, you know that?" Rin spoke his thoughts.

Sousuke let out a laugh. "It's mostly me, clutter gets to me. And it's not like Makoto has all that much to be cluttering up the place." he trailed off.

Rin gave a snort. He should have suspected it honestly. A person as perpetually grumpy as Sousuke had to be anal as well or the grumpy thing probably wouldn't work so well. Though if Rin remembered anything about Makoto it's that he was kind of messy. His room had always been a disaster zone, unruly bed, mountains of cloths and a wreck of the small bookcase a TV and game console sat on. Though that could have been caused by the two monstrosities living with him... Right, Rin looked back down at the floor.

Shifting gears Rin, leaned up against Sousuke's desk. "So have ya thought at all about what you're gonna do after graduation?"

Scratching the back of his head, Sousuke gave a scrunched up face. "A bit, I guess. I might just go help my dad run his company back in Tokyo."

Rin huffed. "So you're serious about being done with swimming thing?"

Giving a shrug, Sousuke leaned back against the metal frame of the bunk bed. "It's not like I can do much swimming with this." He raised his right arm for indication.

His lips pressed together, Rin considered for a second before opening his mouth.

Just then there was a loud thud from the bathroom.

"What the—?" Rin ended up saying as he straightened, looking to the bathroom door. "You hiding a moose in there or something?"

"...Makoto's in the shower." Sousuke said, though he looked quite a bit more concerned than Rin.

There was a quieter dropping thump from the other side of the door and in three long strides Sousuke was to the bathroom door.

"Makoto!" He said in a commanding tone.

There wasn't an answer on the other side and Sousuke had the door wrenched open and was scrambling in.

A little uneasy, and wide eyed, Rin stood there for a moment. He heard murmuring on the other side of the door left open. The shower head was shut off and the voices became a bit more clear though Rin still couldn't understand much.

Not sure what else to do, Rin hesitantly took a few steps forward and slid in through the bathroom door.

Immediately he realized why the voices were hard to hear, Makoto was breathing fast and hard, curled over his knees at the bottom of the shower. Even as he was a couple feet away he was barely making sense, his shoulders shaking and hands fisted, held very close to him. His very naked form trembling.

"I'm.." Makoto pulled in a great ridiculously fast breath, "fine." He tried to insist to Sousuke. His eyes were blown wide and his gaze listless.

"Mako," Sousuke was speaking slow and clearly, on his haunches next to the shower. His hands were out but not touching Makoto. "You're very clearly not, please let me get to you."

"No," Makoto insisted again sharply, gulping down air, though it didn't seem to be helping. "I'm okay."

Sousuke nodded, but edged closer. A slow hand touched Makoto's arm. Makoto jerked a way the moment of contact.

"I'm okay," Makoto repeated, desperately.

"Makoto," Sousuke's fierce, commanding voice was back. "You're on the verge of hyperventilating and I need you to let me help you."

The growl in his voice snapped Makoto's head up, eyes connecting with Sousuke's. His green eyes flicked to Rin for half a second, before back to Sousuke. It took another couple of seconds but slowly Makoto gave a nod.

"Towel," Sousuke barked over his shoulder to Rin before in half a second he had Makoto hauled to him and a bit surprisingly in his arms, pulling him practically into Sousuke's lap.

The surprised look on Rin's face didn't seem to phase Sousuke as those teal eyes looked back at him. "Rin" He said again.

"uh," Rin let out, "right.." He jolted into action, snagging the big white towel off the back of the door and stepping forward to give it to Sousuke.

Sousuke had the towel pulled around Makoto's shoulders in half a second and was speaking to him in a low voice. "Come on, Makoto, you can do this. Breath in." he took a deep breath demonstrating maybe to Makoto before letting it out. "breath out."

Makoto nodded, and looked to be trying to mimic as Sousuke started again.

"Breath in... breathe out..."

Rin was stalk still as he watched and Makoto glanced over at him, the clear worry on his face not exactly easing as he saw Rin was still there, watching his breakdown unfold.

"Makoto," Sousuke said again very firm and clear. "Look at me."

Those green eyes shifted and Makoto tilted his head, making eye contact with Sousuke.

"Good, now keep looking at me. Rin is a friend and is just fine with this. He won't think of you any differently." Sousuke said in a nice razor sharp tone, even as his eyes were locked onto Makoto it still shivered down Rin's spine that he was going to do exactly as Sousuke said.

A hand went to Makoto's face keeping his head turned to Sousuke as he started again. "Breath in... breath out... breath in... breath out.." he smiled at Makoto, nodding. "Very good."

Rin wasn't sure when but he'd started to breath with Sousuke as well. It was—rather calming. and as Sousuke cycled through Makoto seemed to calm as well after several run throughs. Finally, Makoto swallowed hard before letting his forehead rest on Sousuke's shoulder—the good one.

"Rin," Sousuke said, quieter and more—non threatening. He had one arm up under Makoto's arm, stretched across his back and around his shoulders.

Realizing he wanted help, Rin jumped into action, helping Sousuke lift Makoto to his feet, hooking himself under Makoto's unoccupied arm. Sousuke snagged another towel from the door and slid it around Makoto's waist, securing it faster than Rin had thought possible, and was directing them out to the bedroom.

"Bed," he said to Rin and they helped Makoto to the bottom bunk.

Makoto was already turning a bit red, his hands curling in the towel around his shoulders as he avoided both Rin and Sousuke's gaze. He moved the towel around his shoulders, seeming to hide under it a bit more. He was quiet though, as Sousuke sat next to him and Rin leaned back on Sousuke's desk. He looked down, the tips of his ears red, as Sousuke said something under his breath to him and Makoto nodded.

And in the midst of it—Rin wasn't sure what was going on with himself. He knew Makoto—was a bit —broken? Was that the right word? But he hadn't expected that. What the fuck even was that? Was that normal? Sousuke was acting like it was just something that needed dealt with and they could move on. And when had Sousuke learned to deal with it? In synopsis: what the fuck?

Makoto stirred, looking up then and seemed fully aware for the first time. "Can I—I mean can I have a minute..?" He murmured, seeming uneasy. "I wanna get dressed and—just have sec." His eyes looked to Sousuke for approval though he glanced at Rin, his face flushing a bit more then.

Soususke nodded back to him. "Alright, that's just fine." he slid off the bed. "We'll go get you a Gatorade."

Makoto nodded, though was looking down again.

A hand on Rin's shoulder directed him from the room, and out the door. Sousuke securely, though calmly shut the door behind him before looking to Rin.

"So—" Rin started. "That's—not normal."

Sousuke didn't even give him a pity laugh. "No, it's not." He patted Rin's shoulder as he went past, "Come on, I wasn't kidding. The last thing Makoto needs is dehydration weighing him down as well."

Rin watched blankly for a second before he trailed after murmuring, "You weren't kidding about a lot of things, I'm realizing..."

That did earn a bark of a laugh from Sousuke this time. It was humorless as he pocketed his hands and continued down to the vending machines.

As the big metal box spit out a bright blue Gatorade, followed by a Coke for Sousuke. He cracked it, as he slid down to sit on one of the padded benches near by.

Rin got a fruit drink and sat next to him.

They didn't really say anything for several minutes. Sousuke took a drink of Coke followed by Rin taking a drink from his Minute Maid Berry Blend. Rinse. Repeat.

"...So," Rin finally said.

Sousuke let his head lull to the side to give him a look before he parroted back, "...So."

A few more seconds ticked by. Rin took a drink, Sousuke took a drink.

"...does that—happen often?" Rin asked.

"Nope," Sousuke said simply. "Or at least I don't think so. He won't tell me if they happen when I'm not around."

"Huh," Rin nodded. "so you just basically make sure you're around as much as possible." he reasoned.

Sousuke lifted his coke to Rin, pointing in a gesture to say, 'bingo!'

"Has he been doing that all year?" Rin asked.

Sousuke looked over him. They both knew what he was thinking. The year was almost over. They were about to go on break and when they came back they would go on to nationals, finish up exams and be released out into the big bad world as adults. And Rin hadn't asked about Makoto once. He knew and he hadn't asked—so now was where Sousuke decided if he wanted to be vindictive or open up.

The guilt of everything Rin had said, to Makoto as well as Sousuke was starting to rush to him. He knew he was—out of it. He just had no idea how out of it Makoto really had been. It was a problem now.

"It wasn't like this till after he found out about my shoulder, and the— _that_ didn't start till the stress of Regionals hit him, at Regionals basically." Sousuke spilled. "He's not as bad when he's not worried, but—his swim times are slowing down _because_ of this and that makes him worried and it just starts cycling." He took another drink of his soda. "That's the first time it's just happened though. He usually wakes up in one. I think he has some pretty messed up dreams. Not that he will tell me. But I'm not blind. It's getting worse, but he won't look at it."

Sousuke sighed, sitting back against the window glass behind him. "He doesn't tell me anything. Like I said, I think he has dreams but he wont tell me. I've asked him straight out and he won't say anything. I think he's getting scared about stuff, but he wont tell me about that either."

Rin shifted a bit, leaning his elbows over his knees. "Have you like—I mean asked if he wants to go talk to someone?" he made a face. "Like a _real_ someone, that could help him."

Shaking his head, Sousuke looked like he felt—helpless. "He tells me he's fine," he looked away. "Every fucking time I ask him, he tells me he's fine." he gestured back towards the room. "You saw that. He can barely breath and he tries to tell me nothing is wrong."

Clasping his hands in front of him, Rin looked to his shoes. "So it was about this the other day. when you told me he needs to realize he needs help first."

Sousuke just nodded.

Rin huffed finally. "what are we going to do now?"

"Nothing." Sousuke said in a deathly quiet voice. "For now, we do nothing."

Rin sat up, frowning. "How can you say that?" his brow lowered. "he's our friend!"

"And he won't look at himself." Sousuke shot back. "He refuses to see a problem so therefore, in him he continually asserts there is no problem."

"So we just watch him destroy himself?" Rin countered.

Soususke frowned, "I'm afraid—pain is the greatest catalyst for change."

"Why don't we just take him to someone?" Rin felt restless. "Just make him talk to someone?"

Giving another barking laugh, Sousuke chucked the empty pop can into the trash next to the vending machine. "Yeah let's commit him, that will help."

"I don't mean that," Rin growled. "Its just—I feel like we are doing nothing while he's suffering."

"No," Sousuke said. "We're here. I've told him, over and over again. When he wants help, I'm right here. but nothing will change until he takes the first step."

"And what if that first step is a free fall?" Rin hissed, he jerked his head back to look at Sousuke.

There was a sad expression there, sad and honest. "Then I'll catch him."

Rin huffed. Fucking hopeless.

"I still feel like shit." Rin said.

It was quiet for several more long seconds.

"Me too," Sousuke said as he looked to the floor. 


	25. Part 3, Chapter 24

He fell. Or at least that's what Sousuke could assess from the bruise that had developed across Makoto's left hip. Though what made him fall—that wasn't an answer Sousuke couldn't give. More than likely something unpleasant and desensitizing. Over the past few days, Sousuke had lain awake thinking about what Makoto had probably seen that day, trying to imagine it and maybe understand a bit better. He always ended up holding Makoto very tightly to him. It wasn't like there was anything he could do. Understanding or not, Makoto wasn't letting him in, so Sousuke's only option was to hold on to him, and hope that he'd be there enough for Makoto.

Sousuke flopped back on to the bed still in his white school uniform.

Makoto chuckled as he came in behind Sousuke, setting his backpack next to his desk, taking his laptop out to replace it on the desktop.

Letting his eyes flick closed, Sousuke let himself sink into the bed. Exams were on their way again and between the pressure of swimming and school work, Sousuke could admit he was beat.

At his feet, Makoto was hanging over the frame of the bed. "We still have practice." he reminded though in a sweet voice.

Giving a grumbling hum, Sousuke refused to move still. He did hold his arm out.

There was a hesitant moment before Makoto took Sousuke's hand. He went to pull Sousuke up, but in a yank from Sousuke stumbled a step forward almost crashing onto the bed with Sousuke. Almost, being a key word. Makoto caught himself on the bed frame and promptly let Sousuke's hand go. Admitting that well he tried, but with little success, Sousuke let his hand fall back on the bed with another grumble.

"We can't get into that now," Makoto whined. "The days not over, we still have practice."

Sousuke gave a grumpy frown. "No, let's take a nap."

Makoto did slide to sit at the edge of the bed. "We can't."

"Yes, we can," Sousuke insisted.

Makoto gave a chuckle.

It was quiet for several seconds, the room filled with pleasant afternoon sunlight and Sousuke could smell Makoto next to him, the smell of rain and grass filling him as he breathed in and let it out, resting back just a bit more into the soft lumps of the mattress.

"Ren used to always love to sleep after school." Makoto said then.

Sousuke froze. The tone of Makoto's voice was—eerie. It was pleasant, not sad. No, nostalgic, that was the right word. Like he was lost in memory, so consumed with the sudden remembrance that he'd forgotten what had happened to Ren.

"He'd always crash after school. Ran I think was a little miffed at him for it, she always wanted to go outside afterwards." Makoto went on.

Sousuke cracked his eyes open slowly, watching Makoto at any signs of distress. Makoto sat at the edge of the bed, looking up at the sunlight cast across their floor. His lush green eyes gleamed in the rich light and he had a slight smile. He still looked so out of place in that stiff uniform, his messy hair and tan skin a bit of a clash, but Sousuke was beginning to like it. Maybe the juxtaposition of Makoto was what made him so desirable. That gentle nature fused with large build or his infinite kindness in contrast to firm stubbornness. Even his need to worry over every one, mothering over Sousuke constantly, and yet his inability to see his own need.

"He and I both really liked to sleep in too," Makoto chuckled. "We had a lot more in common than I realized, I guess."

Sousuke let a small smile slip on his face. Maybe this was good. Makoto was remembering something other then the accident, something other then watching them both die.

"It was always really hard to get him up for school." Makoto chuckled. "Sometimes it would get so bad my mom had to go into the twins room with a spray bottle." He gave a smile at that. "He'd shoot out of bed after getting sprayed with the cold water, whining and complaining all the way through breakfast.

"Man," Makoto said then, letting out a deep breath. "I miss them."

And all of a sudden he was breaking. like the switch had been turned on. Sousuke shot up into a sitting position as Makotos shoulders caved and his face fell into his hands.

This was always the part where Sousuke had no clue what to do. He could deal with the breakdowns and the the breathing, he could deal with the trembling and the swimming and even the freaking Nanase mess and he could pull Makoto into his arms and kiss his head and tell him it would be okay, because that was true, in the end it would be okay. But this—nothing Sousuke said would ever make what happened okay. So he just hovered there, not sure how to comfort.

Suddenly Makoto was pulling a big breath, his hands scrubbing across his face.

"Please don't," Sousuke said very quietly as he watched Makoto.

Those eyes suddenly flicked towards Sousuke and they were startled. And Makoto's face was buried in his hands.

"Mako," Sousuke tried, his hand running up over Makoto's hunched shoulders. God, Sousuke realized how terrible he was at this. What do you say to someone grieving? Surprisingly only one thing came to mind. "I—"

In a rush of motion Makoto was standing up. "I'm sorry." he said.

"Don't," Sousuke spoke up quickly. "It's completely fine."

"It's been months, I should have this under control by now." Makoto said in a weak voice, his hands still covered most of his face.

"It's completely fine, Makoto." Sousuke tried to reassure.

"I'm sorry." Makoto said desperately again.

It was as iff he wasn't even fucking listening to Sousuke. and Sousuke wasn't even sure he was completely aware of what he himself was saying. What really was there to say? What was sharing comfort and grief like? How did people manage to mourn with those that mourn?

"Mako—" Sousuke started but was abruptly cut off as in long strides Makoto was to his back pack, sliding it on to his shoulder.

"I'm sorry., I just—" Makoto stopped. still refusing o look at Sousuke. "I—feel like—I just need some air."

What was Sousuke to do? Letting him go seemed like a bad idea, but he couldn't keep Makoto here. Sousuke stood slowly, painfully aware how his mouth hung open, useless, how his eyes followed Makoto's frantic movements, how his muscles tensed but he felt unable to move. The question pounded through his head, what was he to do? what was he to do? what was he to do?

Makoto shoved his wallet and cell phone in the backpack, not even bothering with his uniform as he hoisted the bag over a shoulder. "I just—cover for me, at swimming, please?"

What was he to do?

Those green eyes hadn't even looked up at Sousuke since Makoto had left the bed. Sousuke barely noticed as pain shot through his arm and shoulder, his hand gripping the bar of the bed so tightly his knuckles were white.

What was he to do?

Deftly, Sousuke nodded. "Alright, if that's what you want, Makoto."

Looking fidgety, Makoto just frowned, giving his own nod in return. And then in a rush Makoto was gone, hurriedly sliding out the door and leaving Sousuke alone in the room.

It was—maybe... Sousuke looked down at his feet. It was the first time—he'd been so definitely shut out. And he found that it hurt. It hurt a lot and he wasn't sure how he felt about that. It felt—lonely, and helpless, and God it fucking hurt.

But what was he to do?

Put line here

When he'd gotten back from swim practice the room was still empty. Sousuke tried not to think about how—empty the room felt as he stepped in and let his bag slide to the floor. Drifting farther in, Sousuke spotted the orchid in the window. It was—well it wasn't looking so awesome lately.

Frowning, Sousuke filled a cup in the bathroom with some water before taking it to the potted plant in the window sill. He poured the water out at the root and looked a the fading delicate plant. It was—it wasn't going to last a lot longer if Makoto didn't do something.

Sighing, Sousuke couldn't believe he was hoping so fucking bad that the plant would make it, that it would just hang on, just a bit longer and maybe things would change and Makoto—maybe he'd come back. Maybe he'd manage to come back from where ever the hell place his head was at. And Maybe Sousuke would see him then, maybe he'd be able to look at him and reach him again.

Feeling pathetic Sousuke grumbled as he sat heavy at the edge of the bed.

He fucking hated waiting.

 

* * *

 

He wasn't asleep. Sousuke was staring straight up at the bunk over him as he heard the key slide into the lock. He glanced at his phone before the door could open. It was 3:46 AM. Well Makoto had managed to get in before their morning alarm went off. Just perfect.

The door slid open slowly, and Makoto slid in. The lights in the room were all off, Sousuke lay on the bed, in basketball shorts and a sleeveless running top. He hadn't bothered to even remove his running shoes actually. He had wanted to swim but instead he'd ran till his thighs and calves ached and burned. Coming in, he'd still found Makoto gone and an empty room, he'd fallen into bed and hadn't moved, just looking up at the bunk over head.

Makoto removed his shoes then his uniform jacket and dropped his bag. His eyes hadn't flicked towards Sousuke once, as he went around the room, creeping as he pulled the school uniform off and pulled on something to wear to bed. Which was just fine, Sousuke could wait. He had to come to bed sometime and when he did—well, Sousuke had several issues on the agenda to address.

Although abruptly Sousuke felt the bed frame jolt as—Sousuke looked back above his head catching sight of Makoto's tan feet climbing up the metal rung latter...

Oh fucking hell no!

Sousuke was out of bed and yanking Makoto down from the top bunk in half a second.

There was a grappling, tumbling mess of limbs before both of them crashed to the floor, grunts and groans as Sousuke was caught in the face by Makoto's elbow or when in turn Sousuke accidentally kneed Makoto in the stomach.

It ended with both of them huffing deep, Sousuke sitting over Makoto's hips, Makoto's hands pinned in Sousuke's strong grip on either side of his head.

"Where the fuck have you been?" Sousuke managed through pants of breath.

"Let me up," Was Makoto's answer, his gaze still defiantly avoiding Sousuke.

"Absolutely not," Sousuke replied.

Makoto breathed for a moment before he tried to throw Sousuke off again, trying to wrestle his way up from the floor. Unfortunately for him, Sousuke wasn't that easy to get rid of and as he manage to grab ahold of Makoto's hands again, forcing them back to the floor and Sousuke wrapped his legs around Makoto's lower half, effectively restricting his movements .

"Stop," Makoto said then, his voice probably the most firm he'd been since Sousuke had known him.

"No," was Sousuke's reply.

"Sousuke—" Makoto tried through gritted teeth.

"Look at me!" Sousuke hissed, cutting Makoto off.

Makoto stubbornly still looked to the bed next to them, and away from Sousuke. His jaw was tight and defiant.

"Fucking hell," Sousuke breathed. "What on earth do you think you're doing?"

That got his attention, Makoto brows furrowed and he lay there for another second, probably deliberating before he did finally look at Sousuke. "What do you mean?"

Sousuke shook his hand and sat back, Letting Makoto have his hands back as he leaned back, sitting between Makoto's thighs. Makoto slid up on to his elbows, fierce and unhappy gaze on Sousuke.

Sousuke sighed and rubbed across his brow, pinching the bridge of his nose for a moment before he could manage to answer. "How in the world have you not been able to see this fucking—cycle?! huh?"

Makoto shook his head. "I don't know what you mean."

Letting out a humorless laugh, Sousuke rolled his eyes. "Of course, you don't."

"Hey!" Makoto snarled. "You're the one that pulled me down here!"

"Am I?"

"Who else is holding me down?"

"I'm not sure, would you like me to check the name tag on that anvil you're attached to?"

With a weak growl, Makoto looked away, gritting his teeth. "Just let me up so I can go to bed. I'm not in the mood for your head games tonight Sousuke."

"Are you going to pick the right bed this time?" Sousuke's gaze narrowed.

Makoto still looked away. "I didn't want to wake you up..." he mumbled.

"Right." Sousuke nodded. "Because I was clearly asleep."

There was silence this time from Makoto for several seconds.

"Why are you doing this?" Sousuke asked with a huff.

"I don't know what you mean." Makoto grumbled.

Sousuke could feel the burning response rising in him, closing his eyes he tried to stay calm and level headed. "You're running."

Makoto's response was to try and wiggle out from under Sousuke again. Sousuke shot forward, dropping his weight over Makoto as they wrestled across the floor again. They ended up with Sousuke's arm around Makotos shoulders, holding him against Souskue, back to chest.

"Stop this, I just want to go to bed!" Makoto tried to reason, his hands clawing at Sousuke's arm.

"Oh, no," Sousuke breathed. "We are fucking doing this, because I can not take one more day of watching you do this!"

Makoto let out a breath, exasperated as he snarled back. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Fine, Sousuke thought and released Makoto then. Makoto scrambled away on his hands and knees, and Sousuke flopped back on the floor, arms spread as he tried to catch his breath looking up at the dark ceiling.

"Did you really do this to them?" he asked. he gave a bitter single laugh. "Are you really doing this to me?"

"...what?" Makoto asked from a foot or so away, watching Sousuke wearily.

Sousuke shook his head, closing his eyes. "I can't fucking believe this. You have no idea what you're doing, do you?" He pinched the bridge of his nose again. "This has got to change."

When he spoke again, it was quiet, and had at least a glimmer of the Makoto Sousuke remembered. "...Sousuke?"

Letting out a breath, Sousuke didn't move from where he was. "It won't help. Do you remember saying that to me? After Rin left us that one night at the first of the year, you said, 'It won't help.'"

"I—" Makoto faltered, sliding into sit against the bed. He looked down, not finishing.

"Well It won't help!" Sousuke said simply. "Running away, pushing me away, none of it's going to help." He sighed as he let his head lull to watch Makoto. "Trust me, your demons will follow you. they already have and they will again."

A terribly sad smile broke on Makoto's face, looking down at his knees.

"You've got me," Sousuke just went on. "You know that right? I fucking handed you everything there is to me, let you have all of it and then some."

"I know." Makoto said so quiet, Souske could barely hear. "I know I just—" His eyes closed, squeezed closed, refusing to look at what was in front of him. "It's was just—this was so much easier when we were just..." He trailed off.

"What?" Sousuke pushed. "Just fucking? No mess, no fuss of all our goopy insides?"

Laughing, then, sad and small Makoto breathed in. "You are so unromantic."

"Good." Sousuke growled. "I'm not sugar coating things."

Makoto leaned his head back against the bed, puffing out another laugh.

Watching him, Sousuke wasn't sure he could speak any longer with out getting mad, with out being brash and straightforward.

"They're dead, Makoto." Sousuke said very bluntly.

Closing his eyes, Makoto frowned again. "I know," he said so desperately. "I don't need you to tell me that."

"I said they're dead," Sousuke snarled. "I didn't say you were dead and I'm pretty sure you do need me to tell you that."

"I never meant—" Makoto started.

"I know." Sousuke growled. "But you did. And it's hurting me and Nanase and Rin and anyone else who tries to derail your crash course head first into hell. We're trying everything! I'm trying everything! But you don't listen to me! You don't listen to anyone!" He realized his volume was raising but once on the tirade it felt like he couldn't stop. "I am trying so damn hard to be here for you! I've done everything I can think of to try and be here for you, and God—I know I'm not exactly a prime candidate to try and mourn with you, to comfort you, but I'm trying and you're not—it's like you don't even see it."

Well that felt nice. To punctuate it Sousuke let out a deep long breath, and that's just what it felt like, a long exhale. Changing his tone, Sousuke could at least continue now with out hissing the accusations at his partner.

"I know you're hurting, but you're not letting me or anyone else for that matter hurt with you—and that's making it worse." Sousuke looked up to Makoto. "For both of us. I feel helpless and you feel alone and it's not making any of this better."

Makoto had his hand over his eyes, a tear slowly sliding from his hidden eyes. Pushing up on to his arms, Sousuke rolled over on to his stomach watching Makoto.

"I never wanted to hurt you," Makoto said in a small voice.

Oh fuck, and in turn Sousuke was hurting Makoto, shuffling up and forward Sousuke moved into a position kneeling in front of Makoto.

"I know," Sousuke said as he ran a hand up Makoto's arm, just letting him know he was near before he tangled a big hand in Makoto's hair and leaned foreword even closer. "It's not your fault," Sousuke nuzzled his way closer, finally getting Makoto to take his hand away from his face and Sousuke snuck in, pressing in for a small kiss. As he broke, he ran his hand up through Makoto's hair again, brushing the hair away from his forehead. "You're hurting," Sousuke sighed. "I just want you to tell me you're hurting, and even if all I can really do is sit next to you through it, let me."

Makoto frowned. "I just feel so—pathetic." He was at least looking at Sousuke as he spoke. "I swear today I didn't mean, I just was talking and then all of a sudden it hit me and I felt so—" He drifted off sniffing as another tear rolled down his face.

"Vulnerable?" Sousuke filled in. He kept his hand up, sliding his fingers thorough Makoto's hair.

He didn't answer, letting his head lean back on the bed as green eyes looked up to the ceiling blankly.

Sousuke managed to get the bar of Makoto arms away enough and to get his legs down, wiggling into the space now available to nuzzle in up against the column of Makoto's neck.

"I'm fine," Makoto said weakly.

Humming in acknowledgement, Sousuke managed to pull Makoto up and into his arms. Those green eyes didn't look at him, but as Sousuke sat back against the bed Makoto conceded to the tangle of limbs and Sousuke's assertive insistence as he rest a lose arm around Sousukes shoulder and leaning into his chest, stretched across Sousuke's lap, Makoto let his head rest against Sousuke's chest.

Sousuke leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Makoto's temple. "You're not dead." He said very softly, as sweetly as his grisly voice could manage.

Makoto puffed out a laugh against Sousuke's chest. "Are you sure?"

"I'm pretty sure." Sousuke said in return. "But I'll let you know if that ever changes."

Nuzzling in against the meat of Sousuke's shoulder, Makoto hummed. "will you?"

"Anything for you." Sousuke said it casually, but the words restricted around something in his chest, feeling binding and constrictingly true as he heard them leave his mouth. Sousuke wasn't sure how well it sat with him. And in the end, he didn't say anything more because of it. It was comforting and hurt all at the same time. Caring about someone sucked.

As they both cooled from the argument, Sousuke could feel Makoto letting his weight finally settle into him, across him, a lazy arm snaking around Sousuke's waist.

But Sousuke couldn't let them sleep just yet, with out a clear resolution, a very clear agreement reached. "Mako," He said into cinnamon hair. "Next time, this doesn't happen."

There was a heaving of breath as those green eyes flicked open. "Alright." He smoothed a hand across Sousuke's right shoulder, sliding it down over his chest. "I—I mean I'll try, I just—"

"I will not let you do this again," Sousuke said very firmly. "You have no idea how raw my insides felt when you just left like that." he nuzzled into Makoto's hair. "Just stay next time, let me be there for you, I want you to let me see it, let me see what scares you so much. I know I can't take it away, but let me be there for it."

It was a long, still moment before Makoto nodded.

"Thank you," Sousuke said into Makoto's hair.

They didn't say anything after that. Sousuke wasn't sure what time it was, but Makoto's body started to settle more and more in his arms, his breaths against Sousuke's neck evening, and his eyes fighting from staying open. They were red from crying.

Sousuke pressed kiss after kiss into Makoto's hair, to his temple, farther down his cheek, close to his ear. They were all light, and small but they kept Makoto awake enough that when Sousuke finally stirred Makoto must have misinterpreted and slid up to seal their lips.

It woke them both up and Sousuke chuckled as he broke the kiss, looking into such lush, bright, green eyes. Both kneeling on the floor, facing each other, Sousuke tipped his forehead to lean against Makoto's. He cupped the back of Makoto's head holding them both there.

"We're going to be just fine." Sousuke said as he gave a smile.

Makoto let out a weak laugh. "Okay."

Sousuke stole one last kiss before he stood and helped Makoto up, a hand at the small of his back directing him in to the bed. pulling the covers over Makoto's shoulder, Sousuke found his phone on the mattress next to them both and switched the alarm off. The next day wasn't anything that couldn't be put off, and seeing Makoto's face the two of them could use a morning to sleep in.

Makoto was already tugging at Sousuke's shirt, trying to pull him into bed by the time he set his phone on the desk and looked back. Big sleepy green eyes, blinked at him and Makoto gave another insistent tug to the back of Sousuke's sleeveless shirt.

"Give me a second." Sousuke touted, though gently as he sat a the edge of the bed and removed his shoes and socks. He plugged his own and Makoto's phone into charge as well before pulling his shirt off, tossing it to the hamper before finally sliding into bed. Immediately Makoto curled around him. pressing his face into the curve of Sousuke's neck.

Knowing, what he wanted, Sousuke turned his head and let himself sigh into the kiss Makoto pressed to his lips. It was slow and only became more lax as it continued until finally barely keeping his eyes open Makoto let his head drop back to the pillow.

Sousuke lay there, watching Makoto slowly drift into sleep, his eyes heavy, and he seemed to fight it for just a few moments before they closed, his cheek pressed to Sousuke's shoulder.

Sliding a few stray strands of hair from Makoto's face, Sousuke tipped his head down, leaning his forehead to Makoto's head.

"I love you." he found himself whispering. The words were warm as they escaped, and yet Sousuke still felt that twinge of helpless. He was head over heels, and it was accompanied with the bitter knowledge he couldn't save the one person that meant the most to him.

 

* * *

 

Sousuke approached Iwatobi just as the sun was setting behind him. He pursed his lips as he looked at the schools name plated out on the wall of the school. He took in a deep breath as he looked over his shoulder.

The sun was setting accompanied by a brilliant color show across the sky. Vivid reds, deep violets and soft oranges set a pallet of the sky and meshed in the clouds over head. Makoto had always been right, Iwatobi was a beautiful place so far, so close to the sea.

Sousuke looked back to the school and leaned against the wall.

It only took a moment or so before a dark head came around the wall. And stopped.

Straightening, Sousuke gave a nod. "Yo, Nanase."


	26. Part 3, Chapter 25

Okay, so he wasn't quite sure what he was doing. Love was a fucking bitch and it had hit Sousuke square in the gut. ...and now it was making him stand there, leaning against the wall—to Iwatobi. He scrunched his nose a bit grumpily and glared at the cement. The sun in the distance was just setting and Sousuke watched the array of colors displaying a goodbye in the sky.

That's when Nanase decided to make an appearance, stepping out around the wall.

He stopped as he spotted Sousuke. Giving a nod, Sousuke straightened from the wall. "Yo, Nanase." he said trying and probably failing not to growl the name.

Surprise crossed Nanase's face, but beyond that he didn't speak.

Sousuke stepped away from the wall. "Take a walk with me?" he asked, though he knew his eyes were still narrow and gaze a bit still tinged with dislike.

What ever it was about Sousuke that prompted Nanase to accept, Sousuke probably wouldn't ever figure it out, especially after the confrontation at the start of the year. But he was thankful for it, what ever the reason was, because half a second later, Nanase gave a nod and headed back towards the school.

Figuring he was expected to follow, Sousuke pocketed his hands and trailed after Nanase, leaving ample room between them.

Nanase led Sousuke back to a small trail behind the school, before pulling up a halt and turning to Sousuke.

"What do you want?" He asked bluntly.

This was the hard part now. Sousuke blew out a breath slowly before he spoke up. "I need your help."

Now he wanted to pound that surprised look right off Nanase's face! Great! This was starting out well.

Sousuke remembered he'd promised himself he would be an upstanding citizen and tried to swallow down his pride as he glared at Nanase.

"With Makoto." He growled. "I need your help with him."

Nanase's brow furrowed. "What do you want my help for?"

"Want?" Sousuke hissed back. He didn't want Nanase's help for a damn thing! Okay, maybe his control was slipping just a little bit. He took another deep breath, going on as best he could manage. "Trust me, I wouldn't be here if I didn't think I had other options." He breathed out. "Now can we at least both agree we care about Makoto?"

Looking a bit taken back, though in his completely blank, odd—so fucking weird—way, Nanase waited a moment before speaking. "...you care about Makoto?"

Sousuke gave a nod. "Yeah, I care about him." He said it more like a threat than a confession, but still he said it.

Those eerie blue eyes narrowed at Sousuke. "How?"

Rolling his eyes, Sousuke wanted to strangle the little prick. "Like normal people manage to care about each other! How do you think?"

"No," Nanase spoke up, "I mean—" He considered. "In what way?...what sort of nature is it?"

He should have expected this question. Regionals had been a nice little showcase of Makoto mothering over Sousuke and Sousuke guarding Makoto like a Rottweiler—you know, normal couple stuff.

With a huff, Sousuke just spat it out. "We're dating."

"I don't believe you."

That fucking little punk ass dolphin boy water humper! Sousuke was going to—stay calm. Right, he was going to stay, very viciously calm! Though eyes glaring death at that little prick, and lips pressed into a stony tight line as he ground away at his teeth, Sousuke was going to stay calm. Calm. He was going to be calm. He was here for the sweet angel he left at home, not this fucking son of bitc—calm!

"Well, believe it or not, I'm afraid it is very true." Sousuke answered—calmly.

"Prove it."

"No!" Sousuke shot back. "I'm not giving your self righteous ass the satisfaction—"

"Then I still don't believe you."

Sousuke eyes lit in a frightening way. He knew if he didn't start breathing very slowly soon one of the two of them were going to end up with a broken neck. So looking away from that stupid face he wanted to turn into a pancake, Sousuke tore out his phone and worked on retrieving, 'proof.'

He managed to find a photo of Makoto and him. They were laying on the bed, Makoto smiling and Sousuke looking up in mild interest. Their hair was mixing in a swirl of chocolate and cinnamon and Makoto made a point to include their interlaced hands at the bottom edge of the photo. Sousuke had kifed it off Makoto's phone... Mako was cheesy as all get out, but you know it was kind of cute—whatever.

Sousuke held up his phone with the desired photo displayed on the screen. "We're dating," you mother fucker!

Nanase looked at the photo with narrow eyes, even taking the phone to inspect it. "Did you force him?" he abruptly asked—only completely drop dead serious.

"What?" Sousuke shot back. "No!" he shook his head, and a moment later went on growling, snatching his phone back. "Look, he's not doing well okay?! I'm not arguing with you over the validity of my relationship with him. The point is I care about him, and he's hurting and I don't know what to do, okay?"

There was nothing for a few long seconds. Nanase's narrow eyes were still uneasily watching Sousuke.

This was bullshit. he hadn't come for this. "So ya gonna help me out at all, dolphin boy? Cause other wise I could be finding someone else right now."

Nanase's nose wrinkled. "Dolphin boy?" he repeated.

Having a conversation with this kid was like trying to talk to six year old about quantum physics!

Nanase sighed then though, catching Sousuke's attention. "...he's hurting?"

Finally. Sousuke nodded. "Yeah, he's hurting."

There was a nod again. He shifted on his feet a bit before looking up to answer. "What do you want me to do?"

"I don't know." Sousuke admitted. "Talk to him, maybe. I mean just in general. He's trying to isolate himself again and—for some reason he hasn't learned that won't work. Be there for him, and don't let him push you away."

Nanase gave a nod again.

"And—you are his best friend," Sousuke admitted grumpily. "Is there anything, that you know that might help? He's trying to be distant and I just want him to—be happy, be him."

Nanase's eyes went to the ground, before he answered. "He—I think he likes fireworks. Or I mean he did. Make him feel like he has a home, maybe," Nanase gave a shrug. "give him something else to think about, give him a happy memory. I think maybe he could use a few extra after—everything."

Right, happy memories, Sousuke could work on that for sure. Their semester break was coming up. Sousuke could try and make some happy memories then for sure.

"Don't let him cook." Nanase said as well. "He's really bad at it and I think he doesn't feel like he can please people with it, cause he can't. And maybe just—hug him a lot. He likes hugs."

Right. Now Sousuke was remembering that part about how Makoto had mentioned Nanase wasn't quite adept at life really.

"Just be there. He gets scared really easy, and it helps to just be there I think." Nanase left off, looking down. then those blue eyes shifted up to Sousuke. "I am going to text him." That was a threat, Spoken loud and clear.

"Talking to him more would be really helpful actually." Sousuke said his stoic face in place. "The last thing he needs is to feel abandoned." So—he couldn't really fully resist not biting back, just a little.

Sousuke hitched the duffel bag on his shoulder just a bit higher. "One more thing, Nanase."

Those creepy eyes looked up at Sousuke again.

"Don't leave Rin out there alone." Souske lifted his chin. "I still don't acknowledge you. But that doesn't mean I'm not blind. You bring out the potential in Rin."

Nanase shook his head just slightly. "Why do you care?"

"I don't." Sousuke growled. "But I do care about Rin, and you're an unfortunate part of the package."

He hitched the duffel bag over his shoulder as he turned to leave. "Rin needs you, Nanase." Lowering his brow, Sousuke dropped his tone into threatening. "Don't piss away your potential and hurt him."

Having said what Sousuke felt he needed to he turned his back on Nanase, and left.

 

* * *

 

Makoto hadn't expected when he asked Sousuke to go out side with him for lunch—for Sousuke to agree and even smile as he lead the way outside, trailing up into the grass, underneath the trees.

Following suit, Makoto was more than happy to join Sousuke sitting in the grass a moment later. Sousuke leaned back on his hands and looked at Makoto. He'd been doing that a lot lately. Not the normal way either. Makoto leaned back as he considered that intense warm sea gaze. It was different, maybe it had always been different and now Makoto was just picking it up. But now—it was like, Sousuke wasn't just looking at Makoto, it was like he was //seeing// Makoto, as a person, a human being, as a soul maybe. It was a bit eerie, confronted with such an assured steady stare. But it was also a bit—refreshing, and in an odd way it was comforting.

Makoto lifted one side of his lips into a shy smile and Sousuke nodded, raising a brow before giving his own sly smile in return. Makoto chuckled and looked away, they both knew if they were in their room they'd bee kissing right then.

Yeah, it was comforting knowing someone else saw his soul.

He bit into the apple he'd brought from the lunch room, looking away across the small gardens of the school. His hand flexed in his lap. Makoto wanted to reach out and take Sousuke's hand, but it had been well established public contact was still off limits—even for a really good reason, but Makoto still wanted it.

"I used to make my own lunches in Tokyo," Sousuke commented.

Makoto chewed at the apple slowly as he looked to Sousuke.

He look a bit nostalgic. "I kind of miss it, sometimes."

Swallowing, Makoto considered. "My mother used to make my lunches. I mean she made everyones, usually just utilizing what ever we didn't finish off from dinner the previous night."

Sousuke was a quiet as he watched Makoto take another bite from the apple. "You don't ever miss it?"

Right. Makoto took in a big breath through his nose and looked down, away from Sousuke. "Well-" he thought it over. "I do, a lot actually." he looked completely away over the grass. "I just don't like thinking about all the rest of the things that used to be at home."

"We could go back—" Sousuke said slowly. "There's the semester break coming up. We could make a trip back out to Iwatobi."

Makoto worried his bottoms lips, looking straight down a the grass. "I don't think we should do that."

"Baby," Sousuke said very quiet and very soft, though it still was a surprise.

So much so that Makoto looked up.

"Just a day," Sousuke continued. "You could see your parents, your friends."

Makoto looked back down to the grass, his lips in a hard line again. "No." he said feeling very small.

It was quiet between them. So much so, Makoto could hear the breeze through the branches of the trees up above. The apple in his hand had been abandoned. As Makoto looked at it, he didn't feel any sort of appetite stirring any longer.

"You're scared." Sousuke said then, leaning forward towards Makoto. "Please. I think you're scared, and I'm afraid your fear is hurting you."

"I—just no." Makoto reaffirmed, firmly this time. "I wont."

Next to him, Makoto could feel that he subject hadn't been really dropped. But though at some point in their relationship it seemed that the dynamic of the relationship had changed. Despite Sousuke being the clear dominate one, it was feeling like to Makoto more all the time that he was the one that really held any control over the things they did and didn't do together.

"I'm sorry," Makoto said tipping his head back towards Sousuke, though still not looking at him. "I just—I couldn't for even Haru. And I still can't."

Sousuke let out his own breath, "Alright." he sat back on his hands. "I won't push it then."

Nodding, Makoto still couldn't bring himself to take another bite of his half eaten apple.

"I have been meaning to ask you something though." Sousuke said then.

Makoto looked up, his gaze drifts to Sousuke.

"I'd hoped you would go home for break," Sousuke said, blinking those warm beautiful eyes. "I think it would be good for you, especially to reconnect with your family." He finally let his gaze shift. "But I mean now that, you aren't going home clearly so I was wondering," He looked a bit uncomfortable—no, he was nervous, Makoto realized. Sousuke tugged at his uniform collar, twisting his face in an agitated expression, before going on. "Do you—maybe, wanna come back to Tokyo with me."

Out of surprise, Makoto didn't say anything, just looked back at Sousuke, blinking.

Sousuke looked more uncomfortable in the passing seconds. "I mean—I'm just going to my dad's place. He's away on some trip or what ever, but I just was going to go back and—I don't know, chill for the week."

It was another few seconds before Makoto nodded. "I'd love to."

"Okay."

Makoto almost laughed. All that effort, all that clear nervousness and after Makoto agreed, all that Sousuke could offer was, 'okay?' Right, sometimes Makoto got the soft Sousuke that nuzzled into Makoto's neck at nights confused with the grizzly bear Sousuke was for just about ever other moment in his life.

"So I was thinking too, Like the oceans not far, I mean from my dad's place it's only a couple hours or so's drive, I kind of wanted to go. It’s been a while since I've gone." Sousuke still maintained his usual mildly interested expression as he spoke.

Feeling himself go very still, Makoto wasn't sure what to do. He'd never spoke to Sousuke about the ocean, and with everything else that had happened it just wasn't a topic that had come up between them.

"I'm actually," Makoto murmured. "I mean I just—the ocean it's kind of, I'm kind of uncomfortable a lot with the ocean."

Soukuse's brow tightened for a moment as he looked at Makoto then he must have realized as his brow raised. "You're uncomfortable with the ocean?" it was said like Sousuke was surprised, and irritated.

Right, well for a swimmer it probably was very surprising. Makoto looked away to his crossed legs. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything.

"Oh god, I'm—I didn't mean that the way it sounded." Sousuke growled the correction.

"No," Makoto quickly jumped in. "It's fine. It's really—odd. I know."

"We don't have to go," Sousuke countered in a husky voice.

"Oh, no," Makoto suddenly found himself saying. "I—I actually think, I'd like to, go I mean."

Sousuke's brow was still raised as he looked at Makoto but slowly he gave a nod. "Alright then." He commented.

All Makoto could manage to do in return was nod himself. Maybe Sousuke had been right. Maybe it was a good idea for Makoto stop letting the fear of something hurt him.

 

* * *

 

Sousuke looked up as Rin knocked at the door to their room. The door was left open. Makoto had left it open, fidgety and worried he’d mumbled about getting a Gatorade for the train ride.

Sousuke was bent over one of his bags, finishing up with zipping it shut before Rin stepped in. Smiling, Sousuke straightened.

“Sup’ ” Sousuke said as he pulled the duffel bag up to sit on his desk, ready and waiting to depart.

“Heading back to your dad’s place?” Rin asked as he surveyed the room.

Sousuke nodded. “Yeah.”

Pocketing his hands, Sousuke leaned back against the desk. “You heading up to Iwatobi?”

Rin nodded. “For a day or so, I’m actually—“ He hesitated. “I got Haru to come visit Australia with me, so I’m going to spend most of the week there with him.”

Rin’s eyes kept drifting back to the top bunk. Sousuke looked up to it as well. He hadn’t really noticed till now but—

“How the fuck does Makoto sleep up there?”

Right, well over the last few weeks the top bunk had become storage more than anything. It had some clean cloths, some dirty cloths, a suitcase, some random crap, an extra blanket flung on one side, and a half eaten bag of Doritos to top it all off.

And for once Sousuke saw no reason to hide anything about it all. “He doesn’t.” It wasn’t like they had long left at Samezuka a week or two after Nationals and the year was over.

Rin looked back at Sousuke with narrow eyes before one brow raised. “eh-?” Then his eyes widened as he realized.

Sousuke smiled back in return.

“You bastard!” Rin let out but smiled as well.

Sousuke chuckled as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“How long?” Rin looked from Sousuke again and back to the bed.

Trying to look non chant Sousuke gave another smirking grin, “First of the year.”

“And how long has the top bunk been vacant…?” Rin questioned further.

Sousuke just smirked again. “First of the year,” He repeated.

Rin’s shoulders dropped. “Are you serious?” He gave a huff. “No wonder you and him were either basically twins or bickering like an old married couple!”

Sousuke let out a lough at that.

Just as Rin opened his mouth again, Makoto reentered the room. He had a Gatorade and a Coke in his hands saying as he came in, “Sousuke, I didn’t know if you wanted anything but I got you a Coke just in case—Oh, Hi Rin.”

Rin just stared blankly at Makoto before Sousuke stepped forward and tugged Makoto back to the desk with him, an easy hand at Makoto’s waist as he nuzzled in to give Makoto a small kiss on the cheek.

“Thank you, “ he murmured.  
  
Makoto shot beet red and his eyes went to Rin still standing there. “S-Sou-!”

Sousuke was already chuckling as Rin gave an eye roll to win medals. “Oh my god, could you not?”

“Remember all those conversations about how much you just love and adore Nanase? Particularly the ones where I wanted to rip my ears off while you just kept going?” Sousuke said oh so sweetly as he nuzzled in against Makoto’s neck.

Makoto’s eyes widened bit more and he went an even darker shade of red. A hand shakily went up to Sousuke’s shirt. “I don’t think—I mean—Rin doesn’t look comfortable.”

Sousuke let out an audible ‘hmm' but didn’t let go as he slipped one hand under Makoto’s shirt, letting his palm flatten over Makoto’s bare hip. It was like sending an electric current through Makoto as he Sousuke shifted Makoto to fit his back against Sousuke’s chest so he could more easily wrap his arms around Makoto’s middle, still smirking as he nuzzled into Makoto’s hair.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, the door is open!” Rin snarled as he moodily looked away.

Sousuke let out a laugh then, planting one last sweet kiss to Makoto’s neck, before he released him. Sousuke slid back away from Makoto, going back to get Makoto’s duffel bag from next to the corner.

“I’m uh—sorry,” Makoto tried. “I mean we’re not usually like that, it’s just—“

Sousuke brought the bag back to Makoto, handing it off. “Don’t worry about it, Mako. It’s just some pay back.” Sousuke said as he smiled.

Rin gave another eye roll. “Any way,” He said loud and with plenty of emphasis. “I came to ask if you wanted to catch the train back to Iwatobi with me, Makoto.”

In an instant Makoto was back to a cheery red giving an uneasy laugh as he looked down at the bag in his hands.

Sousuke smirked again, taking his own bag and pulling the long strap up over his good shoulder. "That is a kind offer, unfortunately Makoto isn't going to Iwatobi for break."

It took a few seconds before Rin connected the dots. “Fuck,” He huffed. “You two have got to be kidding me!”

Sousuke was still laughing as RIn threw up his hands and left the room.

 

* * *

 

Makoto stepped a bit closer to Sousuke as they reached the station. Most of their teammates and other class mates were all gone, having bored the trains they needed or having needed to take trains headed north instead of south.

Next to him, Sousuke raised a brow at Makoto before a smile broke and he casually held his hand out to Makoto.

“But—“ Makoto said looking around.

Sousuke tilted his head looking around as well before he gave a shrug. “We’re not at the school.”

Looking down, Makoto felt the heat rise in his cheeks before eh slid his hand into Sousuke’s.

“You know Makoto, It’s not like we don’t do a whole lot worse.”

Makoto sent Sousuke a look before pointedly looking away.

Sousuke just laughed, squeezing their interlaced hands.

Though Makoto couldn’t help but smile as well. Even with all the crap that had been going on over the last few days, Makoto was glad he’d said yes to Sousuke. If nothing else it had put Sousuke in quite a good mood it seemed.

Feeling brave Makoto looked around the mostly deserted station before leaning up to nuzzle in his own kiss to Sousuke’s cheek. Makoto felt the rumble of another one of Sousuke’s deep, throaty chuckles and smiled to himself. Yeah there wasn’t much Makoto wouldn’t do to put his normally grumpy grizzly bear into such a wonderful mood.


	27. Part 3, Chapter 26

As Makoto stepped into the house he felt how—chilly it was almost immediately. The apartment was nothing exactly special—very clean and new. All the appliances were stainless steel. The floor and cupboards a light colored bamboo. The carpet in the living room a light cream, while the rest was a cherry stained hardwood.

The first thing that Makoto noticed though was the space. The living room had a love seat and two chairs, a small glass cafe table and a tv mounted on the opposite wall. There looked to be no dining area, just barstools at a long island that connected right into a kitchen, a hall led off the kitchen to what Makoto guessed was the bedrooms.

“Your dad lives here?” Makoto asked.

It certainly looked—well it was nothing like Makoto’s messy home. He could see why Sousuke always liked everything put away. It still looked—bare. Makoto stepped up to a picture frame at one of the small glass side tables next to a pristine white sitting chair. The picture was of Sousuke. Makoto noticed the red and white jacket he wore was—it was his old high school jacket. And abruptly hMakoto realized how very little he actually knew about Sousuke.

With the picture in hand, Makoto turned to Sousuke, looking at him for an answer.

Sousuke had just set his duffle bag on the floor and looked over at Makoto. He shrugged. “Yeah, me and my dad have lived here ever since we left Iwatobi.”

Makoto gave a nod and set the picture down. “You said he’s gone?”

“Yeah.”

Jumping, Makoto felt Sousuke chuckled as he was slid an arm around Makoto’s waist, suddenly very close to Makoto.

“He’s on a business trip to Sendai. He said he’d be gone about four or five days.” He said his voice rumbling as he was already nosing his way into Makoto’s hair.

“What does your dad’s business do?” Makoto asked, as he looked at the picture he’d set down.

“Makes snow boarding gear.” Souks answered shortly. He planted a kiss at the hollow under Makoto’s ear before he slid off towards their bags.

“Snow boarding?” Mako repeated. That was unexpected. Makoto had expected stocks or maybe something mundane like window cleaner or just—business, adult things that were business-y.

Sousuke chuckled is all for a reply. He whisked their bags away down what Makoto guessed was to his bedroom. Makoto suddenly reddened. They were undoubtably sleeping together in Sousuke’s room, was Makoto’s assumption. Not like it was a new thing, they had only been sleeping together for the past few months. But this was a new place and they were sleeping together again… Makoto breathed out slow, moving a hand through his hair.

Were they moving too fast? Makoto let out a laugh. They had sex before they even really said more than a handful of words to each other. Their relationship had developed as a Sexual one—and yet, Makoto gave a sigh, it felt like it hadn’t at all. They’d both needed someone to lean on and they had ended up holding each other up, through all the crap that had happened. It had started sexual and ended up very personal, till they were at this point.

Makoto wandered around the living room. There was a couple other framed photo’s sitting around. Makoto picked up one that had a middle aged man—Sousuke’s Dad. Yup, well Makoto now knew what Sousuke was going to look like in twenty or so years. His hair was graying at the sides and and he had a set of crows feet to match those droopy eyes Makoto was so fond of. The man had even a few laugh lines for Makoto admire. His arm was around a Sousuke that was a few years younger and still had a bit of boyish charm about his face.

Makoto furrowed his brow. He hadn’t thought about it—but Sousuke looked a lot older than he was even now. His shoulder and all the problems and the worry and the stress that rode in with it had aged him, matured him quickly through the last years of his adolescences.

Setting the picture frame back down, Makoto was about to move onto the next one before he felt another warm hand at his back. He turned just in time for Sousuke to pull his chin into a kiss.

Makoto broke the kiss laughing as he shot his head. “You were right, you and your dad look a lot alike.”

Glancing around Makoto, Sousuke spotted the picture of him and his father. He flipped it quickly to face the wall and did the same with the one on Makoto’s other side. Smiling again he gave a satisfied hum before dipping in to catch another kiss from Makoto. “My dad’s not here right now.” Sousuke said before pressing in yet another kiss.

Makoto laughed again and looked away from Sousuke to the rest of the room. His eyes moving over the room, taking it in. “I feel like I don’t know any of this.” He glanced back to the turned frames. “I don’t know anything about this you.”

Sousuke was already back to sliding his fingers along the hem of Makoto’s shirt and mouthing over Makoto’s neck. he gave a growl but didn’t answer further.

“When did you and your dad move to Tokyo?” Makoto asked.

His face was seized then as Sousuke stole a kiss again, though this time it was heated and aggressive like the rest of his actions hadn’t been thus far. “Mako, baby,” he said slowly, those sea tinted eyes gazing straight at Makoto. “I said my dad isn’t home.” He added emphasis this time to each word. “And we have an entire apartment to ourselves.” A devious smile spread. “I’ll tell you what ever you want to know in a couple of hours,” His hands slid down Makoto’s neck and Sousuke dipped into taste along Makoto's collar bone.

"What—?" Makoto asked before Sousuke slide a hand up and right over Makoto's groin. "Oh." Makoto breathed. Sousuke meant that kind of—my dad's gone and they have the entire apartment to them selves.

"You okay with this, Makoto?" Sousuke asked.

"I'm not made of glass!" Makoto abruptly found himself hissing.

Sousuke looked up, taking a step back as he looked at Makoto. His brow lifted as he looked inquiringly at Makoto.

"I'm sorry!" Makoto said. He rubbed a hand across his face. "I just, this is so different then how you used to treat me, how you used to treat this," he gesture to the two of them.

Sousuke nodded and took another step back, leaning against the back of the white chair near him.

"No," Makoto said trying to reach for Sousuke. "I didn't mean that, I just—" he trailed off.

"It's alright," Sousuke filled in for him, touching at Makoto's hands. "I just was thinking, maybe you and I need to talk again about this, I mean since gooey insides are all involved now."

Makoto gave a snort. Yeah, gooey insides were all sorts of involved now.

"I mean you do like me, right?" Sousuke checked, leaning to the side a bit to try and catch Makoto's gaze.

Liked him? Sometimes it felt Like Makoto breathed Sousuke. He needed him. When he wasn't there Makoto felt disoriented and clumsy. He felt lost with out those droopy puppy eyes and a big hand sliding along the small of Makoto's back. If Makoto ever went back to sleeping alone, the bed would feel empty and cold. Yeah, Makoto liked Sousuke.

He let out a small chuckle, before lifting his eyes to Sousuke. "Yes, Yamazaki-kun, I like you."

Sousuke let a crooked smile peak. "Good." He tugged at Makoto's hand then, pulling him back to the couch. "I still think we need to talk though, it's not just sex any more and the last thing I want to happen is for one of us to get hurt."

"You like to talk about these things quite a bit." Makoto said playfully.

Sousuke just gave a sly smile. "Mostly I just like it rough and a bit adventurous, and to do that, there needs to be plenty of communication." He slid down lazily onto the couch, pulling Makoto down with him.

At Sousuke's beckoning Makoto slid into their favorite position it seemed, Sousuke comfortably laying along the couch and Makoto settling over his thighs and if he moved up a bit riding right over Sousuke's groin.

"Just talking right now," Sousuke reminded, though if it was to remind Makoto or himself, Makoto didn't know, especially from that devious gleam in his eye. It was the gleam he always got before turning preditorial, before pouncing on Makoto in the locker rooms or pinning Makoto face down in the bed. Right, yeah for now the two of them were just talking.

Makoto cocked his head before spreading his hands out on Soousuke's chest, his fingers stretching out over Sousuke's thin white shirt. He looked up at Makoto, already a bit challenging before he grabbed Makoto's wrists and yanked Makoto forward into a fierce kiss.

Humming into the kiss, Makoto went along easily with the Sousuke rolling his hips up and—Sousuke was pushing him away.

"Just talking," he said before planting one more kiss on Makoto's mouth and sitting back against the arm rest.

They both took a second to regain breath before Sousuke spoke again. "You're still okay with this?" His eyes flicked up to meet Makoto's "me—being a bit forceful with you."

Makoto pulled his legs up to cross in front of him. He nodded to Sousuke as he sat at the opposite end of the couch. "It's kind of our signature anymore."

Sousuke gave a snort. "Do you want to go farther with it?"

"What do you mean?" Makoto shook his head. He already let Sousuke bind him to the bed when ever he wanted.

"I mean like calling me 'sir' and greeting me on your knees." Sousuke filled in.

Oh. Makoto hadn't thought about that. But as he did--"it's kind of funner that I get a chance to--" he was having trouble putting it into words.

"Fight me?" Sousuke filled in with a smile, one of those smiles that suggested he wanted to devour Makoto, feast on him. His eyes caste back over Makoto slowly, taking him all in. "I like that too."

"Do you want me to call you 'sir' and things like that?" Makoto asked, cocking his head to the side.

Sousuke's eyes drifted back to Makoto's face. "I don't know, really. Maybe, I've never done it with someone I've really cared about before."

"That changes it?" Makoto inquired.

"Yes, actually it does, at least for me." Sousuke admitted.

This was becoming a lot more arrousing than Makoto had anticipated. He narrowed his eyes as he looked at Sousuke. "What do you want to do to me?"

The smile that spread was dark and quite wonderfully attractive. "I want to cage you against me, I want to feel you strain against me until you finally give in, let me claim every inch of you, tear you apart and then put you back together, take away every sense you have and let you only be aware of me, hold you at the cliff of ecstasy for as long as I see fit, till letting you climax screaming my name. And then spend the rest of the night worshiping you." In an instant his expression flipped and it was back to his mildly interested expression. "Though I guess it could be up for amendments or debate."

Makoto was pretty sure he was red. That all sounded--amazing, and freaking intense.

"Would you be alright with that?" Sousuk asked.

"Yes." Makoto said a bit too quickly. Though his brow furrowed. "But that seems—that's all about me, what do you want?"

"You." Sousuke said. "I told you, that it's different when you care. I want to watch you, to drink in you. I want to wind you up to watch you spin off. That is about me."

"It's not." Makoto countered. "I'll greet you on my knees if you want, I'll call you what ever you like, just let me do something for you."

It took a moment but eventually Sousuke smiled.

"What?" Makoto inquired.

"I can't wait to have great sex with you."

Makoto laughed. And Sousuke gave his own little chuckle as well.

"That's what great sex is, isn't?" Sousuke said, though a bit unsure of himself. "When both of us are only thinking about making the other feel blissful? That's when it really gets to be amazing."

Makoto as blushing again as he said quietly. "I hope so."

Sousuke didn't say anything just leaned forward on the couch, sliding back to Makoto. He grabbed on to the collar of Makoto's shirt pulling him forward as well. And they were kissing again, hands roaming slowly as they joined mouth to mouth, eye drifting closed and the wet click of each kiss resounding in Makoto's ear. It was tender and slow and amazing.

It ended all too soon as Sousuke pulled away. "Can I have one selfish request for tonight?"

Immediately Makoto was all ears. "Course, I kind of like it when you're selfish." Sousuke being selfish meant blind folds, and his hands tied, gags and sometimes even blowjobs, Makoto couldn't think about it too much before turning red, but yes, he certainly liked it when Sousuke got selfish.

A devious smile crooked in Sousuke's face. "Let's try something—adventurous."

Like a puppy ready to play, Makoto was all in as he leaned closer, smiling himself. "Yeah...?"

"Like maybe, role play?" Sousuke finished, his face hopeful.

Right, then there was that. Makoto knew Sousuke liked that sort of thing. He'd told him before. But most of their sex especially recently had been fast and dirty, stealing the moments where ever they could. They hadn't exactly had the means to try anything—like an entire apartment to themselves for a week.

"I promise I'll make it fun." Sousuke prompted, probably seeing Makoto apprehensive face.

"How did you even get into this?" Makoto asked, looking at Sousuke out of the side of his eyes.

Sousuke laughed at that. "A boy I knew liked it."

Makoto raised a brow. "A boy you knew?"

"A boy I fucked." Sousuke corrected. "He liked it, and I started to like it. " he snorted. "I thought it was stupid at first too."

Considering it all, Makoto leaned back on the couch. It wasn't like he wasn't open to trying new things it's was just—role play? Really? That is a bit—it just didn't seem like something Sousuke would be into.

"Look, it's fun, and you're probably thinking it's not exactly romantic. And you're right, but it is very fun." He raised a brow. "Give it a try?"

Makoto hesitated. He wasn't quite sure how to even go about it. "I mean—" he started trying to suds out the right words in his head before speaking. "I'm not against it..."

Tipping his head, Sousuke have Makoto an incredulous look. "But you're not for it..?" He finished for Makoto.

"No, I'm just—" just what? Makoto tried to work through it in his head. Making Sousuke mad wasn't going to help but he still—okay, he didn't exactly want to. "It sounds so—embarrassing." Yup, that was the root of it. "I wouldn't even know how to go about it."

Sousuke looked at him for a moment more. His eye narrow, it was making Makoto even more nervous then before.

"Like, do you mean costumes and everything? Because I'm not all that sure about it all and...." Right, Makoto was great when Sousuke pulled a gag between his teeth or belted his wrists to the headboard—but a maid costume was pushing it. Beet red, Makoto looked down, not sure what to say.

He could feel Sousuke's gaze on him though for several more seconds, before Sousuke was moving forward, his hands coping Makoto's face. He was at least always very reassuring about it all, Makoto mused. Sousuke had never once downplayed Makoto, always checking in after an intense exchange between them, always there afterwards, with those big hands and strong arms and warm chest.

"We don't need anything," Sousuke said. "We can start out slow, keep it very chill if you like." He went on. "Just try it with me?" Those teal green eyes were watching Makoto very carefully.,

And how could Makoto say, no?

"I understand you're not quite comfortable with this, and I will stop the minute you want it all to, do you understand?" Sousuke made very clear, his hands still cupping Makoto's face and eyes still locked on him.

Makoto nodded.he gave a sigh before breaking. "Alright, I'll try it with you." But only because it was with Sousuke. And last time it hadn't been all bad, when they had dabbled in it sitting at the edge of the pool and laying out the rules to their new found relationship.

Sousuke brightened and leaned forward, stealing a lingering kiss before he backed off, letting his hands trail down Makoto's neck and smooth over his shoulders. "Thank you," he hummed.

Makoto gave a short nod. Before pulling in another breath, he asked, "so do we like—pick a scenario or roles or something?"

Sousuke languished to the side, against the back of the couch. "Generally yes, we decide on roles before hand."

"So..." Makoto trailed off.

Sousuke just smiled. He was leaning in again, nuzzling at Makoto's neck. "We'll keep it simple, just tell me a fantasy." He pulled his face away, but a hand came back, dusting through Makoto's hair and caressing at his shoulders.

"A fantasy?" Makoto could feel the heat rising in his face again.

"Yeah," Sousuke said soothingly, "just what ever you think about when you think about me."

...right. What Makoto thought about—his eyes. "Your eyes." Makoto blurted.

And Sousuke was laughing, and pulling Makoto into his chest, and still laughing.

Frowning, Makoto looked away, already feeling embarrassed and humiliated. Why couldn't Sousuke just tie him to something and they could have at it?! That seemed so much easier!

"Oh, my innocent angel," Makoto heard Sousuke coo against his ear. He kissed along Makoto's jaw before finding his lips he sealed them, giving Makoto a sweet lingering kiss before pulling away.

"Sexual, Makoto," Sousuke said. "What do you fantasize about me sexually?"

Makoto still felt red and small. He thought about Sousuke over him, he thought about those big hands pushing Makoto down, he thought about being—well them in the showers of the locker room. "I think about—" Makoto looked down, not sure. "You. Just you, I like thinking about you, I'm not sure, being forceful, dominating. I mean just you, I like you just how you are."

Sousuke was smiling again and in an instant he was kissing Makoto again. And then he was chuckling as he pulled away, his hand tracing lightly at the edges of Makoto's face. "You have got to be the sweetest being to walk the earth." Sousuke adjusted on the couch a bit more. "Let's go about this differently," he rest his head back against the back of the couch.

Looking down at the soft white fabric of the couch, Makoto felt himself start to shiver a bit. He was never going to think of this couch the same again. Every time he was ever over to this apartment again, he knew he'd look at the couch and think of nothing but what they were doing at that moment.

"You said you like to think about me dominating you?" Sousuke checked.

Makoto gave a timid nod.

A preditorial smile spread on Sousuke's face. "Alright, I can definitely work with that." His eyes roved over Makoto again before he went on. "What if we tried the cop thing again?"

Right, they had already dabbled just the tiniest of bits into that. Maybe Makoto could do that... "You mean like you're a cop and I'm—what am I?"

"What do you wanna be?"

Makoto hid his face in his hands. This was so embarrassing! He shook his head.

Sousuke was chuckling again, but he was still rubbing a hand up against Makoto's arm. Makoto could just see that smug grin, even with out opening his eyes.

"How about you just be you, maybe a year or so older, but just you?" Sousuke suggested.

Makoto nodded but didn't move his hands away from his face.

Sousuke sat up a bit more straighter on the couch, pulling a way a bit from Makoto. "Okay, don't worry, we can stop at any time." Sousuke made sure to reaffirm.

Sliding his hands down over his face, Makoto finally looked up at Sousuke. "Do we need like a scenario or something?"

That smile was still pretty devious but he leaned away a bit more. "How about we just see where this will take us? Maybe I've just come to the apartment?"

Makoto blushed again. "And we—?"

Sousuke looked like he was holding himself back from laughing again. "Yeah, you and I end up doing the dirty."

"I don't feel like a cop should just do that to people." Makoto said still plenty red.

Sousuke let out a laugh. "Good thing this is a fantasy!" He cocked his head. "Though maybe if I ever did become a cop, I'd be sure to come home and ravish you."

He was already moving his eyes over Makoto, in a way that was making him turn red. Why was this so embarrassing? The first time they had just done it, and every time they had gotten into it since then had just been a whirlwind and Makoto had been fine with it all! But now—well, looking at Sousuke it was certainly turning him on.

"Do we just—like start?" Makoto asked in a small voice.

Sousuke gave a smile moving from the couch, "yeah, let's just go to the door," he tugged at Makoto's hand. "You've just invited me in, and we can go from there." He pulled them to stand at the door to the entry way. He let Makoto's hand go gently before smiling. "Remember, we have never met before—half the fun of this is the tension."

Makoto nodded. His hands felt fidgety, so he nervously smoothed them over his shorts.

"You okay with this, Makoto?" Sousuke asked it seemed just one more time, one more check before they got into it.

Feeling nervous and still a bit red, Makoto still nodded. "Yeah, I'm good."

"Okay," Sousuke said, taking a step back. "If you want me to stop just say so, we can slow down, what every you need. This is supposed to be fun, don't get stressed over it."

Makoto nodded again.

"Alright," Sousuke nodded back. "Let's start." He smiled for just a flash before he was stepping back and his face moved to stone.

It always surprised Makoto, when Sousuke flipped his expressions like that and he swallowed hard, his hands fidgety in front of him.

"Mr. Tachibana pardon my intrusion into your home." Sousuke said, his voice deep and hard. "I'm just here as a precaution."

Makoto felt his lower lip tremble. "R-right." He wasn't sure what to say, what do do—this seemed so--God, what if he did something Sousuke didn't like? What if he messed it up? "Officer..." He said very quietly.

"You seem nervous, Mr. Tachibana." Sousuke purred again, his eyes narrow as he stalked a step closer. "There isn't anything wrong, is there?"

He knew it was Sousuke, and yet— he still stumbled back a few steps, his feet hitting the back of a chair. He fumbled out, holding on to the chair for support. Makoto abruptly remembered how much Sousuke liked to make Makoto squirm. It was fun for him to watch Makoto turn red and mumble out a response, at least when it was in response to himself. Makoto wasn't sure how Sousuke would take it if someone else made Makoto uncomfortable, but he doubted that Sousuke would like it.

"Uh--hum, no?" Makoto tried.

"Then why are you nervous?" Sousuke persisted.

Because He was playing along to a game he never considered before? Makoto swallowed. "I'm just—you're—Mr. Yamazaki—"

"Officer," Sousuke corrected with a narrowing of his eyes and razor sharp tongue.

"Oh right," Makoto breathed. "Officer Yamazaki." He nodded. "I mean, it's just you're in my apartment and I don't know why...?" Was that a good reason to be nervous?

Sousuke stalked another step closer. Makoto tried to back up again but found the chair was behind him. He looked back for just a split second and when he turned—he jumped as Sousuke was very close to him. Not touching but those clear eyes were watching him, and stoney face very close to Makoto's.

"Why don't you want me in your apartment?" Sousuke asked.

Oh gosh, Sousuke was good at this. His face hadn't cracked once since they had started, and now he was looking very—authoritarian. Rolling his eyes over Sousuke's hard stance, Makoto wondered if costumes maybe wouldn't be such a bad idea. Wow, Soususke was only in jeans and a white t-shirt, if he was really in a black officers uniform—Makoto was starting to feel the appeal and arrousal of it all. Flustered, Makoto wasn't sure what to do again.

Right, just keep playing along, Makoto repeated to himself. Sousuke was dominant here. When they made the move to intimacy, Sousuke would initiate it. And tension, right, just remember the tension made it all the better.

So Makoto slipped out from under Sousuke, heading towards the kitchen island. "Is there something I can get you to drink, officer?" He awfully hoped Sousuke wouldn't say yes, because Makoto wasn't exactly certain where anything was, let alone if there was anything to drink in the apartment besides water.

As Makoto approached the island though he was very aware as two hands came out around him, coming to rest on the edge of the island counter top, effectively caging Makoto there.

"Are you sure there isn't something wrong?"

The words were said very close to Makoto's ear but still Sousuke hadn't touched him yet. Makoto felt a shiver jolt through him as he felt the puff of Sousuke's breath across his neck.

"You seem to get quite nervous when I'm next to you, Tachibana." Sousuke breathed out against Makoto's ear again.

"Am I?" Makoto squeaked out, his eyes down at the countertop, his hands lightly flattening out over the surface.

"Don't have anything to hide from me, do you?" Sousuke continued questioning.

Makoto was still trying to consider if he wanted to slip away again, continuing their cat and mouse or if he wanted to keen back into Sousuke’s arms. But then again, where would be the fun in that? He flipped around and immediately was rewarded with surprised teal eyes for half a second before Makoto slide out and away from Sousuke, lightly brushing a hand away at his side.

"I'm not sure what you mean, Officer." Makoto said rather coy as he stepped back behind the island, placing the high counter I between them.

The challenge was well met in a flash of a smirk on Sousuke's expression and he leaned over the counter. "I think you do have something to hide." Sousuke concluded.

Makoto did his best to pull on a sweet smile. This was starting to get fun, he was concluding as Sousuke started to ease around the island counter. Makoto watched him evenly before he ease his own step to the side, keeping the distance between them.

He knew it in an instant when Sousuke's eyes sparked and he lunged for Makoto. Makoto went to pull away but in half a second he was caught. His hands were pulled behind his back and he was thrust forward, finding himself bent over, ass up on the counter top. Behind him Sousuke kept a sure grip on Makoto's wrists, holding them together at the small of his back. One hand was buried in Makoto's hair holding his cheek down against the countertop.

"You sure you don't want to confess to anything, Tachibana?" Sousuke's breath was hot over Makoto's ear.

Makoto gave a groan, shifting just a bit, before he managed the leverage to slide his ass back right into Sousuke's groin. Oh gosh, he was stiff already. Makoto pushed back even more and let his ass grind back.

There was a sharp intake of breath over Makoto and Sousuke was suddenly keeling over him, a hand slamming down on the countertop an inch or so next to Makoto's head. Makoto gave a breathy smile.

"How's that, officer?" He asked with just a bit of smugness.

"I wouldn't push me, Tachibana," Sousuke was very abruptly saying into Makoto's ear. The hand on the counter slid down. The other, tangled in Makoto's hair, tightened his grip before Makoto's head was jerked back.

Makoto gave a hum, feeling himself start to float with the scene. This is what he loved about Sousuke when they were like this. That deep voice, rumbling though Makoto, those big hands rough, jerking at Makoto, leaving marks across his skin. Sousuke never let Makoto sift into another world, he kept him there, kept him feeling and awake. Sousuke filled ever sense Makoto had and still demanded more, still hissed at Makoto to give him more, to start pouring his soul out to him.

Makoto turned his head into Sousuke and nipped at his jaw, "like this, Officer Yamazaki?" He keened in a low voice, eyes hooded.

There was a growl over him, Makoto could feel it more than hear it as it sent shivers rocketing through him. To add to his already heinous crimes, Makoto let out a moan as he started to grind his hips back into Sousuke. Oh fuck, Sousuke had oddly enough been right, once they got going this was getting really hot. Makoto loved the feeling of being unable to move under Sousuke, having to struggle for the tiniest amount of friction. They both still had all their cloths on, and Makoto was still moaning, feeling Sousuke growling and hissing over him, those powerful arms constricting around him as he pressed Makoto into the counter top.

Suddenly Makoto's face was pressed into the counter as Sousuke wretched himself away. His hand buried in Makoto's hair he pressed Makoto into the counter as he released Makoto's arms from his other hand.

"You've got quite a few problems with respect, don't you?" Sousuke hissed over him.

But Makoto was paying attention to Sousuke's free hand. Sousuke had fisted his hand in the hem of Makoto's shorts. It was that hold that as holding Makoto's, ass right up against Sousuke's groin. Makoto licked his lips craning his head to look over his shoulder at Sousuke. Eyes hooded, he had his mouth slightly open, pupils blown as he looked over Makoto. He jerked at Makoto's shorts against, the fist tightening and Makoto gave a grown as he felt how hard Sousuke was under his jeans.

"Make me respect you," Makoto flicked his gaze up to meet Sousuke's "sir," he let fall from his lips.   
  
Those deep teal eyes lit up and in and in the next grappling moment , Makoto found his back pressed into the counter and his shorts and underwear being yanked off. Fingers fumbled at Sousuke's own jeans and there was a loud slap as Sousuke lunged forward, his hand landing again close to Makoto's head. Sousuke was breathing fast, his eyes on Makoto as he finished wrenching his jeans open and was staring straight into Makoto's face.

Makoto pressed his palms against the counter trying to study himself as those warm sea eyes continually watched him. Sousuke shifted his hand then, digging it under Makoto's head and pulling his face up. He knew all pretenses of their role play melted away the second Sousuke hungry mouth met Makoto's.

Makoto gave a keening moan into the kiss his hands coming up and tangling into Souduke's hair, wrapping around his neck. The kissed at each other greedily and grounds hire bodies together.

"Fuck," Sousuke growled as he broke the kiss.

Makoto hummed, but the tone worried him, so he cocked his head at his lover.

"Lube," Sousuke explained. "It's in our bags." He untangled his arms from Makoto. "Just stay—exactly like that." Breathy and flailing, Sousuke tried to extract himself. He went back though a second later, pressing in skids to Makoto's mouth. "Just stay—absolutely adorable."

Makoto nodded. "Hurry?" He suggested.

Sousuke gave another nod. "Right."

His bare groin was pressed against Makoto's though, and already he'd started rocking again, Turning slowly into long, hard grinds.

Makoto whined, keening into Sousuke neck. "Sousuke," he whispered and excreting a tremendous amount of control pushed Sousuke away. "Go get it."

"Yeah, lube, right." Sousuke stammered out as he caught himself on the counter. His eyes gave one last lingering sweep over Makoto, before hastily he looked away and practically power walked back. Down the hall.

Makoto let out a sigh, feeling bare and vulnerable, he tried to shift up on his elbows. If they ended up doing it there on the counters, Makoto was going to have some very unpleasant bruising going on. He'd be sore from neck to tail bone as well. And although hot, Makoto didn't want that. So with a huff he let his legs down and tried to easily slide off the counter--he ended up flailing and was clattering to the floor a moment later.

With a deep inhaling hiss, Makoto felt his hands scrape down and across the cabinets. He balanced himself on his knees on the floor, eyes squeezed shut as on instinct his hands balled and he felt the stinking jarring pain of having scraped his hands.

"Makoto," Sousuke deep voice rung in Makoto's ear. A big hand went to Makoto's, shoulder and jokingly Sousuke said quietly, "I thought I told you to stay put."

"I know," Makoto said with a bit of a chuckle. "I was just going to move to the couch." Getting over the initial shock of it and pain, Makoto cracked his eyes open and—

It hit him faster than it envy had before, sucking him in almost immediately. Makoto exhaled sharply as the images in his head blurred with the one before his eyes.

His hands were red.

He suddenly felt like breathing was a billion times harder. They were red, like when Makoto had looked down and found they were red from Ran's—she's, there wasn't most of a chest anymore. Because she'd been hit and some how it has all been torn apart and Makoto had tried frantically to hold it to getter—and she was screaming!

Makoto let out a voiceless cry, as abruptly he hard it again. It blew out through his ears and filled his head, Makoto's eyes were wide as he realized what was happening. He was breathing fast, his heart felt like it was going to pound right out of his chest.

Abruptly Sousuke jerked Makoto's face up, and Makoto was met with shocking teal eyes, wide as well though with worry and concern. Sousuke was saying something, but Makoto couldn't hear him. He couldn't hear anything but the pounding of his own heart in his ears and the screams, oh god the scream.

It was Ran's scream. The last time Makoto had ever heard her, the last time she would ever speak at all and Makoto felt the fear in him start to rear its ugly head. He wanted her to stop and yet he knew what would happen when she stopped and he—

He couldn't let Sousuke see this. He wasn't sure how he managed it, but Makoto tore away from Sousuke, fumbling with pulling on his boxer briefs previously around one leg, Makoto stumbled back into the hall and clawed his way into the first door he could find.

It turned out to be the bathroom and Makoto broke as he forcefully shut the door, locking it as he collapsed against the thin wood door. He felt himself start to gulp down air, trying desperately to breath and in the mean time all he could hear was her. It was his sister and in a rush, that entire day flooded back to Makoto.

He slid down the door, his hand splayed out over it, leaning a shoulder into it as a first sob broke.

Sousuke must have been behind the door then, because Makoto felt the shake of the door at some sort of pounding. Makoto couldn't hear him though, he couldn't hear anything past the screaming. He clamped his hands over his ears, and let himself slide to the floor.

 

* * *

 

Sousuke fists ached by the time he slid down to his knees in front of the bathroom door. His breath came out in audible puffs as he let his head come forward, hitting against the door with a dull thud. It had happened in a split instant, one second Sousuke had come back into the room finding Makoto hissing in pain, kneeling on the kitchen floor and the next—he was gone.

Sousuke had been there the entire time, and it still felt like he was watching from a million miles away. Makoto's eyes had blown, pupils big and dark and looking down at his scrapped hands a look of—terror, absolute terror had blossomed.

For all Sousuke had shouted, and asked and pleaded, nothing had stopped it from there, Makoto had tore away from him, stumbling in through the bathroom door as Sousuke tried frantically to hurry behind him. The door had been firmly shut in Sousuke's nose and—

And here he was, on his knees and helpless.

"Makoto," he pleaded again. "Please, baby, let me in."

There was no answer from the other side of the door. Sousuke for the first time in a long while felt the sting of tears in his eyes. Squeezing his eyes shut, Sousuke gritted his teeth and hit his fist into the door again. There was a dull resounding thud and nothing else.

Growling, Sousuke slumped to let his back rest aghast the door. He hated this. He absolutely hated this, feeling so distant and yet literally he was less then a foot away.

"Please," he begged again, his hands going to his forehead and hair. "Please just let someone in." He isn't care anymore who it was, as long as someone could pull Makoto up and back to him.

 

* * *

 

Neither him or his father were much for being handy men, but Sousuke's grandfather had been, and the family had prided themselves on having plenty of common sense to spread between them. So Sousuke had dragged out the tool kit they kept under the sink, dragging it all the way back to the bathroom door and intently gone to work.

It had taken him some time to figure it all out, and he may have broken a screw or two in the process but he had the door knob off in less then ten minutes and was wrenching the door open, scrambling in.

Makoto looked surprised, leaning back against the sink cabinet as Sousuke had crawled into the small bathroom over Makoto's legs. His face and eyes were red, he looked pale and as he opened his mouth, he seemed to want to speak but nothing came.

That was just fine with Sousuke, as wordlessly he pulled Makoto into his arms, holding him as tight to his chest as he could manage.

It was several minutes after that still before either of them spoke. Makoto had buried his face into Sousuke's shirt, twisting around Sousuke in a mess of limbs. Clinging to each other, they leaned back against the bathtub and just—were there.

"I'm so sorry." Was the first thing Makoto managed to whisper.

Sousuke's reply was to press a kiss into Makoto's hair.

"It happened so fast," Makoto went on, his voice muffled as he spoke still into Sousuke's chest. "I just looked down and my hands--and all of a suddenly I could hear her and I just, I was so terrified and I didn't want you to see." He closed his tired, red eyes. "I'm so sorry."

Sousuke nodded nuzzling into Makoto's hair, until he rest his cheek against Makoto's hair. He started to move a hand soothingly against Makoto's back.

"Please say something." Makoto murmured and his head shifted, looking up at Sousuke with those deep green eyes.

Leaning back to look into those eyes, Sousuke considered, he brushed a hand up against Makoto's cheek, petting his thumb across the peek and down the side of his face. Sousuke couldn't think anything past the thoughts that Makoto was his, he was Sousuke's, and he was hurting—and for once in his life, that made Sousuke hurt as well, even as a bystander.

"I love you." He spoke softly.

The surprise bloomed in Makoto's eyes, but Sousuke drifted his thumb over across Makoto's lips, keeping him from speaking. He leaned down then, pressing their foreheads to touch before he went on, making sure he was Makoto's focus, making sure Makoto could see into Sousuke's eyes and everything there.

"And I wish you would see what is happening," he continued. "Please, please see the cycle you're spiraling into." Sousuek tipped his head. "I don't think I could let go of you anymore, not for anything."

Those green eyes stayed focused on Sousuke a few moments longer, before inevitably Makoto looked down, breaking the contact of their foreheads, and frowning he buried his face in Sousuke's shirt again. Sousuke let him, tightening his arms around Makoto's shoulders and nuzzled into his hair again.


	28. Part 3, Chapter 27

Makoto came awake to two clear, warm-sea eyes watching him. There was the lift of an eyebrow and Makoto rolled over, pulling the sheet up over his head. The night before—hadn't been one of Makoto's greatest hits. They had finally crawled back into Sousuke's room by the time night fell. Makoto wasn't even sure he knew what Sousuke's room looked like.

Sousuke in his gruff, but loving way, had tended to Makoto's hands. They had been scrapped, and not all that badly either. But they were cleaned with hydrogen peroxide and Sousuke had smoothed a bandage on to both of Makoto's palms. Looking down, Makoto had barely noticed as Sousuke had pressed a kiss into Makoto's hair, giving s sigh. Two scraps, that's all it had taken, and a meager drop of blood and Makoto had headed into a tailspin.

They had ended up finishing what they started, tangled in the sheets and writhing against each other, Makoto had let out a gasp of Sousuke's name as he had come. Sousuke had been greedy and possessive, his hands always splayed over Makoto's skin. He growled and groaned, like an animal over Makoto. He had been gentle though in his own way, pulling Makoto softly into his arms, his mouth rarely had left Makoto's skin, sucking and kissing. He had whispered things that Makoto couldn't remember now and covered Makoto completely.

By the end of it all, they had collapsed out of exhaustion, pulling the sheets up around them and cooing sweet nothings to each other before they slipped into sleep.

But now the sun was up.

And Makoto could feel Sousuke next to him, under the sheets. He had armed his way over one of the pillows, watching Makoto's refusal to acknowledge the morning.

Eventually though, Makoto relented and tossed the sheet away, laying on his back, an arm lifted over his forehead. He gave sigh and glanced around the room, determined to look anywhere but at Sousuke.

So instead he inspected Sousuke's room. The bed was a twin, dark asphalt sheets and covers. It was accented with black. There was a black night stand, the bed frame was black and the long three shelf bookcases stretching the opposite wall were black as well. The book shelf was packed with books. It even looked like Sousuke was starting to double stack at the edges. Makoto knew Sousuke liked to read, but he was realizing exactly how much as he looked at all the books.

He was also realizing something else... Above the long book case was shelving on the wall, also filled to the brim—was the legacy of Sousuke's swimming. There were tall trophies, and medals and framed photos of Sousuke and his father—both proudly displaying Sousuke's win—there were pictures of his team, there was a framed poster of the Japanese Olympic swim team. And looking at it all, Makoto realized—there was Sousuke's dream.

Though the owner of that dream was tugging at him, his hands under the covers pulling Makoto in, pulling him to look at him.

When Makoto finally succumb and looked back into those teal, warm sea eyes he was greeted with a kiss. Sousuke was up on his elbows, pressing in a small kiss to Makoto's lips.

Sighing into the kiss, Makoto lifted a hand to brush at the back of Sousuke's neck.

The kiss broke and Sousuke pulled away enough to look at Makoto.

Shaking his head, Makoto could already see it, those teal eyes were more telling every day and Makoto could see what Sousuke was wondering about already. "Please, I don't want to talk about it." He said as softly and kindly as he could muster that early in the morning.

Next to him, Sousuke nodded. "Alright." He agreed surprisingly simply.

But Makoto could still see the expression on his face. He could still see the way his eyes floated to Makoto. He was concerned. After everything last night he should be—but Makoto still didn't want him to.

Soususke leaned forward over the pillow again, his hand came up moving gently through Makoto's hair, combing it away from Makoto's face.

Closing his eyes, Makoto let himself feel loved with the affection and sighs into it.

"Can we go to the ocean today?" Makoto suddenly found himself asking. He opened his eyes, looking up at the ceiling. He really—he did want to go to the ocean, as surprising as that was. Letting the tide wash over his feet sounded like the most amazing thing in the world. Maybe it would wash all of this away—maybe it would even wash Makoto away.

"I think that would be good." Sousuke said quietly next to Makoto. His hand still moved, fingers filing through Makoto's hair still. "Shower with me?" He asked lightly.

Smiling, Makoto gave Sousuke a glance, like he would really say no... "Of course." He looked back to the ceiling a second later.

Neither of them moved though. Makoto just continued to look up at the ceiling, his mind on the waves and the eb and flow of the tide. He noticed then that Sousuke's fingers in his hair had changed. They were still carding though Makoto's fringe but it was different. It was gentle. The strokes were long, like he was treasuring the moment, and soft like he believed the tiniest pressure might hurt him. Makoto frowned.

Sousuke had been right again. He was quite different when he cared, Makoto wondered how caring was changing his own behavior as well.

 

* * *

 

"You have a car?" Makoto asked, standing in the kitchen, a piece of toast in hand as he stared in shock at Sousuke.

Sousuke gave a shrug. "Well—it's my dad's, but yeah." He looked around a bit suspiciously, like he thought he'd said something wrong, "we can't really get to the ocean by taking the train..." He trailed. "Is the car a problem?"

"No!" Makoto said hastily. "I just—I mean with parking and everything I just didn't expect it."

Sousuke just gave a nod. "It ends up working out for my dad some how."

He was dressed, Makoto noticed, in shorts. The light blue hoodie, that was one of his favorites it seemed, was over a black tank top and blue and black board shorts. It wasn't common for Sousuke to wear shorts Makoto had realized. He wore basketball shorts at home/their dorm room and to the gym, but rarely did he ever wear them for an outing. Makoto smiled at that as he took another bite of his toast. Maybe one of the funniest parts of a relationship was getting to know someone else's quirks.

Like how Sousuke was a bit unexpectedly quite a neat and clean person. He was already cleaning up after their breakfast, rinsing off plates before sliding them into the dish washer and putting the toaster away in a cupboard.

All around, Sousuke was a surprisingly efficient person. He already had a bag packed and sitting by the door for their trip. He had the route mapped out on their phone. He had even put snacks in the bag as well as pulling in an extra jacket, saying Makoto might get cold.

Sousuke disappeared then, turning back into the hallway. Makoto finished off his toast before he stood from the island and carried his plate to the sink. Sousuke came back in just as Makoto was rinsing off his plate and sliding it into the dishwasher. Makoto turned around just as Souduke held up two towels.

"You think this will be enough?" He asked.

Makoto smiled and nodded. "I don't plan on getting in the water all that much."

Giving a nod in return, Sousuke continued to the bag ready by the door, folding the towels over the top. He bent as he checked over the bags again, more then likely ticking off a mental checklist.

Makoto approached from behind, laying a gently hand at Sousuke's waist. A bit surprised, teal eyes looked to Makoto, and Sousuke straightened.

"Thank you," Makoto said as he stepped closer.

With another nod, Sousuke looked away.

Makoto couldn't help but smile at the peeking embarrassment form Sousuke. "You're taking care of me again." Makoto murmured. "And I really do appreciate it."

"I really just want you to have a good day today," Sousuke murmured, his eyes shifting to look up at Makoto.

"Thank you," Makoto repeated.

Respectfully, Sousuke didn't say anything more. They both knew why he wanted today to be nice, but it was kind that he didn't bring it up. Makoto leaned in, pressing a kiss to Sousuke's jaw. As he pulled away he caught the small blush that had bloomed on Sousuke's cheeks.

"Are you ready?" He mumbled. This time his eyes didn't meet Makoto's.

"Let me brush my teeth, then we can go." Makoto said, pressing another small kiss to Sousuke's jaw before he headed back to the bathroom.

Sousuke hummed from where he stood, and Makoto noticed his eyes on him as he left.

 

* * *

 

Pulling up to the small rocky beach, Sousuk hesitantly removed his seat belt, looking over at Makoto. He'd been eerily quiet the entire way there. He wasn't even looking at Sousuke then, his eyes looking out over the sea. In the distance there was a looming group of clouds.

"Will you be alright?" Sousuke asked looking to the dark roll of clouds in the distance. They were far away but with the ocean Sousuke never knew how long or how fast it would be before it was at their doorstep. "We should have more thoroughly checked the weather before leaving."

Makoto didn't react for a moment, his hand fidgety at his mouth, but eventually he turned to Sousuke, and sadly pulled on one of his fake, forced smiles. "I'll be just fine."

Knowing if he pushed they'd just end up fighting, Sousuke nodded and opened the door of the car, getting out.

The parking lot and beach was completely deserted. Not that Sousuke had expected any different. He had chosen this beach because he knew no one came here. The parking lot black top was cracked and uneven, the railing weathered and worn. There was a pier jetting out from the sand, that looked old, the wood dark, but looked sound enough.

Sousuke had wanted this, just quiet and alone together. As Makoto stood from the car, Sousuke looked over at him. He wanted to offer his hand out to Makoto, but instead he rubbed his palms over his board shorts before pocketing his hands in his hoodie.

"This place is—" Makoto started, looking around.

"A bit out of repair?" Sousuke finished,

"Beautiful." Makoto said quickly, looking to Sousuke.

Blinking, Sousuke wasn't sure of a response, but looking out at the beach and the water he smiled.

"Come on," he said and decided he really did want Makoto's hand in his own. He held his hand out behind him, his eyes flicking up to meet Makoto's for a brief moment before he started to tug them down the beach.

"How did you know about this place?" Makoto asked, following eagerly behind Sousuke as they climbed down the rocky path to the beach.

"When I was little, my dad used to bring me here." Sousuke explained. "After everything happened with my mom, and trust me it got bad, between their fights and her instability it was not a pretty picture, he decided it was time for a change after my mother left and we picked up and came to Tokyo." He gave a quirked smile back at Makoto as he picked his steps carefully down and to the beach. "I think my father just wanted to come here and pretend to be a happy family."

"Do you ever see your mother any more?" Makoto asked as they reached the beach, their shoes sinking into the light sand.

Looking to the tide, rushing over the sand, before pulling back out, Sousuke took a moment before answering. "She calls me sometimes."

"But not often?" Makoto inquired.

Sousuke didn't really answer. There were somethings he preferred not to talk about as well. He looked to the beach, watching the sand and the tide.

"Come on," Sousuke murmured as he squeezed Makoto's hand and they continued down the beach.

As they approached the water, Sousuke slid his shoes off and started bare footed down to the water. Makoto hesitated, their joined hands pulled tight as he looked to the water and then back to Sousuke.

As reassuring as he could,,Sousuke smiled and gave a tug to their hands.

Makoto slid carefully out of one shoe and then the other, before still tentative he followed after Sousuke. The water was cold as the tide drifted in, the water smoothing over their feet and Makoto sucked in a breath. Sousuke laughed and watched the surprised expression across Makoto's face.

They didn't talk, drifting their feet through the water, Sousuke watched Makoto closely but tried to stay back all at the same time. He could still see Makoto's red eyes. He was fidgety and every movement unsure—though in himself or because of the fear Sousuke wasn't sure. And as long as Makoto looked comfortable in the silence, Sousuke was fine with it as well.

Eventually Makoto slipped his hand out of Sousuke's. Initially Sousuke tightened the grip, snatching Makoto's hand back, but as red ringed green eyes looked up at him startled, Sousuke pulled in a breath and let Makoto's hand slide from his own, though forlorn to the loss. Sousuke wanted to take Makoto's hand back. Looking at him, Sousuke wanted nothing more than to wrap Makoto up in his arms, sit along the beach and never let him go, burry themselves in the sand and live there entangled in each other.

But instead he let Makoto drift away from him. Still watching him, Sousuke tried to feel less like he was a helpless bystander. He rubbed his palms over his board shorts again before pocketing them.

Makoto had started back up the beach. Despite wet feet he pulled on his shoes and gave another forced smile to Sousuke before looking out to the pier.

Sousuek nodded, getting the message as he started up the wet sand as well.

Over head there was the first drifting crack of thunder, taking its time and building before the final boom sounded. Sousuke looked to the storm still on its way towards them. Makoto didn't seem to notice, already sneaking up to the pier.

Giving him a few paces, Sousuke followed suit. His eyes rested on Makoto's back though. He tried to shake his head, trying not to hover and stare. The last thing Makoto needed was Sousuke constantly reminding him that he was unwell.

Their feet on the wood boards of the pier was a familiar sound and Sousuke closed his eyes, he stopped about half way down the pier, letting Makoto have more space and continue on. He focused instead on the wonder of nature drifting in over the sea, trying to clear his own mind and think of different things.

The storm was dark as it rolled over the water. Sousuke rest his arms over the wood railing as he looked at it, watching the dark clouds thunder and roil in the distance. Being a sea storm, Sousuke knew that it would be at their door step in a matter of minutes but it still fascinated Sousuke as he watched it. The last Light was creeping slowly under the water as the sun set, like the ocean was swallowing the sun and thrusting them into the stormy night. It was beautiful to watch.

Glancing to the side, making sure Makoto was still there, Sousuke spotted him at the edge of the pier, his hand on the railing as he peered over the unguarded edge.

Satisfied, Sousuke looked back to the waves, watching as the choppy bursts started to crash against the pier's supporting beams. The water was getting more turbulent as Sousuke watched lightning flashed through the storm rolling in. The rumbling boom of thunder crackled a few seconds later, sending a shiver down Sousuke's spine.

Looking backdown the pier, Sousuke straightened a little as he caught sight of Makoto. He was on the edge—very on the edge of the pier, no longer having a hand at the railing as he swayed there, the tips of his shoes almost hanging off, he was so close. Makoto's eyes were trained down at the water, his hands out at his sides, palms open.

Sousuke straightened a bit more, unfolding his arms from the railing.

Makoto's cloths wrinkled and his hair jostled with the wind and for a moment he seemed to sway. Sousuke stepped, to turn towards his friend when—

Makoto fell forward.

It was like the wind had carried him in to a dead drop off the pier, straight down into the water, no sound uttered beyond the whoosh and crash of water.

"MAKOTO!" Sousuke had his hoodie pitched off in half a second, his shoes were chucked away from him a half a second more, before his feet pound down the pier, against the old grey wood. Running as hard as he could, he leapt from the edge of the pier. He pointed his hands and arched his body as he dove into the turbulent chop of waves.

Sousuke doesn't even remember hitting the water, he just remembers suddenly he was swimming. It turns out Makoto had been right at regionals. That was just a stupid race. And for the very first time in Sousuke's life, it actually, really did matter how fast he could pull his body through the water.

 

* * *

 

He doesn't remember falling. Or at least not consciously, he remembers standing at the edge of the pier, looking down and in the water—something was faint. He'll remember shaking his head to clear the echoes there and as he looked back at the water, tilting his head as he saw something not so faint... Makoto does remember when he hit the water. And immediately curling, it was searing through his ears and filling his head. Makoto tried to let out his own scream but only a explosion of air and a rush of water was the result as the thrashed in the water, eyes wide as the echoing screaming felt like it was drilled through him, tattooed across his bones and imprinted on his very fiber.

He couldn't breath but he couldn't manage to move either. His body curled as he tried to rational his way through the situation—it wasn't real. She was dead, Ran was dead and there was no way he could hear her screaming now. especially under water, there was no way he could hear anything under water really.

Gasping for air, Makoto was only met with the tange of salt water.

Suddenly he was jerked, an arm around Makoto's middle he was being yanked from his place in the water and hauled upwards. Makoto looked up through the water. It was all dark, there was no light filtering through now. the sun had finally been swallowed by the sea and caste the world into the chaos of night.

He was spun then in the water and Makoto was met with two teal eyes. They looked like the water, like warm sun-kissed water, not the dark turbulence around him, suffocating him. Then blinking Makoto suddenly registered the dark swirl of short hair and the strong hands gripping him, pushing Makoto up.

As they burst from the water, Sousuke gasping for breath and retching Makoto out of the water next to him, and Makoto took a sputtering coughing full breath.

Sousuke had an arm secured around Makoto's shoulders and neck holding him fast as he side-armed his way through the water. It occurred to Makoto then, that it was raining down on the both of them. Lightening crashed over head and the booming thunder this time wasn't far off.

But it wasn't long till their feet touched sand and Sousuke pulled them up under the pier, wet, dripping and cloths sticking flush with skin, twisting around their limbs and making their movements heavy and hard. As he dragged Makoto far enough out of the water, the pounding of the rain over head onto the pier became steadier, thunder rolling over them again.

Sousuke sank to his knees, dropping Makoto a foot away into the wet sand. Makoto shivered as the cold air washed over his skin. When he looked up, Sousuke was bent over on his knees, his eyes squeezed tight and hand clawed over his wet tank top over his right shoulder. He gritted his teeth, and curled his right arm under himself, letting his forearm rest over his knees...

Opening his mouth, Makoto wasn't sure there was anything to really say. He pushed up, or at least tried to as his hands slipped in the wet sand as he crawled up along the wet shore to Sousuke.

It was several painful seconds before Sousuke cracked an eye to look at Makoto. His breath heaving as those teal eyes met Makoto's.

"I'm so sorry," Makoto managed, his voice hoarse and fading already from gulping down a mouth full or two of sea water.

Sousuke's brow creased, looking at Makoto in confusion. "Why—? What were you thinking—?"

Pulling himself from the mud and closer along the beach to Sousuke, Makoto shook his head, collapsing finally against Sousuke's side. "I don't—I don't even know."

Shifting, Sousuke was still careful with his right arm as he pulled Makoto up against him.

With a strangling sound Makoto smeared his face against Sousuke's now sandy and wet shirt as he felt the first break of a sob. "I'm so sorry," he managed out as he fisted one hand into Sousuke's shirt. "I don't—I felt like I wasn't even there."

Above him, Sousuke didn't say a word as he breathed out slow, laying back on the sand, one hand going to Makoto, sliding numbly over his arm, to find his back. Makoto pulled himself against Sousuke, fitting in against him as he shivered, though from the cold or the realization of what he'd just done it was unclear.

Sousuke moved then, hands going to Makoto's face, he pulled them together, pressing their foreheads together. His eyes were hooded but still open as he looked at Makoto. He kept the contact as he spoke, "I can't let go any more, Makoto," he said quietly.

The first time Sousuke had said that, Makoto hadn't been sure he understood. Now he did. Face breaking again into a sob, He understood more than he whisked he did. "I'm so sorry." He repeated. He pulled an arm around Sousuke's neck trying to hold onto him as tight as he could. He'd never meant to pull Sousuke under with him. He'd never wanted to do anything like that. Crying in an ugly, horrid fashion Makoto buried his face in Sousuke. "I'm so sorry," he whispered like a mantra.

He felt as Souske let himself collapse back. His hand, cupping the back of Makoto's head. He didn't say anything. The storm over head gave another groaning, booming cry of thunder as it beat over them.

 

* * *

 

By the time they were trudging back up to the car and getting in, Makoto had been silent for a few hours. How long they had laid in the sand was unclear but as the tide has come in washing over them, Sousuke had finally stirred enough to pull Makoto up with him and started up the sand back to the car in the parking lot. It was pitch black around them, the now calm, but overcast clouds hiding any trace of stars as Sousuke had collected their things.

He found his hoodie and shoes up on the pier, he found one of their towels, no clue where the other one was, more then likely blow away in the storm. Makoto's phone had survived, safe in the car. Sousuke's on the other hand—not so much. It had been in his hoodie, thrown off on the pier, and was now adequately water logged. Well his phone was a couple generations old anyway—maybe now was the best time to upgrade.

Everything gathered, Sousuke found Makoto leaning up against the car, waiting for him. He was looking down at his shoes the look of–just broken still on his face. He didn't look up until Sousuke had reached him, pulling the soggy boy into his arms.

"I'm sorry," Makoto whispered into Sousuke's shoulder. He'd said very little since everything had happened, and when he had, his apologies were his fallback.

"I know." Sousuke said. "It's alright though. We will be just fine." He comforted before opening the door to the car, pressing a kiss to Makoto's hair before letting him get in.

As they drove home, Sousuke hadn't realized it seemed just how long they had spent in the sand, reeling from everything, but as he drove the sun started to peak just over the horizon line. The road ran along the ocean for several miles and allowed Sousuke to watch the sun rise over the water as they drove back. It was beautiful again. Just like the night before. Watching the sun disappear had been magical, now Sousuke, seeing the sun rising felt like he could finally let out a deep breathe.

In the passenger seat, Sousuke hoped that Makoto's huddled position against the door meant he was sleeping. Sousuke's Samezuka jacket was draped over Makoto's front keeping him warm. He reached over, finding the hand Makoto had resting on his leg and pulled it over the center console, lacing their fingers. The action unfortunately stirred Makoto from his haze and he turned his head to Sousuke.

He expected another apology, but instead Makoto just looked back out the window a second later, his head resting on the frame of the window. He squeezed his hand in Sousuke's though and let out his own deep breath as he watched the sun rise as well.

"Sousuke,"

Finally, when Makoto did speak it surprised Sousuke so much he looked up and away from the road. They drifted about halfway into the lane next to them. He quickly corrected, realizing he wasn't exactly paying attention to the lines on the road.

It was a good thing that early in the morning the road was still very deserted.

Sousuke hummed in acknowledgement and checked his mirrors to make sure he hadn't faked someone out behind him.

"I—"Makoto started though drifted off. He titled his head looking at Sousuke with eyes that were swollen and red and the skin around them dark. But the irises were still that beautiful lush green. "You were right."

He usually is, or at least that was Sousuke's sarcastic answer, though just then didn't seem like the time to open his sarcasm box. Instead Sousuke looked over at Makoto, Squeezing their interlocked hands between them.

"I need help." Makoto said, a new wave of tears streaking down his face. "I'm so sorry. I just—I didn't realize and I hadn't thought it was this bad and—"

Sousuke cut him off by raising Makoto's hand up to his lips, kissing Makoto's knuckles softly. When he was done, Sousuke replaced their intertwined hands on the center console. "Yes, you do."

With a sniffle, Makoto watched the movement. He frowned as another tear streaked down his cheek.

"But it's going to be okay." Sousuke continued, looking back at the road. "We are going to make sure you get out of this just fine."

Makoto shifted then, pulling the black jacket up over his shoulder more securely he slumped to the other side, over the center console and leaned his head against Sousuke's good shoulder.

"Thank you," he murmured softly, puling their interlocked hands up close to him, his lips brushing against Sousuke's knuckles as well. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack: Depth over Distance, Ben Howard


	29. Part 3, Chapter 28

Once back to the Apartment, they stood under the stream of warm water in the bathroom. With few words, they had come back up through the apartment and unloaded. It seemed an unspoken concern for the two, as they had stripped silently and climbed into the shower. 

 

Makoto closed his eyes, breathing in the warmth of the steaming water. Behind him, Sousuke had his hands at Makoto's waist, just holding him lightly, and his head was leaning on the back of Makoto's neck. Makoto didn't want to move, didn't wasn't to disrupt Sousuke's even, rhythmic breath from behind him. Thesteam seeped into Makoto's pores, making him feel tired anyway. He leaned forward, leaning into the spray of the water and against the shower wall. 

 

Sousuke stirred from behind him, lifting his head. 

 

Turning his head, they locked eyes for just a moment. Makoto opened his mouth, but if felt like there wasn't anything to say. There was nothing Makoto could think of at least. Sousuke just continued to watch him for a few more seconds before he turned his head and let it rest on Makoto's shoulder. 

 

It wasn't until later that they finally said anything to each other. In Sousuke's room, they toweled off. Their movements were lazy and tired, no doubt because their day trip to the beach had unexpectedly tumbled into an all nighter. Sousuke had already pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a sleeveless running shirt. His hands were busy though, brushing the towel over Makoto's head still. 

 

As he let the towel slide from Makoto's head to rest on his shoulders, Makoto leaned up. He just smiled and Sousuke smiled too, before taking the intended message and leaning in to press a kiss to Makoto's lips. 

 

"Are you still cold?" Sousuke asked, his hand chaffing over Makoto's arm. 

 

Makoto shook his head, he was still feeling pleasantly warm from their shower and the constant, cuddly attention Sousuke had poured out to him--basically from the moment they'd gotten to the apartment a couple of days ago. 

 

"I am tired." Makoto murmured. 

 

Sousuke nodded. "I would be in favor of a nap." 

 

Makoto just smiled again, swaying where he stood in the middle of Sousuke's room. 

 

"Let me go check the thermostat before we go to sleep." Sousuke said, pressing in another small kiss before he slipped away. 

 

Toweling off his wet hair still, Makoto looked around for some sort of bottoms. He had pulled on boxer briefs and a t-shirt, but had been interrupted before he could find any other cloths. Rummaging in Sousuke's closet, Makoto surfaced with a pair of Sousuke's basketball shorts. 

 

After he'd pulled them on, he found himself face to face with a picture of Sousuke. He held up a rather large trophy to accompany the medal around his neck, quite a few years younger but the bright smile on his face still shining through. The said trophy sat, next to the photo, as well as the medal on the shelf. Makoto took a step closer, looking more carefully over it all. 

 

This was Sousuke's dream, his love and his accomplishments, all spread out and on display. 

 

Makoto realized as he looked, that they went in chronological order. As the photo's of Sousuke got older, the trophies got bigger. And each one, Sousuke beamed with such enthusiasm. 

 

Makoto also noticed when it all stopped, and that there wasn't any photo's of Sousuke past sixteen, and that there wasn't any trophies either. 

 

The absence felt like it rang through out the room. 

 

"Hey I'm actually kind of hungry, do you want--" Sousuke stopped dead in the doorway as he spotted Makoto. 

 

Makoto tried to pull on a smile, but somewhere along the way--he whipped his palm across his face to get rid of the tears. He gently set the medal in his hand back on the shelf. It was first place at Nationals, Butterfly stroke, and the last medal it looked like Sousuke had received. 

 

"Sometimes I forget about this," Makoto said quietly. 

 

Behind him, Sousuke took hesitant, soft steps into the room, his eyes watching Makoto. "I prefer it that way." He admitted. 

 

Makoto gave a sad chuckle, sniffling and whipping off his face again. "You do a great job." He gave a breath though, looking up, to realize Sousuke was only a step or so away from him then. "You just, the way you hold your shoulders, makes me think sometimes you could carry the whole world on them." Makoto shook his head. "You carry me with them still." 

 

Sousuke did manage to give a small, sad smile at that. He shrugged his shoulders, taking that last step towards Makoto. He lifted his hand to run his thumb over Makoto's cheek, brushing away another tear. "I think I mostly volunteered for that one." He spoke softly. 

 

Makoto gave his own snort of a laugh. But his eyes were on the wall, the wall that held everything Sousuke had been. 

 

"You really could have gone all the way." Makoto said. 

 

Sousuke looked up, his eyes running over the trophies and the medals, but he said nothing. 

 

"I am so sorry." Makoto said as looked to Sousuke. He knew there was no stopping the crying now, he sniffed again as he turned to Sousuke. 

 

Sousuek didn't say anything still, his eyes downcast, his hand had rest against Makoto's neck. 

 

Makoto shifted, his hands going to Sousuke. He shook his head as he pulled himself in closer to Sousuke. "You are so amazing," he murmured. "I'm so sorry, you were alone to go through this." 

 

A hesitant arm went around Makoto's waist. Though Sousuke still didn't look at him, his head leaned in closer to Makoto's. "It was--" he tried to say, trailing off. "I'm okay." He sounded very small when he said it though. 

 

Threading an arm up over Sousuke's arm and around his neck, Makoto thread his fingers through Sousuke's dark chocolate hair, as he looked up at him, pressing a kiss onto the peak of Sousuke's shoulder. 

 

Sousuke's eyes shifted to the wall, looking at that last medal he'd earned. "It was all I ever wanted." He said, so quiet and so--mournful. 

 

Makoto slid as close as he could get, his nose bumping up against Sousuke's cheek. He opened his mouth and all he could think to say was--"it wasn't your fault." 

 

The laugh Sousuke let out was humorless. "Then who the hells was it?" 

 

"I don't know." Makoto spoke against Sousuke's skin. "I've tried to ask that same thing so many times, and I don't know." 

 

The frown Sousuke wore was the most honest expression Makoto felt like he had ever seen from his lover. When those teal eyes turned on him, Makoto inhaled sharply, feeling like an electric bolt had shot right through him. They were amazing, glistening in the limited light of the room--and so completely open. No, vulnerable, Makoto thought. This was what vulnerability looked like. 

 

"Do you think I could have really done it?" Sousuke asked Makoto. "Do you really think I could have made it to the Olympics? Won medals? All of it."

 

Makoto brushed his hand through Sousuke's dark chocolate hair again. "I think that despite everything, you are the strongest person I know." Makoto leaned in, pressing a kiss to Sousuke's prone lips. "You've held up my entire world on these beautiful shoulders." 

 

Sousuke didn't say anything again, looking away as he pursed his lips. He frowned, his brow creasing. 

 

Makoto smoothed his fingers out against Sousuke cheek bone, tracing down his jaw. 

 

"I just wanted a shot." Sousuek said, and for the first time Makoto had ever seen finally seemed to break. "It feels like I burned out, before I ever even broke through the clouds." 

 

"I know." Makoto whispered, holding on as tight as he could to Sousuke then. 

 

As the first tear dropped from Sousuke's lashes Makoto pressed his face into Sousuke's, he held himself against Sousuke trying so desperately to just--be there. 

 

"And now," Sousuke's voice broke, he gave a mirthless laugh again. "It feels like I'm falling." 

 

"Like you're tail spinning alone." Makoto filled in. 

 

Sousuke turned to him, his eyes still so open and bright as he looked to Makoto. 

 

"And when you land it feels like you've landed on some deserted island and all you can see are ghosts." Makoto went on. "Some of them are of what you had and some of them are of what you might have had, but they all haunt you still the same, and it hurts." 

 

And the next thing Makoto knew they were on the floor, in each others arms leaning against a book case. They sniffled and cried, going through intervals of looking so deeply into one another and looking at nothing at all, Makoto couldn't keep his hands away from Sousuke's face, wanting nothing more then to smooth away every tear and in turn Sousuke had curled his hands in Makoto's shirt, holding him close. 

 

"I didn't realize I was alone until now." Sousuke whispered against Makoto's neck. "I didn't realize I was so stranded." 

 

Makoto turned his face in, trying to feel as much of Sousuke as he could. "You are stranded, " Makoto said. "The only difference now is I'm right here with you." 

 

Sousuke looked up at him at that. 

 

"Nothing you can say will make this better," Sousuke said, interpretingMakoto's words. 

 

"No, nothing I can say will make any of it better." Makoto repeated, confirming. "And I can't take away the hurt, and I can't even really manage my own pain, so I can't tell you how to manage yours." He tried to pull on a smile though and suddenly leaned forward tipping his forehead to meet Sousuke's. "But I can be here. I can feel this with you, and I can mourn with you." 

 

Quicker than Makoto had expected, he was engulfed in Sousuke's arms. He leaned into Makoto breathing in deep and holding him there right next to him. "I can accept that." He said very quietly and held on even tighter. 

 

* * *

 

Sousuke woke up in a bundle of the comforter and the sheets, his arm stretched out across the bed, for which he realized as he blinked should have been filled. They had been bleary eyed and very affectionate as they had crawled in bed. Hiding under the covers had been blissful as they had exchanged soft kisses before drifting off to sleep in each others arms. 

 

But as Sousuke sat up, observing the room, he couldn't find the better half he'd dragged into bed with him to do all those sappy ridiculous things with. So sliding out of bed, Sousuke's feet hit the ground in long strides. He pulled a hoodie jacket on, on his way to the door. 

 

His bare feet made little sound through out the apartment. As he strode forward and down the hall. He stopped short though, just shy of stepping out into the kitchen. 

 

He'd found Makoto. Leaning back against one of the kitchen counters he was looking nervous and fidgety again. Sousuke debated for a split second if he should step forward and go to him, but he could see the phone raised to Makoto's ear. 

 

"Yes," Makoto said suddenly, straightening just a bit form the counter. "Oh, it's no trouble," he hastily said. He was being overly polite, one of his favorite tactics when he was nervous. 

 

Sousuke hung back though, watching Makoto from a distance. 

 

"Yes, uh yes, I'd like to make an appointment." Makoto said then, his voice getting very small, very quiet. "I--I uhm I'm not sure what it would be called exactly. An appointment for grief, I guess." 

 

Sousuke sucked in so audibly he was almost certain Makoto probably heard him. And then Sousuke couldn't help but smile. He wasn't sure he had ever felt prouder about someone in his entire life. 

 

"Uh next week," Makoto went on. 

 

Sousuke slid a step back, still wearing an expression he couldn't quite describe. It was disbelief and joy and an overwhelming feeling of--love. He really truly loved the boy out there in the kitchen. 

 

Sitting back on his bed, Sousuke stayed there in relative silence until there was a creak in the floorboards, and Makoto stepped through the doorway. 

 

He looked sheepish as he stepped into the room. 

 

Sousuke held out his arm, beckoning Makoto forward, and back to the bed with him. A small smile even formed as Makoto slid into Sousuke's arms and up against his chest. Pulling them back on to the bed, Sousuke wrapped them both back up in the covers and proceeded with more sappy, ridiculous things. 

 

And to top it all off, Sousuke found himself pressing into Makoto's neck whispering, "you're not stranded alone." 

 

* * *

 

Makoto tread lightly on his way to the kitchen. He wasn't sure how long he'd slept but he had no wish to stay in Sousuke's bed the rest of the day. From the kitchen, Makoto could hear Sousuke. He sounded like he was cooking. 

 

A bit sheepishly Makoto peered around the corner. Sousuke was--baking actually. 

 

Looking up, a smile pulled on to Sousuke's lips. "Hey pretty angel," He said effortlessly as he clicked on the oven to preheat. 

 

Makoto reddened almost immediately but stepped into the kitchen, sliding his back against the fridge behind him. Nibbling at his lip, Makoto considered how to say what he wanted. 

 

"What is it?" Sousuke asked, looking over at Makoto. He looked like he was about to pour a cream colored mixture over a dark crust set into a round pan. 

 

Makoto cleared his throat a bit before speaking. "So Haru texted me.." he trailed off, looking to Sousuke for a reaction before he continued. "You told him we were dating?" 

 

Looking back down at the mixing bowl in his hands, Sousuke finished up what he was doing, pouring the mixture over the crust and cleaning the bowl out with a spatula before leveling the cream in the pan, and finally sliding it into the oven. 

 

As Sousuke wiped his hands on a towel, he leaned back against the counter. "Aren't we?" he nabbed a timer, typing in the desire numbers before starting it and setting it down on the counter top, turning his full attention to Makoto then. 

 

Feeling a bit put on the spot--he kind of hated that Sousuke could do that, flipping things on him so easily-- Makoto shifted from one foot to the other. "I don't know, I guess we just never talked about it, so I just didn't think..." He trailed off. 

 

Sousuke pushed off the counter and approached Makoto, his hands moving to Makoto's hips. he hummed as Makoto looked up at him, and playfully started to nuzzle into Makoto's neck. 

 

Makoto couldn't help but smile as he let his hands drift to Sousuke's shoulders.

 

Then Makoto felt a nip at his ear and a deep, grinding voice asking. "Do you want to be my boyfriend, Tachibana?" 

 

Oh, they were playing that game now, were they? Makoto blushed and let an arm stretch around Sousuke's shoulders. "I could like that I think." he murmured in return in to Sousuke's shoulder. The white knit mid-sleeve shirt he wore was soft, Makoto liked it a lot as he let Sousuke pull him closer, the arm around his waist constricting. "You're kind of grumpy sometimes though and you're bossy when you're grumpy."

 

That earned him a snort. "I'm not bossy," but apparently no contest about the grumpy thing. Sousuke leaned back enough to look at Makoto in the eye. 

 

Makoto just gave a smile. “Right, only when we’re having sex then.”

 

He had Sousuke there, as those eyes narrowed. “Fine, so I’m bossy.” he nipped at Makoto’s neck. “But we both know how much you like it.” 

 

Makoto rolled his eyes. “I thought we were going to be a cute couple there for a moment.”

 

Scrunching his nose, Sousuke backed Makoto up against the fridge. “Naw, that doesn’t really sound like us at all. “ 

 

“You did ask me though,” Makoto trailed off. 

 

“And I meant it,” Sousuke said. 

 

“But you don’t want to be a cute couple?” Makoto provided. 

 

“Nope!” Souseks affirmed. 

 

“Then what do you want to be?” Makoto asked after a short moment of silence, his own voice rather small and low. 

 

Sousuke leaned his hands over Makoto’s shoulders on the fridge, leaning into Makoto, forcing him to look at him with those mesmerizing sea-green eyes. 

 

“I want to be the grumpy one and you get to be the annoyingly sweet one, and sometimes we fight a lot about nothing and about everything. You try to smooth things over too much and I keep pushing too much, till we get agitated and end up in separate rooms of the house a bit too often. And I like things tidy and you like things to look—lived in, and too often that sparks hissed comments and glares when I come home and it’s messy or you can’t find something because I’ve put it away out of sight.” 

 

Makoto frowned, that didn't exactly sound like what he’d hoped when he’d trudged in here. And it unfortunately sounded quite accurate, and Makoto wasn’t sure which fact was more worrying. 

 

But then again Sousuke was smiling. “How does that sound?” He pushed, of course he pushed. 

 

“Delightful…?” Makoto tried, seeing nothing but those warm sea eyes, and that dark chocolate hair. 

 

“Good,” Sousuke murmured, shifting closer, his nose almost touching Makoto’s. “Because I was thinking too that I want to be the one that pulls you into bed every night. I want you to be the one that calms me down when I get too angry at Rin or your annoying friends or the mailman or because I can’t get the cereal box open. I want to fight so hard to turn around fuck it all out just as hard in the shower twenty minutes later.I want to smile when you steal a kiss on the cheek when we’re in the deserted corner of some department store. I want to be the one that cooks and the one that reads and I want you to be the one that gardens and sleeps in too late every time. I want to breath you in so deep every night, and feel your warm skin next to me. I want to look over in the living room and see you, every time. I want us to be the ones that when everyone else has reached their limit, we still won't let each other go, still rooting for the other and no matter what still—just there, refusing to leave the other alone. Because that’s what happens when you find someone in the hardest part of your life. I don’t believe in soul mates, but I believe I’ve seen yours and you’ve seen mine and we’re so tangled up in each other we aren’t sure the apocalypse could tear us apart. And on the off chance this ends one day, it will always be the relationship we compare to, it will always be the northern star we try finding again.” 

 

Makoto just stared, because he wasn’t sure what else to do as Sousuke looked at him. It was like he’d spoken everything Makoto had been feeling for a while now and… “You’re a lot more romantic than you think.” Makoto murmured, but found a grin slowly surfacing. 

 

Sousuke gave a smirk. “I’ve always been romantic, darling. You have no idea what you’re signing up for.” 

 

Lifting his hand, Makoto ran his thumb up over Sousuke’s face, tugging at that smirk. “I think I’d still like to sign up though.” 

 

That finally earned him a grin before Sousuke leaned in all the way and they were kissing. It was slow at first, but as Makoto opened his mouth it heated up fast. Makoto moved his hands up, running over that soft int shirt, that hugged ever tone of muscle perfectly and—

 

“Okay, but if you ever call me bae it’s off.” Sousuke broke to snakily reply. 

 

Makoto repressed a smile with a flicker of his lip before sliding to from under Sousuke. “What ever you say, cupcake.” 

 

“I’m serious, Makoto.” Souks replied as he followed him across the kitchen. 

 

Makoto gave a hum of acknowledgement. “Oh, I have no doubt—pudding pop.” 

 

Sousuke stop, and looked very close to cracking a smile, “Okay, that was a good one.” he pointed at Makoto, “I’m very much serious about this though.” 

 

Makoto was very much going to change his contact in Sousuke’s phone to BAE as well as vice versa. Which speaking of phone, “Did it turn out your phone is ruined?” Mako smiled, because really this was too fun, “ …honey dearest.” 

 

Sousuke gave him a minute glare before he walked around the island to his tablet. “Probably. I can get it to turn on, but the screen is still hazy on whether it wants to come up. And the home button—doesn’t exactly function well. I’ve been trying to see if its still under some kind of warranty so I might be able to just trade it in.” 

 

Makoto folded his arms over the island, looking over at Sousuke's tablet. “I’m not sure water logged in a down pour while you save your boyfriend is covered by the warranty.” 

 

Giving a snort, Sousuke tapped his passcode into his tablet, bringing it to life. “It’s a wild enough story it should be.” 

 

“You’ll have a great excuse to give Rin.” Makoto pointed out. 

 

That was awarded with a kiss pressed onto Makoto’s head, and a big hand brushing his hair back. “That is a great point!” Sousuke gave a snort. “If that little shit gets mad I’ll just tell him I was occupied with saving a life.” His eyes seemed to light up. “Oh my god, I have a one up on him for the rest of our lives! If he wins a gold medal—That’s nice, but I’ve saved a human life. If he brags about giving Haru some lavish overly romantic date night—big deal, but I saved Makoto’s LIFE! Beat that, you overly sappy, annoying little bastard. ” 

 

Makoto smiled,enjoying the wild devious look in Sousuke’s eye. He enjoyed it so much he didn’t quite catch what Sousukes was doing with his hands. He was on Facebook Makoto noticed out of the corner of his eye, and as he flicked his eyes over to look—Sousuke had changed his relationship status from ‘single’ to … ‘in a relationship.’ 

 

* * *

 

It wasn’t until later that night when Makoto was laying next to Sousuke that he dug out his phone from the night stand. Sousuke’s arm was lazily resting over Makoto’s middle, and he had descended into the rhythmic breath Makoto knew was his pattern of sleep. He had his face nuzzled in adjacent the back of Makoto’s neck as was per usual though this time was pressed flush against Makoto’s back. 

 

He could feel Sousuke’s heart, Makoto mused. His steady heart right up against him. 

 

With that thought still in mind, Makoto pulled out his phone and opened his Facebook app. a while back he had deactivated it. The pity lining his wall and the sympathetic comments had been—well it was just easier not to have a Facebook at all. It wasn’t as if he had wanted to talk to anyone about it all any was, so it hadn’t mattered. 

 

Makoto sighted, hesitating over the link to reactivate. Was he really ready to open this avenue again? 

 

Quickly, before he could change his mind, he pressed it and trying to think as little as possible he sped through his profile settings before he found his relations ship status and changed it as well. 

 

Looking back at Sousuke, Makoto made sure to do one last thing—he sent a friend request to Sousuke. He had a moment where he inadvertently admired the lopsided smile on Sousuke’s profile picture, just a casual photo of him and Rin, Rin sticking out his tongue and Sousuke giving his small crooked grin. But after that, he pressed the lock button on the phone, setting it back on the nightstand. 

 

Behind him, Sousuke tightened his arm around Makoto for just a moment, like hugging a teddy bear in his sleep,and gave a contented sigh. Makoto just smiled and smoothed his hand over Sousuke's. 

 

* * *

 

The illusion that just because he wanted help that he would get better instantly was shattered quite drastically. That next morning in the hall way Makoto had found himself on his knees, hugging his middle and shaking as the feeling of hollowness rocked through him. It had hit so fast. He shook and tried to breath but he felt himself slipping. His heart was pounding through his chest it felt like and he whined. He could feel it creeping on him, the rawness and pain—he felt hollow. His insides seemed to dissipate in an instant and he was left bare with nothing and he was suddenly breaking there, stumbling down to sit in the hall way he wanted to break into tears. 

 

The difference was—“Look at me, baby,” a deep baritone voice said to him. “You need to breath, come on.” Warm sea eyes were focused on him, and Makoto realized Sousuke was on the floor with him, he was down in the hall with him, on his knees, looking at him with those eyes.

 

“Sou,” Makoto gasped. 

 

“Come on, we’ve been through this before,” Sousuke said, “breath with me. Air in. We will get through this again. Air out.” 

 

Makoto gasped for air still, but watched Sousuke face try gin to mimic him, desperately. 

 

“Air in… air out. Keep trying, it’s okay.” Souks didn’t seem phased that Makoto was trying desperately but still failing. “Air in… Air out… Air in… Air out.” 

 

They slumped further down the hall way, tangling to Sousuke’s sweet murmured promptings and Makoto’s bleary eyed blinks and hiccuped attempts at breath. Eventually he calmed down, finding himself buried in Sousuke’s arms. Sousuke was leaning adjacent to the wall of the hallway, having Makoto gathered up into his arms. He felt the faint pressure as Sousuke leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Makoto’s forehead. 

 

It was warm, Makoto came to the conclusion. Laying there, sprawled and a bit tinged with shame over the whole thing—it at least felt warm in Sousuke’s arms. The endless amounts of acceptance and comfort was like sitting in the presence of a slow benign fire. Makoto closed his eyes. 

 

Sousuke may feel like he’d bone out, like he’s flared out in spectacular fashion, but laying there in his arms, Makoto felt like he knew the truth. He had never burned out, he’d just started to finally burn hot. The flames may not be high, but they were so bright, and rapped around makoto cradling him. With a comet like Sousuke with him, Makoto was pretty are he’d be able to face anything. 

 

“I want to go back to Iwatobi.” 

 

Wait… Looking at those shocked blue-green eyes, the sensation that Makoto had meant to think, but instead had spoken creeped up on him fast. 

 

And it was—absolutely true. “Please,” Makoto slid his chin against Sousuke’s chest to look at him better. “We still have a couple days left for break.”

 

Sosuke seemed a bit lost for words, but slowly he nodded, “Uh—yeah,” He staled out for a second blinking down at Makoto. “Yeah, we can do that.” 

 

“Thank you,” Makoto said and looked away, resting his head to the side on Sousuke’s chest again.

 

Over him, Sousuke didn’t say anything in return, just rest his chin atop Makoto’s head. 

 

* * *

 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Sousuke asked one last time. 

 

He had Makoto’s hand in his own. They stood at the station, waiting the last few minutes before the train would arrive and they could get on. he squeezed Makoto’s hand. He was so—proud and yet so worried. 

 

If Makoto collapsed on the train or at Iwatobi station there wasn’t much Sousuke would be able to do, but get him out of sight quickly. They had been lucky so far, but mostly that was because Makoto seemed to be withdrawn from the word, preferring to stay out of rushing places. 

 

Makoto was looking out over the tracks, distant and unreadable. “Yes.” He murmured. 

 

Sousuke pulled in a full breath then, nodding. “Alright,” Sousuke concluded, looking over as the train started to pull in. “I”m right here with you then.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack: Lonesome Dreams, Lord Huron


	30. Part 30, Chapter 29

Sousuke could feel Makoto exhale deep next to him as the train stopped. He could also feel him exhaling in a methodical conscious rhythm as they got off the train and stood at the station. 

 

Makoto stopped, extending a hand to brace himself against one of the brick walls of the station. In turn,, Sousuke stepped up to him, hoping he could shield his lover from any on-lookers. 

 

"I'm sorry," Makoto said under his breath. "I just, it's been so long and--"

 

"You're just fine." Sousuke said, making sure he caught Makoto's gaze, trying to impress that he meant it. 

 

"It's just really--kind of overwhelming." Makoto murmured as he let his back flatten against the wall, tipping his head back. 

 

"If it was easy, there would be no point in coming," Sousuke said in return. He glanced at Makoto. "And we can leave any time you want." 

 

Makoto brought his head down, looking at Sousuke for a moment before smiling. "Thank you." 

 

Sousuke hummed in acknowledgement. 

 

"I mean for all of it too." Makoto said. "You really have been here for me."he then cocked his head before a smile spread. "You mean so much to me." 

 

Sousuke was most definitely not flushed! Absolutely not. He gave a nod and very pointedly looked away to the ground. It was like night and day. Their relationship had gone from nothing to everything and--Sousuke had asked for this so long ago but now that he was getting it...

 

"You were never meaningless to me, Sousuke" Makoto murmured, "but now--you mean the world to me." He gave that small smile, the one that was pleasantly reserved for Sousuke. "If we weren't in public, I'd kiss you right now." Makoto said quieter, those lush green eyes still focused on Sousuke. 

 

He peaked at those lush green eyes. "you're mine." He said quietly as well. It was all that came to mind. 

 

Still not flushed! Sousuke cleared his throat quite audibly and scratched the back of his head. "We should probably get going." 

 

Makoto just gave a sly smiled and pushed off from the wall. "Alright." 

 

* * *

 

Inevitably, Sousuke realized, there had to be a breaking point. And they reached it before they ever started up to Makoto's family memorial. bracing himself against the wall of some sort of building, Makoto looked like he was trying very hard not to crack into a full blow mess. He breathed very slowly, and methodically, eyes closed. Sousuke just stood near, a hand at his arm, rubbing every now and then, murmuring what ever encouragement came to mind. 

 

Sousuke was realizing it wasn't much. As far as the 'comforting' department went he was finding himself rather inadequate. He just kept trying to tell Makoto he was there. Because what really could he say? There was nothing that he could find to say that would make it all just go away, make it all just better. Lying to Makoto felt wrong and yet down playing it all felt worse. So he just stood there, feeling the tinge of helplessness, rubbing Makoto's arm or back and trying to make him feel at least cared about. 

 

Smoothing his hands over his face, Makoto hadn't looked up at Sousuke in a long, long while. 

 

"I"m sorry," Makoto said with a frown. "I didn't imagine it all going like this." 

 

Sousuke did, but he still hummed next to his partner, petting across his back as Makoto leaned farther over his knees. It was a good thing there was absolutely no one around, because there wasn't anywhere he could whisk Makoto away to. 

 

"Stop worrying about it, we've got plenty of time, " Sousuke gruffed. 

 

Makoto looked up at him finally. He tipped his head for half a second before giving a smile. "Oh, so my grizzly bear is still there." he said lighthearted. "I was getting worried for a while. You were being far too personable all the time." 

 

Grizzly bear? Sousuke couldn't help but smile in return. "So that's what you really think of me?" 

 

Giving a shrug, Makoto straightened, "It's a pretty common general consensus."

 

"Really?" Sousuke raised a brow. 

 

"Yes, well you don't exactly--" Makoto scrunched his nose, thinking. 

 

"Kiss other people and tell them how sweet they are all the time?" 

 

Another smile was repressed, as Makoto bit his lip. Honestly though, when he did it, all Sousuke could think about was leaning forward and bitting that bottom lip too, rolling it between his teeth till he could wrangle Makoto into a proper kiss with a growl--right, Sousuke did tend to growl a lot. Maybe he was a bit of a bear. He pursed his lips.

 

"I just like to make exceptions for you," Sousuke grumbled off. "I'm not mean--am I?" he didn't think he was. 

 

Makoto let out a small chuckle. "Farthest from it." he shook his head. "You're just a bit intimidating is all. You're a great guy once you get past all the growling and--snapping." 

 

"I don't snap at people!" Sousuke--snapped back. He felt his brow furrow and he gave a grumpy frown. 

 

In return, Makoto just chuckled at him again. "Of course not." he murmured low. 

 

Feeling a bit self consciousSousuke pocketed his hand, not sure where to look. "I just meant I'm not always a grouch." 

 

"No, you're not at all." Makoto said. "I'm sorry, Sousuke, I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I thought you were well aware of your prickly exterior." 

 

Okay, so Rin had told him before he was kind of intimidating--and he needed to smile more--and that he could crack a real joke once and a while instead of his usual dry sarcasm. 

 

Makoto was standing though, sliding a step in closer to Sousuke. "besides I kind of like that about you." He outstretched a hand, hooking a finger on the edge of Sousuke's button up shirt, tugging him a step or so closer. "It's pretty hot." 

 

Sousuke blinked, realizing that Makoto--was totally hitting on him, in public! This whole they-should-be-in-a-relationship-thing was already starting to pay off. He could definitely get used to this. He let his own eyes roll over Makoto. 

 

"Is this a pity flirt?" Sousuke blurted. 

 

The laugh Makoto let out was light and airy and the best laugh Sousuke had heard yet form him. 

 

"No," Makoto settled on, still chuckling. "never." 

 

Sousuke scrunched his nose. He wasn't sure who taught Makoto sarcasm (and he certainly wasn't pointing the finger at himself) but he wasn't sure if he should pat them on the back or--growl at them. 

 

Fine, so he was kind of a fucking grizzly bear. 

 

"Are you ready?" giving his significant other a look, Sousuke asked. 

 

Makoto glanced back up to memorials. Souske couldn't manage to make out his expression, but he tipped his head to better watch Makoto's face regardless. 

 

"Yeah," he finally said, looking back to Sousuke. "Let's go up." 

 

* * *

 

The memorial was much like any other Japanese family gravesite. The tall dark memorial stone born the Tachibana name, Makoto had mentioned on the other side was a list of names. A couple being justadded recently. 

 

Makoto had knelt, while Sousuke hung back, standing next to him. Makoto's head was tipped down, just enough that cinnamon hair hid his eyes, but Sousuke could still see his frown. 

 

"It'll be a year in a month or so," Makoto said very quietly. 

 

Sousuke just gave a nod behind him. He didn't think Makoto had really wanted an answer so much as he looked to want to say something to break the silence. 

 

"I wish you could have met them." Makoto went on. "I think Haru got annoyed with them sometimes but he always warmed up in the end... I think you would have too." 

 

Stepping forward, Sousuke moved to sit next to Makoto on the ground. "I'm sure I would have loved the little munchkins." he sad a bit gruffly as he leaned his elbows over his knees. 

 

"I really loved them." 

 

It was said so quietly, Sousuke almost didn't catch it. But he definitely couldn't ignore it as the first streak of a tear flashed down Makoto's cheek, dropping off his chin. 

 

"I have absolutely no doubt of that." Sousuke let one of his hands brushing forward, combing through Makoto's hair. "You wouldn't hurt like this if they meant nothing to you." 

 

Makoto snorted. "I think that makes me feel worse." He looked up at the memorial stone. his eyes were glinted, and wet as another tear or two streaked. 

 

Sousuke gave a snort. It was Makoto's idea to bring the grizzly bear, not his. "I never said I was good at this sort of thing," Sousuke said quietly. 

 

Despite that, Makoto leaned back into Sousuke. "You're enough." he murmured low. 

 

God, this grief thing was hard to figure out! He felt like he wasn't doing anything to help Makoto and yet the boy was still tugging him all over Iwatobi, saying sweet things and standing too close to him all the time. 

 

They sat there in the stillness for at least a couple minutes, the slow roll of tears down Makoto's face accompanied by a punctuating sniff every now and then. A slight breeze ruffled Sousuke's hair as he mostly watched Makoto. 

 

This is probably what it meant to have someone really mean something to you, he thought to himself. He had never seen the kids, never held then, he barely knew their names from the scant few conversations he and Makoto had had before it became to overwhelming and Sousuke had hushed up quickly. He didn't like it when Makoto cried, and he really didn't want to be the reason Makoto cried. But even so, he found himself--caring for the little chipmunks, never having met them. Looking over at the sniffling, lovable mess next to him, Sousuke mused to himself, he cared because Makoto cared. He missed them because he could see how deeply Makoto missed them. 

 

"I want to go home," Makoto said then. His eyes were that brilliant green again. still gleaming a little from the tears, but so beautiful. 

 

Leaning his shoulder into Makoto, Sousuke lifted his hand, brushing a stray tear away from his face. Sousuke couldn't look away from those sweet eyes. "I think that's a good idea." 

 

* * *

 

The walk to Makoto's home took longer then either of them had expected. He stopped several times. Makoto knew Sousuke didn't know why, but as he passed an old shot of a spot on the sidewalk or the old playground, memories would flood back. as they approached the shoreline, Makoto froze again. 

 

His mind whirled with the memories of how often he and Haru would pass this place--how often they ran together. Sometimes they talked, most of the time they didn’t, and Makoto breathed in salty air and looked over the water. The sun had just dropped into the ocean, hidden away for another long night and looking at the fading light in the sky-- Makoto realized something. 

 

"It'll never be the same again." He said softly. 

 

Sousuke looked at him over his shoulder. He made no comment but those teal eyes were inquisitive enough as he looked at Makoto. 

 

"As much as I want it to be--It never will be the same with Haru again." Makoto's eyes drifted out over the ocean again. "I can't seem to place whether that's because of me or not." 

 

"You changed while he still stayed where he was." Sousuke abruptly commented. 

 

Makoto looked back to Sousuke, tipping his head. he hadn't expected a reply to his wistful laments. 

 

"Shit happened, Mako. And you were thrown into a completely different wave length. Nanase--" his eyes narrowed, it was in that way Makoto could mark that Sousuke wants to say something but since he cared about Makoto was filtering it before it left his mouth. "--he never followed you, and I think you had to keep moving or get swallowed up by what happened. And at some point the divide between the two of you was just too wide." 

 

Stifling the urge to reach out and touch Sousuke again, Makoto let his eyes linger of Sousuke instead. 

 

There was a press of Sousuke's thin lips together before he shifted a bit from one foot to the other. "I just thinks it's a little naive to think the two of you would be the same after all that." He looked away to the ocean. "If he wanted to keep you he should have fought harder," he said under his breath. 

 

"Are you on the same wavelength?" Makoto asked then. 

 

Teal eyes didn't leave the pull of waves in the distance. "Probably not all the time." 

 

"That would be a bit naive to think as well?" 

 

A flick of warm sea eyes in Makoto's direction made him pull in a sharp breath. The last lingering light refractions from the water was catching in Those beautiful Caribbean pools. 

 

"Naturally." Sousuke casually replied. "But I think that's not what matters as much." 

 

"Because nothing you say could ever make it better." The words seemed to flow from him easily. 

 

"But connection does," the reply was said soft. "Maybe it's not about being on the same path so much, or the same wavelength--I think maybe it's about being willing to reach across to someone." 

 

Sliding his feet across the cement of the sidewalk, Makoto slid a step closer to Sousuke . "About not leaving someone stranded alone, maybe?" 

 

The smile Sousuke wore as he turned to Makoto was effortlessly breathtaking. "Yah. Something like that." His face changed though, screwing up as he moved back to continue down the sidewalk. "God, we're pathetically sappy lately." 

 

The chuckle Makoto gave was light as he followed after Sousuke. 

 

It was much sooner than Makoto was prepared for that they reached the winding stairs up to his childhood home. He stopped at the foot of them, looking up for several long seconds. 

 

Hearing a deep, "Meow!" Makoto looked up the long stone steps to his house. 

 

Makoto gave a smile. Haru had been right. A rather plump, white cat sat at the stairs. It sniffed the air curious and looked on at Makoto for a moment, a bit--maybe hoping. It let out another loud cry and shifted a bit as it watched Makoto with those pale yellow eyes. 

 

He gave one last fleeting look to Sousuke before he started up the stairs, towards the cat. He highly suspected Sousuke had raised his brow at him, but Mkaoto didn't pause to acknowledge him as he climbed the stairs. 

 

Not able to do anything else, Makoto took another couple steps up the stairs and stopped, sliding down to sit. The cat instantly bound down the few stairs that separated them and was immediately in Makoto's arms, pawing at him and purring and rubbing up against him, earnestly. It let out a bit quieter meow and Makoto raised his hand, brushing over the cats slick white back. 

 

"Hey," Makoto breathed. "Its been a long time," Smiling, he realized he was crying again. Raising his hand, he rubbed a stray tear or two away, shakily covering his eyes with his hand. 

 

The cat let out a meow again as it sat up on its hind legs, front paws on Makoto's chest. It meowed at Makoto again before its cold nose sniffed along the side of his palm. A second later it was purring and rubbing it's face up against the hand still shielding Makoto's eyes. 

 

Quietly, Makoto could sense as Sousuke slid down on the step next to him. One arm stretched behind Makoto, coaxing him back to lean into Sousuke. 

 

Makoto sniffed, "I'm sorry," he tried to say, bringing his hand away. He gave a humorless laugh. "I can't seem to go an hour or so with out crying again it seems." 

 

Sousuke hummed and reached forward, scratching at he purring cats ear. "Did you know that small cats are the only ones with a constant purr."

 

what...? Makoto let out another laugh and looked back at Sousuke. His face was really quite serious. Though what he'd said was not exactly very Sousuke-like. So only a bit befuddled, Makoto shook his head. "I didn't know that." 

 

"Yeah," Sousuke said looking down a the cat. "Bigger cats only purr on the exhale, but not small cats. The biggest cats, like lions, can't actually purr at all. " Those teal eyes flicked up to Makoto, his expression his usual blank stare. "Want to know something else about purring?" 

 

When had Sousuke become so interested in cats? Makoto brushed any lingering tears away from his face with the back of his hand. "Sure." 

 

"A cat's purr actually activates healing genetics in the cats genome, and possibly in our own, as well as a purr is the perfect frequency known to aid in healing bones, reduce infection and swelling, and helps with the recovery of soft tissue damage." Sousuke said all very matter-of-factly. "Even just petting a purring cat has shown to lower stress." He looked away from the white cat rubbing its head over his hand and up to lock eyes with Makoto again. "So basically, cats are magic healing fur balls and more than likely probably witches." 

 

For the first time in a long while, Makoto let out a laugh, a real one as he shook his head at Sousuke. "Where did you--?"

 

Sousuke shrugged. "I read about it in a couple of articles online." 

 

Right. "When did you start wanting to know about cats?" Makoto asked, still a bit incredulous. He had no doubt what Sousuke had spouted off was true, (along with all that reading, Sousuke had a great brain for remembering, or maybe because of all the reading...) but really Sousuke had read about cats?

 

With another shrug, Sousuke's expression didn't change much. "Don't know, maybe cause I figure I might be living with one here soon." 

 

"Living--" Makoto started. 

 

But he didn't get to finish as Sousuke leaned forward connecting their lips. It was a sweet kiss, slow and lingering, their foreheads pressed together as Sousuke broke the kiss, his broad hand coming up to cup the back of Makoto's head, holding him there. 

 

They both breathed there for a long few seconds, Makoto let his eyes drift closed as he breathed in the woody heavy smell of Sousuke. It was like smelling pine or brisk mountain air. It was comforting and--oddly satisfying. It was a breath or two more before Sousuke pressed one last lingering gently kiss to Makoto's lips and slid his hand away from his hair, standing. 

 

"Come on," His deep tone rumbled, as Sousuke held out a hand to help Makoto up. "No more putting it off." 

 

With a sigh, Makoto slid the still purring cat from his lap, and only hesitant for half a second, slid his hand into Sousuke's and let the bigger man pull him up to stand. 

 

Standing, Makoto faced his former home. The out side light was on, casting a warm glow through the door way. Makoto felt Sousuke slide a hand up along Makoto's spine, just a gentle reminder, he was there, he was solid, and he wasn't going to change. 

 

Taking a breath, Makoto strode forward, "Here we go." He murmured. 

 

"Right behind you," Makoto caught, quiet and soft--and maybe not meant for him to hear, but he had, and it was more relieving than he had ever imagined. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ Soundtrack: Cold is the Night, The Oh Hello's ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDdV_x513dc)


	31. Part 3, Chapter 30

Sousuke couldn't help but smile. Makoto's mother wouldn't let go of her son, holding him in the hug fiercely as she seemed a be in shock. Maybe she thought this was a dream and refused to let her child go again. Makoto's father approached, he nodded to Sousuke standing back a few feet from the door. He placed a hand at his wife's shoulder, and she must have realized she was clutching at Makoto's shirt and promptly she withdrew. 

 

Makoto's father smiled, looking at him with the same kind gleam to his brown eyes that Sousuke recognized. "Welcome home," He said."I'm sure you and your friend--" those light brown eyes shifted. 

 

"Sousuke." Makoto filled in. "His name is Yamazaki Sousuke." He paused for a second. "He was with me at Regionals." 

 

"Yes," Makoto's father smiled. "I remember him." He looked back to Sousuke. "Join us, Yamazaki-kun, for dinner?" 

 

Sousuke looked to Makoto first, making sure before--

 

"If it's okay, He's gonna stay the night here with me." Makoto spoke up before Sousuke could. 

 

There was a pause, Makoto's father looking at Makoto for a moment and his son looking back. The pause dragged on a second more in which Sousuke opened his mouth, about to suggest that he could just stay somewhere else.

 

But Makoto's father looked up at him first, Sousuke snapping his mouth shut. 

 

"I think that would be great." He said and smiled again. 

 

Sousuke nodded in return. "Thank you." He murmured. 

 

"Well let's all go in," Makoto's mother finally spoke up. "I actually almost have dinner finished." 

 

Makoto smiled at his mother before his parents turned and headed inside. Makoto looked over his shoulder to Sousuke, smiling that wonderfully sweet smile before he stepped in and Sousuke followed right behind.

 

* * *

 

It was probably the most awkward dinner Sousuke had ever been to. The food was great. Really it was just great. Makoto's mother graciously offered Sousuke something to drink. He nodded and thanked her as she poured some water out for him. 

 

And they all just sat there still. Makoto and Sousuke were on one side of the table and Makoto's parents were seated next to each other on the other side. 

 

Looking around, he could feel it then. Makoto had always talked about how he felt like he was haunted when he had been at home. It wasn't until now, that sitting in the tiny house, Sousuke comprehended what he had meant when Makoto had said it. There was an echo in the room, it was physical and tangible in a way that Sousuke couldn't place. It shivered across his skin. There was an emptiness to the feeling like Sousuke was being touched by a hollow wisp of smoke. He'd look over his shoulder, thinking it was someone and he'd realize--it was no one. No one was there. 

 

When he looked over at Makoto, he had to stifle the urge to reach a hand under the table and intertwine their fingers again. He wanted to lean over and kiss him and tell him they could leave whenever Makoto wanted to. God, he was so awful at comfort and yet that was all he wanted to do. 

 

"Do you know what you're doing after graduation, Yamazaki-kun?" Makoto's mother suddenly asked. 

 

It was a short tumble out of his thoughts, in which he realized his hand had wondered under the table, brushing up against Makoto's knee. He pulled it back immediately and tried to focus on the question. “Uhm—uh I am going back to Tokyo." 

 

Makoto's mother nodded. 

 

Makoto's father set down his drink before asking, "What sort of plans do you have there?" 

 

Right, what plains did Sousuke have there. Wow, this was—uh could he hold Makoto's hand yet? That felt like it would make this easier. God, it wasn't like they were waterboarding Sousuke either! They were making conversation, for christ's sake! It was normal. And it was a whole hell of a lot better then feeling—the hollowness in the air.

 

Sousuke swallowed. “I’m—well I'm probably going to go to school there." 

 

"Do you know what you want to study?" Makoto's father went on. 

 

Yes! Sousuke knew that answer. "Yes."

 

And both of Makoto's parents were looking at Sousuke still. Makoto's mother had leaned in just a bit and his father had raised his eyebrow at Sousuke—oh, god why? 

 

"Sousuke wants to coach swimming in the future." Makoto said then at Sousuke's side. When he looked over at Sousuke he—was fucking smirking. 

 

Right, He—probably should have more specifically answered the question. He opened his mouth to think of something to say—and ended up with, "Yeah." 

 

"That sounds really great, Yamazaki-kun." Makoto's father said. "Do you want to work in schools?" 

 

Sousuke cleared his throat. “Uhm—well no." He looked down, remembering it was probably better to explain his answers then just leaving the room waiting. "I want to coach professional swimming if I can." 

 

Makoto was still smiling next to him. Bitting his lip, Sousuke looked back down at his food and tried to eat some more. 

 

"Have you—Makoto, have you thought about wha't you want to do after graduation?" Makoto's mother had a tremor to her voice as she asked. Her bright green eyes slid over to Makoto with the same unease. 

 

Sousuke almost choked. Makoto hadn't told his fucking parents what he was doing yet?! God, Sousuke sometimes felt like his dad knew a play by play of his life. ...okay, not all of it. He'd left out the whole "I fucked my roommate last night!" part of the last few months. But he told him about Makoto coming to Tokyo with him so he had to have some clue. It became pretty clear when his dad had asked if Sousuke knew where they kept the extra bedding and—Sousuke told him they weren't really going to need it... 

 

When he'd managed to properly swallow, Sousuke looked over at Makoto. His eyes were narrow and he knew it probably wasn't a pleasant look, but shit, Makoto they were his parents! He better be fucking honest! 

 

Makoto was looking down at his food, and very much not in remotely Sousuke's direction. 

 

"Well," He started. It was taking him a rather long time to get through one bite of food. 

 

It could have been a great deal more subtle but Sousuke set down his chop sticks and focused Makoto in a very meaningful glare. Well, because god damn it all, the boy knew what he wanted to do! Hiding this entire life from his family clearly hadn't gotten him all that far either so just fucking spit it out. 

 

"I actually might be going to Tokyo as well..." He trailed off. 

 

He was still chewing rather slow. He cleared his throat, not lifting his eyes. "I actually—I have an offer from Aoyama Gakuin. If I swim for them they'll give me full tuition and fees." He paused before popping in. "Oh and books! They offered for books too." 

 

Sousuke flicked his gaze back and forth between Makoto's slowly raising his eyes to his parents, looking through that shaggy cinnamon hair and back to his parents rather blank faces. 

 

"I mean I have to swim backstroke, and I'm sure if I don't do very well they'll stop paying." He paused, taking in breath. "But I mean it's a start. And it's actually probably going to be the same university that Sousuke is going to so I'll have a friend and I'm sure—I think I could get on there. "

 

The sweet smile that broke on Makoto's mother's face was beaming—so much so Sousuke smiled as well. 

 

"That sounds amazing." Makoto's father was the first one to speak. The smile that touched his face was gentler but just as happy. 

 

And in half a second Makoto's mother was crying. 

 

"Oh mom," Mkaoot started. 

 

In half a second everyone was up. Makoto's mother was reaching for her son half across the table. Makoto's father saw the disaster coming standing as well to direct his wife around the table. Seeing those arms reaching for him, Makoto seemed to stand on instinct and Sousuke stood to balance him, since the action was a bit too fast and eager. 

 

It was a rush of crying and the slide of chairs and Makoto's mother was embracing her son so tight. She buried her face against his shoulder and clutched her arms around him, a crying voice peaking out. "I was so afraid." 

 

"Mom," Makoto's murmur was quiet. 

 

"I was so afraid you would let this consume you." 

 

Even as Makoto's father came forward, one hand to the small of his wife's back and the other going to Makoto's shoulder, Makoto's mother still didn't relent, just clutching as close as she could. 

 

"I'm so happy for you.” Makoto's mother said as she finally leaned away, finally looking up at Makoto with those mirrored green eyes. 

 

"Mom," Makoto repeated again, and he was crying too it seemed, as he messily tried to wipe at his face with a shaky hand. 

 

Sousuke felt himself stiffen, wanting nothing more then to take a step closer and pull Makoto back into his arms as well. He didn't, because well that would have been a second nice announcement for the evening but he did step closer. 

 

Makoto's father looked up at the hesitant step forward, he seemed to consider Sousuke for a moment before he smiled. He was turning out surprisingly more cautious than Sousuke would have guessed, but with a wife and child with such big hearts it was no doubt one of them had to be a good mediator between the reality and the possibility of the world. 

 

"We love you so much." Makoto's mother was clutching back to Makoto, pulling him in to another constricting embrace. 

 

This time Makoto returned it, wrapping an arm around his mothers shoulders. His eyes still gleaming with tears as he leaned into his mothers dark hair. "I'm going to be alright, mom." He said very softly. 

 

"I'm so glad." She said as she pressed her cheek to Makoto's shoulder. "I never wanted you to let this all define you." 

 

"I'm okay." Makoto whispered in return. His eyes closed and rest his head in against his mothers. "I'm going to be okay." 

 

"Yeah," Sousuke whispered. He smiled. "We will be," he said as quietly as he could manage. Looking down, he was still smiling himself but he brushed away a few stray tears of his own. 

 

* * *

 

It was nearly an hour before Sousuke could sneak a moment with Makoto alone. It was in the hall wa,y a quiet moment in which they locked eyes and Sousuke was smiling so effortlessly as he approached his perfect angel. 

 

His palm almost instinctively covered over the back of Makoto's head and he pressed their foreheads together. 

 

With a breathed sigh of relief, Makoto’s eyes rolled shut. 

 

"I am really quite fond of you." Sousuke murmured low. 

 

"Yeah?" Makoto checked, breaking the connection of their heads as he looked up at Sousuke. 

 

"Yeah." Sousuke spoke in return. He smiled again. "Though you are so much more than I bargained for." 

 

Makoto gave a light laugh. His hands smoothed at Sousuke's sides. "Still want me?" 

 

"I couldn't let go of you, even if I tried." It was Sousuke's turn to speak very soft and quiet. 

 

As green eyes flicked up to Sousuke, they heard shuffling in the next room though and a bit lingeringly they separated. Makoto’s long fingers slid from Sousuke's sides in a long caress, running the long digits against the fabric of Sousuke's shirt. 

 

"Makoto, could you help your father with the dishes?" Makoto's mother called from the next room. 

 

Sousuke just smiled again before Makoto turned.

 

* * *

 

"Makoto," His father asked. He was close to Makoto, his hands in the soapy dish water. He was still an inch and a half or so taller than Makoto, reminding Mako he still had a few years left of growing probably. 

 

Makoto hummed in acknowledgement. He wiped the dish in his hand before reaching up and placing the plate in its spot in the upper cabinet. 

 

"You and that boy--" His father hesitated. "You're both more than friends, aren't you?"

 

Makoto froze. He should have known. His father had always been very adept at reading people. Looking down as he picked up another plate, he gave a small nod quietly giving an answer. "...yes." 

 

His father stopped cleaning the dishes for a moment, looking up and out the window over the dark landscape outside. "And the two of you are roommates?" 

 

"...yes." Makoto confirmed. 

 

Giving a sigh, his father looked down at the water again. "So I'm guessing I'm not wrong in assuming the two of you have been—together?” 

 

Yeah, Makoto wasn't sure if this conversation could get anymore awkward. His father had talked about sex to him before, when he was fourteen or so, but then he'd always referred to a girl and it had been—different. 

 

Turning beat red, Makoto couldn't lie to his father then and gave a brisk nod. "Yeah." He peeped out. 

 

Turning to him, his father grabbed a disk towel and spoke in sudden earnest. " Are the two of you—“ he seemed to be unable to find the word. 

 

“—Safe?" Makoto filled in, the flush in his face deepening. 

 

"Happy." His father hastily corrected. "But yes, safe is important too." He was looking away as well. 

 

Looking down at the towel and plate in his hands, Makoto considered. “I—" he blinked. "Yeah." He finally finished. "I really do think we are happy." 

 

His father gave a frown, "And safe?" he inquired. 

 

Makoto was impossibly red. "Uh," Nope. They had never used a condom. From day one, but then again they had agreed to be exclusive and—okay so maybe they should both work on that. They did use lube. that made it—safer, as in hurt less so for the sake of not getting a very awkward lecture from his father (oh god, what if he gave it to Sousuke as well as Makoto? Makoto would die, possibly very literally die!) Makoto gave a nod. "Yeah." 

 

Of course, Makoto had gotten a very awkward talk about this from his father before—like when he was fourteen (which really? Makoto? At fourteen? What kind of player did his parents think Makoto was? Or better question, what had Makoto's father been doing at fourteen to warrant the topic so soon?). The talk about safe intercourse had included a lecture for which Makoto had turned a deeper shade of red about every thirty-seconds, and had ended with pamphlets, four of them. A couple days later, Makoto had also been quizzed on said pamphlets. It had been terrible and Makoto still turned a bright shade of red every time he thought about it. 

 

A few beats passed before Makoto got up the courage to ask. “How—I mean, how did you know?" he looked away, feeling the heat in his face still. 

 

His father chuckled. "I saw the two of you, outside, before you came into the house." 

 

Makoto let out a nervous laugh. “Oh,” he breathed. 

 

“Makoto,” His father spoke then. “Are his parents aware—of the two of you, and the nature of your relationship?”

 

Right, Sousuke’s Dad. “Uhm, well I don’t—actually know. I mean they could be, but Sousuke hasn’t mentioned it to me at all.” He held the plate in his hands a bit shakily. “I mean we haven’t officially been together—that long.” Like as in two days or so, and well yes they had sex before that but that was when this—what ever it was was another beast entirely and then they were definitely not telling anyone else and now it seemed they were officially out and Sousuke held his hand a lot and—this was all really hitting Makoto. He had a boyfriend. His boyfriend was Yamazaki Sousuke. 

 

Makoto's father just nodded. 

 

"We'll tell them. I mean we were going to tell you guys too, but this trip just didn't seem like the best time." He looked down again, setting the plate in his hand finally down on the counter. "I kind of wanted to just tackle one thing at a time and it seemed a lot to tell you all at once so I was going to wait." Looking up finally, Makoto let out a breath. "Are you okay—With him?" 

 

Makoto's father took a bit longer to wipe off his hands on a towel then was necessary. "He's a pretty reserved person." He finally commented. "But from what I've seen he looks like he wants to be there for you, even if he may not know how." 

 

"I think that is a good thing." Makoto murmured.

 

Finally Makoto's father looked at him and a small smile broke. "So do I." 

 

* * *

 

A few hours later after everything had been cleaned up and they were all getting ready to separate for bed, Makoto's father wordlessly handed something off to Makoto in the hall way. 

 

Makoto shot a beet red as his father walked away and looked at what was in his hand. It was another pamphlet. This time on gay sex. Lovely. ...and how the hell did he keep producing these things?! 

 

"What's that?" 

 

Jumping, Makoto shot his hand down, hiding the pamphlet behind himself as he pivoted to face Sousuke. 

 

Sousuke stood there still, looking over Makoto as if to say, 'well?'

 

"I think my parents have suspected I'm gay for longer than I have." Makoto found himself blurting. He covered his hand with his mouth promptly after. 

 

The laugh that came to Sousuke's lips was quite pleasant to hear, Though not as pleasant when Makoto realized Sousuke was laughing at him. 

 

He leaned forward and kissed at Makoto's temple before turning back to head to Makoto's bedroom. 

 

Whimpering a bit pathetically, Mkaoto followed after. He glanced down at the pamphlet as he went. How the freak did his father even get a hold of these?! 

 

* * *

 

Sousuke was well on his way to sleep when Makoto was sliding into the bed next to him. "Sousuke," he crowed in a quiet tone again. 

 

"What?" Sousuke answered, not bothering to open his eyes. He was grumpy, legitimately for once, Makoto could tell from the tone. 

 

"Well uh--" Makoto meandered. "We need to start wearing condoms." 

 

His teal eyes flew open at that. "What?" He shot back. 

 

Looking down at his hands, Makoto worried his bottom lip. 

 

"We have never used a condom..." Sousuke trailed off. 

 

"I know," Makoto started. "But my dad asked—“

 

"Your dad knows we have sex!" Sousuke gritted out through clenched teeth. 

 

"I didn't tell him, he figured it out!" Makoto said very hastily. "But he asked if we were safe and I..." he trailed off. 

 

“You—?" Sousuke prodded. 

 

"I lied to him." Makoto confessed. "I said we were safe." 

 

"So what now you want to start using a condom to make it less of a bold face lie?" Sousuke filled in for Makoto's reasoning. 

 

Makoto looked away, very away this time. "...maybe."

 

He huffed "I asked you if we wanted to start using one months ago!" 

 

"I know!" Makoto admitted. "But then—“ He trailed off, looking at Sousuke. 

 

"What would using a condom now do?" Sousuke sighed. 

 

"You just don't want to wear one," Makoto grumbled. 

 

"They're uncomfortable." Sousuke growled low. 

 

"What if I get AIDS from you!" Makoto shot back. 

 

"I don't think it works that way," Sousuke grumbled. "Look, I know I don't have AIDS, I didn't have anything, you're fine, unless you've been pulling a bit of a slip over my eyes, which I find a bit unlikely." 

 

Makoto mulled over that information before he spoke again. "So you—were like tested?" 

 

Sousuke sighed. "Yes, I've been tested." 

 

That was some interesting news. "Like recently?" 

 

A pillow was flung in Makoto's face. 

 

"Oh god, do you want my completely medical history!" Sousuke hissed, but it was less bitting and much more from nervousness as far as Makoto could tell. "Yes, I had a girlfriend a year ago and we did things and it ended on a bad note so—well I've got a father who likes to be awkward too, so I got tested after wards." 

 

"But then you and I..." Makoto trailed off, arming his way over the pillow as he looked back to Sousuke. 

 

Sousuke looked over at him a bit more septically. "Is there something you need to tell me...?" 

 

"No, it's not that." Makoto quickly said. "I just—how did you know that I wasn't like—infected?” 

 

"I didn't." Sousuke grumbled. "But we didn't exactly plan this, or talk about anything, it just sort of happened. And you know I wasn't exactly thinking about much at the time."

 

"Still..." Makoto whined. 

 

"You know, you didn't say much either in the safety department." Sousuke shot back. 

 

Makoto flushed suddenly. "Well I-I—“

 

Sousuke rolled his eyes. "Look I am ninety-eight percent positive we are both just fine." 

 

"Okay," Makoto said in a quiet voice. "Could we maybe though just try it with a condom for a little while—“

 

"No." Sousuke said cutting Makoto off. 

 

"But it would be safe!" Makoto whined. 

 

"It's my dick and I know I'm clean so, no." Sousuke reaffirmed. 

 

"But Sousuke," Makoto worried his lips as he looked up through his lashes. 

 

Sousuke looked grumpily back up at the ceiling, grumbling and growling in his throat. The grumpy grizzly bear tightened his arm around Makoto's shoulders though. 

 

"Fine," Sousuke relented through with narrow eyes. "I'll get tested again, that make you happy? But that means you get to go get tested too, and trust me it’s the most awkward thing in the universe!"

 

Makoto sighed, settling back in against Sousuke's shoulder. "Thank you," He murmured, "that does make me feel better."

 

Sousuke gave a grunt in acknowledgement. 

 

Makoto elbowed his way over onto Sousuke's chest more. "So I—wasn’t your first?" 

 

Sousuke gave a bark of a laugh, "Is this really where this conversation is headed?" he gave a huff. "No, you weren't."

 

"So like—“ Makoto was a bit embarrassed he was even curious about it. "How many before me?"

 

"Four." 

 

"FOUR?!" Makoto let out.

 

Sousuke shot in to sitting up, his hand clamped over Makoto's mouth. "There could be children ghosts in here!" He sputtered. "Besides your awkward dad down the hall!" 

 

Pulling his hand away, Makoto continued quieter this time. "Four?" He looked around a bit awkwardly. "Isn't that—a bit like a lot? You're seventeen." 

 

“What? No! And by the time we leave school, I'll be eighteen," Sousuke said in a growl. 

 

"Still," Makoto pointed out. "When did you start doing—it.” right, and Makoto was doing—it, and he still couldn't manage to say the words. "At like twelve?" 

 

Sousuke gave a shrug, "My first time with a girl I was fourteen." 

 

What the hell happened to most men at fourteen for God's sake?! At Fourteen, Makoto had only thought about video games and dolphins and Haru and swimming and Haru—okay, but like not in that way! 

 

Makoto just looked up at Sousuke, staring vacantly. 

 

"How the fuck did you think I was so chill about tying you to the bed?" Sousuke countered. 

 

Well—Makoto hadn't considered that. "You learned that at fourteen?!" 

 

Sousuke let out a laugh that time. "No!" he shook his head. "I didn't start getting kinky till this guy asked me to do it, I was like sixteen." He shrugged. "He was hot and I found I liked it." 

 

Makoto was just looking at him again. Blinking as he tried to process. His teen years worked much differently than Sousuke's it seemed. "I thought you got it—from porn." 

 

Sousuke laughed again. 

 

"Well how many have you—“ 

 

The look on Makoto's face must have been enough because Sousuke stopped, tilting his head. "No... No, you're kidding." He was slowly starting to smirk. 

 

Makoto was turning a bright cherry red. 

 

"Wait, what about dolphin boy?" Sousuke countered. 

 

"Well, I mean," Makoto tried. “It's not like he liked me all that much, and we never really went very far, I don't think Haru likes being intimate all that much any way and, uhm..."

 

"And I got to pop your cherry." 

 

"SOUSUKE!"

 

"I told you, be quiet! There are possible children ghosts!" 

 

* * *

 

As they left the house that next morning there wasn't an ounce left of the awkwardness of the night before. 

 

Looking back at the small house, Sousuke could still see Makoto's father. He let his fingers thread through his wives as she stepped back into the house behind him. She tugged at him lightly but in the end their fingers slid away from each other in an affectionate manner. 

 

Sousuke nodded at Makoto's father. 

 

The older man considered him again before he spoke. "Take care of him." 

 

Of course. Sousuke smiled surprisingly enough. Pocketing his hands, he smiled and looked up at Makoto's father. 

 

There was a small smile beginning on the older man's face as well. 

 

"I fully intend to." Sousuke confirmed. 

 

Makoto's father nodded in return and turned then back into the house. 

 

Taking one last moment Sousuke looked over the little house. He could still feel the echoes of it, still see the hollowness that hadn't quite healed. 

 

"Sou?" 

 

But as Sousuke looked back to Makoto—he could see so much more as well. He smiled and started after him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sousuke, it's too soon, too fucking soon to be making jokes like that!
> 
> Also anyone else need a tissue for the scene with the parentals? I mean god I've survived this whole fic and then--bam! Mama Tachibana gives him a hug and I'm a puddle. 
> 
> [Soundtrack: Heirloom, Sleeping at Last](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6tapN8ARcU)


	32. Part 2, Chapter 31

Chapter 31

 

"We're going to be late!" Makoto whined, pulling on his shoes. "I'm so sorry!" He explained as he ran up to meet Sousuke. 

 

"Rin's not going to care." Sousuke said as he stepped away from the wall. A bit more casually than Makoto was prepared for he held his hand out for Makoto. 

 

Makoto's cheeks still dusted red but his fingers slid in to fit with Sousuke's easily. 

 

Again so much more casually than Makoto ever thought possible, Sousuke raised Makoto's hand to his lips and gave a quick peck before turning and letting their hands separate as he started towards the entrance. 

 

"It went alright then?" Sousuke said. 

 

Makoto trailed after, catching up as they turned for the station. "It was—okay. I mean it was--"

 

"Tiring?"

 

"Hard." Makoto started on. "I thought she would ask me about my childhood. Instead she sat there till I spoke." he trailed off. 

 

Sousuke gave a smirk. "uncomfortable silence cracked you open?" 

 

"She did not crack my head open!" Makoto huffed. 

 

Just nodding, Sousuke was still smiling. "Then why are you going?" 

 

“I’m—“ Makoto stopped. He looked down a this hands standing still as he frowned. 

 

A few feet away, Sousuke stopped as well. His warm sea eyes caught the light as he looked back at Makoto. 

 

"I want to get better."

 

The smile Sousuke gave was effortless. "Good." He turned away. "Come on, we'll be late."

 

* * *

 

They were late. Makoto was fidgety while Sousuke just gave an easy smile, not bothering to even give an excuse while he approached Rin. 

 

"How was Australia?" He asked with a smooth ease.

 

"Hot."

 

Sousuke gave a smirk, "You know Tokyo was too."

 

Rin rolled his eyes. "Are you guys really serious?" He gave a huff. "All fucking year? For real?" 

 

With a shrug, Sousuke just leaned back on the wall, sliding down to cross his legs and sit back. "We weren't dating that whole time, just sleeping together." 

 

"That makes me feel worse." Rin said but laughed this time. "I can't believe you took him to Tokyo. You haven't even invited me to your dad's place in Tokyo!"

 

"You took your boyfriend to Australia." Sousuke said with a pointed sidelong look. "On a scale of a Netflix night to Romeo and Juliet die for you romance, I’m pretty sure you went a bit over board compared to me." 

 

Rin smiled though. "It worked though." 

 

Sousuke laughed. "Your boyfriend is finally back to himself?" 

 

"Is it that obvious?"

 

"Well you know, you're not mad like usual." 

 

Rin chuckled. He leaned back before speaking up. "Yours back to himself at all?" 

 

The black jacket Sousuke wore was a bit more interesting then as he considered. "I don't ever think he'll be back to the person all of you knew. And I—don’t think that would be helpful. He's not who he wants to be yet. But he's trying now, and I think that matters." 

 

When Sousuke looked up at Rin he caught a look he wasn't quite sure he wanted. A slow smile spread on Rin's face. 

 

"I don't think Mako's the only one who isn't looking back." 

 

Sousuke rolled his eyes. "Seriously, between the two of you saps." 

 

Rin just laughed. 

 

* * *

 

Makoto found him as he walked in to the practice pool area. He was already dressed and ready. With in the hour, Makoto himself had his Backstroke followed swiftly by the relay. 

 

Though after everything that had happened, Makoto wasn't so sure the swimming mattered as much. Glancing back at Sousuke, sitting against the far wall with Rin, Makoto looked back to--

 

"Haru." he said and took a step closer to him. 

 

"Makoto," Haru nodded in return. 

 

It was quiet for a few seconds, neither sure where to start. A few exchanged text messages were a very different thing than a face to face conversation. 

 

"Yamazaki is a dick." Haru suddenly blurted. 

 

Makoto had to bite back a snorted laugh. 

 

Haru looked down though. "But I'm glad he's there for you." he shifted a bit. "Sometimes you need a dickish guy like that to stand up for you." 

 

There was no other response Makoto felt like he could give besides shake his head and step forward, pulling his friend into a loose hug. He sighed into the hug. "I've missed you Haru." 

 

There as a hum in acknowledgement or possibly agreement before Makoto stepped away. 

 

Haru's eyes flicked to the other side of the room again before back to Makoto. “I—I think I'm going to Australia." 

 

Makoto smiled. "Is that what you want?"

 

A smile spread on Haru's lips and he nodded. 

 

"Then that makes me happy." Makoto commented in return. 

 

Haru just smiled in return. 

 

And that was it. It was true that’s all Makoto needed to know. He gave a laugh. Sousuke was so right. Swimming felt so silly at that moment. Compared ot the company it was so insignificant. 

 

* * *

 

He’d never quite noticed the glide of seagulls before. Most the time, it wasn’t even like they actually flew they just sort of let the wind take them up and then they hung there in the air, riding it out till they could swoop back down to the sea. 

 

Makoto hugged his legs a bit closer, sitting along the shoreline was something he’d missed from being at Samazuka. He hadn’t really even had much free time it felt like at Samezuka. Or maybe he had, it just had all been so abruptly take up. 

 

Before him, the sun was starting to sink into the sea, melting into the oranges, pinks and brilliant purples all swirling in the water. The gleam of the fading light off the waves was brilliant and the reflected color in the clouds made for a painting he’d sorely missed, Makoto realized. The white sands at his feet felt luscious and the hoody he’d pulled his arms through soft. It was still warm enough his bare legs felt fine. This was indeed a moment he found himself lacking of the past few months. 

 

“Found you,” 

 

Makoto looked over just in time to see Sousuke sliding down to sit down next to him. 

 

Giving a blushing smile, Makoto replied. “I wasn’t aware we were playing hide and seek.” 

 

“Oh, we’ve always been playing hide and seek.” Sousuke assured. 

 

Makoto wasn’t quite sure what to say. It was one of those moments of Sousuke’s blatant honesty that was so startling Makoto was struck. He smiled of course. Of course, they’d always been playing. And Sousuke had decidedly always been good at winning. 

 

“You found me,” Makoto murmured as he leaned against Sousuke’s shoulder. 

 

“You left every one a lot of bottled messages,” Sousuke commented. “It made it easier.” 

 

“But you’re the one that followed them all.” 

 

“When you’ve been stranded on your own island, it makes it easier to recognize someone else that’s stranded.” 

 

Nuzzling his way in, Makoto pressed a peck of a kiss to Sousuke’s shoulder before melting against his warmth. “Well, you’re not stranded alone now.”

 

There was a pause. It was long enough that as Makoto pressed his ear into Sousuke he could hear the gentle inhale and exhale of his breath. 

 

“No, I’m not,” Sousuke mumbled after another breath. 

 

Makoto couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips. Something about it all just felt blissful. Like it has so unexpectedly worked out for him, against every one of his own forecasts. 

 

They stayed like that for several moment, looking out over the setting sun. Makoto curled in against Sousuke’s side. 

 

“You know,” Makoto started. “It makes me sort of sad already.”

 

Sousuke perked up, looked away for the water towards his partner. “What does?” 

 

“This,” Makoto gestured out. 

 

Tilting his head, Sousuke’s brow furrowed as well clearly not understanding. “What do you mean?” 

 

Makoto sat up a bit, parting from Sousuke as he got in a better position to speak to him. “All of it’s ending,” It’s the first thing he could manage. “High school, swim team.” He sighed. “Kind of even for us,” 

 

That certainly caught Sousuke's attention. “Us?” He questioned, one brow raised. 

 

“Well I don’t mean completely,” Makoto tried to explain. “It’s just the part of being always together, living together. If there’s no Samazuka, there’s no dorm room for the two of us.” 

 

Sousuke was silent for a moment. 

 

Makoto hoped he hand’t managed to turn a blissful moment into another argument. 

 

“Have you decided where you’re going?” Sousuke finally asked. 

 

Looking away, Makoto wasn’t sure what to answer. He hadn’t, not really. Makoto looked back to the ocean. Sometimes looking ahead was harder then he expected. He kind of just wanted to be in that moment. 

 

“I’ve decided.” 

 

Startled this time, with wide eyes Makoto jerked his attention back to Sousuke. “What?” 

 

This time, Sousuke’s was the one with his gaze off in the distance, watching the seagulls glide through the air to coast into the water. 

 

“I know where I want to go after this.” 

 

“You do?” Makoto questioned. 

 

For some reason—he hadn’t expected. 

 

When Sousuke smiled this time, his eyes alighted to Makoto. 

 

As always they were breathtaking. The warm teal would always stop Makoto in his tracks. He loved them. They were so clear, so luminous. Makoto loved them. 

 

Sousuke huddled closer to Makoto, invading his space as he traced his finger hips along Makoto’s hand. 

 

Reluctant, but with ease, Makoto lifted his hand, letting Sousuke entangle their fingers. 

 

“I’m going back to Tokyo.” 

 

Makoto’s heart sank. He could feel it in his stomach. “Back with your father?”

 

This was the moment he’d been afraid of. He’d ended it so suddenly. Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything. Could he have let them last just a few more minutes that way? He wasn’t sure he could take any more endings just yet. 

 

“No.”Sousuke scooped his fingers under Makoto’s palm, holding his hand delicately up to press a soft kiss over Makoto’s knuckles again.“I’m going to university.” 

 

Makoto swallowed. 

 

“I think I should probably find an apartment close to campus.” 

 

Makoto nodded. 

 

Sousuke leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Makoto’s forehead, then to his cheek and finally very softly to his lips. 

 

Makoto wasn’t sure he wanted to open his eyes after the tender affection. He didn’t want it to end. 

 

But he felt Sousuke tugging his chin up, urging him to open his eyes and face him. 

 

“There’s something else I’ve decided.” Sousuke hummed. 

 

Makoto blinked a couple times trying to push down any surfacing emotion. If it was coming he’d at least take it like a champ. 

 

“I think I could use a roommate.” 

 

Makoto blinked, sitting up a bit straighter as he processed. 

 

Sousuke had a sly smile as he just followed, leaning into him a bit closer. 

 

“I’m sorry?” Makoto tried. 

 

“You know,” Sousuke said like it was off handish. “Someone to share the rent with,” 

 

Makoto’s brow furrowed. 

 

And Sousuke just grinned wider. As always—he was enjoying this. 

 

“Are you asking…?” Makoto tried. 

 

Sousuke rolled his eyes before finally cupping Makoto’s face. “Yeah, you know how we hang out all the time and spend every fucking moment together?”

 

Makoto wasn’t sure what else to do, so mouth hanging agape he just nodded not bothering to fight Sousuke’s grasp on him. 

 

“Yeah, well I’d like to keep doing that till you’re dead.” Sousuke sounded amazingly serious. 

 

Enough so that Makoto found himself answering. “O-okay.” 

 

“Good.” Sousuke smiled and leaned forward, stealing one more kiss before he let Makoto go, leaning back on his hands. “We’re in agreement then, I’ve found a roommate.” 

 

There was a moment Makoto just sat there smiling again before he lunged forward , curling back in against Sousuke as he laughed. 

 

As always Sousuke caught him. Pulling him in safely against his chest, into a warm hug before letting Makoto just relax against him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack: St. Clarity, Paper Kites
> 
> Yes, I wrote an an entire story about how Makoto just needs a hug and finally Sousuke gives him one. Shazam! I give you plot, mofos! 
> 
> Don't worry there's one more bonus chap-man. 
> 
> Tumblr: PitchGold


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